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Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition
Posted by bell_flower
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Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 23, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
The topic about childfree role models made me think of Breeders who influenced me not to breed as I was growing up. Is it any wonder this would be the case? Mombies are some of the most miserable people I know. Some of them unintentionally provided a hellacious amount of validation for me.
1. My family lived in the same house throughout my elementary school years. The couple across the street had two older boys. (To their credit, the boys were good young men, polite and respectful.) Their dad reminded me of Jackie Gleason: big guy, pot belly, loud voice The mother was quiet and reserved. The mother made a point to speak to me often. She would often speak of how she was a secretary at a law firm in our town prior to marrying and having kids. (This was the 50's, where women were relegated to the pink collar, low paying occupations.)
At the time I was probably as interested as most kids, read: not very. But I was taught to be polite and to listen to adults and not talk myself. She spoke of how she 'gave it all up' to marry her husband and have her kids, and she made it a point to tell me she was known as being one of the best-dressed women in our town. She spoke wistfully of her former life and I didn't realize until later how it affected me. Although I liked her kids, I remember looking at her husband, who was named Mikey, and thinking that she made a bad deal.
2. One of my aunts was an aspiring ballerina. She was awarded a prestigious scholarship at a dance school in a major metropolitan city. She gave it all up to get married. (Many people don't remember that at one time it was a given that women who were married COULD. NOT. pursue anything anything in terms of a career, etc.) For example, it was common in the nursing profession. If a woman was in nursing school and got married and/or pregnant, she was terminated, a Fundie wet dream to be sure.)
I remember the family drama this caused and I also observed that she gave this up to marry a very unspectacular guy. Once she had her kids, she didn't seem very happy. They later divorced.
3. Good Lard, I have to add my ex MIL. I had a "starter marriage" when I was in my 20's. My ex MIL was an uber-Catholic Breeder and hit all the checkpoints: first kid at age 19, last one at age 43, pregnant at the same time as some of her kids. She would have continued until her parts fell out and they were hanging by a thread anyway when menopause mercifully took over. I heard all the time about her prolapsed uterus and various female disorders caused by rampant, unchecked breeding. It gave me great joy to know her son got a clandestine vasectomy while we were married, not that it stopped her from hounding me for grand brats at every family function, including when I had a cancer scare. (Because all womben want baybees. Bitch.)
She was a particularly dependent person. She didn't even drive, and her kids got to ferry her around once they were old enough. My FIL died before I was on the scene, but she canonized him and used to tell people they had a perfect marriage and she often CRIED when speaking about him and their Perfect LoveTM. She was a corporate wife and the family moved for his job constantly. (This is relevant to the story.)
Of course I was already firmly CF and I suspected she was batshit crazy, but one conversation sealed the deal. My ex and I had dinner with some friends of ours. The female had sprogged, but she was constantly bitching that her husband wasn't home (she was a SAHM) and how lonely she was due to his traveling for his job. MIL asked about our friends, and we told her some of this, just in passing conversation.
My MIL IMMEDIATELY launched into "but your friend needs to have another baybee because the kids will keep her company." We both looked at her like, WTF? She bent our ears with HORRIBLE tales of how she would often be in a strange town with no car, having had another baybee, and her husband was gone for WEEKS at time. She went on and on and on how lonely she had been. Tears were running down her face at the memory, but she continued to bitch and backpedal: I was so lonely and felt so horrible and isolated (crying) but her children were her Greatest Joy EvarTM and they kept her company. I don't think she even realized she was crying and how awful it really sounded, because of course she started urging us to have "joyful bundles" of our own.
We were both backing away and looking at each other like, WTF?
I later found out that her husband was a serial philanderer. He was away from home for weeks at a time because he wanted to be, and their marriage basically sucked.
These were just some of the people I remember who influenced me, probably not in the way they intended.
Share yours.
1. My family lived in the same house throughout my elementary school years. The couple across the street had two older boys. (To their credit, the boys were good young men, polite and respectful.) Their dad reminded me of Jackie Gleason: big guy, pot belly, loud voice The mother was quiet and reserved. The mother made a point to speak to me often. She would often speak of how she was a secretary at a law firm in our town prior to marrying and having kids. (This was the 50's, where women were relegated to the pink collar, low paying occupations.)
At the time I was probably as interested as most kids, read: not very. But I was taught to be polite and to listen to adults and not talk myself. She spoke of how she 'gave it all up' to marry her husband and have her kids, and she made it a point to tell me she was known as being one of the best-dressed women in our town. She spoke wistfully of her former life and I didn't realize until later how it affected me. Although I liked her kids, I remember looking at her husband, who was named Mikey, and thinking that she made a bad deal.
2. One of my aunts was an aspiring ballerina. She was awarded a prestigious scholarship at a dance school in a major metropolitan city. She gave it all up to get married. (Many people don't remember that at one time it was a given that women who were married COULD. NOT. pursue anything anything in terms of a career, etc.) For example, it was common in the nursing profession. If a woman was in nursing school and got married and/or pregnant, she was terminated, a Fundie wet dream to be sure.)
I remember the family drama this caused and I also observed that she gave this up to marry a very unspectacular guy. Once she had her kids, she didn't seem very happy. They later divorced.
3. Good Lard, I have to add my ex MIL. I had a "starter marriage" when I was in my 20's. My ex MIL was an uber-Catholic Breeder and hit all the checkpoints: first kid at age 19, last one at age 43, pregnant at the same time as some of her kids. She would have continued until her parts fell out and they were hanging by a thread anyway when menopause mercifully took over. I heard all the time about her prolapsed uterus and various female disorders caused by rampant, unchecked breeding. It gave me great joy to know her son got a clandestine vasectomy while we were married, not that it stopped her from hounding me for grand brats at every family function, including when I had a cancer scare. (Because all womben want baybees. Bitch.)
