"I don't think I want to be a dad"

I don't believe we've dissected this train-wrecky thread where a Dud says he doesn't want to be a father to his TWO children, because of course these morons always compound their misery.

The comments are a treasure trove of fail including a guy who says he's a parent because this wife's birth control failed one month after they got married (do I smell an oops?) and this gem, which I sounds like a dead ringer for Harpitina's husband (aka Nephew) if the thread weren't from 2011.

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loser Dud, who obviously gave no thought to having a kid
I know how you feel! There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way.
I just had a baby Orly? I believe she shat the kid out, not you six days ago and have discovered in that short time that I'm going to be the kind of father that doesnt care much about their children. I've never had the fatherly instinct and having a baby hasn't changed that.If you never had any fatherly instinct, why did you have a kid?
The constant noise in the house, the increasing child clutter, the constant laundry running, the money spent, not to mention that when I look at him I don't feel anything at all. The upending of my life is intolerable.This dude is bitching about the money, and his loaf is only SIX days old? Just wait, you will be hemorrhaging money for the next 18 years
My wife and I have already had several arguments and the thing that nearly fell out of her is only six days old. I don't want this in my life in the least and it doesn't bother me.

The comments are a treasure trove of fail. There are a lot of Breeders who are bewildered this guy feels the way he does, and he gets a lot of lame advice. And there is even a raging pregnasaur who waddles by to bitch all the males out.

Enjoy!

Sounds like he didn't think about it much and just went into it 'not wanting to be an old dad' rather then taking the time to determine whether or not it was something he really wanted. It seems to be a trait of these types to just go with the flow of their wives, rather then examine their own feelings. And Surprise! A bunch of these act like their wives dragged them into it rather then showing full autonomy and saying 'No!'

Some people put more thought into what shirt they want to wear each morning. How I wish people were sterile by default.

I think most men don't want kids, but they have them anyway for a number of reasons: to prove their heterosexuality/fertility, to continue their bloodline/name (especially true if the guy is "John II" and he wants a "John III"), to have bareback sex or sometimes just to shut their harpy wives up. They won't wear condoms because "condoms suck" (they do) and they won't get snipped because they'll feel less "manly," and of course they won't abstain because men have "needs." So I don't know what in the fuck they expect to happen. Some guys really take well to fatherhood, but they seem to be few and far between.

You know he won't ask his wife to give the kid up for adoption (she'd probably refuse anyway), and he already said he'll lose everything and gain nothing by getting divorced, so he'll do what a majority of reluctant fathers do: stick around to deal with his brats, thinly veiling his resentment toward said brats and most likely turning to substances to cope with his 100 percent voluntary choice. If someone has to honestly say, "Let's have kids now and get it over with so they'll be gone by the time we retire," then how do they not realize what a big fucking red flag that is?! Kids should be wanted by both parents and if you feel like having them and getting it over with like they're a prostate exam, then you shouldn't be having them at all.

I'm guessing the guy is probably in his 30s and wasn't ready to settle down, but Wifey wouldn't shut the hell up about kids, so he knocked her up. And yeah, he is watching the best years of his life get flushed down the shitter if he hates being a father, but hey, nobody forced him to knock his wife up. He could have said "no," he could have not married her, he could have remained single, he could have gotten the snip without breeding, so I don't really feel sorry for him. If he doesn't get more used to his brats, then his best bet might be to just leave and not look back and try to have a relationship with his kids when they're older. If going through the motions only affected him, it wouldn't be a problem, but his kids will feel his coldness toward them and it's not fair to them when they didn't ask to be born.

But then I know precisely what would happen if he did up and leave. He'd go find himself another woman and start the entire cycle over again because he's a fucktard.

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Cambion
he already said he'll lose everything and gain nothing by getting divorced

He'd gain not having to raise a kid. I know the financial responsibility would still be there, but both he and the kid would benefit. As Cambion points out, he's not doing the child any favors by sticking around.

