My husband isnt %100 CF

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ihave3cats
To clear the air, when I said he's not a catch I meant that to most people he's not ideal. I married him because he completes me and I complete him.

Mr. kittehpeoples and I complement each other well. He would not be ideal for a lot of women, though mostly only because he is staunchly anti-breeding. I would not be a catch for MOST people, for a huge number of reasons, but whenever I try to feel sorry for him being stuck with me, he quotes Super Chicken at me ("I knew the job was dangerous when I took it, Fred"). We're goofy in the same ways, and share some similar damage. It works for us but likely wouldn't work for anybody else (especially in my case-- he could find someone else a lot more easily than I).

As for your original question, we got the CF thing out of the way the night we decided we were dating (we'd been socializing, but hadn't yet decided if it was "official" yet). Once we made that decision-- yes, we're dating-- I laid out exactly what I was looking for in a relationship. It lined up precisely with what he was looking for, and we've been together since. Neither of us has ever looked back or had doubts about the kid issue.

Well that's cool it's not something you have disagreements about. Lord knows married couples find plenty of things to argue about.

Original question; Does anyone get bingoed by your spouse?

Yes, I was bingoed by a former spouse who turned wannabreed and cheater. My stance should have been clear as I had a tubal ligation prior to marriage. And I fixed that problem by getting a divorce.

I would advise you to read the "Epic Threads" topic. In fact before you join a forum,it's always a good idea to look at existing threads to get a feel for the place.

There are plenty of other places on the web that will advise you to "work it out" and "compromise." This isn't one of those places and we generally take a dim view of anyone who changes their mind (either way) after marriage or marries someone thinking they will change because seriously? this is a decision to bring another person to this Earth and it's not trivial.

The problem with being with someone who is isn't 100% CF is that you can't have 10% of parenthood. (Or maybe you can, and it's called birthing children and foisting them on someone else, which = being just another miserable loser of a parent.)

It's down to him joking about it now. He even admits he's glad we don't have kids sometimes when we talk about our newest cat who's really smart and energetic and compare it to an easy version of having a toddler. He pushes our buttons enough without providing him diapers and babysitters.

i hope you have reliable birth control that your husband doesn't have access to.

I might get blasted for this, but my partner of 12 years isn't 100% CF either. I know, I know. But she says she's happy either way...with kids or without. We're well into our 30s so there's not a ton of time for her to change her mind about giving birth to one anyway. (She works with some of THEE most dysfunctional, disadvantaged kids in this region so she gets her fill of brat-induced stress and insanity at work). We both have reproductive disorders that might make pregnancy hard or impossible, so she's resigned herself to not having kids on that level too.

In general, she has a different attitude towards babies and kids than I do. She ADORES her sister's child and loves when her co-worker brings her newborn to the office for the day (gag!). But she also hates badly behaved kids and serene places being overrun with kids. We've had the "kids or no kids" talk too many times to count and I've made my desires crystal clear. She claims to be fine with things like they are. I've also made my fears apparent, i.e. 'you'll leave me for someone who wants kids someday, I just know it!' She swears that's not happenin' so I have no choice but to take her at her word while remaining vigilant.

In exchange for her not having kids, I've agreed to let her buy an RV and go traveling around the country with her in it upon retirement. Not my idea of a good time but it's a helluva good tradeoff for not sprogging IMO.

Nope. Mr. S is as childfree as me, his mind is made up like mine is and our relationship is awesome.

And we have plenty of time to nurture that relationship.

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hana
I hate the carry on the family name bullshit. I got that from Takeo's family when we got married. I made it clear I'm Childfree and Takeo knew it when we started dating. If breeding was important to him, he would've married one of the many single moos or wannabreeds that threw themselves at him when he moved to DC.

There's a county named for his family, think they'll be remembered.

Coming in waaay late to the board. Traveling is fun, but internet access is limited.

Anyway ... I'm a genealogy nerd. Love the research, the detective work, the hours/days/weeks spent tracking branches of my tree. What I learned: within three generations, a person is pretty much forgotten. And the "family name" crap? Unless the person can go back hundreds of years, lining up sons of sons of sons, at some point the surname changed.

I have discovered many illustrious folks in my branching tree. They distinguished their selves in military campaigns, in education, in politics .. and the history was lost less than a hundred years after they died. If Dh and I ever caught crap for not adding to the begets, I know one or both of us would *shrug* and say "I lead a happy life for myself, but not one that is important to anyone else, never mind being so illustrious that I need to breed more begets."

Run for the hills girl! Don't let anybody who isn't 100% CF drag you down with all that bingo stuff.

If he bingos you... he doesn't respect your choice.
If he doesn't respect your choice... that's not good for the relationship.
You need to have a sit-down with him and make it clear that this is your choice, and having to tolerate him not respecting your choice is harmful to the relationship.
He needs to either support your choice as his spouse.

Yeah, bingos are not acceptable from a partner. Not one you're serious about anyway. Bingos are a sure sign that a person thinks parenthood is the only/best lifestyle, and they're willing to make you feel shitty to get that point across. Nope times infinity.

My husband has never bingoed me, not even once. And if he did, he'd get his ears burned off with my anger for flip flopping. If this was serious, I'd show him the door because I REFUSE to have kids.

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Shrieking babbies are the most effective birth control on earth.

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trance formation usa
In exchange for her not having kids, I've agreed to let her buy an RV and go traveling around the country with her in it upon retirement. Not my idea of a good time but it's a helluva good tradeoff for not sprogging IMO.

Tangent: I'd buy one pre-retirement and start getting used to it. And don't go into it like you'll be entering a utopian life. It takes BIG adjustments to spend weeks at a time in a home-type that is actually a lot of work.

Not to mention: you'll have encounters with brats that will be more epic than you've experienced in ordinary life, especially when school is out and the parunts and their crack monkeys hit the campgrounds.

Proof of how bad it can be? My Dh complained about the kids. He had always been more tolerant about the varmints than me (living two doors down from a sibling who had 5 kids, Dh developed a deaf button to tune out the cacophony), but even he was highly irritated at how the brats acted and the way the parunts ignored them.

It's a life Dh and I would still choose, but these beginnings have necessitated a lot of adjustments - not easy when you are in your 50s and 60s. I recommend a slow transition period before you hit the road for long jaunts.