Infertile Myrtles whine to the world

Infertile Myrtles make a lot of tedious images about their situation.

The last one was decent, but the rest? STFU you wannabe cows.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

This woe-is-me attitude goes back to the Disney-fication of America. After all, "When you wish upon a star your dreams come true!" Right?

NO. Not even a little bit. Life isn't always pleasant. Much of it is drudgery. Some of it is tragic. Some people have lives in which they are dealing with incredibly painful health issues through no fault of their own. Some are dealing with terminal illnesses.

This "I can't have something that I really, really, really want so life is unfair!" attitude is beyond the pale when you consider the abject pain and suffering that exists in the world. Knowing that you've got people with disabilities, or going through dialysis or chemotherapy... how can any sane person openly talk about their 'pain' in the same light?

All I can ask is... how about adoption? Isn't that a more noble and mature way to face infertility? If you want to be a good parent and help a kid, that may be your calling. OTOH, if your attitude is all about, "I wanna give biiiiiiiiiiirth!', then I think the parenting of biological or non-biological children will be very disappointing for you.

Infertiles are a bunch of whiners, plain and simple. Someone who can sit around sobbing into their ice cream about how horrible their lives are because they can't conceive is someone who has never had a real fuckin' problem to deal with. Especially when there are shitloads of kids all around the world who need someone to love them, and I don't even necessarily mean adoption because I know it's expensive. What about fostering? The state even pays you money for it, and even if the kid doesn't stay with you long-term, it's still very possible to have a positive impact on that child's life. If the only way you can love and raise a child is because it's made from your DNA, then you're not having kids for the right reasons and are not parent material.

I love some of the quotes:

"I wish I had friends who struggled with infertility. I'm so sick of people saying 'it will happen.' They just don't get it."
Infertility to this cunt is the worst thing to ever happen or that ever will happen, yet she wants to wish it on the people she allegedly cares about just so they understand her butthurts. Wow, what a good friend. Would you ever say, "I wish my friend would get cancer so they'd see why I feel so crappy from having it?"

"I feel like I let my marriage fall apart because we couldn't conceive after three years. Infertility has ruined my life!"
If your marriage is that fragile that your happiness is entirely dependent upon whether or not you can make a crotch trophy, then it's not a marriage worth staying in. And someone who thinks their whole life is ruined forever because of their barren loins is someone who has a very charmed life.

"As someone who is struggling with infertility, lately I judge everyone who I think is/will be an unfit parent and constantly question why them instead of me. Not proud of it."
And who is to say that you'll be a fit parent, wanna-Moo? Just because you're infertile means that you deserve a kid more than some other breeder whose eggs/sperm do work?

"I'm being treated for infertility and I hate when people shame me for not 'just adopting.' I want to get pregnant and give birth. Why is that so hard to understand and respect?"
It's so hard to understand and respect because there are thousands upon thousands of unwanted children who need loving homes and families out there, yet you're going to spend enough money to adopt an entire football team in a vain attempt to create a biological replicant. Like I said, it doesn't even need to be adoption - fostering is a possibility. These Moos are just too fuckin' selfish to entertain the idea of raising someone else's "mistake."

"My partner left me because I can't have children. I've struggled to let anybody close since."
Well then, your partner is a fucking asshole. If someone can say, "I love potential kids more than I love you," then they aren't worth your time.

"I recently found out I am infertile. I made peace with it. Being infertile doesn't make me less of a woman. There is more to life than making babies."
This is the only one that makes actual sense. Why in the fuck do so many infertile women (and it's always the women, not the men) define themselves by what they cannot do rather than what they can? Life's not all about whether or not you can reproduce, and to sit and focus on that one single aspect for your entire life is pathetic. I'm terrible at math, I can't lose weight to save my life and I can't play any instruments or sing, but I don't blubber about those things I can't do. What the hell gets accomplished by focusing on what you fail at? Everybody can't do everything.

