Dear Husband: I'm Not The Person You Married

SAHMoo is complaining like she's the chief of NORAD preventing a nuclear exchange. Bitch, you have noses to wipe and toilets to scrub, that's it. An illegal immigrant could do your work with less complaining and still make time for a hand job at day's end.

http://www.parent.co/dear-husband-im-not-the-person-you-married/

Dear Husband,

I am sorry.

I’m sorry that you’ve been neglected for the last four-and-a-half years. I’m sorry that your needs are secondary. I assure you, you are still one of my top priorities – you just aren’t on the top of the list anymore.

I know that you have needs, wants, dreams, and desires. When I tell you that I want to be the one you lean on, I mean it. I know yo2u are tired of my excuses of being tired, having a headache, or am already snoring when you snuggle up next to me. Trust me, I wish I had the energy I had five years ago. Hell I wish I had the energy I had two weeks ago when I washed, folded, and actually put away all 10 loads of laundry. Of course, you didn’t see that because I was letting you get some much needed sleep.

I know that some days it feels like we have a business partnership. And you’re right. Some days – even weeks – feel that way. Know that I want better for our marriage, for us. Because together, we are damn1 good.

The problem is, my life, my brain, and my body are so wrapped up in being a mother to those little boys who look exactly like you. Even after they’re sound asleep and we’re sitting on the couch watching a movie, my brain is still in mother mode.

I’m thinking about tomorrow; I’m thinking about 10 years from now. I’m wondering if you have work clothes for tomorrow. I’m worried about money, milestones, and milk. Do we have enough milk? I can’t turn off being a mom. It is who I am now. And it is physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting.

I don’t want you to think you aren’t as important as you once were. I couldn’t live this life without you and I wouldn’t want to, either. But the simple fact is, you’re an adult and you can do things for yourself. You can vote, so you can make your own lunch. You are legally able to drive a car, so you can figure out how to make a doctor’s appointment.

When you come home from work you, unfortunately, are getting the worst version of me. I gave our children the best. A little secret: sometimes, some days, there just isn’t a best version of me. There just isn’t.

I can’t worry about your health, the boys’ health, the pet’s health, and my health. Who do you think gets ignored? It’s not you. It’s not our children or our pets. When I say I don’t feel well, when I say I haven’t been sleeping, it’s because I haven’t been taking care of me.

Yes, you tell me to go to the doctor, to eat better, to drink more water, but I am my very last priority. I know I need to change that and I’m not complaining. I’m explaining that when something has to give, because no one person can do it all, I am the thing that gives.

I’m worried about your sleep apnea, your allergies, your knee spasms. I am worried about the rash Alex has, and the snotty nose that Ben suddenly started with. I am concerned about our dog’s ears and what it’s going to cost to take her to the vet.

While I’m thinking about it, I’m worried that the fish have too much algae in their tank and the water needs to be changed. I’ll just add that to the never-ending list of things I will feel guilty about when I am trying to sleep tonight. None of this your fault. I am not blaming you, or wishing you were any different.

You do extraordinary things for our family. You work harder than any person I know. You care more about everyone, including me, than any other human I have ever met. I love you a little more each time I see you help someone knowing you will never get anything in return. You are the kindest, most loving father to our children. There is a reason they cry when you leave for work. Yes, it stings a little but knowing that you are their role model in life fills me with love and pride.1

I am not the person you married 11 years ago. I have changed and evolved into a wife, mother, friend, and keeper of all schedules. I am a party planner and a personal shopper. I am a chef specializing in chicken nuggets and pasta. I am a housekeeper that can’t keep a house. I am the cheerleader and the librarian. I am the night and the day nurse.

I wouldn’t change any of it. I don’t want any other life. I love you and I love the life that we created. But I am not the spontaneous, beer drinking, sexy bad girl you met way back when. I am a mother. And it is all of me.

Love Always,

Your Wife

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

What a gem

I would say the first thing she should really worry about
is that she will become a single moo very soon.