But also as Cambion points out, he's clearly an idiot and would no doubt do the same damn thing again if he left.

In the beginning he said they both planned to have the kid, so he was into it. It's only after calf number 2 does he regret having it. Well Tough Bloody Shit.. Choosing to have brats isn't like ordering a meal, you can't return brats after you've discovered that they're not to your liking. They're kids not bloody steaks.

Oh, and getting it over so they're flown the nest when they retire, is a really insane reason to sluice, not to mention incredibly selfish. Yep, a big red flag as Camb said. I too don't feel sorry for this immature prat, but I do for his kids, as he's not going to give a flying F about them... So they're going to be yet another maladjusted adult who will grow up hating their parents for not giving a shit about their own kids.

I'm guessing the guy probably had a bout of acute Kodakitis when he agreed to have brats the first time after Moo filled his head with rosy visions of idyllic (read: unrealistic) parenthood, and after dealing with that loaf for four years, he still wasn't really finding Duh-hood very fulfilling. He said himself that he hates his life about 70 percent of the time since Wifey calved. I don't remember him saying the second one was planned, so odds are the younger loaf was a Happy Accident^TM or was unilaterally planned by Mommy (and I can't get the link to work anymore, so I can't check).

Hopefully this guy won't be holding his breath counting down the days until the brats turn 18 and he can boot their asses out. More than ever before, kids are coming back home to stay indefinitely instead of being independent adults. Sometimes there's a legitimate reason for this, such as lack of jobs, while other times, the kids think they're too special to work and want to mooch off Mommy and Daddy forever. I mean he can still throw them out, but they will most likely come crawling back, breed some bastards of their own and never move out.

My guess is they'll get divorced anyway from a combination of Duh making no effort to hide his resentment and because Moo wants more loaves, but if he actually got snipped, she won't be getting them from him. When Moos say they're done having kids, they very rarely mean it, so I hope Duh is prepared to pay out the ass for a vasectomy reversal.

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Oh, and getting it over so they're flown the nest when they retire.

I've never understood that one. If you view a task as something "to get over with," and you are viewing the next 18+ years as a prison sentence of sorts, does it ever occur to someone not to do it at all?

Lurking people who really don't want them but feel you are "obligated" to have them because of your parents, or Sky Daddy or your spouse: Earth is not going to fall off its axis if you don't have children! And you may have to get divorced, but getting divorced is better than having a kid you don't want, and who is to say you won't get divorced if you cave and have a life you hate anyway?

You really don't have to have children.

It boggles me that people in the First World who have choices don't make this choice when it suits them.

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kittehpeoples

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Cambion
he already said he'll lose everything and gain nothing by getting divorced

He'd gain not having to raise a kid. I know the financial responsibility would still be there, but both he and the kid would benefit. As Cambion points out, he's not doing the child any favors by sticking around.
.

I know of guys who've done just that. Never had a whole lot of interest in the kid(s), and when divorce happened they opted to just pay child support and that was it. Scuzzy, but worse than subjecting the kids to a cold father who resents them? Dunno. Both are pretty shit-tastic options. Guy would have been better wrapping it.

I do agree with you somewhat, Cambion. I think there are a LOT of men who could take it or leave it when it comes to kids, with a slight leaning toward "leave it" (if only from inertia of liking their current life, coupled with 'meh' about parenthood).

I think when long-term, reversible birth control is finally available to men, it'll be a game-changer for married dudes. Suddenly, the wife won't be the only one with control. Sure, there will still be suckers who cave in, but I'll have even less sympathy for 'em.

somewhere I heard someone say (and this was one of those mind changer assholes) who told the cf other 'we'll have one child and then we can go childfree'.
gah

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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twocents
somewhere I heard someone say (and this was one of those mind changer assholes) who told the cf other 'we'll have one child and then we can go childfree'.
gah

Wow, talk about missing the point.