These wanna-Moos need to shut the fuck up and get on with their lives. I bet a lot of them drive their partners away with their constant fertility treatments, scheduled fucking only during fertile days and the inevitable howling that follows when the woman gets her period each month. I wouldn't want to hear that crap day in and day out. I bet a vast majority of guys are perfectly fine with never breeding because they don't need brats to validate their existence like women think they do. It's the barren women who are fucking nuts most of the time.

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StudioFiftyFour
This "I can't have something that I really, really, really want so life is unfair!" attitude is beyond the pale when you consider the abject pain and suffering that exists in the world. Knowing that you've got people with disabilities, or going through dialysis or chemotherapy... how can any sane person openly talk about their 'pain' in the same light?

YES. Not only are these wanna-breeders ridiculous for acting as if it's oppressive not to have something they don't need, but simply want—but their want is no more valid, urgent, or important than anyone else's. I really, really, really, want a few million dollars, but I don't need it to survive or to live a full, productive life, and not having it doesn't mean I've been dealt an unfair hand or deserve sympathy.

The men are just as bad as the women, but their wanna-breederism tends to manifest itself differently. So much of their self-worth is housed below the belt and most of them can't stand the thought of anyone knowing their dick might not work, so they do things like leave their spouses for younger women or manipulate them into pumping out multiple kyds and then don't do their part to care for them.

These people do not need fertility treatment. They need psychiatric treatment.

^ They do need mental health treatment, I mean, who actually WANTS to go through something that is SO PAINFUL!?

I think to play devil's advocate here, I think one of the major reasons many of these ladies go through trying to 'make one of their own' is the time, expense and how much the adoption agencies put them through the wringer before they can even adopt a child, and they might not even be accepted. Plus there is always the risk of the bio parent(s) changing their mind during the adoption process (which sometimes can take years) and in the past the adoption agencies often preferred placing babies with matching race families. Lastly there is also the high chance the babies have RAD/abuse/negligence and/or drugs-during-the-pregnancy issues from the at times shit bio parent, which can make an adopted baby quite a bit of a challenge.

Thus why it seems many go through the doctor route, even though there are existing babies out there to adopt. And as we know, the way society often treats people with no children as if they are worthless, which doesn't allow them to say 'I am still somebody, even without a child' but go into considerable expense, medical treatments, and the heavily emotional toll until they have one.

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Infertilie Myrtle
My partner left me because I can't have children. I've struggled to let anybody close since.

What year are we in, 900? However much I don't condone it, I can see why this happened back then. War and disease were rampant. Tribes conquered entire territories one day and were killed off the next. Breeding was vital to these people because they could lose their whole culture and civilization, which explains the abundance of fertility rites. There was also the issue of land and possibly titles (in the upper classes at least) staying in the same family, which is exactly why infertility was seen as a threat back then and also as a valid reason for divorce. The world population also wasn't seven fucking billion back then either.

I think leaving your partner because s/he can't reproduce is a shitty-ass thing to do. It sucks, and I do feel compassion for the women whose husbands did that. Yes, they're better off without someone who values viable gametes more than a real, live, loving partner. But I can understand that not everyone can hop back up and go on with life right away after their spouse dumps 'em.

The rest...they need to stop defining themselves by what their gametes and reproductive organs can do.

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Cambion
Why in the fuck do so many infertile women (and it's always the women, not the men) define themselves by what they cannot do rather than what they can? Life's not all about whether or not you can reproduce, and to sit and focus on that one single aspect for your entire life is pathetic.

This. This x 100.

I would like to post this link:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-3043332/Samantha-Brick-m-giving-dream-motherhood.html

"So here I am, five years on, emotionally battered, having spent around £20,000 at the fertility funfair. The experience has changed me profoundly and, with great sadness, I’ve decided to step off the merry-go-round for the sake of my own wellbeing, my marriage and my future."

