why non punisment discipline is better for children

Well because its less work for the breeders thats why!


http://metro.co.uk/2016/04/27/why-non-punishment-discipline-is-the-best-way-to-bring-up-your-children-5843277/

"If your child has done wrong, the non punitive approach is to uncover the reason behind it, take the child out of the situation if needs be, explain that you understand their feelings but also why they can’t behave like that and then show them how to resolve things. At the end of it all, you show that you aren’t angry by giving them a tight hug."

Why yes, yes, I see this conversational approach working well All. The. Time! In grocery stores, on planes, in parks ... we must do more of this!

This could work along with an actual punishment. Sometimes kids need to be threatened and disciplined to show that the parents are serious. When I was punished, it was explained to me once everyone had calmed down, what was done wrong and that's how I learned actions and consequences.

Respect is learned and earned. If a child has no respect for the adult doing the parenting and talks back, than I believe a firm smack on the ass, open handed, is warranted. Parents shouldn't have to put up with mouthing off from their offspring. It's this lack of parenting that's causing so many children to be spoiled, ungrateful, feral brats.


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They are having children for selfish and narcissistic reasons, or are simply irresponsible. Funny... Those are the terms often used to describe the CF

~Live, Laugh, Love~

The whole non-discipline "let's discuss our feelings" approach is cute and all, but it does not work... either on its own or with children who are too young. Just look at the gentle discipline section over on Smothering and you'll see endless proof that this huggy-feely gentle shit doesn't do a goddamn thing. Very young kids (I'd say up to age eight, maybe) don't understand reason because they just aren't developed enough mentally to know how; they often can't think too far in the future or put two and two together. You can sit and explain shit to a toddler until you're blue in the face and the little shit stain will go right back to what he was doing that got him in trouble in the first place. On top of that, kids don't care. All they understand is right now and ME ME ME. They have no concept of consequences and they don't give a fuck about Mommy's feeble 25-minute explanations about why what they did was bad. You cannot be gentle when disciplining a kid because it just makes them feel comfortable and secure in the knowledge that they can be assholes because, obviously, there's no parental disapproval to be had when Mommy's response is a sing-songy voice followed by a hug.

You have to speak firmly and seriously to them, and in simple terms. Sure, give them a chance to behave with a verbal warning first and tell them what will happen if they choose not to listen. And then you must follow up on your threat if they keep on being bastards because otherwise they'll learn real quick that you're full of shit.

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If you rely on love and show care, affection and physically embrace your child when they need you – and when they don’t, too – you will inevitably grow closer. If your child has done wrong, the non punitive approach is to uncover the reason behind it, take the child out of the situation if needs be, explain that you understand their feelings but also why they can’t behave like that and then show them how to resolve things. At the end of it all, you show that you aren’t angry by giving them a tight hug.

Sometimes you need to be angry with your kid if they've fucked up really bad. Don't be violent, but sometimes experiencing parental anger will drill it into their heads that they've done wrong. Yes, show love and care toward your kid... but not when they misbehave. That is the one goddamn time you cannot be nice and gentle with them. And for fuck's sake, do not hug them when they act up! Being affectionate toward your brat when they're misbehaving will only teach them that it's okay for them to act that way. Give them a warning, slap them if they don't listen and continue slapping them and using other non-physical forms of punishment if they continue to disobey. When the kid gets older and has the capacity to understand reason, you can take a moment to cool down and then explain to them why their actions were wrong, during which you must tell them you're disappointed/upset with them. You can forgive them, but you can't just blow their bad behavior off. But for young kids, a smack is pretty much the only way to quickly and effectively get their attention and put an end to their fuckery.

This article is suggesting not using time out, not taking away privileges or their stuff, not exerting authority over them and not establishing firm boundaries. Rather, it seems to suggest treating children as equals to their parents, discussing their feelings and overall being a complete wimp. How exactly is a child supposed to learn to respect and listen to their parents if the parents don't have the fucking spine to discipline the little wanker? If Junior thinks he's an equal to Mommy, what reason does he have to listen to her? If she won't get off her ass and punish the kid with real discipline, what reason does the kid have to quit misbehaving? If there are no real consequences to their behavior, why should a kid behave themselves? If they have nothing to fear, they have no reason to listen to their parents. When a child is older and capable of reasoning, this gentle approach can be used in conjunction with real discipline (grounding, time out, loss of privileges, spanking). On it's own, it's completely worthless.

It's no coincidence that every person I've ever met who was spanked as a kid turned into a decent human being, and most of the ones who weren't turned into assholes.

Do people seriously think that the '90s family sitcom "hug and learn" technique is applicable in real life?