She was a particularly dependent person. She didn't even drive, and her kids got to ferry her around once they were old enough. My FIL died before I was on the scene, but she canonized him and used to tell people they had a perfect marriage and she often CRIED when speaking about him and their Perfect LoveTM. She was a corporate wife and the family moved for his job constantly. (This is relevant to the story.)
Of course I was already firmly CF and I suspected she was batshit crazy, but one conversation sealed the deal. My ex and I had dinner with some friends of ours. The female had sprogged, but she was constantly bitching that her husband wasn't home (she was a SAHM) and how lonely she was due to his traveling for his job. MIL asked about our friends, and we told her some of this, just in passing conversation.
My MIL IMMEDIATELY launched into "but your friend needs to have another baybee because the kids will keep her company." We both looked at her like, WTF? She bent our ears with HORRIBLE tales of how she would often be in a strange town with no car, having had another baybee, and her husband was gone for WEEKS at time. She went on and on and on how lonely she had been. Tears were running down her face at the memory, but she continued to bitch and backpedal: I was so lonely and felt so horrible and isolated (crying) but her children were her Greatest Joy EvarTM and they kept her company. I don't think she even realized she was crying and how awful it really sounded, because of course she started urging us to have "joyful bundles" of our own.
We were both backing away and looking at each other like, WTF?
I later found out that her husband was a serial philanderer. He was away from home for weeks at a time because he wanted to be, and their marriage basically sucked.
These were just some of the people I remember who influenced me, probably not in the way they intended.
Share yours.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 23, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 24, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 951 |
This is a very good topic.
1. My parunt's marriage.
2. When I lived at my grandfather's apartment (Eastern Europe), we had a family of five as neighbours.
The woman was a single moo who got married and produced two another myrakles
with her new Duh. Then the Duh *changed his mind*.
He told her that this is no life, too much responsibility and that he wants to live again.
He moved to his friend's apartment, start working a job with minimum salary (-> no alimony for moo).
She was on her own. She worked in a factory in shifts and grandmoo supervised the chyldrun.
She cried all the time, the chyldrun screamed that they are hungry,
the grandmoo tried to help her with her pension but it wasn't enough. The moo ended up
in debt and was moved by municipality to a social housing (i.e. she had to live in a building
with many gypsies and share bathroom with them).
3. My mother lives in a street where are many young families.
A lot of moos are divorced and they can only survive because their
parunts help them. They would be completely screwed without
the fambly support (money, babysitting, jobs through contacts..)
The married ones often argue with Duhs in public.
It seems to me that a woman who decides to have chyldrun
puts her life at stake.
She becomes more or less dependent on Duh because
very few women have such well paying jobs that they can
support themselves and multiple chyldrun without any issues.
When you do the math -
50% marriages end up in divorce and at least 25% marriages
that last are shitty (f.e. my parunts never divorced, it was "till death
us part" arrangement and I wouldn't wish their marriage on anyone),
the probability is very high that you as a woman will fuck up your
life irreversibly and irreparably by the simple act of calving.
Moos then say "I was all worth it" "I sacrificed everything for the chyldrun
so they have better life than I did"
because facing the the truth would be too harsh and too depressing.
1. My parunt's marriage.
2. When I lived at my grandfather's apartment (Eastern Europe), we had a family of five as neighbours.
The woman was a single moo who got married and produced two another myrakles
with her new Duh. Then the Duh *changed his mind*.
He told her that this is no life, too much responsibility and that he wants to live again.
He moved to his friend's apartment, start working a job with minimum salary (-> no alimony for moo).
She was on her own. She worked in a factory in shifts and grandmoo supervised the chyldrun.
She cried all the time, the chyldrun screamed that they are hungry,
the grandmoo tried to help her with her pension but it wasn't enough. The moo ended up
in debt and was moved by municipality to a social housing (i.e. she had to live in a building
with many gypsies and share bathroom with them).
3. My mother lives in a street where are many young families.
A lot of moos are divorced and they can only survive because their
parunts help them. They would be completely screwed without
the fambly support (money, babysitting, jobs through contacts..)
The married ones often argue with Duhs in public.
It seems to me that a woman who decides to have chyldrun
puts her life at stake.
She becomes more or less dependent on Duh because
very few women have such well paying jobs that they can
support themselves and multiple chyldrun without any issues.
When you do the math -
50% marriages end up in divorce and at least 25% marriages
that last are shitty (f.e. my parunts never divorced, it was "till death
us part" arrangement and I wouldn't wish their marriage on anyone),
the probability is very high that you as a woman will fuck up your
life irreversibly and irreparably by the simple act of calving.
Moos then say "I was all worth it" "I sacrificed everything for the chyldrun
so they have better life than I did"
because facing the the truth would be too harsh and too depressing.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 24, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 951 |
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 24, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
Quote
bell_flower
The topic about childfree role models made me think of Breeders who influenced me not to breed as I was growing up. Is it any wonder this would be the case? Mombies are some of the most miserable people I know. Some of them unintentionally provided a hellacious amount of validation for me.
1. My family lived in the same house throughout my elementary school years. The couple across the street had two older boys. (To their credit, the boys were good young men, polite and respectful.) Their dad reminded me of Jackie Gleason: big guy, pot belly, loud voice The mother was quiet and reserved. The mother made a point to speak to me often. She would often speak of how she was a secretary at a law firm in our town prior to marrying and having kids. (This was the 50's, where women were relegated to the pink collar, low paying occupations.)
