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Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but...
Posted by randomcfchick
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Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 28, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,622 |
I've posted before about someone I knew from college who totally dropped all her own artistic endeavors (singing, acting, life drawing class modeling, writing) once the first kid arrived. She has confessed to me how she misses singing, but "just doesn't have time" to fit in some voice lessons or join a choir. However, she's added other obligations since that conversation, and from that I concluded that it's not a matter of time; it's that she just doesn't have time to fit in something that is specifically for herself and her own betterment. She has totally bought into the "live for the kidz" parenting tripe. Her husband has hobbies and does his own stuff from time to time, and has offered to make sure her own things fit in, but she just couldn't overcome her self-inflicted mommy guilt. What an idiot.
Anyway...I took a peek at her FB page recently, just for some schadenfreude laffs. I learned that Kid1 came home from school and announced that she's thinking of joining choir. Naturally, MegaMommy is over the moon happy that her lil dumpling is interested in singing, just like her.
I thought: 1. I wonder if part of her will be sad knowing that Kid1 is doing almost exactly what she won't let herself do, 2. I hope she listens to that part of herself and claws out enough time for her own art again.
And I also laughed, because of course it's not the studio-trained musician who gets to sing now...it's just a third-grader.
Not sure why I felt the need to post this...probably because you guys are the only ones who'll understand the eyerolls.
Anyway...I took a peek at her FB page recently, just for some schadenfreude laffs. I learned that Kid1 came home from school and announced that she's thinking of joining choir. Naturally, MegaMommy is over the moon happy that her lil dumpling is interested in singing, just like her.
I thought: 1. I wonder if part of her will be sad knowing that Kid1 is doing almost exactly what she won't let herself do, 2. I hope she listens to that part of herself and claws out enough time for her own art again.
And I also laughed, because of course it's not the studio-trained musician who gets to sing now...it's just a third-grader.
Not sure why I felt the need to post this...probably because you guys are the only ones who'll understand the eyerolls.
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 28, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,978 |
She'll end up becoming overly involved and micromanaging the kid in choir in order to live vicariously, thus destroying any enjoyment Kid1 got out of choir.
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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock
"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin
"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.
"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment
"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion
Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan
------------------------------------------------------------
"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock
"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin
"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.
"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment
"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion
Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 28, 2016 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,978 |
I feel bad for the kid's choir teacher. I'll bet the moo is going to be up that teacher's ass because she used to be a musician so, naturally, she knows better than the teacher does.
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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin
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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 28, 2016 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,965 |
I hate the belief that men are "allowed" to have hobbies once the loaf comes along, but women are seen as negligent, horrid parents if they dare want to do something for themselves. This is probably why so many Moos are so bitter, resentful, depressed and drink their weight in booze on a weekly basis: they are fully expected to abandon who they were pre-brat and allow themselves to become fully immersed in their roles as ass-wipers. Moos are expected to give up every single thing in life they enjoy all for their goddamn kids because I guess giving your child less than 100 percent means you don't really love them. That, or their children are supposed to bring them so much joy that they shouldn't need to fill their lives with other things that could make them happy.
Obviously, Moos aren't going to have time to pursue all the things they want at once while being parents because there's just not enough time or energy in the day. Either some of the hobbies would suffer or the kid would get neglected. But it's fucking ridiculous that women are made to feel guilty if they want to dare have lives outside of their kids, even if those kids are school-aged. If Moos could pursue hobbies of their own while their husbands get off their asses and "babysit" now and then, maybe the Moos wouldn't be such fucking bitches all the time.
As far as this woman, she's going to be living vicariously through her child because Moo wants to sing so badly. She can't sing like she wants to do herself, so she'll become waaaaay too deeply involved in her kid's singing, pushing the kid to be the very best and forcing her to remain in the choir even if she loses interest entirely and wants to quit. And like you guys have already said, she'll immediately take issue with the music teacher and undermine everything that teacher says because Mommy is right about anything music-related.
Obviously, Moos aren't going to have time to pursue all the things they want at once while being parents because there's just not enough time or energy in the day. Either some of the hobbies would suffer or the kid would get neglected. But it's fucking ridiculous that women are made to feel guilty if they want to dare have lives outside of their kids, even if those kids are school-aged. If Moos could pursue hobbies of their own while their husbands get off their asses and "babysit" now and then, maybe the Moos wouldn't be such fucking bitches all the time.
