Dear Prudence:childbirth turned me into a saggy grocery bag. Why didn't someone tell me!

Seriously? Really? The bint is shocked that this happened and professes ignorance?

And what did her husband actually say to her when she "practically had to force" him to admit there is a difference that now designates him as a jerk? It sounds like he might have been trying to be kind about her turning into a loosey goosey up to the moment she likely nagged the truth from him.

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Two months ago, my husband and I had our first baby. It’s exhausting and wonderful, but here’s the problem. I notice that sex doesn’t feel the same. I’ve gotten “looser,” and I practically had to force my husband to admit that he notices a difference, too. This is devastating. My entire life I never enjoyed sex, until I met my husband. Our sex life was amazing, and I finally felt what everyone was talking about. Now, it just feels like nothing. When I talk to my friends, they call him a jerk and say that he should “appreciate” that I made him a daughter. My doctors, too, seem to blame my husband for saying something so awful, but no one actually admits that childbirth does stretch you out. It’s not a matter of emotions or “understanding.” Friction is friction. 1) What do we do? I want our sex life back. 2) Why do no mothers/doctors talk about the effects of birth on the vagina? 3) Why does everyone blame the husband? Please help.

—Childbirth Ruined Sex

If you tell your doctor you have concerns about your sex life after childbirth and their response is to say your husband is a jerk, you should find a different doctor. I am not qualified to tell you the long- and short-term effects of childbirth on your body, or whether Kegels or various medical treatments would be more helpful. But your doctor(s) are. As long as you are making clear that this issue is important to you, not just him (you are, aren’t you?). Two months is not that long for your body to have recovered from something as physically traumatic as childbirth. What I am qualified to do is advise you to find a better gynecologist, one who listens to you and takes your concerns seriously.

For fuck's sake, what did she think was going to happen?! She could have said, "Two months ago, my husband and I built a bonfire. It was wonderful, but here's the problem. I notice that, after sticking my hand into the fire, I'm in pain and have these awful burns." Both actions have equally obvious outcomes. Yet another reason why people should have to take an IQ test before they're allowed to breed.

Yah, I don't need my husband to put on one of my socks, wear it for a week, to know that it will be hopelessly stretched out and ruined. It is amazing how stupid people are.

If she knows there is a difference, of course he will. Moron.

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Shrieking babbies are the most effective birth control on earth.

Force a bowling ball through a keyhole and let me know the result.

I think I was under 18 the first time I heard the hotdog in a cave analogy to describe sex post-baby. Have heard it hundreds if not thousands of times since. Have heard men complain about it as well as women. Where has this bint been? At Sunnybrooke Farm?

We (CF people) see this all the time, though-- a few breeders complaining that they didn't know how awful things would be once they had kids. Their bodies, their finances, their lives in general. And most breeders still won't admit how much it sucks because of all the reasons we've discussed in this forum. They don't want to admit their children are mistakes, and need to convince themselves It's All Worth It. Couple their reluctance to admit their mistakes with other people's inability to deviate from the life script, and you wind up with more "why didn't anyone tell me" whining.

She will be trying for #2 within a year, because nothing pushes away that feeling of regret quite like claiming it's what you meant to do, as evidenced by doing it again.

"She will be trying for #2 within a year, because nothing pushes away that feeling of regret quite like claiming it's what you meant to do, as evidenced by doing it again."

You know, that is so true. I used to be perplexed by the breeders who clearly didn't like what they'd done but did it again, but that makes perfect (if incredibly stupid) sense.

I recall someone saying their 15 year old VW 4 on the floor "shifted like it had 12 kids". I was 21.

Wow, it sounds like she was pretty harsh on her husband about it:

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stretched-out moo
I notice that sex doesn’t feel the same. I’ve gotten “looser,” and I practically had to force my husband to admit that he notices a difference, too. This is devastating. My entire life I never enjoyed sex, until I met my husband. Our sex life was amazing, and I finally felt what everyone was talking about. Now, it just feels like nothing. When I talk to my friends, they call him a jerk and say that he should “appreciate” that I made him a daughter.

It sounds to me like the husband was trying to be thoughtful and just not mention how conditions had changed down there. Then she badgers and badgers him until he admits that yeah, he can feel a difference. Don't ask questions if you can't bear the answers, especially when it comes to bodily things that're no longer in your control. What a bitch. And her friends sound just as bad, painting the husband to be the bad guy!

Time and gravity get us all in the end, I know. But damn...I am glad this one problem that will never be mine.

The idiot admits she forced her husband to say sex felt different and then she gets butthurt when he tells her what she wants to hear. It's like the women who badger their men with the question, "Do I look fat in this?" and any answer the guy gives them is the wrong one. Don't ask if you aren't prepared to hear the truth! It's absolutely no fucking secret that sex feels different when a woman gives birth vaginally, and by "different," I mean neither party feels anything. If they wanted to maintain their sex life, they should have either not bred (because nobody's gonna be in the mood to fuck when the loaf is screaming and puking every 15 seconds) or Moo should have had a C-section so her vag would remain intact. I'm shocked that her doctor didn't discuss the changes her body would go through before, during and after childbirth too - either she had a shitty doctor, or she just chose to ignore the parts where prenatal and postnatal damage was discussed because it won't happen to her!

