Job interview: I got The Question

I recently went on a job interview at a hospital for emergency department registration. I'm taking medical coding classes right now, so I've been applying to hospitals and medical facilities to get a foot in the door because I've heard medical coding is hard to get into straight off the street.

I was interviewed by two women and they seemed to really like me. The interview was going pretty standard, but then I got blindsided when one of them asked me if I had kids.

Isn't it illegal to ask this in an interview?? Given the setting, I can only imagine that my not having kids would be a plus. But on the other hand, they were two older women, grandmother types it seemed, and I don't want to be judged as a cold, selfish bitch who couldn't possibly empathize with patients, either.

Yes, that is an illegal question. I found this on theladders.com:

Don’t answer questions about whether you have children or what your child-bearing plans are, but do explain whether you’re available to work overtime or whether you can travel, particularly on short notice. - See more at: http://www.theladders.com/career-advice/dont-answer-interview-question#sthash.UnhsnV8P.dpuf

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

Yes, it is illegal.

http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-answer-do-you-have-kids-interview-question-2014-5?IR=T

But they ask anyway

In your case it can also mean that they will assume that when you don't have
any now that you get inpig right after the end of probation period.
As a consequence - no job for you!

After I answered no to having kids (couldn't think of a diplomatic way of pointing out that it was an inappropriate question - my head shuts down when I'm surprised), I added:

"I went through a lot of depression when I was younger, and I feel like I missed out on a lot. By the time I'd be ready for kids now, I'd probably be too old." Which is my go-to answer when I can't say "I can't stand the little pukes."

But, yeah, not feeling happy that I'm now in a position to second guess the whole interview because they asked an awkward question. Should I call someone at the hospital and complain about this? I don't want to be a whiney PITA, but I also don't want to let someone get away with rooting around in my uterus when they're not supposed to be.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. They were extremely insensitive asking you a question like that.

Had it been me, I probably would have told them, with a long face, that I'm an infertile myrtle and can't have children. That would make them feel a bit uncomfortable for asking, and they would also know you won't be taking any mat leave at any time.

On the other hand, they MIGHT have been comfortable enough with you to ask a personal question. I have no idea what the odds of that are, but, it's possible, especially if you really felt they liked you, and you thought the interview was going well. Maybe they let a personal question "slip", and they asked because they were genuinely interested. A mistake, yes, and something that should not have been asked, but, maybe not detrimental.

I recently posted that I would be happy with such an answer. You should have been hired on the spot.

Doubt they'd ask if they aren't interested in you. If they're fetal fetishists you'd want to know upfront so you can find a better culture.
Not that it is an excuse for their unprofessional behavior.

Is it possible you may be replacing someone who quit to have a baby?

At least they didn't assume you have kids. Some people think everyone has/will have kids and they will think of you as a freak of nature simply because you have no kids.

My Speech professor in collage told us the story of a woman who didn't get the job because she had kids. She did really well in the interview and the guy walked her to her car and saw kid stuff in it, found out she had them and decided to not hire her. You may still get the job especially if they will be having you work from home.

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"It is better not to look like what you are; it is better to look like a bourgeois woman because then all the doors are open for you and then you can just go and make hell." - Marjane Satrapi

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Stillwaters
"I went through a lot of depression when I was younger, and I feel like I missed out on a lot. By the time I'd be ready for kids now, I'd probably be too old." Which is my go-to answer when I can't say "I can't stand the little pukes."

Hate to say this, but you probably made it worse, talking about suffering depression. You don't want them to think you might have any sort of frailty (even if you are certain it will never rise again) that will impact your ability to do the job.

I suggest googling "interview training." I don't know current school norms; learning how to do job interviews is something that I wish had been taught in later grades or offered in college. All I got was public speaking, which is a waste, IMO, unless you are going into a field that requires it.

Well ... OK, curiosity got the better of me.

Check this link

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addiea raine
My Speech professor in collage told us the story of a woman who didn't get the job because she had kids. She did really well in the interview and the guy walked her to her car and saw kid stuff in it, found out she had them and decided to not hire her.

I've heard of something like this. Are you sure she didn't get the job because she said she didn't have kids, as a lie, but forgot to hide the evidence? Because I wouldn't hire her lying arse either.

I hate the random illegal enquiries about spawn/ intent to spawn. It's always slipped in as general banter. It is illegal to ask your intention to breed, your gender, if you have a partner, their gender, marital status, household situation. You can easily find many websites with the current list of what is/isn't legal to ask about, from both employer/potential employee stand point.

I have tried out a reasonable range of different answers to get around completely shutting down the interview over the question. Some were suggested responses from members here. (this is only useful if you want to give a soft answer to keep the interview going)

*First, be aware if a maternal status is considered advantageous in the job/industry your applying for, regardless of gender. It helps to know if they want a non breeder for the next 10 years or a frothing at the mouth breeder.

*Second, try to really read who's interviewing you, age, gender, wedding band or not, dose this person strike you as having bred already? Very likely, but what stage? larva, brat, school, teen, adult? they want to relate or reminisce. As annoying as that is, an empty nester/ inpig is easily offended, the in-betweens are the easiest. Male interviewers can pose a challenge since you cant see the inpig partner; they can also be on 2nd marriage with young brats.