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

Is this really rocket science? My parents were big fans of "beatings will continue until morale improves," and I don't believe in hitting children (or anyone else), but, for fuck's sake, discussing ethics with a five-year-old?

Spanking is just lazy parenting, but so is this bullcrap. Everyone I've ever met who can't control their problem teenager either beat the kid when it was little and the kid got bigger than her, or refused consequences altogether. I say the same thing every time. Unless the kid is sleeping on a cot in an empty room and eating nothing but beans and rice, you have leverage you're not using. My cousin's awful brats are well-behaved with me because I use simple operant conditioning. Want me to color with you? Fine. Act like a shit? Coloring stops. It's amazing the good behavior that results from the threat of withdrawing my attention from the little attention whores.

Soon after I adopted my 7 month old kitten I found her on the dining room floor chewing on one of my vitamin pills. I had gotten it out and put it on the table under a napkin, she found it and thought it was a cool thing to chew on. I grabbed her and yelled at her. I did not hurt her but I made sure I scared her. Afterward I felt really bad for scaring her, but it worked. She is now 8 years old and has not chewed on a pill since then.

Sometimes kids and pets have to be disciplined for their own damn good. Letting them get away with dangerous or shitty behavior does a lot more harm in the long run. Anyone who does not understand or believe that should not have custody of any sentient being.

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ondinette
Soon after I adopted my 7 month old kitten I found her on the dining room floor chewing on one of my vitamin pills. I had gotten it out and put it on the table under a napkin, she found it and thought it was a cool thing to chew on. I grabbed her and yelled at her. I did not hurt her but I made sure I scared her. Afterward I felt really bad for scaring her, but it worked. She is now 8 years old and has not chewed on a pill since then.

Sometimes kids and pets have to be disciplined for their own damn good. Letting them get away with dangerous or shitty behavior does a lot more harm in the long run. Anyone who does not understand or believe that should not have custody of any sentient being.

Exactly. You can't be too harsh, but you have to startle them just enough. I have a parrot who can be potentially destructive if left to roam all over the house. I sternly tell him "NO" when he starts making a go at something he shouldn't be chewing, and he's learned to back away when he hears it. I also taught him "turn around" so the tempting door/magazine/lipstick/iphone is at his tail instead of right by that shredder of a beak.

Cthulhu forbid I ran wild as a kid. If I so much as put a toe out of line my mother would scare the living daylights out of me, and it wasn't by yelling. It was the silent treatment. Worse and more effective than any amount of screaming or grounding. Taught me the meaning of "behave".

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aes sedai

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ondinette
Soon after I adopted my 7 month old kitten I found her on the dining room floor chewing on one of my vitamin pills. I had gotten it out and put it on the table under a napkin, she found it and thought it was a cool thing to chew on. I grabbed her and yelled at her. I did not hurt her but I made sure I scared her. Afterward I felt really bad for scaring her, but it worked. She is now 8 years old and has not chewed on a pill since then.

Sometimes kids and pets have to be disciplined for their own damn good. Letting them get away with dangerous or shitty behavior does a lot more harm in the long run. Anyone who does not understand or believe that should not have custody of any sentient being.

Exactly. You can't be too harsh, but you have to startle them just enough. I have a parrot who can be potentially destructive if left to roam all over the house. I sternly tell him "NO" when he starts making a go at something he shouldn't be chewing, and he's learned to back away when he hears it. I also taught him "turn around" so the tempting door/magazine/lipstick/iphone is at his tail instead of right by that shredder of a beak.

Cthulhu forbid I ran wild as a kid. If I so much as put a toe out of line my mother would scare the living daylights out of me, and it wasn't by yelling. It was the silent treatment. Worse and more effective than any amount of screaming or grounding. Taught me the meaning of "behave".

I do nearly the identical thing with my bird! It works like a hot damn. He used to go into the ashtrays and try to chew the butts. I told him NO very sternly a few times, now he never goes near the ashtrays. I don't say it gently, either. The problem is now he mimics me saying NO and will repeat it back to me in a defiant little manner. It's kinda funny, arguing with a parrot! That's one argument you will NEVER win, haha.

I don't believe in spanking either, as it can quickly escalate into abuse. My mother used to beat me for the stupidest shit when I was little, and I was a really good, quiet kid. I think that this gentle discipline thing is a crock of shit, too. There has to be something in the middle that works. Take away privileges, ground them, tell them "NO" in a firm, loud voice when they do shit that's bad. And God forbid, don't reward them with a hug and affection after they've been a little shit! That's the worst thing you can do...reward bad behavior.