"Even without taking account of the odds so horribly stacked against you, IVF is a challenging journey to undertake, not just because of the huge emotional investment and the physical implications (for me the side effects were horrendous – short-term memory loss, mood swings and ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome, which can prove fatal), but also the knock-on effect on my relationship and our finances. A number of couples I’ve met since starting my treatment have subsequently broken up when IVF has failed. This is not surprising: recent research has revealed that failed fertility treatment triples the risk of divorce.
Which is why, at the start of this year, in the midst of a bout of insomnia, I took an inventory of my life: I had a happy marriage, a fulfilling career, strong family ties, close friends and a rural-based business working with my beloved animals.

I enjoy a good life – why was I trying so zealously to pursue something that had eluded me for so long? Acceptance hasn’t been easy to come by. I’ve cried myself to sleep on more occasions than I can bear to think about. I’ve taken countless solitary walks desperately reminding myself to focus on all the wonderful things I have in my life.
The rational me has accepted that, for the sake of my own sanity and happiness, not to mention the wellbeing of my marriage, it’s time to close the door on motherhood. Of course, the emotional me, the one who still has a bottom drawer of keepsakes she hoped to pass on to her children, has found it hard to let go of her dream. But let go I must because if I don’t my unfulfilled desire will destroy me and my relationships with those I love."

"It’s only with hindsight I can see that I spent the years from my late 30s to my early 40s obsessing about having a baby at any cost. I look at photographs of me during this period and I can see an intense sadness in my eyes, a yearning, a hunger that tainted everything around me.
Did I waste those years? We put off buying our house, we never went on holiday and I was forever embarking on the latest ‘fertility-boosting’ fad diet or investing in costly therapies and remedies."

-> I am CF woman so I can't relate but I can see how this can destroy a marriage or even a life.
The baybeh wish gradually turns into obsession.

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Cambion
"As someone who is struggling with infertility, lately I judge everyone who I think is/will be an unfit parent and constantly question why them instead of me. Not proud of it."
And who is to say that you'll be a fit parent, wanna-Moo? Just because you're infertile means that you deserve a kid more than some other breeder whose eggs/sperm do work?

I think this is something that most people don't acknowledge: desperately wanting to be a parent doesn't mean you'll end up being a good parent. My mother's dream was always to be married and have children. And she got married and had children....and we had an abusive childhood because it turns out that she wasn't truly fit to be a mother.

So while I don't blame anyone for judging those who will clearly make terrible parents (something I do a lot), these whiners need to stop assuming that they'll be the bestest parents the world has ever seen if only their wombs worked.

True that. In fact, I think sometimes the more desperate a person is to reproduce, the worse of a parent they might be. Someone who is desperate for a brat - especially one they get after years of fertility treatments - will probably be very controlling and spoil the kid every which way. Or they might feel that since they spent so much money just to make the kid that they get to treat the kid as their property. Just because you want something real bad doesn't mean you'll actually be good at using it or taking care of it. I really want a saxophone, but as far as I know, I have zero musical talent, so maybe I shouldn't get a saxophone. I know that's probably not the best comparison because sucking at blowing into a horn doesn't ruin lives like being an unfit parent does.

But there are so many women who think that they have to get married and breed in order to have complete, fulfilling lives. And so they go to excruciating lengths in order to achieve at least the breeding part without ever asking themselves what they want out of life rather than what society, their families and their spouses expect from them. Just be happy with what you've got! There are FAR worse problems than infertility.

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Cambion
"I wish I had friends who struggled with infertility. I'm so sick of people saying 'it will happen.' They just don't get it."
Infertility to this cunt is the worst thing to ever happen or that ever will happen, yet she wants to wish it on the people she allegedly cares about just so they understand her butthurts. Wow, what a good friend. Would you ever say, "I wish my friend would get cancer so they'd see why I feel so crappy from having it?"

That one struck me, too. If it's so desperately horrible, wish it on your worst enemies, maybe. Not your friends. What a bitch.

As for the one whose husband left her-- considering how insane and obsessed these women get, I'm guessing that wanting kids wasn't his only reason for walking. If it was, yeah, he's a dick. But seems like there's a good chance wannabe mom had something to do with it, too.

