Scarymommy: I don't like being a mother

Regret filled moo posts spiel about how she totally regrets moo-hood and wishes she could go back and undo it.
Comments are mostly in agreement.

http://www.scarymommy.com/i-dont-like-being-a-mother/#comments


I recently became a first time Aunt and have had nothing but idiots tell me "You'll be next"
I feel like printing copies of this and keeping them in my handbag to hand out in future.

"It's different when it's your own" remember.

It's amazing what parents will admit when it's anonymous, isn't it?

And this is why we get bingoed to hell and back. They're angered by the fact that we know ourselves well enough to figure out that we would hate parenthood without having to become parents. So they demand that we join their misery in order to feel better about themselves and take solace in someone else's suffering.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

My favorite quote: In the case of having a child, or children, it may even take years to discover that 'shit, what have I done' is a recurring thought.

Can't believe how many "You are not alone" comments there are .

People will admit to all sorts of things anonymously.

Striking, isn't it, how the author has noticed the bitch-and-backpedal pattern...the disclaimers of "I wouldn't trade it for the world" or "in the long run it's made me a better person" etc. And she sees right through it. The backpedalers probably cling to it because otherwise they'd be stuck with knowledge they just can't be happy anymore. Leave the kids, and be stuck with guilt, support payments, and a squashed life. Stay with the kids and never get to be yourself anymore. Permanent change for the worse either way.

Usually it's moos of under-3 kids who wail "I hate being a mother!" because really, who would put up with a pissing scream machine for 24 hours and NOT feel like they made a grave error in judgement? But this commenter's eldest is 12 years old. She really knows what she's lost.

--------------------
"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Another article on the topic in Marie Claire


http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/a22189/i-regret-having-kids/

Good to see it's getting media coverage that seems to be growing.

I feel like the media coverage of "I hate being a mombie/dadbot" is getting bigger.
It is almost as if it gradually becomes socially acceptable to talk about it.

Me too!
It's only a good thing.
The sooner people make this more public, the less backlash the likes of us will get.
I hope!

Many states in the U.S. have mandatory waiting periods for people who need abortions. If only they were a way to impose the same requirement to carry a fetus to term.

Media coverage leads to normalization, so I'm loving these articles and studies. More, more, more!

I wonder what makes some people so different in this respect. My mother could have written that article, while I had a grandmother who thought being a mother was her absolute purpose in life and hated it when her children and then grandchildren grew up. She was in poor health when my cousin had a baby, and I swear she rallied and lived a couple of more years to be around a baby again.

My 90-year-old grandma cannot walk past a baby without stopping to gawk at it, and for the life of me I don't understand the appeal. But, I love baby animals and animals in general and want to cuddle with all of them. There's just no "aww" with little humans. There's a lot of talk here about how we use our brains to override stupid evolutionary impulses, but I don't think that's it at all. I'm not overriding anything.

I wish someone would look into the genetics of the desire to be CF. My parents have both admitted that they wish they never had kids, and my brother and I are both CF. My mother has one brother who is CF. My father's siblings had kids, but out of eight cousins only two had a kids, and all were accidents.

It would be interesting to investigate whether or not there is a "reluctant parent" gene. It would explain why you almost never see people who were only children wanting to have six.

Before the internet was really available to everyone. I had people confess to me how they would not have had kids if they had to do it over. They felt safe telling me because they knew I didn't want kids and would not judge them. Very sad.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shrieking babbies are the most effective birth control on earth.

I'm glad articles like this are out there, particularly for fence-sitters. Articles like this won't change the people who are determined to have kids, but maybe it will cause people to listen to that voice inside of them and not have them for the wrong reasons.

Over the years I've endured a lot of shit for my decision from other people. but I can honestly say I've never once regretted my decision. Never. I always knew it was right for me.

One of the commentors to the article summed it up for me:

Quote

I have never commented in regards to articles, but today I am compelled to say I empathize with the author of this piece. For the rest of my life, whether my child is near or far, I will always worry and my life will never again be my own. It is the love of a mother who will forever be captive within intense emotions and much of the time met with pain and suffering. I love my child, but being a mother is never being myself again. Thank you author for saying what so many feel and yet, we continue to love our children who deserve to be loved and with that we deserve to think of ourselves as loving beings.

I am who I am because I have had the time to think and to live my life. My hobbies, things I've had time to read, experiences I've had, my talents and my education (which I had the the time to pursue) have all shaped who I am. I am happy with my life, and how many people can say that?

I got on this subject with my sister last night. She told me how a week or so ago, she switched to a radio station where the DJ had a friend admit that she regretted having children and she wouldn't do it again if given the chance. The DJ seemed horrified and opened the phones to callers, clearly expecting people to call in and say that they don't regret having kids at all, they can't imagine ever regretting them, and having kids was the greatest thing they'll ever do, etc. Lo and behold, every single caller said the regretted having kids.

I'm now convinced this is why breeders feel so entitled to paid moo leave, tax breaks, moo scholarships, free housing, and society bending over to kiss their collective asses while letting their kids run wild. At its core, childrearing sucks and they want tangible rewards because all those intangible rewards they like to tout are fleeting and only in between tantrums, dirty diapers, the constant time suck in general.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

Quote
paragon schnitzophonic
I got on this subject with my sister last night. She told me how a week or so ago, she switched to a radio station where the DJ had a friend admit that she regretted having children and she wouldn't do it again if given the chance. The DJ seemed horrified and opened the phones to callers, clearly expecting people to call in and say that they don't regret having kids at all, they can't imagine ever regretting them, and having kids was the greatest thing they'll ever do, etc. Lo and behold, every single caller said the regretted having kids.

I'm now convinced this is why breeders feel so entitled to paid moo leave, tax breaks, moo scholarships, free housing, and society bending over to kiss their collective asses while letting their kids run wild. At its core, childrearing sucks and they want tangible rewards because all those intangible rewards they like to tout are fleeting and only in between tantrums, dirty diapers, the constant time suck in general.

I love that this happened because honesty is refreshing and it may have enough impact to stop a few on the fencers from breeding or prevent an unwanted child from being born due to person(s) being guilt-tripped into somehow owing society another mouth to feed. Also, it echoes the constant tired and exasperated parental look I recall seeing on countless faces all the time as a kid. All the lip service in the world (when their kids weren't around to remind said parent how annoying they are) won't make me forget the collective parental look. As an adult I've watched some of the most mild mannered and patient parents absolutely lose it around their kids numerous times or have to resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

It would be terrific to see more genuinely happy looking people who aren't experiencing adult happiness for the first time only after their kids are grown, less people population, more nature and wildlife and less judgement for adult lifestyles that eschew children.

This article states parents in Germany (who have tons of entitlements) find parenting worse than divorce, losing a job or death of a spouse. Note all the idiots from outside the country commenting on how if they had a bunch of freebie benefits then things would be majukally better.

My mother was the same way when it came to having kids. She said she wished she'd never had them. However, she also didn't like it whenwe all left. My parents seemed to resent that we wanted our own lives and we didn't want to be lifelong companions for them. All loyalties had to be to them and nobody else. That included friends, spouses, etc., everything was for our parents.

Both are gone now, Mom passing on a couple of weeks ago.

Doesn't make it easier.

JD

My mom lives near my sister so I don't see her much. But she can be so nasty to her that sis calls me to decompress a lot. She told my sister that as a mother it is her right to be mean to her children.

Officially 3 months NC for me. I may even hold off till after Xmas at this point to call her as her birthday is right after the holiday. Also she is addicted to the slot machines and thinks her children should pay for things like her car repairs and condo maintenance so she can continue to feed the blinging beast.