*Third, before they can slip in the illegal question, decide which response will likely be taken best:
.Fully infertile- fake sad about it/ neutral/ happy about it.
.Tried and failed- pretending to deal with it being not likely going to happen naturally -this dosent work for females applicants with male interviewers.
.Flat out CF and proud - likely to offend.
.State your not planning/intending to have kids -results in bingos during interview, can quickly get messy; likely think your not concerned about how well your method of or lack there of protection works, risky, could get piggo.
.Suggest you dont believe in having kids before marriage- only useful if not married/engaged at the time.
.Hint that your not into the opposite gender wether its true or not -could also prevent interview advancement, use at your own risk.
.You'd rather adopt or be a foster parent in a couple of years once your financially settled, rather than have your own- this makes you look like some kind of saint, most people know it takes years to be approved for adoption and fostering has its own list of credentials needing to be met for approval.


The last interview I had, the guy asked me all the wrong questions, almost nothing about the job or my ability to do it. Wouldn't have put up with it, IF I had slept at all during the previous two days and could think straight. He wanted me to tell him about myself, so I spoke of my professional qualities/ history and experience, with nothing about my personal life. I was tired, didn't want to go into personal details, didn't feel like the office staff liked the look of me.

Got the feeling the interview was already in the gutter, then he said "I could get any of that information from your resume, I want you to tell me about yourself". I rattled off the regular stuff about personal achievements like buying houses young, owning pets, current hobbies.

Interviewer- X: Do you have kids?
me: No { Clearly nothing I've said till now mattered did it? }
X: Are you married?
me: No
X: Do you have a boyfriend?
me: Yes?
X: Are you in a long term relationship?
me: Yes?{ At this point, I can understand wanting to know if i have a stable mindset/ or cant commit}
X: Do you live together?
me: Yes?{ Thats none of your business}
X: Are you planning to get married any time soon?
me: We've discussed marriage but it wont happen anytime soon.... { Trying to find out if Im going to be engaged and pregnant with in the year huh?}
X: Do you plan to have kids anytime soon?
me: Thats not on the table either. { Are you serious! stop asking stupid irrelevant questions}
X: Okay, we'll call you tomorrow if your suitable { So hope you dont, I need a job, but if the interviews any indication, the jobs not anywhere I'd want to work}

I learnt later they had a lady bit older than me, who was previously a teen mom with a now an 18yr old daughter, the other chick was several years younger, also the product of a teen mom; but wanting to toss in her job to travel Europe for a year before she has babies~ even though she was hopelessly single, likely due to her stalker level method of pursuit.

Makes me wonder how literal baby factories like them got jobs, while good CF people struggle to get employment. I Honestly believe companies dont want stable long term employees these days. Hope some of this helped.

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Hate to say this, but you probably made it worse, talking about suffering depression. You don't want them to think you might have any sort of frailty (even if you are certain it will never rise again) that will impact your ability to do the job.

Unfortunately I agree. People have such stigmas about any hint of mental problems, although most humans will be depressed at some point during their lives.

You can't win with the kid question, even if you are CF. You would think saying you don't want them would be an asset but because so many people say that during life, you won't be believed anyway. And if you do get hired and they realize you are serious, you'll likely get it up the ass and be expected to take it with a smile. Bad managers,and most of them are bad, will value the brat-ladens' requests for PTO over yours.

All it takes is a little brain power to figure out these things, though. A former male manager of mine used to ask people to describe their accomplishments or things they are proud of in an interview. 99.9% of Breeders cant' stop yapping about their kyds, so you get your answer.

I use that technique. It should be obvious in a JOB interview that people are asking about PROFESSIONAL accomplishments but Breeders don't get it. It's a weeding-out question, It shows poor boundaries between work and home.

Yes, that is an an illegal question as everyone has been saying. These people sound very unprofessional anyway, asking you about marriage and children. May I offer some advice, from one depressive person to another? Don't mention depression in a job interview. You won't find any sympathy in the job market.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Ugh, I hate it when interviewers ask stuff about my personal life. I've gotten very few of those. But they suck. I'm sorry you got stuck in that situation, stillwaters. I've found that when I'm asked a question that is in the grey area legally, the less info I give them, the better. Sorry to pile on, but don't mention your history of depression, even if it's not an issue anymore. It shouldn't matter, but sadly employers will see it as a liability or weakness.

Dorisan, the link you provided has some helpful tips. Thanks. I will keep those in mind.

I got asked about chyldren at every interview I had.

I responded once that I don't have any children
and don't plan to become mother.
My response completely spoilt the good atmosphere.

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bell_flower
All it takes is a little brain power to figure out these things, though. A former male manager of mine used to ask people to describe their accomplishments or things they are proud of in an interview. 99.9% of Breeders cant' stop yapping about their kyds, so you get your answer.

I use that technique. It should be obvious in a JOB interview that people are asking about PROFESSIONAL accomplishments but Breeders don't get it. It's a weeding-out question, It shows poor boundaries between work and home.

