Quote
mrs. chinaski
We all project our experience of life into it.
Very good point. When it comes to "CF" partners, my experiences were less than positive. My posts reflect my previous situations in vivid detail. Those were situations that I have lived through, those were the situations that I get to share. I simply never had it any other way.
Quote
mrs. chinaski
I just feel sympathy for that woman.
Not only do I feel sympathy, I feel the heat and sorrow of her situation as it is sliding down a very slippery slope into a smelly, dirty swamp.
Quote
mrs. chinaski
I am married, I really do like my DH but I don't want to have chyldren.
Nobody understands it.
Finding support for your situation is not easy. Most people are fortunate enough to not have had encountered it in the way that you do. If someone has not been in it, they may have their best support in mind, but they simply are not able to relate or understand it even though they are giving their best to be able to do so.
I know where you stand but it has been many years for me since I have been there and for as much as I try to not forget what it was like, time does fix many things as well as make me numb to what has happened. While I do try to offer my best suggestions, I probably don't nail the situation as good as I used to a few years ago.
Quote
mrs. chinaski
I get to hear that I cannot love him when
I don't want to give him a chyld.
I got to hear that I could not love a woman unless I loved her unborn children. I was told that I am an abuser because I was denying a woman her very basic right to procreate. I was told that I was not a real man and that my existence on this planet was not justified. I was told I had no business being with a woman because being with a woman meant supporting her bay-bee habits.
Quote
mrs. chinaski
My in-laws are constantly showing me their disappointment
because "there is no baybeh".
I was there too and I also had to endure the 'talking to' by the outlaws who kept reminding me that they were 'ready for the grandchyldryns'
Quote
mrs. chinaski
My MIL told neighbours that I didn't want to have chyldren.
Your MIL is a typical breeder bitch. Breeders stop at nothing to get what they want.
Your situation is very unfair. When people suggest honesty in relationships - please use honesty only where appropriate and applicable. Sometimes honesty does not work and at that point you have to use whatever the force that is necessary to preserve YOUR life and what you stand for. A little hint: Breeders don't play honestly.
Quote
mrs. chinaski
Since then, some people are openly hostile towards me.
Others look at me as if I were some kind of a freak.
This is an example where everyone turns on you and you are left to fight your own battle. You can't physically and mentally win because you are outnumbered. If you have your DH's support, you can actually fight a battle. If he falls to the pressure, it is now a completely different battle field, in which you may have to fight like a partisan in order to be able to sustain the battle or be forced to raise the white flag, which is what they REALLY hope for. Can you win? Yes, absolutely. At the very least, you don't have to surrender and you CAN keep your freedom if you cherish it.
Quote
/dictionary/partisan
PARTISAN: a member of a body of detached light troops making forays and harassing an enemy
a member of a guerrilla band operating within enemy lines
Quote
mrs. chinaski
My DH is sometimes in a very bad mood due to work-related things.
He works long hours, commutes. Sometimes things don't go smoothly etc...
My MIL then tells me: "He is sad because he has no chyld.
If he had chyld, EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER."
Manipulation and mental abuse know of no limit. She is going to take any opportunity that she gets and run with it in order to keep promoting her breeder agenda.
Quote
mrs. chinaski
This woman will have to defend her CF the same way I do.
I feel for her because I exactly know what's in store for her.
And that is why I say that fighting dirty is permitted. You are fighting an uphill battle and so will this woman.
I am going to venture into another subject and hopefully I can better connect the dots. Prior to 1865, slavery was legal in the United States. If a slave ran away, people would put their efforts together to capture the slave and do the "right thing" and return the slave to the master. People genuinely thought that they were doing the very right thing that they were supposed to be doing. If was a joint effort of many members of the society and the only way that slaves could gain freedom was to fight like a partisan.
Today, I feel, CF lifestyle is being persecuted in somewhat of a similar way as a slave was persecuted back before 1865. I chose slaves as a comparison because to me, raising a kid for 18 years is somewhat similar to slavery. We are legally enslaved to that dependent and we are legally required to provide for them. It is also a joint societal effort to enslave women into such arrangement because that is what I have seen with my own eyes.
Similarly to escaping slavery, people must take unordinary and unusual steps in order to gain their freedom. Such steps are not always approved and will often be challenged because today, slavery to children is a very normal occurrence.