Pre-op counseling because I don't have kids?

I know I haven't been posting here in a while, but I wanted to see if anyone has gone though this because I am really not sure what to expect.

Because of my issues, I finally found a doctor who is willing to perform a laparoscopic hysterectomy on me at my age (turning 35 this year). But the doctor told me because of my age, and the fact that I never had kids, I would have to go to a pre-op counseling session to make sure that I understood that this would make me never be able to have children (duh, that's the point). So I agreed to it because I am willing to do whatever it takes to get this useless organ out of me.

I will also admit that I have been pushing for this even more so due to the current political climate. I really don't want to have to worry about unwanted pregnancy with the way things are going. I must have been to about 3-4 different doctors in the last year alone until I found one finally willing to do something other than tell me "you could change my mind someday and how would you like to try the umpteenth type of birth control to help your periods?"

Has anyone here ever gone through this? Is this going to be a giant bingo session? Could I still be denied my hysterectomy? The doctor did tell me after my session that she could schedule the surgery in 1-2 weeks after I attend. My pre-op session is in less than 2 weeks and I want to be prepared.

I think the pre-op session is to cover the doctor's base legally, so if a patient tries to sue them after the surgery, they can come back and say that the patient had counseling and agreed to this. I say this because I know a doctor who did the procedure you are about to have, and the woman tried to sue the doctor afterwards, saying that she didn't know a hysterectomy would make her sterile.

Go to the session, tell them what they want to hear, and have your procedure. I've had a laparoscopic hysterectomy and it's wonderful. PM me if you'd like to know what recovery was like.

I agree with Peace, it's generally an arse covering exercise for both the doc and the institution he works for, moreso them than the actual doc. Plus some docs don't want to be tarnished by the rampant breeders as a babby-machine murderer (or other such nonsense).

However, there is the other side where there is an actual and genuine concern that a person will suffer from psychological effects by having a hysterectomy done at peak breeding age. Some women are so wrapped up in their uterus as a part of their identity, that removing it can actually send them into a mental health crisis.

Then there are some women that tend to act impulsively, and may not be in their right minds. Perhaps this is a way of weeding them out prior to a un-reversable surgery.

As Peace said, just tell em what they want to hear, and get the green light for it.

While it could be pretty rage-inducing that a grown woman has to attend a counseling session to understand the ramifications of a needed medical procedure, I agree with the sentiment that this is a way for the doctor to cover her bases. I haven't looked at the data for post-hysterectomy regret, but given the data for post-sterilization regret, I strongly suspect that once again, it's Breeder women that we can thank for the idea that a woman falls into a hysterical heap after removing or disabling a reproductive organ. (Because the lowest incidence of tubal regret comes from nullipara women. It makes sense because most issues are serial breeding problems, and due to people's propensity to meet new people and want to breed again with them.)

Anyway I would do it too, eye on the prize and all that. I would approach it as yes, this is necessary medical procedure and a quality of life issue. You might want to mention missed time from work (and bring documentation such as missed days, etc.) and the need to provide for yourself economically, etc. And as a result of the procedure you realize you will be unable to bear children and you are comfortable with that. You are relieved that a doctor is offering you some relief. (If you have female troubles in the family such as early hysterectomies or cancer, that might be a good thing to mention as well.)


I would get a few neutral backup phrases in case your counselor asks probing questions or appears to be talking you out of it. Keep it it to "I" statements.

I am comfortable with not having biological children, never had a strong desire to have them.
Well, obviously, if I met a man who wanted a woman to have biological children, I wouldn't be the person for him.

I see it very unlikely that I would change my mind because I don't change my mind in other areas of my life, but if I had a sudden desire to raise a child, I believe adoption is a noble thing and I could raise someone whom I'm not biologically related to. (If this is true.)

Hopefully you won't have to use these things, but I'd have them in my back pocket in case I needed them.

I had a very necessary hysterectomy at age 42. If it had not been a reproductive organ, it would have been gone before I was 25. Had to get my ovaries removed and I take a cocktail of bio-identical hormones. Medicine is great for that now. It's all good! And I've managed to accumulate two months of sick leave since the procedure.

good luck and keep us posted.