Yeah my mom was desperate to have children, and after me went through two separate fertility treatments both which ended in miscarriage, and the second which lead to eventual uterine AND cervical prolapse. The second treatment instead of following the doctors orders she injected herself with 10x the amount she was supposed to. Woman was DESPERATE.

and yeah she was also abusive, emotionally and verbally. To both me and my dad. And still wanted tons more children.

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mrs. chinaski


"It’s only with hindsight I can see that I spent the years from my late 30s to my early 40s obsessing about having a baby at any cost. I look at photographs of me during this period and I can see an intense sadness in my eyes, a yearning, a hunger that tainted everything around me.
Did I waste those years? We put off buying our house, we never went on holiday and I was forever embarking on the latest ‘fertility-boosting’ fad diet or investing in costly therapies and remedies."

-> I am CF woman so I can't relate but I can see how this can destroy a marriage or even a life.
The baybeh wish gradually turns into obsession.

I can understand why a person would be disappointed when they can't have something that they want. But, pardon the pun, isn't it rather childish to dwell on this thing you can't have, especially when there are obvious alternatives?

I really want a Mercedes Benz, but that's not going to happen. Probably never in my lifetime. And yet, I don't feel the need to invest in therapy to cope with this.

@ Studio54:
Maybe it's a cultural thing but when you say "childish" I imagine something immature
but also something on a funny side.
F.e. If you went to MB showroom and found out that you couldn't afford the MB car
you wanted, you would get a meltdown, yell "I WAAAANT" and eventually, your SO
would have to grab your leg and drag you out of the showroom - that would be childish :-)

Life is full of disappointments. When those women don't get that infertility is just one of them,
they will poison their lives, marriages, relationships with family and friends...

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nightfire
I think to play devil's advocate here, I think one of the major reasons many of these ladies go through trying to 'make one of their own' is the time, expense and how much the adoption agencies put them through the wringer before they can even adopt a child, and they might not even be accepted. Plus there is always the risk of the bio parent(s) changing their mind during the adoption process (which sometimes can take years) and in the past the adoption agencies often preferred placing babies with matching race families. Lastly there is also the high chance the babies have RAD/abuse/negligence and/or drugs-during-the-pregnancy issues from the at times shit bio parent, which can make an adopted baby quite a bit of a challenge.

Thus why it seems many go through the doctor route, even though there are existing babies out there to adopt. And as we know, the way society often treats people with no children as if they are worthless, which doesn't allow them to say 'I am still somebody, even without a child' but go into considerable expense, medical treatments, and the heavily emotional toll until they have one.

Children can be adopted from foster care for practically nothing. In fact, people get paid to foster the child until the adoption is final. This is especially true for hard to place non white children, children who are over the age of 4 or children with any sort of disability. What these infertile myrtles want is the birth experience and a perfect white infant.

Not to mention that fostering seems like a wiser choice because you get to sort of test-drive a kid before buying it. With adoption, you might get to meet the kid and its bio-Moo a few times, but you don't know how the kid acts. With fostering, you can take the little fucker home and actually live with it for a while and find out if he or she will be a good fit for you. I'm sure the process isn't easy-peasy, but it's easier compared to adoption. Plus, you can pick out what kind of kid you want. Yeah, some places will probably lie about certain aspects of a kid's health or personality in order to sell them quicker, but you can pick an age and a gender, the latter of which is a huge deal for a lot of breeders. Rather than hoping for a boy and winding up with seven daughters, all of whom Moo is disappointed in for having vaginas, why not pick a ready-made boy? If race is a selling point, there is no shortage of non-white or mixed-race kids who need someone to love them.

And one other huge selling point: fostering could be great for the breeders who want to care for perpetual kids. I think foster kids can only stay with their temporary families for two or three years maximum before either going back to their bio families or going to a new foster family. It could just be an endless stream of kids who are all the same age, sating the breeder desire to never need to see their babbies grow up.

