How do people with kids put up with inlaws

I have a couple of anti-CF inlaws who I have largely cut out of my life, due to usual "a CF marriage is not rea". I was reading inlaw forum stories by people with sproggies where the moo is basically owned by the moo in law and sometimes the FIL based on the fact that they feel that they own her as she is "the mother of their grandbaybees" I have no idea how women put up with these situations. Plenty of moos admitted to seriously flipping out on the inlaws, with a few threatening violence demanding to be left alone to no avail, yet they have the kids that cause them to be tied to these people for the rest of their lives.

Yes, once they have baybeez many moos are in essence married to their in-laws. It is their second unspoken marriage. A few moos and duhs may see this coming and move thousands of miles away, not accept any support from the inlaws and set proper boundaries.

Many moos and duhs don't think through whether or not they can afford baybeez and here come the in laws to the rescue. With the support comes control. I don't feel bad for them as they are adults and should have had the planning and foresight to do everything in their power to avoid this situation. The life lesson of support comes with control is something many of us learned as children.

big problem: when your fiancé is way to enmeshed and engulfed by their family (this can be male or female)
we all see them, mommas boys and daddys girls. do NOT marry them, period. they will always end up kissing their parents assholes and lecture you about 'why can't you get alooong better'. lcrap and nonsense.
you need someone who can tell their parent to get lost and back it up if necessary

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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twocents
big problem: when your fiancé is way to enmeshed and engulfed by their family (this can be male or female)
we all see them, mommas boys and daddys girls. do NOT marry them, period. they will always end up kissing their parents assholes and lecture you about 'why can't you get alooong better'. lcrap and nonsense.
you need someone who can tell their parent to get lost and back it up if necessary

True that, my ex bf was terrified of rocking the boat with his family. They gave me a hard time for not eating fatty greasy food like them and watching what I eat. Every meal with them was a constant battle ground of me having to exhaustively defend my food choices (it was a huge fucking issue me not having dessert with breakfast at a buffet for example), it got so bad I asked him to do something, cuz I think those ppl were trying to give me an eating disorder, he (knowing I have a very slow metabolism and being short uf I gain as little as 5 lbs I wont be able to button my pants, plus making it crystal clear he doesn't like overweight women) suggested I eat more around them to keep the peace and either fast afterwards or take laxatives. I broke up with him right then and there, he'd rather me risk my health than standup to his family. He married a more rubenesque lady which I suspect was to please his family. Plus he kept "accidentally" butt dialing me while seeing her, fucking creep.

If you wont defend your partner, you aren't mature enough for marriage PERIOD. This guy spoke of marriage all the time.

My parent in-laws disowned us after his brother had a baby, and we didn't worship it. Good riddance. They tried very hard to blame me for all of the problems in their family, but when his mom realized she'd bitten off more than she could chew in an argument with me, she hung up on me, and we haven't heard from them since.

They were pissed when we said we didn't want kids, even though they tried to hide it. They got up on a podium at a recent funeral, and talked about how they value family above all else. Nowadays, I imagine people keep asking them where their other son is, and I hope they have the nerve to point out that we aren't in any of the "family portraits" I'm sure they've been taken with the new shit-factory.

I've dedicated a lot of time to a forum/support group for people with in-law troubles. ladybug2203 is quite right- they all stem from the spouse being a complete and utter moron, incapable of cutting the cord with their parents. They want a miracle solution that makes their spouse stop being their parent's bitch, but it doesn't exist, and they often won't listen to reason. Most of the time, they allow themselves to be abused by their spouse's family (and, effectively, their spouse) for decades. I want to help the ones that there is hope for, though.

ladybug, precisely that. It does not end with that, the control issues extend, like octopus tentacles, into every possible area.
good for you for breaking up. it is not easy...

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote
twocents
ladybug, precisely that. It does not end with that, the control issues extend, like octopus tentacles, into every possible area.
good for you for breaking up. it is not easy...

Meh it was pretty much just a summer romance neway lol

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cfdavep
I was reading inlaw forum stories by people with sproggies where the moo is basically owned by the moo in law and sometimes the FIL based on the fact that they feel that they own her as she is "the mother of their grandbaybees" I have no idea how women put up with these situations.

You wouldn't be talking about this place?

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation

It can become absorbing, so many trainwrecks

Shit typically hits the fan when the first baby arrives. Worse if it's the first grandchild, worser if it is a sex that is worshipped (typically the first new penis in the family).

And many of the women (about 99% of whom are posters) are agog at the drama that springs up when they announce that the pee stick got a + sign. Some of them were married for years, with barely a blip on the radar, or even studied disinterest from the in-laws. Then they hear that the baby has been made and BAM! they go into intruder mode.