I know I read it somewhere...the person who had had this bingo aimed at them posted it... just wish I could remember where.
and I agree. talk about towering blind stupid myopia about childfree.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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twocents
somewhere I heard someone say (and this was one of those mind changer assholes) who told the cf other 'we'll have one child and then we can go childfree'.
gah

I...what.

THAT.

DOESN'T.

EVEN.

MAKE.

SENSE.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

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somewhere I heard someone say (and this was one of those mind changer assholes) who told the cf other 'we'll have one child and then we can go childfree'.
gah

Sounds like my ex's logic. "Duhhhhh, well since you want no kids and I want lots of kids, we'll have just one and call it even!" Didn't seem to quite sink in that one brat was one too many for me and it wasn't really a compromise, though in an attempt to coax me into a mind change, he swore he'd make his parents raise said child for us so we could still have our own normal lives while still getting to brag about how we're parents. Apparently that was supposed to sound like such an attractive deal that I would have collapsed spread eagle and told him to knock me up right then and there.

I really don't know what the fuck he was trying to accomplish. What the fuck's the point of having kids that only one parent wants and that neither of you intend to actually raise?

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Cambion
Sounds like my ex's logic. "Duhhhhh, well since you want no kids and I want lots of kids, we'll have just one and call it even!" Didn't seem to quite sink in that one brat was one too many for me and it wasn't really a compromise.

When people say stuff like that I just laugh - I mean, we're not talking about how many donuts to buy, we're talking about a living, breathing, screaming, crying ball-and-chain here!

All these breeders' remorse stories have the same underlying theme of learned helplessness, as if the people who made these chyldrun had no control over the course of their lives then or now.

Yeah, you fucked up. Sometimes twice or three times. But there's always something that can be done to lessen your misery. Whining on a blog about your self-induced plight does not count. There's therapy, medication, couples' counseling, divorce, healthy lifestyle changes like diet and exercise, self-improvement books and courses... The point is you should be taking the reigns and doing SOMETHING to change your situation, even if it's difficult at first.

The cycle of unhappiness > poor communication with your partner > resentment > self-pity will get you nowhere. And it's really hard to fucking sympathize with an adult person who wallows in his misery but does nothing to change it. I'd bet dollars to dog turds he's never sat down with his babymomma and told her how he's feeling, which is unacceptable. I'll never understand how people get to be married to someone but can't communicate how they feel. I tell my partner EVERYthing I'm feeling, even if I know it sounds irrational or is embarrassing. And she does the same. None of this keeping our darkest feelings and resentments from each other and spilling them on a public forum. Jeez.

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trance formation usa
The cycle of unhappiness > poor communication with your partner > resentment > self-pity will get you nowhere. And it's really hard to fucking sympathize with an adult person who wallows in his misery but does nothing to change it. I'd bet dollars to dog turds he's never sat down with his babymomma and told her how he's feeling, which is unacceptable. I'll never understand how people get to be married to someone but can't communicate how they feel. I tell my partner EVERYthing I'm feeling, even if I know it sounds irrational or is embarrassing. And she does the same. None of this keeping our darkest feelings and resentments from each other and spilling them on a public forum. Jeez.

I see similar things when in a group of women of prime breeding years...they don't just bitch on public forums, they bitch to other women. They'll sit there and tear the husbands down, call them immature, lazy, hopeless, etc and expect me to nod in sympathy and understanding. They say these things with an air of "we're all women here, so we'll all get this because it's just how men are", and it just fucking floors me. Bitching about spouses is NOT an interesting or mature way to interact with your peers. Sure, sometimes I need to vent to my best friend about something that's bugging me. But that's what's going on. They are expecting that all the women in the group will swap lame/awful husband stories and bond over it or some shit. I just stand there thinking "Why are you telling ME? I barely know you!" and/or "Why aren't you talking to your husband directly about this?" Just because I have the same chromosomes doesn't mean I have such low standards for behavior and communication. And I don't badmouth my husband as social discourse.