At the time I was probably as interested as most kids, read: not very. But I was taught to be polite and to listen to adults and not talk myself. She spoke of how she 'gave it all up' to marry her husband and have her kids, and she made it a point to tell me she was known as being one of the best-dressed women in our town. She spoke wistfully of her former life and I didn't realize until later how it affected me. Although I liked her kids, I remember looking at her husband, who was named Mikey, and thinking that she made a bad deal.
2. One of my aunts was an aspiring ballerina. She was awarded a prestigious scholarship at a dance school in a major metropolitan city. She gave it all up to get married. (Many people don't remember that at one time it was a given that women who were married COULD. NOT. pursue anything anything in terms of a career, etc.) For example, it was common in the nursing profession. If a woman was in nursing school and got married and/or pregnant, she was terminated, a Fundie wet dream to be sure.)
I remember the family drama this caused and I also observed that she gave this up to marry a very unspectacular guy. Once she had her kids, she didn't seem very happy. They later divorced.
3. Good Lard, I have to add my ex MIL. I had a "starter marriage" when I was in my 20's. My ex MIL was an uber-Catholic Breeder and hit all the checkpoints: first kid at age 19, last one at age 43, pregnant at the same time as some of her kids. She would have continued until her parts fell out and they were hanging by a thread anyway when menopause mercifully took over. I heard all the time about her prolapsed uterus and various female disorders caused by rampant, unchecked breeding. It gave me great joy to know her son got a clandestine vasectomy while we were married, not that it stopped her from hounding me for grand brats at every family function, including when I had a cancer scare. (Because all womben want baybees. Bitch.)
She was a particularly dependent person. She didn't even drive, and her kids got to ferry her around once they were old enough. My FIL died before I was on the scene, but she canonized him and used to tell people they had a perfect marriage and she often CRIED when speaking about him and their Perfect LoveTM. She was a corporate wife and the family moved for his job constantly. (This is relevant to the story.)
Of course I was already firmly CF and I suspected she was batshit crazy, but one conversation sealed the deal. My ex and I had dinner with some friends of ours. The female had sprogged, but she was constantly bitching that her husband wasn't home (she was a SAHM) and how lonely she was due to his traveling for his job. MIL asked about our friends, and we told her some of this, just in passing conversation.
My MIL IMMEDIATELY launched into "but your friend needs to have another baybee because the kids will keep her company." We both looked at her like, WTF? She bent our ears with HORRIBLE tales of how she would often be in a strange town with no car, having had another baybee, and her husband was gone for WEEKS at time. She went on and on and on how lonely she had been. Tears were running down her face at the memory, but she continued to bitch and backpedal: I was so lonely and felt so horrible and isolated (crying) but her children were her Greatest Joy EvarTM and they kept her company. I don't think she even realized she was crying and how awful it really sounded, because of course she started urging us to have "joyful bundles" of our own.
We were both backing away and looking at each other like, WTF?
I later found out that her husband was a serial philanderer. He was away from home for weeks at a time because he wanted to be, and their marriage basically sucked.
These were just some of the people I remember who influenced me, probably not in the way they intended.
Share yours.
All three of these women got a raw deal. Not sure about the ex MIL (at such a young age it may have been too early to know) but the other two had so much promise to live terrific interesting lives and did for awhile. I don't know if it was better that they experienced the good pre-mombie days or not. Guess it leaves them with nostalgia if nothing else.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 24, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
Quote
mrs. chinaski
This is a very good topic.
1. My parunt's marriage.
2. When I lived at my grandfather's apartment (Eastern Europe), we had a family of five as neighbours.
The woman was a single moo who got married and produced two another myrakles
with her new Duh. Then the Duh *changed his mind*.
He told her that this is no life, too much responsibility and that he wants to live again.
He moved to his friend's apartment, start working a job with minimum salary (-> no alimony for moo).
She was on her own. She worked in a factory in shifts and grandmoo supervised the chyldrun.
She cried all the time, the chyldrun screamed that they are hungry,
the grandmoo tried to help her with her pension but it wasn't enough. The moo ended up
in debt and was moved by municipality to a social housing (i.e. she had to live in a building
with many gypsies and share bathroom with them).
3. My mother lives in a street where are many young families.
A lot of moos are divorced and they can only survive because their
parunts help them. They would be completely screwed without
the fambly support (money, babysitting, jobs through contacts..)
The married ones often argue with Duhs in public.
It seems to me that a woman who decides to have chyldrun
puts her life at stake.
She becomes more or less dependent on Duh because
very few women have such well paying jobs that they can
support themselves and multiple chyldrun without any issues.
When you do the math -
50% marriages end up in divorce and at least 25% marriages
that last are shitty (f.e. my parunts never divorced, it was "till death
us part" arrangement and I wouldn't wish their marriage on anyone),
the probability is very high that you as a woman will fuck up your
life irreversibly and irreparably by the simple act of calving.
Moos then say "I was all worth it" "I sacrificed everything for the chyldrun
so they have better life than I did"
because facing the the truth would be too harsh and too depressing.
The second one just sounds so sad, how could any wanna-moo read that and not make sure she could solely support any baybeez she brings into this world? One and three aren't good but the second one is heart-breaking. I feel for those poor suffering kids.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 25, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
1. A friend of mine started to face severe physical challenges at incredible monetary costs due to having kids. She raised the kids for 14 years, divorced and moved to another state. Told her ex it is now his turn to finish raising the kids. All but one have eventually moved in with her because they cannot stand him. She is unable to work at the age of 44. (Okay, I wasn't a kid when this happened)
2. Went to visit a co-worker at the hospital when I was 17. She was one of those rare honest types in the bible belt. She had just had a baby and while in the hospital bed told me to never have kids.