I'm certainly not into kids; I don't know why most of those women would be interested in breeding with the ball-less mommy boys; but the hell those women suffer, once they realize they are nothing but incubators. Worse is that the females can be the worst kind of idiots, becoming SAHMs and surrendering most of their power.

ETA: reading the replies to the posts can become monotonous and most of the posters don't put update pages in the header. If you want to keep up with just what the OP says, use this site http://sleepycow.org/bsc/

This is the exact issue that made me really examine whether or not I wanted kids. I could not stand being tethered to my in laws any more than I already was. My husband and his parents were classically enmeshed and maw and paw were constantly up our asses.This did not sit well with me - a highly private introvert with social anxiety. It got so bad I had pretty much decided it was worth divorcing over. Luckily, my husband saw the light and learned about boundaries fast.

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ladybug2203
They gave me a hard time for not eating fatty greasy food like them and watching what I eat. Every meal with them was a constant battle ground of me having to exhaustively defend my food choices (it was a huge fucking issue me not having dessert with breakfast at a buffet for example), it got so bad I asked him to do something, cuz I think those ppl were trying to give me an eating disorder, he (knowing I have a very slow metabolism and being short uf I gain as little as 5 lbs I wont be able to button my pants, plus making it crystal clear he doesn't like overweight women) suggested I eat more around them to keep the peace and either fast afterwards or take laxatives.

This is the kind of crap that can cause women to have eating disorders. Plus, your diet isn't any of their business. And suggesting you to fast or take laxatives is sick! There may be extenuating circumstances where a significant other remarking about your diet makes sense (maybe in the case of alcoholism, diabetes, anorexia, malnutrition, food allergies, etc.) but since it is such a hot button for most people probably better to let the doctor be the one to make those kind of statements.

The best quality about my in-laws is that they are 900+ miles away. DH's siblings are serial Breeders, the type of people who get divorced and it doesn't occur to them to stop--no matter how badly the kyds affected their marriage, off they go to have kyds with NextSpouse. For that reason there are PLENTY (approaching 20) grandkyds.

My MIL is nice enough and she minds her own business. I am sure that would change if I had sprogged.

Not having kyds solves so many problems. My in-laws have been to visit us a grand total of two times in the 15 years we've been together, and the second time was because we had some free furniture for them. My FIL has freely admitted that they won't be visiting us because we don't have kyds. I feel bad for DH, particularly because his other siblings Hoover up all the money because they are shitty financial planners, excuse me, their kyds need stuff.

I am overjoyed they don't come here.

If we had kyds, the whole family would be guilting us to come visit and I'm not sure what my DH would do. He's probably want to go see them, and I would probably have to relent because frankly, he's taken care of my mother and I would owe him.

But ohne Kinder, I visit when I want and he goes alone and I don't have to spend lots of time with people with whom I have little in common. It's a win all around. Because I didn't breed, I'm not very interesting to them and I don't have to put up with them in my shit all the time. That would drive me nuts.

Perhaps one reason that we are CF. Never could stand my in laws and my hubby was never close to his parents. They adored his older brother but.. my hubby was a 'mistake' and got the short end of the stick most of the time.
I watched as my inlaws fawned over his brother's kids. They didn't care about the kids anymore than that they were their grand children. The grand children are grown now and they do not like their grandparents at all... but still kiss up to them to keep peace in the family.

I know if I would have had kids...those people would be in my life. Hubby chose me over them about 15 years ago and cut them out of his life. It's been so peaceful since.

My MIL who I no longer speak to, got on me over the food thing. I never eat late due to medical troubles and she demanded I eat with everyone else. When they get together it is one loud party and I am not going this Thanksgiving, I haven't been invited which is great. The conversation is loud with everyone talking at once and if you are an introvert it is hell.

I was supposed to go to their HUGE 50th wedding anniversary get together June 2016, but I have other plans already. DH told me to be honest and tell them that, and I did; well that did it. Talk about passive-aggressive behaior towards me since then. His father called me a "radical" for "marching to my own drum" and then offered me a bunch of old copies of The Week magazine as it may get me to think more moderately. I wonder what it really is with inlaws especially the MIL toward the DIL??? There is something weird about it

I've watched a few friends deal with such in-laws. They were inconsiderate, self-centered, and cold before the kids were born...surprise! They're still that way, AND now Friend deals with the whole "you have to come do XYZ for the holidays because we have to see the grandkids!". PNB friend put her foot down and told her in-laws that they're rapidly alienating everyone, including the grandkids (who were old enough to realize what pricks their paternal grandparents are, and prefer spending time at home during holidays). I wish my other friend had taken a similar tack...but they still spinelessly schlep to her husband's parents' place at holidays, where the grandparents seem to have no clue how to take kids' needs into consideration when planning meal schedules, activities, etc.

Yet another example of "just because someone shares DNA and/or a house with you growing up doesn't mean they get a pass". Fuck that.