This comment is very motivating:

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Husbands can't come first. Husbands are adults. Children are FUTURE adults, which is why it's essential they be put first.
A good man understands he will step down in rank once his children are born. Only a naive or negligent man would expect
to remain first after having a child. Husbands can figure their own shit out. We didn't marry them to raise them.
However, children need full-time well-rounded raising. That's why women's attention shifts. It's why I sometimes go to bed having hardly eaten,
not exercised or taken vitamins, and not even bathed. If I brush my teeth, it's a good day. Being a mom means exhausting your physical,
mental and emotional resources in order to make the life of a new person as wonderful as your mother made it for you.
A good husband will do the same, to the extent he is capable.

I can tell you, if I were a fence-sitter, this would definitely convince me to breed // irony off

Well, she had time to write that long letter.... didn't she? That would have been plenty of time for a good 'roll in the hay'. A little time budgeting there lady. That would help.

I wonder if she'd willingly martyr herself for two daughters instead of "two sons who look exactly like [her husband]" Just food for thought.

One job, cow. You have one job with no boss or performance metrics to meet. Nobody dies if the socks aren't washed.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

something tells me she was never a "beer drinking sexy bad girl," more likely she was always a complaining martyr who drank a wine cooler and had sex missionary style with the lights off who wanted to be a mombie so she could stay at home all day and do....nothing. if she is feeding her kids chicken nuggets, not bathing, or exercising, or cleaning, then what they fuck is she doing all day?

She sounds a little OCD and anxiety prone like a lot of SAHmoos today. They get so worried about doing everything "right" (or like every other fake-perfect moo on Facebook) that they actually end up making more problems, making excuses or complaining. Just do your work, moo - like SAHMoos always have, it's actually easier now more than ever. You can order things online instead of having to go out to the store all the time. You don't have to cook from scratch. You don't have to sew. So make your husband's doctors appointment, it takes a few minutes. Yesterday I did that for my SO, called the insurance company, then called the doctor, then called the medical supply company - while I was working on two other projects - big deal.

She is also being a poor role model for those kids if she doesn't bathe or brush her teeth. Since my mother stayed at home for much of my childhood, I know first hand what the job entails and how it can be done. Believe me, she did her hair and makeup, cooked and cleaned and also helped dad in his business. I can't grasp what is wrong with these modern moos that they can't get shit done.

[color=#003399

There is a reason they cry when you leave for work. Yes, it stings a little but knowing that you are their role model in life fills me with love and pride.1 [/color][/quote]

She sounds jealous here.

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Miss_Hannigan
. I am not the person you married 11 years ago. I have changed and evolved into a wife, mother, friend, and keeper of all schedules. I am a party planner and a personal shopper. I am a chef specializing in chicken nuggets and pasta. I am a housekeeper that can’t keep a house. I am the cheerleader and the librarian. I am the night and the day nurse

I am not the person you married 11 years ago. I have changed and devolved into a lazy stay at home mom. I spend time planning parties for my kids, so I can live vicariously through them and fill the void in my life. I call myself a personal shopper because I need to convince myself I am doing something important, never mind that functioning adults everywhere buy groceries with ease. I call myself a chef because i need to convince myself that my existence is as satisfying as a CFers, never mind that I have never gone to culinary school, or that I reheat frozen nuggets and canned spaghetti. I call myself a "housekeeper who can't keep house" because I know cleaning is part of being an adult, but I don't like to clean, so I will say I was too busy making PB&Js or picking up toys from the floor {because teaching the kids to do it.is mean}. I call myself a cheerleader because I want to pretend to have been successful in high school, or perhaps I peaked in highschool and I miss it, never mind that cheerleading is basically meaningless in the real world. I call myself a nurse because I want to believe that I am absolutely essential to society, never mind that my words are echoed by facebook mawms everywhere, or that bacteria.reproduce too. #TMIJITW

Let's see. I keep my dwelling clean, cook healthy meals from scratch, do my laundry, and work full-time. I'm still waiting for my medal.

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blondie
I can't grasp what is wrong with these modern moos that they can't get shit done.

Well, Facebook, Instagram and mommy blog has to be updated to show other what perfect life they have.

I'll lay even odds that duh is banging co-worker.

or he will end up banging a co worker.
more likely, when the kiddos reach 18 (provided he is still there) he will be gone.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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Husbands can't come first. Husbands are adults. Children are FUTURE adults

Husbands are adults, that's why they come above mere future adults.

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yurble
Let's see. I keep my dwelling clean, cook healthy meals from scratch, do my laundry, and work full-time. I'm still waiting for my medal.