3. Watching my mother offer to buy some clothing for the youth minister's wife when I a kid. We all knew they were as poor as shit but the look of utter humiliation/anger/gratitude on this woman's face is something I could never forget. Still not sure why they seemed to not use birth control, think she had either 3 or 4 kids back to back.
4. Watching the pregnant moos at church as a kid. Since breeding was pushed and I was there every time the doors were open I saw a number of happy vibrant women turn into zombies overnight. They looked miserable. I saw so much of it that I got to the point where I could figure out which women just had baybeez because they all looked the same afterwards.
5. Saw a number of younger teachers at school prior to a pregnancy. After sluicing, they lost their luster. Just tired looking, miserable and zombies. They also seemed to lose their passion for teaching. One in particular started sighing at her bratty classroom of kids (we were in Jr. High) all the time. I think it may have been an almost involuntary reaction for her. Jr. High kids can smell tired worn out adults a mile away, aren't at particularly empathetic stage in life and it will change into a feeding frenzy on the poor teacher.
6. An older couple at the church I attended had serious baby rabies but were unable to conceive. Even as a teenager I was well-aware of this because both of them told EVERYONE repeatedly. Especially the woman. They were known as the saddest couple around and all the adults felt so sorry for them. Think they asked the church to pray for them to conceive numerous times. They finally adopted and pretty much shut up about kidz after that because they were no longer had any time or energy and were at advanced ages to parent in the first place. Because they had whined so much about not being able to conceive they had painted themselves in a corner and couldn't complain about preshuus once it was here.
(I never wanted kids but this convinced me having kids at an advanced age was an even dumber idea than I imagined).
7. There was a daycare installed in the church I attended as a kid at some point. One little girl was nearly 9 mos. old and looked like an infant. She weighed 10 lbs. at most and really stood out because the other kids in her nursery room were double her size or bigger. She also couldn't do the typical activities of her age group. The baby cried all the time because she was sad and she was way too small for her age. It was disturbing. The daycare workers gave her lots of attention but she was really neglected at home. (Okay, this one is about the baby but it was so disturbing!)
2. Went to visit a co-worker at the hospital when I was 17. She was one of those rare honest types in the bible belt. She had just had a baby and while in the hospital bed told me to never have kids.
3. Watching my mother offer to buy some clothing for the youth minister's wife when I a kid. We all knew they were as poor as shit but the look of utter humiliation/anger/gratitude on this woman's face is something I could never forget. Still not sure why they seemed to not use birth control, think she had either 3 or 4 kids back to back.
4. Watching the pregnant moos at church as a kid. Since breeding was pushed and I was there every time the doors were open I saw a number of happy vibrant women turn into zombies overnight. They looked miserable. I saw so much of it that I got to the point where I could figure out which women just had baybeez because they all looked the same afterwards.
5. Saw a number of younger teachers at school prior to a pregnancy. After sluicing, they lost their luster. Just tired looking, miserable and zombies. They also seemed to lose their passion for teaching. One in particular started sighing at her bratty classroom of kids (we were in Jr. High) all the time. I think it may have been an almost involuntary reaction for her. Jr. High kids can smell tired worn out adults a mile away, aren't at particularly empathetic stage in life and it will change into a feeding frenzy on the poor teacher.
6. An older couple at the church I attended had serious baby rabies but were unable to conceive. Even as a teenager I was well-aware of this because both of them told EVERYONE repeatedly. Especially the woman. They were known as the saddest couple around and all the adults felt so sorry for them. Think they asked the church to pray for them to conceive numerous times. They finally adopted and pretty much shut up about kidz after that because they were no longer had any time or energy and were at advanced ages to parent in the first place. Because they had whined so much about not being able to conceive they had painted themselves in a corner and couldn't complain about preshuus once it was here.
(I never wanted kids but this convinced me having kids at an advanced age was an even dumber idea than I imagined).
7. There was a daycare installed in the church I attended as a kid at some point. One little girl was nearly 9 mos. old and looked like an infant. She weighed 10 lbs. at most and really stood out because the other kids in her nursery room were double her size or bigger. She also couldn't do the typical activities of her age group. The baby cried all the time because she was sad and she was way too small for her age. It was disturbing. The daycare workers gave her lots of attention but she was really neglected at home. (Okay, this one is about the baby but it was so disturbing!)
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 25, 2016 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 353 |
1. My own moo when I was growing up. She was obviously miserable. In many ways she was over-involved and overprotective, but she clearly was not enjoying it. She constantly criticized me, had unpredictable mood swings, and was often irritable and bitchy for no apparent reason. Having to deal with this sucked big time, but it taught me very early that motherhood is not fun for everyone.
2. There was a family that lived next door for about a year when I was nine. I did not realize it at the time, but they were also a big influence on how I perceived parenthood. There were three of them: Duh, his biological daughter who was a few years younger than me, and Duh's second wife. Duh was a drunken, lazy, chronically angry slob who was always yelling at everyone. This had to be hard for the daughter, but still it was hard to sympathize because she was such a stupid bitchy brat. The wife was a very nice person who did a good job of taking care of the kid. The brat did not appreciate this and was always talking about how her real mother was better. This was the 70's when mothers almost never lost custody of their kids. If Drunken Duh was the better parent Real Moo must have done something incredibly bad.
Several times I heard the couple arguing while I was playing in my yard. She was trying to talk to him reasonably while he kept screaming at her to shut up. I don't know if Brat was there or staying at someone else's house. The wife quit her job and got pregnant, but had a miscarriage. That was actually a very good thing.
