Dear Abby: Idiot breeds with abusive husband, spawns abusive kid

Good old Dear Abby. My comments are in red.

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DEAR ABBY: In the beginning of our marriage there was physical abuse and marital rape. I stayed anyway. Because you're a retard.

Over the years we had two children. WHY?! Why would you knowing introduce kids into an abusive relationship? Though I suppose it might mean that Duh is too tired to beat his Moo-wife after he beats his kids, so breeding a new punching bag might be a practical solution to abuse for a breeder who "can't" leave. My husband, “Seth,” and I don’t communicate because he has refused to talk about any issues we have. That's because "Seth" doesn't think there are any issues. You're his willing victim, so things are goin' great as far as he's concerned. During the last few years, my youngest son also has become physically abusive to me. Gee, I wonder where he learned that from. And since Moo can't say "no" to her husband when he slaps her around the house, she sure as hell won't say it to her brat when he does the same thing.

I tried to leave many times but failed until last December when, because I had a heart attack, I finally moved in with family. I did it for the sake of my health and my sanity. So being sexually and physically abused by your kids and husband while working two jobs and doing all the chores wasn't enough to make you wise up and leave, but having a heart attack was? I'm surprised she left after the heart attack, honestly.

Seth now wants to talk about our issues. He suggested that I come back home. No, he wants you to come back home when you're more vulnerable than ever so he can abuse you again. He'll get into your head and make you feel like you need to stay with him because he's "a changed man." Then he'll just pick up where he left off.

He has several medical problems, so I was taking care of all the household chores and working two jobs. No wonder she had a heart attack. I have a feeling she's probably relatively young and having to carry an entire household while being abused by the members of said household was too much for her to handle. My children will not help with the chores unless I scream and yell for hours. Well, when you breed with a piece of shit, the offspring of such a union are also generally pieces of shit. I'd have burned the house down when they were all sleeping.

I no longer love my husband. He wants to romance me and try to make me love him again. He is also very controlling. He feels I “owe” him a chance to prove that he loves me and can change. He never loved you to begin with, dumbass. An abuser cannot love anyone other than themselves. She owes him nothing. He's had ample chances to prove he can change — far too many, in fact. I guarantee she'll still go back to him because that's precisely what abused women do all the fucking time: go running right back to their abuser because apparently they miss seeing the world through a black eye or two.

Am I wrong for leaving and letting go? I’m very confused. — LETTING GO IN FLORIDA

Boy, the kids sound charming. Both are lazy fucks and one of them is abusive, almost certainly picking up his behavior from his sperm donor. If Moo is smart, she'll stay the fuck away and let the three of them figure out how the hell to live when Duh is too sick to work (allegedly; I'm guessing he's not actually sick and just made Moo work to support him) and the brats are most likely too young to hold down jobs.

Maybe I'm judging too harshly because I've never been a victim of physical or sexual abuse, but I just can't for the life of me understand these women who will stay with men who beat and rape them. Is there some microscopic shred of a redeeming trait that only they can see in these men, or are they just that fucking dumb that they honestly think that living with an abuser is acceptable? Or that it's better to be with a man that hits you than no man at all?

Whatever the reasons why these women don't leave, they no longer matter once children are in the picture. At that point, you have a duty and obligation to leave so the kids aren't be raised in an abusive environment. Yes, it is highly dangerous to leave, but breeders talk and talk about how they sacrifice and would lay their lives on the line for their kids. Now when it's time to put up, they shut up and pretend they never said anything.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

what was abbys response? doubt it was 'stay' although I still hear that such advice is offered in various and sundry places.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Yeah,, I was wondering where Abby's response was too.

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twocents
what was abbys response? doubt it was 'stay' although I still hear that such advice is offered in various and sundry places.

Found the column and here's Abby's response

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Abby
You owe this man absolutely nothing! If you allow Seth the chance to romance you into coming back to take care of him, you will wind up exactly where you started.

Your son abuses you because that is what he saw his father doing -- and you allowed it. If you stand your ground now, it will show your son that abuse is not to be tolerated. I hope you will teach him that lesson because it is an important one for him to learn.

Glad the told the writer to leave her abuser, the advice about the brat depends on his age. Three year old can be trained a thirteen year old not so much. I think she should leave the brats with the hopefully soon to be ex and get a shit ton of therapy before thinking about dating again.