I remember many years ago some moo trying the yakkity yak school of disciplining a brat. I could tell the llittle shit was just tuning her out. One good smack upside its head would have really gotten attention.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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mumofsixbirds

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aes sedai

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ondinette
Soon after I adopted my 7 month old kitten I found her on the dining room floor chewing on one of my vitamin pills. I had gotten it out and put it on the table under a napkin, she found it and thought it was a cool thing to chew on. I grabbed her and yelled at her. I did not hurt her but I made sure I scared her. Afterward I felt really bad for scaring her, but it worked. She is now 8 years old and has not chewed on a pill since then.

Sometimes kids and pets have to be disciplined for their own damn good. Letting them get away with dangerous or shitty behavior does a lot more harm in the long run. Anyone who does not understand or believe that should not have custody of any sentient being.

Exactly. You can't be too harsh, but you have to startle them just enough. I have a parrot who can be potentially destructive if left to roam all over the house. I sternly tell him "NO" when he starts making a go at something he shouldn't be chewing, and he's learned to back away when he hears it. I also taught him "turn around" so the tempting door/magazine/lipstick/iphone is at his tail instead of right by that shredder of a beak.

Cthulhu forbid I ran wild as a kid. If I so much as put a toe out of line my mother would scare the living daylights out of me, and it wasn't by yelling. It was the silent treatment. Worse and more effective than any amount of screaming or grounding. Taught me the meaning of "behave".

I do nearly the identical thing with my bird! It works like a hot damn. He used to go into the ashtrays and try to chew the butts. I told him NO very sternly a few times, now he never goes near the ashtrays. I don't say it gently, either. The problem is now he mimics me saying NO and will repeat it back to me in a defiant little manner. It's kinda funny, arguing with a parrot! That's one argument you will NEVER win, haha.

I don't believe in spanking either, as it can quickly escalate into abuse. My mother used to beat me for the stupidest shit when I was little, and I was a really good, quiet kid. I think that this gentle discipline thing is a crock of shit, too. There has to be something in the middle that works. Take away privileges, ground them, tell them "NO" in a firm, loud voice when they do shit that's bad. And God forbid, don't reward them with a hug and affection after they've been a little shit! That's the worst thing you can do...reward bad behavior.

Yeah kindve like the "time out bottle" (old thread on here) giving the kid a pretty glittery bottle as "punishment"

My parents would smack me on the upper leg (not hard) and get me away from whatever I was doing and THEN explain WHY I was smacked... and when I understood what I had done wrong.. I got 'the corner' or 'my room' part of the punishment. Must have worked. I seem to remember being a child who had a respect for my parents and did not want to have them upset with how I was acting. So,.. I behaved.

OH HORSESHIT!!!

When my mom or dad spanked me for doing something wrong, I learned very quickly NOT to do it again! This who fuckedupery about not spanking is HORSESHIT.

Nothing grabs a brat's attention like a good, well-executed smack to the bottom once or more. You have their attention and then it's teaching time.

And a big "up your ass with a red hot poker" to the assholes who did that study!

As a normal, functioning member of society, I'm sure glad I was spanked when needed

My parents were not big spankers, but they'd pull it out when all other attempts at communication failed. It was usually one or hard swats across the butt, kind of a "hey! you're not listening! you crossed the damn line!". The spank itself was not the punishment...we still had to knock off the bad behavior/clean up the mess/follow directions/whatever other thing we were blowing off. They were also smart enough to know when we were too big to spank.

I do agree that kids need to talk through what they did wrong, anything contributing to it, etc...once they are fucking old enough for logic. Little tiny kids don't get it and talking with them is pointless. Plunk them in the timeout corner (so you don't kill them). Incidentally, this is why I don't work with really small children. I'd kill them, each and every time.

I agree with creativelycf...this could work along with actual punishment/consequences.

Firstly, it's been a long two days without internet!!! .... But I have managed to unpack my new place and get comfortable - Go me!

@Randomcfchick Yes, as long as the punishment is explained and carried out. I got smacked as a last resort, if I continued to do what I wasn't supposed to be doing or if it was warranted if it was something pretty bad. I must say, overall I wasn't a bad kid because I knew what would happen if I got myself into trouble.

If I was smacked, it was always followed up with some sort of punishment, depending on what it was for. This could be sent to my room without supper, have to clean up a mess etc. It was also explained as to why I was being punished and made sure that I understood my actions have consequences. I was never just put in a 'time out' or if I had things taken away, I had to earn them back. Talking back also got my as whooped again with a hand or a wooden spoon.


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They are having children for selfish and narcissistic reasons, or are simply irresponsible. Funny... Those are the terms often used to describe the CF

~Live, Laugh, Love~