Several months after they moved away I heard the wife filed for divorce. I have tried to look her up on line but I can't find anything. I hope her life improved. Duh eventually got treatment for alcoholism, but died of cancer in his late 50s. Brat has a fucked up life that resembles a bad soap opera. At one point Real Moo tried to take custody of one of Brat's kids. Don't know how that turned out.
Seeing what went on in that family taught me never to marry a man with kids. It also taught me that being nice to your kids is no guarantee they will appreciate you. I liked her because she was a lot nicer than my mom, so I don't know why her own stepdaughter could not be grateful for the one sane adult she had in her life.
Families........aren't they just wonderful
2. There was a family that lived next door for about a year when I was nine. I did not realize it at the time, but they were also a big influence on how I perceived parenthood. There were three of them: Duh, his biological daughter who was a few years younger than me, and Duh's second wife. Duh was a drunken, lazy, chronically angry slob who was always yelling at everyone. This had to be hard for the daughter, but still it was hard to sympathize because she was such a stupid bitchy brat. The wife was a very nice person who did a good job of taking care of the kid. The brat did not appreciate this and was always talking about how her real mother was better. This was the 70's when mothers almost never lost custody of their kids. If Drunken Duh was the better parent Real Moo must have done something incredibly bad.
Several times I heard the couple arguing while I was playing in my yard. She was trying to talk to him reasonably while he kept screaming at her to shut up. I don't know if Brat was there or staying at someone else's house. The wife quit her job and got pregnant, but had a miscarriage. That was actually a very good thing.
Several months after they moved away I heard the wife filed for divorce. I have tried to look her up on line but I can't find anything. I hope her life improved. Duh eventually got treatment for alcoholism, but died of cancer in his late 50s. Brat has a fucked up life that resembles a bad soap opera. At one point Real Moo tried to take custody of one of Brat's kids. Don't know how that turned out.
Seeing what went on in that family taught me never to marry a man with kids. It also taught me that being nice to your kids is no guarantee they will appreciate you. I liked her because she was a lot nicer than my mom, so I don't know why her own stepdaughter could not be grateful for the one sane adult she had in her life.
Families........aren't they just wonderful
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 25, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
Quote
mrs. chinaski
@bell_flower: I was wondering about your ex-MIL.
She had to live in some kind of parallel world where
she had a perfect marriage. It's scary.
@ ladybug: maybe you could add some real life examples...
Many, many stories but ill name a few.....
1. My mother is in awful health right now, shes only 56 and her back and neck are shot to hell, so badly even talking on the phone for long periods of time is a challenge. All due to spending years wrestling my sister during her frequent rages, so in a way ive already lost my mother
. My sister lives in a group home now, brings her over to visit a few times a month, its just her and my dad and she refuses to have aides assist them because my sister "isnt used to it".2. My parents had no friends after my sister, as a kid i thought this was normal and thought other parents were bad parents for having friends and a social life.
3. She went into a group home when she was 11 due to aggression, my parents were paying over 50k in lawyers fees to get the state to pay, her care costs over 250k a year, way more than what my dad makes.
4. My sisters crazy rules on how we couldnt go anywhere she wasnt "used to", which was basically only the mall and pizza joints then being confined to the house, (even tho she went to a group home she was bought home all the time so its like she never left), never want to live like that again. Even my birthday dinners were at restaurants of her choosing.
6. She didn't play with feces (thank god), but she had this very pungent nasty smelling salad dressing she liked and smeared it all over the house, i wanted to vomit.
7. Having to sit in the backseat of the car or at the dinner table with her knowing you could get smacked at anytime.
8. Not that i enjoy famblee gatherings to begin with, but always being the last to get there and first to leave due to my sisters behavior really put a strain on my mothers relationship with her immediate family.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 25, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 951 |
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 25, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
Ladybug that sounds harrowing.
Another influence on my CF-dom was living through my seemingly-healthy dad's sudden death. He was active and healthy and died in his early 30's of a brain aneurysm. My mother, who was a functioning alcoholic, married another alcoholic and my somewhat-normal life took a turn for the worse. I had a stepbrother who was violent and scary like his father.....fun times. (His dad was a real loser, walked away when he had four little kids--what the Hell was my mom thinking, bringing him into our house?)
It taught me that someone has to be the 2%. Autism is way more common than brain aneurysm. No thanks.
All too often, even when confronted with reasonable odds, Breeders stick their fingers in their ears and say, "la la la la.....that won't happen to me/us."
If you have kids, you are 50% likely to divorce and drag your kids through the ordeal that is the blended family. Your kids will (rightfully) hate you and you deserve it.
Another influence on my CF-dom was living through my seemingly-healthy dad's sudden death. He was active and healthy and died in his early 30's of a brain aneurysm. My mother, who was a functioning alcoholic, married another alcoholic and my somewhat-normal life took a turn for the worse. I had a stepbrother who was violent and scary like his father.....fun times. (His dad was a real loser, walked away when he had four little kids--what the Hell was my mom thinking, bringing him into our house?)
It taught me that someone has to be the 2%. Autism is way more common than brain aneurysm. No thanks.
All too often, even when confronted with reasonable odds, Breeders stick their fingers in their ears and say, "la la la la.....that won't happen to me/us."
If you have kids, you are 50% likely to divorce and drag your kids through the ordeal that is the blended family. Your kids will (rightfully) hate you and you deserve it.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 26, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 951 |
@ freya: Why do you think that my example no 3 isn't good?
I am of the opinion that it is a good one.