As far as this woman, she's going to be living vicariously through her child because Moo wants to sing so badly. She can't sing like she wants to do herself, so she'll become waaaaay too deeply involved in her kid's singing, pushing the kid to be the very best and forcing her to remain in the choir even if she loses interest entirely and wants to quit. And like you guys have already said, she'll immediately take issue with the music teacher and undermine everything that teacher says because Mommy is right about anything music-related.
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 28, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,304 |
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 29, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,197 |
Modern Moos have painted themselves into a corner with all their standards for Smothering. It's sad that your friend won't do anything for herself, but it's an entirely self-inflicted condition. I'm sure she's telling herself she's a Perfect MawmTM because she's so supportiveTM of her kid, when in reality she's probably a smothering harpie and her kid feels suffocated.
I blame Dr. Whora and her insipid "I am my kidz MawmTM" crapola, in which she urges women to give up their economic power, their hobbies, and any interests to raise the almighty loaf. (Neglecting to mention that she, Dr. Whora, worked while her kid was young. Yes, at night and on the radio, but she still worked.)
I blame Dr. Whora and her insipid "I am my kidz MawmTM" crapola, in which she urges women to give up their economic power, their hobbies, and any interests to raise the almighty loaf. (Neglecting to mention that she, Dr. Whora, worked while her kid was young. Yes, at night and on the radio, but she still worked.)
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 29, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,622 |
Yep, bell_flower, it's entirely self-inflicted. Her husband is a totally competent father & routinely runs things solo when she had a business trip, extra hours, etc. He has fucking offered to shift things around for hobbies, etc. but she would just rather pull the whole world down on her head I guess. I actually had a still-diplomatic-but-pretty-fucking-frank online chat about it with her, too. I played the Long-Time Friend Card and told her I know what music means to her, and how the arts make her a complete person, etc. I wasn't mean, but I was blunt. She did go sign up for some voice lessons, but backed out after one, saying that the coach wasn't a good match. When I said, "Bummer, but you'll find one who is! Good for you!", she also mentioned something about finding time to practice. So yeah...no progress.
@Cambion-- total agreement re: gender divide on parents with hobbies. I know plenty of guys who still get out to go bowling, fishing, jogging, or gaming. As long as they're not ducking out on parental responsibilities, who cares that they're out and about? Same goes for moms. The kids will be fine. I think the dads also need to put their feet down about the pretty psycho mommy culture and encourage their wives to carve out time for themselves.
There's a good chance Kid1 will wind up being pretty arty...she gets it from both sides. Guess that Friend is just gonna watch from the sidelines, instead of doing her own art, too. Sad. And not a good example for Kid1 or Kid2.
@Cambion-- total agreement re: gender divide on parents with hobbies. I know plenty of guys who still get out to go bowling, fishing, jogging, or gaming. As long as they're not ducking out on parental responsibilities, who cares that they're out and about? Same goes for moms. The kids will be fine. I think the dads also need to put their feet down about the pretty psycho mommy culture and encourage their wives to carve out time for themselves.
There's a good chance Kid1 will wind up being pretty arty...she gets it from both sides. Guess that Friend is just gonna watch from the sidelines, instead of doing her own art, too. Sad. And not a good example for Kid1 or Kid2.
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 30, 2016 | Registered: 8 years ago Posts: 198 |
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Cambion
I hate the belief that men are "allowed" to have hobbies once the loaf comes along, but women are seen as negligent, horrid parents if they dare want to do something for themselves. This is probably why so many Moos are so bitter, resentful, depressed and drink their weight in booze on a weekly basis: they are fully expected to abandon who they were pre-brat and allow themselves to become fully immersed in their roles as ass-wipers. Moos are expected to give up every single thing in life they enjoy all for their goddamn kids because I guess giving your child less than 100 percent means you don't really love them. That, or their children are supposed to bring them so much joy that they shouldn't need to fill their lives with other things that could make them happy.
Thia was a major factor in me becoming childfree. If you are a woman and you have kids, you're always a single mom, whether you're married or not. Fucking injustice.
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 30, 2016 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,363 |
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tea princess
Thia was a major factor in me becoming childfree. If you are a woman and you have kids, you're always a single mom, whether you're married or not. Fucking injustice.
I just read an article pertaining to this. It was pointing out the discrepancy in child care duties between men and women. While it's better than it was in the 50s (no kidding), it's still out of balance. The article actually centered around the fact that if a couple has a dog, they split caretaking more equally. It's babies specifically that are still considered "women's work."