I've had to hear this crap during a job interview but only from moos. Certainly didn't make me want to hire any of them. My favorite though is the 'I was a SAHMoo and have zero relevant work experience since McDonald's when I was a teenage moo so I cleverly wrote a resume itemizing all my house CFO duties, now pay me $100000000.'

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randomcfchick
don't mention your history of depression, even if it's not an issue anymore. It shouldn't matter, but sadly employers will see it as a liability or weakness.

I don't know about other countries, but here in the UK we have the DDA (disability discrimination act) and depression is one of the qualifying medical conditions. To be protected by this act in employment terms, you must tell your prospective employer so if you have problems down the line and they fire you, you can sue for wrongful dismissal.

We also have the 'two tick' system, a symbol of equal opportunities employers.

As someone who has suffered from clinical depression since my early teens, I always mention my condition but also mention that I am fully medicated for it.

To echo what others have said though, some employers do see it as a weakness, but these same employers often see childfreedom as a 'weakness' so there's just no pleasing 'em.

I can't remember if I was asked in the interview for my current job whether I had children or not, but I was prepared to say "No, but it means I have few outside commitments." Somehow I don't think that would satisfy an interviewer now.

It was an illegal question, you can report them to the state. I would not ever bring up any health issues, depression or otherwise. They can't ask about that either. They can ask to tell about yourself and it's fine to bring up generic hobbies, volunteer stuff you've done, etc.

I would still answer the kid question even though it is not legal, in case they were looking for kidfree employees. If it was just to hire a gaggle of moos, I'd report them. You can tell by their reaction which it is, and of course if you get offered the job.

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addiea raine
My Speech professor in collage told us the story of a woman who didn't get the job because she had kids. She did really well in the interview and the guy walked her to her car and saw kid stuff in it, found out she had them and decided to not hire her. You may still get the job especially if they will be having you work from home.

Another thing: make sure your car is spotless. I've heard of interviewers checking out peoples cars to check out how dirty or clean it may be.
Same with prospective landlords. Sounds like the woman lied too, about having kids maybe? Either way, I don't blame him/her for not hiring the woman.

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Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Evan Davis

Stillwater, have you heard back from them yet?
Will you let us know if you get it or not?
If you don't, please report them okay? I reported a company to the labor dept. for asking when my birthday was on a job application.
They actually were quite serious about it, made a copy, and said they would contact the company.

______________________________________________________
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Evan Davis

Another Link.

Interesting comment
I did an unscientific survey of my coworkers and all the ones who didn't give a rats behind about sports were the same ones considered to be top performers.

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Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Evan Davis

I was discussing this topic with my MIL yesterday and she told me of an interview her friend had, where they not only asked if she was married and had kids, they also asked when her last period was!

After the interview, said friend reported them and found that other women had made similar complaints.

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pitbullgirl1965
Stillwater, have you heard back from them yet?
Will you let us know if you get it or not?
If you don't, please report them okay? I reported a company to the labor dept. for asking when my birthday was on a job application.
They actually were quite serious about it, made a copy, and said they would contact the company.

I won't find out until later this week. I am considering reporting it, simply on principle. It's hard enough to find a job anymore without HR mucking around in my sex life.

I always find a way to tell the people i don't have kids, they may see it as a plus,(even if their breeders) when I was starting out trying to buy my 1st house, it was a lease option, and i told the guy i didn't have kids, years later he told me he picked me out of like 30 people trying to get the house because I didn't have kids, he said kids destroy his rental properties all the time,

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stillwaters

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pitbullgirl1965
Stillwater, have you heard back from them yet?
Will you let us know if you get it or not?
If you don't, please report them okay? I reported a company to the labor dept. for asking when my birthday was on a job application.
They actually were quite serious about it, made a copy, and said they would contact the company.

I won't find out until later this week. I am considering reporting it, simply on principle. It's hard enough to find a job anymore without HR mucking around in my sex life.

Bingo! Don't these people realize that they're asking a very personal question?!

______________________________________________________
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Evan Davis

I haven't been asked directly, but I think I have been asked indirectly. At least, that's always the way I take it when they ask if there is anything that would limit my availability. If I'm desperate for work, which I have been in the past, I say 'I'm available any time'. Not that I want to get stuck with shitty shift, nights and weekends all the time, etc., but, if I need work badly enough and it's scarce, yeah I'll do it. If they are covertly asking about kiddies, then my saying I have open availability, that should be a good, neutral answer. At least I think so. And I think they can infer that if I have an open schedule, I don't have time-sucking dependents. If you volunteer any more than that, then they have to straight up ask if you have kids, which is supposed to be illegal. A nice neutral answer puts the onus on them to dig further, then of course they can be reported.

Cult of the Chyld or not, I don't know why anyone would think being childfree would be a negative and being a parent would be a positive. CF won't be calling off for every time Sneuxflayke gets the sniffles. CF won't have to leave work early or come in late for kiddie-related crap. CF won't insist on having every weekend off so they can spend time with the kyds who are in school during the week. CF won't get inpig and take months off -- usually occurs shortly after being hired -- or decide not to come back after having a loaf and leaving the company in the lurch to find a new employee without notice. Just to name a few.