Those divorced moos lead bad lives IMHO - they are dependent on their
mothers for help in household and babysitting, dependent on their
fathers for money, dependent on their siblings for finding jobs etc.
I am sure that the fambly members will hold it against them
*That's because you have no mayunnnnnnn*
I am of the opinion that it is a good one.
Those divorced moos lead bad lives IMHO - they are dependent on their
mothers for help in household and babysitting, dependent on their
fathers for money, dependent on their siblings for finding jobs etc.
I am sure that the fambly members will hold it against them
*That's because you have no mayunnnnnnn*
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 26, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 951 |
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 26, 2016 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 353 |
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 26, 2016 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 565 |
1.My ex-BFF has three kyds by three different sperm donors. She's not married to any of them, works as a nurse's aid, and makes her parents babysit...er I mean raise them. Only one pays chyuld support.
2. My other ex-BFF has three kyds by two different sperm donors. The first one was an abusive POS who went to jail while she was pregnant. She then goes out with one of her old boyfriends, get married, has two of his kyds, and gets divorced. The duhd, since the divorce, isn't talking to her at all or sees his brats. The icing on the cake is that she has a tattoo of his name on my bicep. All three boys have autism.
3. Both sets of grandparents were divorced.
4. I'm not too close to my paternal cousins, but one of them has four kyds by three different men. She looks terrible with bags and wrinkles in her thirties.
5. My aunt and grandma were single moms.
2. My other ex-BFF has three kyds by two different sperm donors. The first one was an abusive POS who went to jail while she was pregnant. She then goes out with one of her old boyfriends, get married, has two of his kyds, and gets divorced. The duhd, since the divorce, isn't talking to her at all or sees his brats. The icing on the cake is that she has a tattoo of his name on my bicep. All three boys have autism.
3. Both sets of grandparents were divorced.
4. I'm not too close to my paternal cousins, but one of them has four kyds by three different men. She looks terrible with bags and wrinkles in her thirties.
5. My aunt and grandma were single moms.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 26, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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mrs. chinaski
@ freya: Why do you think that my example no 3 isn't good?
I am of the opinion that it is a good one.
Those divorced moos lead bad lives IMHO - they are dependent on their
mothers for help in household and babysitting, dependent on their
fathers for money, dependent on their siblings for finding jobs etc.
I am sure that the fambly members will hold it against them
*That's because you have no mayunnnnnnn*
@mrs. chinaski: Number one and three weren't good as in a good situation to be in.
Thought number 2 was especially sad. All three were good examples. Apologies for the confusion.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 26, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 951 |
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 27, 2016 | Registered: 7 years ago Posts: 32 |
My mother's day to day existence was a huge factor in why I didn't want kids. We weren't poor, but it was a struggle. My Dad became deaf in his early 40's, so she became the full time breadwinner in the family. Dad's disability so devastated him that he soon gave up on being productive. My mom believed children needed a father in the home, which is why she didn't kick him out. My brother, what breeders would call 'a handful', was in and out of counseling, therapy summer camps, boarding schools, and other expensive programs that my mother probably couldn't afford. I don't know where she got the help to pay for it, so much of it was kept from me about my brother's condition and I didn't even know what questions to ask. Due to my brother's actions and behaviors, my mother became a functioning alcoholic and died at 55. She loved my brother because he was her son, but she didn't like him at all as a person.
I don't remember a time when my mom was not tired and discouraged. Other family would tell me stories about how vivacious and happy she was before she married and had kids. I had a hard time believing it. Just a miserable, miserable existence.
Life for me now is hard due to unemployment, but I know it would be a million times worse if I had kids.
I don't remember a time when my mom was not tired and discouraged. Other family would tell me stories about how vivacious and happy she was before she married and had kids. I had a hard time believing it. Just a miserable, miserable existence.
Life for me now is hard due to unemployment, but I know it would be a million times worse if I had kids.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 27, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,975 |
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shy lurker
1.My ex-BFF has three kyds by three different sperm donors. She's not married to any of them, works as a nurse's aid, and makes her parentsbabysit...er I mean raise them. Only one pays chyuld support.
2. My other ex-BFF has three kyds by two different sperm donors. The first one was an abusive POS who went to jail while she was pregnant. She then goes out with one of her old boyfriends, get married, has two of his kyds, and gets divorced. The duhd, since the divorce, isn't talking to her at all or sees his brats. The icing on the cake is that she has a tattoo of his name on my bicep. All three boys have autism.
3. Both sets of grandparents were divorced.
4. I'm not too close to my paternal cousins, but one of them has four kyds by three different men. She looks terrible with bags and wrinkles in her thirties.
5. My aunt and grandma were single moms.
So, any idea how this happened to the BFFs? I assume once they were nice normal people since they were good friends. WTF went wrong to get them to that point? I ask because I have friends that I grew up with and knew and loved who went full retard later on and I'm still not sure what happened. They didn't even all have kids, but ended up in relationships with criminals or going into crime themselves, supporting slacker baby daddies with scary ex-girlfriends, scamming the system or something else slimy. No drugs, alcohol or mental illness so there goes that excuse. Maybe bored, and need drama? It's awful to bring kids into these crazy unstable lifestyles.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 27, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,304 |
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 28, 2016 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 565 |
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blondie
Quote
shy lurker
1.My ex-BFF has three kyds by three different sperm donors. She's not married to any of them, works as a nurse's aid, and makes her parentsbabysit...er I mean raise them. Only one pays chyuld support.
2. My other ex-BFF has three kyds by two different sperm donors. The first one was an abusive POS who went to jail while she was pregnant. She then goes out with one of her old boyfriends, get married, has two of his kyds, and gets divorced. The duhd, since the divorce, isn't talking to her at all or sees his brats. The icing on the cake is that she has a tattoo of his name onmyher bicep. All three boys have autism.