I agree with this logic, you don't hear working (That includes people who work from home) people complain like sahmoos.

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yurble
Let's see. I keep my dwelling clean, cook healthy meals from scratch, do my laundry, and work full-time. I'm still waiting for my medal.

If she omitted the things all adults do then it would her look like she does very little, which is the reality. Why does she worry about so much stuff instead of working through the problems and letting the things she can't do anything about go? Why do moos feel the need to greatly exaggerate their titles? Just because you vote in a national election doesn't make you a member of congress!

Just because a spouse is an adult doesn't mean they should be completely neglected in favor of the kids. That's why so many childed marriages go down in flames. The spouse was number one on your charts before the bastards came along, and most guys are hurt when they get bumped down to the very bottom of the priority list, right under "clip toenails." This is why a lot of guys get action on the side, but not necessarily just for sex - some just want to feel loved and wanted, and since their wives blow all their love and want on the fuckin' kids, the husbands feel abandoned. I can't imagine how awful that must feel when you sleep in the same bed.

Moos make it sound like it's no big deal and that their husbands need to just man up and deal with being completely ignored by the women they married for the distinct reason that those women paid attention to them and loved them. I think most guys understand that their wives will change over time because people in general change over time, but the transition to Moohood is usually too fast and too drastic of a change. And then she bitches about how she's the one who gets neglected and goes without - basically, look at all the sacrifices she makes for you ungrateful assholes! You don't need to neglect yourself that much because of your kids, and I also can't help but wonder what the hell she does all fuckin' day if she's not showering, brushing her teeth, doing laundry or anything else but chasing after the kids. I assume she's a SAHM, and if her kids are preventing her from maintaining basic hygiene and self-care, perhaps she should re-evaluate how she's raising them.

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freya
Why do moos feel the need to greatly exaggerate their titles?

It's so they can feel super-important when they know that their "job" is the most boring, soul-sucking thing in the world. Right around Mother's Day every year, there are articles published about how much money SAHMs should make based on the numerous "job titles" they hold: they can microwave chicken nuggets (chef), they take the kids to soccer practice (chauffeur), they put a band-aid on a scratch (nurse), they put a new pillow on their kid's bed (interior decorator), and so on. Denial is the breeder's very best friend and I think it keeps a majority of them from murdering their families.

I'd really love to hear the husband's side of the story. I imagine it's vastly different from Moo's version. I also guarantee that if Duh isn't humping someone else already, he will be very soon. People can only go so long without affection or attention before they just go find it outside the house. If Moo thinks that brats and vows will keep Duh's cock in his pants for the next several decades, she's gonna be in for a big, unpleasant surprise.

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bookworm
I'll lay even odds that duh is banging co-worker.

Is the world really full of people who want to bang their married dad-bod co-workers? I've had co-workers hit on me, but only once did I think of accepting, and he was cute, single, and unchilded.

If these duhs are finding people to cheat with, my guess is that it's a co-worker's spouse who is not so different from his own wife. At least in the 70s with those parties with keys in a bowl, everyone knew what they were getting into.

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freya

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yurble
Let's see. I keep my dwelling clean, cook healthy meals from scratch, do my laundry, and work full-time. I'm still waiting for my medal.

If she omitted the things all adults do then it would her look like she does very little, which is the reality. Why does she worry about so much stuff instead of working through the problems and letting the things she can't do anything about go? Why do moos feel the need to greatly exaggerate their titles? Just because you vote in a national election doesn't make you a member of congress!

Granted, she's probably doing a lot more laundry than I am, and a lot more house cleaning, because more people means more work. But that is what she decided she wanted! I don't care for cleaning, so I have my life arranged so that minimal cleaning is required. In the past I've paid others to do the cleaning for me.

You don't get to do something optional and then complain about it. I can see why someone who is stuck working fast food might complain about the smell of grease. But someone pursuing her or his dream job should not bitch much about the few bad aspects of the job. When you choose to have kids and you choose to stay at home with them, the complaints should be minimal, and reserved for out-of-the-ordinary situations. If the day-to-day grinds you down, why did you opt for it?