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paragon schnitzophonic
Whatever the reasons why these women don't leave, they no longer matter once children are in the picture. At that point, you have a duty and obligation to leave so the kids aren't be raised in an abusive environment. Yes, it is highly dangerous to leave, but breeders talk and talk about how they sacrifice and would lay their lives on the line for their kids. Now when it's time to put up, they shut up and pretend they never said anything.

I remember reading something years ago written by a volunteer at a women's shelter. The author said she couldn't count the number of times she'd watched women go back to their abusers with little kids in tow who were crying and begging not to go back. She said the moos' response was often to tell the child to stop begging because "You're making this hard for Mommy."

Hard for Mommy, who's choosing to get her ass beaten, as opposed to hard for the child, who knows one parent is a danger and the other refuses to protect them.

Stockholm Syndrome. Essentially, the moo's self is beaten down, deconstructed and systematically destroyed by the abuser, that their mind becomes clay for the abuser to mold into exactly what they want. The moo actually believes that they cannot survive without the abuser, and falls each time for their manipulations when they come crying for them to return.

I grew up in a highly abusive household, where my siblings and I all experienced domestic abuse, and this is exactly what happens. I got away when I was 16, and was able to drag my mother away from it. However, she returned some 12 months later, only be dragged away for good 18 months after that. It took a good 1/2 decade or more of reconditioning before she actually saw it for what it really was - ultimate control.

I still to this day have to deal with the PTSD of experiencing this for the first 16 years of my life. Unfortunately with these women, I'm sort of torn between being angry that they could put their kids through it, but also sorry that they simply are that messed up not to see it.

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The author said she couldn't count the number of times she'd watched women go back to their abusers with little kids in tow who were crying and begging not to go back. She said the moos' response was often to tell the child to stop begging because "You're making this hard for Mommy."

You'll notice a lot of these Moos prattle on about "keeping the family together," when the family is shit because of the abuser.

Make no mistake, Moos stay for their own reasons, not because they care about their kids. I myself had an abusive stepfather and I used to ask my mom why we were all staying there. The truth came out one day during a routine car ride when my mom patted my knee and said, "I don't want to leave him because I like living in this county." The irony is, my mom had a good job and she didn't need to put up with his crap. We could have afforded to live in that county on her salary. And really, we kids wouldn't have cared if we'd had to live in an apartment, just so we could be out of there.

Many women want the social acceptance of being Married. Or AnyMan, even a guy who is an asshole, is better than NoMan. In other words, they are fucked in the head.

Needless to say, I have zero sympathy for these bitches.

I will also say that society needs a safety net for women without children who get into these situations. Over the years we've had women stop by here who were being abused, yet when they call shelters, they are told there is nothing for them and women with chyldrun are the priority. As a taxpayer, I really resent that. Women without children have the best chance of leaving permanently and they are a sound investment.

Once these broads spawn with these assholes, they are huge drain on the social welfare system and they go on to clog up Family Court with their custody dramas.

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bell_flower
Over the years we've had women stop by here who were being abused, yet when they call shelters, they are told there is nothing for them and women with chyldrun are the priority.

That is truly infuriating.

I wonder if anyone has ever thought that this is some asshat method of forcing women to breed in order to get help: really will make welfare slaves out of them? Guaranteed bondage to uncle sam? talk about a real slave owner there, imo.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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twocents
I wonder if anyone has ever thought that this is some asshat method of forcing women to breed in order to get help:

I do think there's a certain level of misogyny involved in pressuring women to breed. We're still at a point where children tie a woman down more than they do a man, so having an assload of kids helps "keep women in their place," i.e., out of the workforce, out of politics, etc.

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bell_flower
Over the years we've had women stop by here who were being abused, yet when they call shelters, they are told there is nothing for them and women with chyldrun are the priority.

That's sickening, but somehow not surprising because people still uphold the belief that a woman's worth is based on how many uterine parasites she's pushed out. Contrary to popular belief, it is not more tragic when a mommy gets her ass beaten every day than when a non-childed woman experiences the same abuse. Plus I think non-breeders are more likely to get away from their abusers and stay away while Moos are more likely to go back because having cocks in their holes is more important than their kids not having matching fist-shaped bruises on their backs. There's no "I need to stay for the kids so they can have a daddy" BS with unchilded women, so wouldn't it make more sense to help them since they actually want to be helped? It seems that even women's shelters give priority to the worst "customers" just like every other place does.

Then the kids will grow up thinking that abuse is a normal part of a relationship and might be more inclined to get involved with abusers themselves. Or they become abusers like the piece of shit brat in this story.