desperate older infertiles=cash cow!!!
Posted by randomcfchick
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Re: desperate older infertiles=cash cow!!! February 04, 2016 |
- Special tea blend that has been brewed and touched by pregnant women, thus infusing the tea with "baby energy." Be sure to include chamomile in the blend too; chamomile is reputed to have a calming affect, and who's more stressed out than someone that's struggling to get pregnant? Make 'em feel like you're catering to them. Make the tea taste as horrible as possible; wanna-breeds are dumb and they'll keep on buying it if they think it'll help them get pigged up.
- Frames specially made to hold home pregnancy tests (either single frames, or larger multi-pane frames to hold all the negative tests leading up to the positive one and/or the positive tests for each conception).
- Complete miscarriage backyard burial mourning kit: a small customized casket, cut to proper size for the clump/soiled pad, painted on the outside with a preferred color, detailed with whatever the hell the breeders want (princesses, cars, etc.), lined with velvet; a death certificate, listing the day of alleged conception and the day of loss (most of which will probably be about a month long because wanna-Moos think every single period is a miscarriage); a small customized headstone complete with "life span", clump name and a sappy epitaph like Susan Tuberculosis Jefferson was too precious for Earth, so God took her right to heaven; a cookie-cutter sympathy note with minor changes to address the specific recipient; some cheesy poem embossed on fancy paper in a pretty script and contained in a frame; special stationery on which to write a eulogy. Cost: $3000. Offer a members' club for women who serial miscarry because they can't take the fucking hint from nature.
- Fertility sand. Just stick some random sand in a pretty jar and slap a label on it saying that it's organic, has been kissed by the fertility gods themselves and comes from a small oasis where the contents of the area have been known to boost fertility. Mix it with vanilla bean chunks or lavender buds or something so it smells nice.
- Candles scented with things that are allegedly supposed to increase fertility. Light them during sexy time to increase the odds of conception.
- CDs of "rhythm music" that are meant to be played during sex. Say these sounds have been researched extensively by fertility specialists of both the medical and holistic varieties and have been proven to increase the chance of conceiving by subconsciously adjusting the intimate rhythms of the people involved.
- Fertility oil. Just take some regular old baby oil, pour it into a sexy little glass vial and stick entire fertility-promoting herbs into the bottle such as dandelion, echinacea and red raspberry leaves. Apply to pelvic area (externally).
- Bullshit palmistry book that basically says that every single line, crease and wrinkle in anyone's hand means that pregnancy is imminent and/or fertility just needs to be "awakened" via various methods like acupressure or pushing your chakra into the core of your chi using Peruvian breathing techniques (I just made all that up; I don't know anything about meditation).
- Fertility idol (a miniature statue of Venus of Willendorf to keep on the night stand beside the conception bed).
- Special "fertility enhancement wand." It'll just be a regular vibrator or some kind of silicone thing to rub against the woman's bits. Charge 3-4 times as much for it as you would for a normal vibrator.
I think we're sitting on a gold mine, folks!
If there is anyone who is easily parted from their money, it's breeders and wanna-breeders.
- Frames specially made to hold home pregnancy tests (either single frames, or larger multi-pane frames to hold all the negative tests leading up to the positive one and/or the positive tests for each conception).
- Complete miscarriage backyard burial mourning kit: a small customized casket, cut to proper size for the clump/soiled pad, painted on the outside with a preferred color, detailed with whatever the hell the breeders want (princesses, cars, etc.), lined with velvet; a death certificate, listing the day of alleged conception and the day of loss (most of which will probably be about a month long because wanna-Moos think every single period is a miscarriage); a small customized headstone complete with "life span", clump name and a sappy epitaph like Susan Tuberculosis Jefferson was too precious for Earth, so God took her right to heaven; a cookie-cutter sympathy note with minor changes to address the specific recipient; some cheesy poem embossed on fancy paper in a pretty script and contained in a frame; special stationery on which to write a eulogy. Cost: $3000. Offer a members' club for women who serial miscarry because they can't take the fucking hint from nature.
- Fertility sand. Just stick some random sand in a pretty jar and slap a label on it saying that it's organic, has been kissed by the fertility gods themselves and comes from a small oasis where the contents of the area have been known to boost fertility. Mix it with vanilla bean chunks or lavender buds or something so it smells nice.
- Candles scented with things that are allegedly supposed to increase fertility. Light them during sexy time to increase the odds of conception.
- CDs of "rhythm music" that are meant to be played during sex. Say these sounds have been researched extensively by fertility specialists of both the medical and holistic varieties and have been proven to increase the chance of conceiving by subconsciously adjusting the intimate rhythms of the people involved.
- Fertility oil. Just take some regular old baby oil, pour it into a sexy little glass vial and stick entire fertility-promoting herbs into the bottle such as dandelion, echinacea and red raspberry leaves. Apply to pelvic area (externally).
- Bullshit palmistry book that basically says that every single line, crease and wrinkle in anyone's hand means that pregnancy is imminent and/or fertility just needs to be "awakened" via various methods like acupressure or pushing your chakra into the core of your chi using Peruvian breathing techniques (I just made all that up; I don't know anything about meditation).
- Fertility idol (a miniature statue of Venus of Willendorf to keep on the night stand beside the conception bed).
- Special "fertility enhancement wand." It'll just be a regular vibrator or some kind of silicone thing to rub against the woman's bits. Charge 3-4 times as much for it as you would for a normal vibrator.
I think we're sitting on a gold mine, folks!
If there is anyone who is easily parted from their money, it's breeders and wanna-breeders.
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