However, it seems that a lot of foster kids will go back to their biological families - one place I read claimed that "slightly more than half of all children who go into foster care return to their birth families." I assume this is from being placed in foster care due to abuse charges/allegations against the bio-parents and once the smoke has cleared, Moo and Duh can reclaim their kids from the system. And much like with adoption, the foster parents have to be financially stable, relatively healthy and not fucked in the head, whereas any psycho can grow their own brat, birth it and abuse it.

But wanna-breeders and breeders all think that their genes, surnames and traits are all so super special that they must be passed on and that the child must pass through their vaginas in order to count as a "real child." In other words, having kids for the worst possible reasons: to stroke the breeders' egos. I would love to take one of these wailing barren heifers and stick them in a room full of foster kids. Let's see how much they moan and sob about how awful their lives are all because they can't make a brat while surrounded by kids who have been abused and neglected. It could be humbling for the Moo if she could pull her head out of her broken uterus for five seconds.

"“My partner left me because I can’t have children”"

And yet there are a LOT of women out there - usually single but some are married, too - as soon as they get pregnant, the sperm-donor gets out of Dodge.

And that last quote in the article was the only one that made any sense.

Another thought on the whole "defining yourself by what you cannot do" thing...it can cost you relationships. Yes, leaving someone because their gametes are defective is a dick thing to do, and while a lot of divorces do correlate with prolonged fertility issues, I also know that for a lot of those couples the "can't have kids" issue becomes divisive because one partner lets it. Period. The women who spend years on IVF with no end or change in sight often drive away their partners.

I'm right-handed. I do very, very few things left-handed, and most of those are learned--such as the way I use my knife and fork (atypical for most Americans), and occasional switch-hitting when I played softball. Learning to do those things was challenging and interesting and served a definite purpose, but the learning process showed me that I am without a doubt wired to be right-handed. I didn't take this as some sort of defeat, because I can still eat dinner and play ball without going southpaw. If I started working with an occupational therapist so I could learn to be left-handed, my husband would think it was a fine waste of time and money. If I insisted that HE go to OT with me, started setting up items in the house for left-handedness, and insisted that we spend evenings writing left-handed together, he'd think I was crazy and dump my ass because I'd let my interest take over my life and push into his.

Can you imagine what it must be like to be married to and live with one of these bawling infertile wanna-Moos? Everything needs to revolve around fertility: various treatments and examinations (which are very expensive); having sex on scheduled days when the woman is in her most fertile time in her cycle and no other days because sex is a chore rather than fun; temperature and charting bullshit; the amount of guilt she heaps on the guy if he's not in the mood or can't get it up and the inevitable wailing that ensues when wanna-Moo gets her period every month. That might possibly include backyard Kotex burials and the wanna-Moos going through all the stages of grief over their fallen clumps. If they go the route of IVF, that has a low success rate, which means many thousands of (most likely) the man's hard-earned money is getting thrown out on treatments that only succeed like 20 percent of the time.

Holy shit, I wouldn't want to stay in that mess either. Why's it so hard to just accept that infertility is part of who you are and move the fuck on? Doesn't make you less of a human being if you can't reproduce.

And you know what the best part is? The ones who moo the loudest about how horrible their lives are due to an inability to breed almost always already have at least one child. On Smothering in the various infertility sections, I'd say about 95 percent of the women who post (at least 95 percent) already have existing, born children. Many have multiple perfectly normal, healthy kids. Boy, selfish much? Can't be glad with what they have, so they have to piss and moan about not being able to have more. Typical breeder mantra: more more more, me me me. Nothing is ever good enough for their greedy asses. Can you imagine how that makes the Moo's current kids feel to know that they aren't good enough for her and that she's going to lock herself in her bedroom and sob for the entire weekend because poor widdle her can't make more babbies?

It's quite honestly pathetic.

My supervisor in a portion of a huge facility for children who needed adoptive homes was an IVF wanna moo.
Even at the beginning of my social work career, the irony of her job position vs her fertility choices was not lost on me.