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 30, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,735 |
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Cambion
I hate the belief that men are "allowed" to have hobbies once the loaf comes along, but women are seen as negligent, horrid parents if they dare want to do something for themselves. This is probably why so many Moos are so bitter, resentful, depressed and drink their weight in booze on a weekly basis: they are fully expected to abandon who they were pre-brat and allow themselves to become fully immersed in their roles as ass-wipers. Moos are expected to give up every single thing in life they enjoy all for their goddamn kids because I guess giving your child less than 100 percent means you don't really love them. That, or their children are supposed to bring them so much joy that they shouldn't need to fill their lives with other things that could make them happy.
Obviously, Moos aren't going to have time to pursue all the things they want at once while being parents because there's just not enough time or energy in the day. Either some of the hobbies would suffer or the kid would get neglected. But it's fucking ridiculous that women are made to feel guilty if they want to dare have lives outside of their kids, even if those kids are school-aged. If Moos could pursue hobbies of their own while their husbands get off their asses and "babysit" now and then, maybe the Moos wouldn't be such fucking bitches all the time.
As far as this woman, she's going to be living vicariously through her child because Moo wants to sing so badly. She can't sing like she wants to do herself, so she'll become waaaaay too deeply involved in her kid's singing, pushing the kid to be the very best and forcing her to remain in the choir even if she loses interest entirely and wants to quit. And like you guys have already said, she'll immediately take issue with the music teacher and undermine everything that teacher says because Mommy is right about anything music-related.
This.
I know I have mentioned before that this is how females are raised in American society: to put off their needs at their expense for others.
It is a special kind of selflessness = NO SELF.
And it is NOT a good way to raise females at all. Makes them bitter later on in life once they marry, sprog and get stuck doing the cunt work.
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 30, 2016 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,965 |
As far as I'm concerned, in order to properly (and sanely) take care of someone else, you need to take care of yourself at least a little bit. If you do nothing but give give give all your time, energy, affection and money toward the care of your kid or pet or whoever, you'll get burned out and/or incredibly resentful over the life you're not "able" to live. Then you wind up taking that bitterness and anger out on your dependents and they certainly feel the effects. If you do this for years and years, you can very easily mess your kids up for life. If you have lives to care for that are very needy, then you won't be able to do whatever you want ALL the time, but you can't just give everything you have all the time without keeping some for yourself. Caring only about yourself at the expense of others is selfish. Caring for yourself is not.
Unfortunately, thinking of yourself even a tiny bit when you've got brats is considered highly selfish behavior. Most people need breaks from their loved ones now and then - it doesn't mean you don't love your kids, family or husband if you want to get away from them for a bit. It just means you need a time out to recharge - time just for you. We all need that from time to time, kids or no kids.
Unfortunately, thinking of yourself even a tiny bit when you've got brats is considered highly selfish behavior. Most people need breaks from their loved ones now and then - it doesn't mean you don't love your kids, family or husband if you want to get away from them for a bit. It just means you need a time out to recharge - time just for you. We all need that from time to time, kids or no kids.
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 30, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,708 |
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Cambion
As far as I'm concerned, in order to properly (and sanely) take care of someone else, you need to take care of yourself at least a little bit. If you do nothing but give give give all your time, energy, affection and money toward the care of your kid or pet or whoever, you'll get burned out and/or incredibly resentful over the life you're not "able" to live. Then you wind up taking that bitterness and anger out on your dependents and they certainly feel the effects. If you do this for years and years, you can very easily mess your kids up for life.
Agree. If she doesn't find a balance then sooner or later her entire famblee is likely to pay.
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Re: Mommy STILL doesn't think her needs and hobbies matter, but... August 31, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,975 |
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kittehpeoples
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tea princess
Thia was a major factor in me becoming childfree. If you are a woman and you have kids, you're always a single mom, whether you're married or not. Fucking injustice.
I just read an article pertaining to this. It was pointing out the discrepancy in child care duties between men and women. While it's better than it was in the 50s (no kidding), it's still out of balance. The article actually centered around the fact that if a couple has a dog, they split caretaking more equally. It's babies specifically that are still considered "women's work."
But kids in earlier generations didn't require so much care. They would be in school or playing with other kids most of the time, so just needed to be fed, dressed and read bedtime stories. SAHMs would hang out with neighbors and relatives, have parties, do volunteer work, etc. When women went to work, the kids were latchkey, and still independent. Now, kids are not allowed to separate from parents and yes it is moo stuck with it but most moos seem to want that because only they know how to care for and properly fly helicopter over precious snowflayke. Moos brag to me about that shit - like its a badge of honor to be a full time servant to a brats every whim.
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