I would LOVE to take a bunch of parents and have them fill out a survey about locus of control and examine the results. I bet a lot of the regretful, blame-shifting ones, as well as those who have no life outside of parenthood, tend to be heavily external locus of control.

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lurker-derp

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Cambion
Sounds like my ex's logic. "Duhhhhh, well since you want no kids and I want lots of kids, we'll have just one and call it even!" Didn't seem to quite sink in that one brat was one too many for me and it wasn't really a compromise.

When people say stuff like that I just laugh - I mean, we're not talking about how many donuts to buy, we're talking about a living, breathing, screaming, crying ball-and-chain here!

The only ball-and-chain I want is Chain Chomp from Mario Bros. A bunch of them guarding my house!

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randomcfchick

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trance formation usa
The cycle of unhappiness > poor communication with your partner > resentment > self-pity will get you nowhere. And it's really hard to fucking sympathize with an adult person who wallows in his misery but does nothing to change it. I'd bet dollars to dog turds he's never sat down with his babymomma and told her how he's feeling, which is unacceptable. I'll never understand how people get to be married to someone but can't communicate how they feel. I tell my partner EVERYthing I'm feeling, even if I know it sounds irrational or is embarrassing. And she does the same. None of this keeping our darkest feelings and resentments from each other and spilling them on a public forum. Jeez.

I see similar things when in a group of women of prime breeding years...they don't just bitch on public forums, they bitch to other women. They'll sit there and tear the husbands down, call them immature, lazy, hopeless, etc and expect me to nod in sympathy and understanding. They say these things with an air of "we're all women here, so we'll all get this because it's just how men are", and it just fucking floors me. Bitching about spouses is NOT an interesting or mature way to interact with your peers. Sure, sometimes I need to vent to my best friend about something that's bugging me. But that's what's going on. They are expecting that all the women in the group will swap lame/awful husband stories and bond over it or some shit. I just stand there thinking "Why are you telling ME? I barely know you!" and/or "Why aren't you talking to your husband directly about this?" Just because I have the same chromosomes doesn't mean I have such low standards for behavior and communication. And I don't badmouth my husband as social discourse.

I would LOVE to take a bunch of parents and have them fill out a survey about locus of control and examine the results. I bet a lot of the regretful, blame-shifting ones, as well as those who have no life outside of parenthood, tend to be heavily external locus of control.

I have very similar thoughts and feelings when I am communicating with groups of women.
Although I am a woman, I feel that I am more neutral or closer to the male thoughts and opinions.

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Cambion

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somewhere I heard someone say (and this was one of those mind changer assholes) who told the cf other 'we'll have one child and then we can go childfree'.
gah

Sounds like my ex's logic. "Duhhhhh, well since you want no kids and I want lots of kids, we'll have just one and call it even!" Didn't seem to quite sink in that one brat was one too many for me and it wasn't really a compromise, though in an attempt to coax me into a mind change, he swore he'd make his parents raise said child for us so we could still have our own normal lives while still getting to brag about how we're parents. Apparently that was supposed to sound like such an attractive deal that I would have collapsed spread eagle and told him to knock me up right then and there.

I really don't know what the fuck he was trying to accomplish. What the fuck's the point of having kids that only one parent wants and that neither of you intend to actually raise?

This reminds me of a couple that I know. When they first started dating, she said that she wanted zero kids, he said that he wanted at least one. They would go back and fourth and he would say that ok, they would have "half of a kid".

Fast forward a few years, they had one kid, she does not want any more and is not even all excited about the current situation. She did not have to breed but she was to ignorant and too influenced by mainstream media to question a "norm".

Why do women who lean CF, breed? I think I answered that question above. There are more CF men out there than CF women realize, but, lack of information and societal pressure creates rough situations for CF people in general.