You're not getting your sex life back, Moo. Better go buy yourself a 2-liter bottle of soda because that's the only thing that'll be big enough to pleasure your gaping hole now. I guarantee Duh won't want to even bother with sex anymore because he probably can't feel anything either and then Moo will blame him for the lack of sensation. They'll probably fuck again eventually, conceive another loaf and then Duh will start having an affair with someone whose vagina is intact.

I might suggest doing anal, but Moo probably has a vasshole, so that's no good. Maybe she can stick a Fleshlight into her cooch for Duh to fuck so at least one of them is getting some pleasure, and who knows, maybe Moo will feel a little something too since Fleshlight casing is usually slightly ridged. I will never understand people who throw away a perfectly satisfying sex life for a goddamn brat. No kid is worth the complete loss of good fucking; you get a parent drunk enough and they'll tell you some honest shit about the sex they're not having. Sober, they'd never admit the truth.

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Cambion
The idiot admits she forced her husband to say sex felt different and then she gets butthurt when he tells her what she wants to hear. It's like the women who badger their men with the question, "Do I look fat in this?" and any answer the guy gives them is the wrong one. Don't ask if you aren't prepared to hear the truth!

When I read it, this was the first thing that entered my mind.
You should never ask a man questions like "Do you still love me?"
"Do I look fat?" Those questions only show that you are an insecure and needy person.

Dear Prudence, my vagina is like snake sack after birth
http://www.aaanimalcontrol.com/blog/snake-sack.html

I always am amazed that 'nobody told me'. they don't want to listen.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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Cambion
It's absolutely no fucking secret that sex feels different when a woman gives birth vaginally, and by "different," I mean neither party feels anything. If they wanted to maintain their sex life, they should have either not bred (because nobody's gonna be in the mood to fuck when the loaf is screaming and puking every 15 seconds) or Moo should have had a C-section so her vag would remain intact.

About the C-section part. I read a blog recently about a mother having a C-section so her vag would stay tight and intact for sex. After her stomach region was all healed, her and her hubby tried to have sex but it was very painful because he couldn't fit into her and she's all "WTF It feels like my vaginal canal shrank!" She cried a lot because she expected sex after healing from a C-section to be way more comfortable than what she imagined sex after healing from giving birth vaginally would be like.
Here's the blog: http://www.scarymommy.com/painful-sex-after-pregnancy/

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beezle

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Cambion
It's absolutely no fucking secret that sex feels different when a woman gives birth vaginally, and by "different," I mean neither party feels anything. If they wanted to maintain their sex life, they should have either not bred (because nobody's gonna be in the mood to fuck when the loaf is screaming and puking every 15 seconds) or Moo should have had a C-section so her vag would remain intact.

About the C-section part. I read a blog recently about a mother having a C-section so her vag would stay tight and intact for sex. After her stomach region was all healed, her and her hubby tried to have sex but it was very painful because he couldn't fit into her and she's all "WTF It feels like my vaginal canal shrank!" She cried a lot because she expected sex after healing from a C-section to be way more comfortable than what she imagined sex after healing from giving birth vaginally would be like.
Here's the blog: http://www.scarymommy.com/painful-sex-after-pregnancy/

Think her vag may be trying to tell her something .... No more kids regardless of how they are delivered!

The truth is that most of women lie about what childbirth has done to their vaginas. Of course, there is internet and the mommy forums but maybe a person would believe if you told the truth to their face instead of reading from the internet?

From my own experience i can tell you that whenever i heard women talking about the horrors of childbirth and i happened to be around to hear the discussion, they always started backpedalling once they noticed me.

The information was very scarce back then when i was a child but i used my logic to realize that passing a bowling ball through a keyhole (@cassia: that was a funny one) won't be without serious consequences.

Oh, gawd, why did you even need to be told? My powers of observation were acute enough at an early enough age that even little ol' me could see the whole thing was scam and would, yes indeed, ruin one's formerly pristine body. I didn't even have the internet, but you did. Are you seriously suggesting you didn't google ANY of this? Or did you just concentrate on the goo-goo gaa-gaa cutesy factor and figured that the aftermath couldn't be THAT bad, right?

Look, lady, it's done, over, finis. Unless you have some surgery to tighten that twat up and do NOT abuse it again, maybe you can get some of that great sex back. Yeah, it may very well take that level of intrusiveness and expense. But if you value your relationship - all of it - with your husband, then you two probably better be on the same page about what should be your only child ever. And do your part in educating other women, too, now that you know the truth. Don't just sit on the sidelines thinking well, hey, misery loves company. Tell them how bad it can be. They may do something stupid anyway, but at least they can't say they weren't warned in all it's gory, glorious detail.