3. Both sets of grandparents were divorced.
4. I'm not too close to my paternal cousins, but one of them has four kyds by three different men. She looks terrible with bags and wrinkles in her thirties.
5. My aunt and grandma were single moms.
So, any idea how this happened to the BFFs? I assume once they were nice normal people since they were good friends. WTF went wrong to get them to that point? I ask because I have friends that I grew up with and knew and loved who went full retard later on and I'm still not sure what happened. They didn't even all have kids, but ended up in relationships with criminals or going into crime themselves, supporting slacker baby daddies with scary ex-girlfriends, scamming the system or something else slimy. No drugs, alcohol or mental illness so there goes that excuse. Maybe bored, and need drama? It's awful to bring kids into these crazy unstable lifestyles.
They were my middle school BFFs. I graduated in 2009. At least my elementary school ex-BFF is married, has a career, and only has one kyd.
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the noodler
The icing on the cake is that she has a tattoo of his name on my bicep.
Um, blondie, I take it you meant she has a tattoo of his name on HER bicep.
Freudian slip there. I was thinking about my tattoos. I'm itching to get a third one.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 28, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,701 |
Without going into too much detail, my mother gave up an huge international career to get married and have kids, so that she'd have somebody to look after her in old age. She never stopped reminding me what she sacrificed to have us. I inherited her talents, and so much more (think Katherine Hepburn and Audrey Hepburn, rolled into one). When it was my turn, she held me back for years, using religion and "immorality" to keep me in my place. They tried to marry me off to rich European men. I put a stop to that and fast.
I wish I could go back in time and change things, but it is too late for certain things.
I swore I'd never ever have kids and sacrifice my life for them. I am just now starting to live, as I am freed from her. I am starting to realize my goals. Guess I will be a late bloomer in certain areas.
I wish I could go back in time and change things, but it is too late for certain things.
I swore I'd never ever have kids and sacrifice my life for them. I am just now starting to live, as I am freed from her. I am starting to realize my goals. Guess I will be a late bloomer in certain areas.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 29, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 379 |
Great thread idea...
1. My parents. My father had a good job and my parents had a fun and glamorous life, my mother planned to be a SAHM to four children with my father supporting them all... and then when she was pregnant with me, their first child, he got made redundant. He fell into a deep depression and never worked again, dying a decade later. Money was always really tight, my parents were constantly bickering about it, and we seemed to be constantly scrimping and saving, but getting nothing to show for it at the end- no holidays, spending our weekends indoors watching television while everyone else would get taken to the cinema or the swimming pool or the fair, getting bullied for wearing second-hand clothes at school while everyone else had new ones, etc. I think my parents both pined for their old lives and resented me for "coming along" and spoiling it all- they were angry at me no matter what I did, and seemed to be taking their frustrations out on me over their poor decision to have two children they couldn't afford, and their laziness in their refusal to work to support them. I think my mother also took my father for granted and assumed he'd always be there to fund her dream- and she was very angry with him and would call him "bone idle" when things didn't work out that way for her.
I told my mother that I would study hard, work hard, earn money and enjoy that money, and that I never wanted to live in poverty, struggle to make ends meet in crappy jobs, etc as an adult. My mother replied "Oh, but you'll have to do that- you'll need to make sacrifices for your kids!" Along with her belittling my problems with "You don't have any real problems until you have a mortgage and kids" she wasn't exactly selling this whole life script thing to me.
2. My nextdoor neighbours. Their daughter had been brain-damaged at birth and still lived with them as an adult. She could walk and she could speak a little but apart from that she couldn't really do very much for herself. She couldn't be left at home alone or go anywhere unaccompanied. She would often cry out and scream in confusion at random times and that could be pretty harrowing. It was like they had an overgrown baby who would never grow up and would be dependent on them for the rest of their lives. Imagine having to accept that your child will never grow up, not even to the point where you can have a conversation with them. As bell flower said, someone has to be the 2%- and even a perfectly healthy foetus whose parents have no history of genetic illness can be brain-damaged during its birth.
3. Every poster boy and poster girl of the whole British Teenage Pregnancy Crisis of the 1990s. Britain had a seriously high teenage pregnancy rate back then and as a teenager myself at the time I grew up with negative messages in the media, spelling out that having a baby in your teens is a stupid and shameful thing to do, and guaranteed to ruin your life. School pupils would be given dolls that cried at random times as a simulator of parenthood to tell them that parenthood is awful and to put them off becoming teenage parents, and teenage mothers were frequently shamed in the media. There seemed to be no positives at all- and now I'm in my thirties I still can't see the positives. Why is a baby a life-ruiner at 15 but a lyttle mirakul at 30? They still puke, cry and rob you of your social life. Now that the birth rate in the UK has dropped dramatically I'm wondering if there are many more people of my generation who feel the same way and are shunning parenthood for the same reasons.
4. The people I knew in real-life who became teenage parents. I've known at least four women who found out they were pregnant just as they were planning on going to university, all of whom chose to keep the baby and let it totally poleaxe their plans for a new life and a big future. One was a friend who had to stay behind in her hometown while we were all leaving for university and I just felt so sorry for her, especially as the dad had run a mile when she had told him she was pregnant and left her to raise the child on her own. My best friend from primary school was another- she found out she was pregnant just as she was halfway through her A levels and applying to university. She dropped out of college, had the baby, and ended up shackled to her loser boyfriend in our miserable little hometown. She now works in a supermarket and I felt like punching the wall when I found out- she was so bright and talented and she had overcome some huge personal struggled, it was such a waste. Plenty of people I was at primary school ended up becoming parents in their teens (see #3) and staying in the same boring town to raise their broods, just as their parents had done before them. I'm just glad I managed to escape.