So... if humans cease to matter once they've made new humans, then how can we possibly expect new humans from the Special Sneauxflake generation? What a fascinating conundrum: Having chyldrun is the most important thing I can ever, ever do, and, Oh! I must pass on my magical, special genes... but I will cease to matter once I've reproduced, and I know for a fact that I'm the most importantest person who ever existed...!!! [Cue: assorted head explosions, perhaps in the style of the restraint-collar boom-booms in Schwarzenegger's The Running Man.]

I mean, why don't breeders ever discuss this up front? Honey, you know you're A-number-one on my list right now, but just be prepared: I will kick you to the curb once Bratleigh comes along. You do understand that that's the Natural Order of Things, right...? Umm... where are you going, honey...? Honey--?!?

Just wait until her hubby leaves her for another woman.

Dear Husband,
I don’t want you to think you aren’t as important as you once were. I couldn’t live this life without you and I wouldn’t want to, either. But the simple fact is, you’re an adult and you can do things for yourself. You can vote, so you can make your own lunch. You are legally able to drive a car, so you can figure out how to make a doctor’s appointment.[/quote]

These sentences imply that before kids, it was always her who made lunch and it was her who made the doctor's appointments for him. I bet she always did the washing, cleaning, ironing and all the stuff that two married adults usually share between them. I never understood these unequal relationships before, but now it suddenly dawned on me. These wannabe moos use their husbands as a substitute for a kid... they treat them like children, pamper them, do everything fort them short of feeding them with a spoon, etc., and when they give birth to an actual child, hubby is suddenly thrown away like so many poor dogs and cats when baybee arrives. Since I never had a boyfriend who wouldn't have felt uncomfortable if I ever did this to him, I suppose these babied men were raised by moos like her and were looking for a substitute moo. Fucking sick, IMO.

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tea princess
Dear Husband,
I don’t want you to think you aren’t as important as you once were. I couldn’t live this life without you and I wouldn’t want to, either. But the simple fact is, you’re an adult and you can do things for yourself. You can vote, so you can make your own lunch. You are legally able to drive a car, so you can figure out how to make a doctor’s appointment.

These sentences imply that before kids, it was always her who made lunch and it was her who made the doctor's appointments for him. I bet she always did the washing, cleaning, ironing and all the stuff that two married adults usually share between them. I never understood these unequal relationships before, but now it suddenly dawned on me. These wannabe moos use their husbands as a substitute for a kid... they treat them like children, pamper them, do everything fort them short of feeding them with a spoon, etc., and when they give birth to an actual child, hubby is suddenly thrown away like so many poor dogs and cats when baybee arrives. Since I never had a boyfriend who wouldn't have felt uncomfortable if I ever did this to him, I suppose these babied men were raised by moos like her and were looking for a substitute moo. Fucking sick, IMO.[/quote]

I think it is more bait on the hook than subbing for kids. Look at me, I am the best girlfriend you can ever hope to get: I tend to the house, make gourmet meals, am a hellcat in the sack. Then she gets the ring, and it continues till the pee stick turns.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

The letter writer sounds like she's terrible at prioritizing. Kids do not have to be front and center in her concerns all the time...in fact, kids need to see some balance in family dynamics so they understand healthy relationships. Plus parents who take me-time and carve out time for hobbies and other self-care set good examples for their kids about boundaries, managing stress, communication, etc.

Marriages like this one keep escorts in business.

Her greatest resource is right under her nose, and she chooses to waste her time and energy whining instead of doing something about it.

She doesn't say how old the boys are, but she insinuates they're under 5. Let's say they're ambulatory for argument's sake. At this age, they're creating havoc, but what she can do is channel all of that crazy energy into things that will benefit her 'bizzy mawm' problems. She can turn simple chores into games for them to 'play' -- clean sock folding, carrying clean towels to the bathroom, etc -- with an achievement chart. Unlock achievements, win little prizes, praises and hugs. What do they learn? They learn from an early age that being part of a family means that everyone chips in. If she instills those values in them NOW, when they are so demanding of her attention, they'll carry that with them.

...But wait, that's too much work, she's too bizzy. Never mind...

Eww. Maybe if Dud shared some of the child-rearing responsibilities, he'd be as tired as you are. Or you'd be less tired. Or something.

Why do these women accept ALL of the household duties on top of all the childcare duties? Okay, if you don't have a job you should do the housework. But a child is a 50-50 endeavor belonging to both parents. Don't make a baby if you're expecting your partner to care for it alone.