1. My parents. My father had a good job and my parents had a fun and glamorous life, my mother planned to be a SAHM to four children with my father supporting them all... and then when she was pregnant with me, their first child, he got made redundant. He fell into a deep depression and never worked again, dying a decade later. Money was always really tight, my parents were constantly bickering about it, and we seemed to be constantly scrimping and saving, but getting nothing to show for it at the end- no holidays, spending our weekends indoors watching television while everyone else would get taken to the cinema or the swimming pool or the fair, getting bullied for wearing second-hand clothes at school while everyone else had new ones, etc. I think my parents both pined for their old lives and resented me for "coming along" and spoiling it all- they were angry at me no matter what I did, and seemed to be taking their frustrations out on me over their poor decision to have two children they couldn't afford, and their laziness in their refusal to work to support them. I think my mother also took my father for granted and assumed he'd always be there to fund her dream- and she was very angry with him and would call him "bone idle" when things didn't work out that way for her.
I told my mother that I would study hard, work hard, earn money and enjoy that money, and that I never wanted to live in poverty, struggle to make ends meet in crappy jobs, etc as an adult. My mother replied "Oh, but you'll have to do that- you'll need to make sacrifices for your kids!" Along with her belittling my problems with "You don't have any real problems until you have a mortgage and kids" she wasn't exactly selling this whole life script thing to me.
2. My nextdoor neighbours. Their daughter had been brain-damaged at birth and still lived with them as an adult. She could walk and she could speak a little but apart from that she couldn't really do very much for herself. She couldn't be left at home alone or go anywhere unaccompanied. She would often cry out and scream in confusion at random times and that could be pretty harrowing. It was like they had an overgrown baby who would never grow up and would be dependent on them for the rest of their lives. Imagine having to accept that your child will never grow up, not even to the point where you can have a conversation with them. As bell flower said, someone has to be the 2%- and even a perfectly healthy foetus whose parents have no history of genetic illness can be brain-damaged during its birth.
3. Every poster boy and poster girl of the whole British Teenage Pregnancy Crisis of the 1990s. Britain had a seriously high teenage pregnancy rate back then and as a teenager myself at the time I grew up with negative messages in the media, spelling out that having a baby in your teens is a stupid and shameful thing to do, and guaranteed to ruin your life. School pupils would be given dolls that cried at random times as a simulator of parenthood to tell them that parenthood is awful and to put them off becoming teenage parents, and teenage mothers were frequently shamed in the media. There seemed to be no positives at all- and now I'm in my thirties I still can't see the positives. Why is a baby a life-ruiner at 15 but a lyttle mirakul at 30? They still puke, cry and rob you of your social life. Now that the birth rate in the UK has dropped dramatically I'm wondering if there are many more people of my generation who feel the same way and are shunning parenthood for the same reasons.
4. The people I knew in real-life who became teenage parents. I've known at least four women who found out they were pregnant just as they were planning on going to university, all of whom chose to keep the baby and let it totally poleaxe their plans for a new life and a big future. One was a friend who had to stay behind in her hometown while we were all leaving for university and I just felt so sorry for her, especially as the dad had run a mile when she had told him she was pregnant and left her to raise the child on her own. My best friend from primary school was another- she found out she was pregnant just as she was halfway through her A levels and applying to university. She dropped out of college, had the baby, and ended up shackled to her loser boyfriend in our miserable little hometown. She now works in a supermarket and I felt like punching the wall when I found out- she was so bright and talented and she had overcome some huge personal struggled, it was such a waste. Plenty of people I was at primary school ended up becoming parents in their teens (see #3) and staying in the same boring town to raise their broods, just as their parents had done before them. I'm just glad I managed to escape.
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 29, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
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There seemed to be no positives at all- and now I'm in my thirties I still can't see the positives. Why is a baby a life-ruiner at 15 but a lyttle mirakul at 30? They still puke, cry and rob you of your social life.
Isn't that the damn truth? I guess, presumably when one is 30, one can pay money to escape the kid for a night, but they are still life-wrecking. And at 30, if you have had time to live on your own and hopefully accumulate a little money and have the means to do start doing what you want to do and living how YOU want to live....well it would be even harder to give that up.
Once I was emancipated from my parents and living my own life NO WAY was I going to enslave myself to the drudgery of raising brats. .
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Re: Childfree Role Models, The Breeder Edition July 29, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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bell_flower
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There seemed to be no positives at all- and now I'm in my thirties I still can't see the positives. Why is a baby a life-ruiner at 15 but a lyttle mirakul at 30? They still puke, cry and rob you of your social life.
Isn't that the damn truth? I guess, presumably when one is 30, one can pay money to escape the kid for a night, but they are still life-wrecking. And at 30, if you have had time to live on your own and hopefully accumulate a little money and have the means to do start doing what you want to do and living how YOU want to live....well it would be even harder to give that up.
Once I was emancipated from my parents and living my own life NO WAY was I going to enslave myself to the drudgery of raising brats. .
I think most breeders (excluding the rare responsible parents who have a grasp of reality, aren't shocked by the life impact of children and can plan) have the same mind set of people who are always in the wrong lane at the last minute in their daily commute and seem dazed, as if they forgot they have an actual destination and aren't just driving amok. Sooner or later they punish everyone around them for their lack of self-awareness. They probably live in a 100% reactive state. Commuting along with other great life mysteries is being lost in Chand Baori for them.
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