Sheer liability. My last flight surgeon explained this; people get the surgery which is permanent then want to sue because they change their minds about kids. It is all to protect the doctor, and by and large not to try to convince us to breed.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

For equality and fairness, I would like similar counselling sessions mandatory before or soon after a couple becomes pregnant.
Both males and females should have a counselling session before they take on the massive responsibility of a child.

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cassia
For equality and fairness, I would like similar counselling sessions mandatory before or soon after a couple becomes pregnant.
Both males and females should have a counselling session before they take on the massive responsibility of a child.

That is such a good point. Having a baby is irreversable too, and has great potential to cause terrible problems if you and/or the child's father changes your mind. Couples that want to breed should be made to understand the massive financial cost, as well as emotional and time commitment. They should be reminded that no prenatal tests are perfect and the child could potentially be disabled which causes even more of a strain on a relationship. They should be reminded in some states/municipalities they can be held liable if the kid commits a crime.

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone on here for all the advice and thoughts. I feel much better now about what to expect. I had a feeling it was a session for them to cover their asses legally.

But today I just learned that there is a very good chance that around the time my surgery would be scheduled that I may be starting a new job, so I'm not sure if I will have to postpone this. I'm really not happy about that, but it's the job I had my eye on for a long time, so passing on it is not an option.

I will definitely keep everyone posted, and let you all know what happens! As of right now, I will still be attending the pre-op session, new job or not.

Do transgender people require counseling before they have their gender organs removed? No trying to start an argument, I'm genuinely curious.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

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Miss_Hannigan
Do transgender people require counseling before they have their gender organs removed? No trying to start an argument, I'm genuinely curious.

Yes, obviously. No doctor performs such radical surgery without it.

Hummm... I got my hyst at 40 and I never had counciling. I was still of chyldbearing years. (a friend had all of her kyds after 40) All I remember is signing a release form stating the I understood what I was doing was permanant. I don't know.. maybe the doctor felt that I was already well informed about what I wanted.

Yeah... it's just an arse covering tactic.

Been a long time 'nobodylikesyourkidsbutyou'. Good to see you again.

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nobodylikesyourkidbutyou
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone on here for all the advice and thoughts. I feel much better now about what to expect. I had a feeling it was a session for them to cover their asses legally.

But today I just learned that there is a very good chance that around the time my surgery would be scheduled that I may be starting a new job, so I'm not sure if I will have to postpone this. I'm really not happy about that, but it's the job I had my eye on for a long time, so passing on it is not an option.

I will definitely keep everyone posted, and let you all know what happens! As of right now, I will still be attending the pre-op session, new job or not.

Depending on what your job is, you can go back to work in 5 days after this surgery.

as another point of view, here I am. Let me state I NEVER wanted kids. I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids at 29 and the docs immediately, and for decades more, began advising me to "just have it all out". Long story short, I had read a very interesting commentary years back in the Washington Post from a woman who had had a hysto. and experienced serious and "non-serious" side effects. I understand that in many/most hystos. they remove the cervix, so your vagina is shortened? Is that correct?
To me, that indicated, long before the interwebs, that I ought to research the subject. I read an interesting (by now quite old) book "No More Unnecessary Hysterectomies" written by a male doctor. Illuminating! My gut reaction was and is that having uterus , etc removed MUST cause some side effects, especially sexual. I just "feel" and believe that this surgery has become so routine in our culture (check out the difference in stats in single-payer health care nations), that we just assume it's best in many irrelevant situations. I also believe that it's least possible that women are led to believe that any side effects they may have are "all in their head" because they now"feel their womanhood is taken away" or etc.
Admittedly, this is one my"issues" and I am radical on it. I eventually contacted an even MORE radical organization HERS (Hysto Education and something something) and they led me to a doctor in DC who did many of the procedures I needed--some on a same-day basis.
Just saying--consider the choices--always! Check out less drastic surgery like tubals, if you haven't already

I had my cervix and uterus removed due to infection and fibroids 24 years ago now. Happy to report I had no adverse effect of the procedure...either physical or psycological. Sex was better after it was done. (cervix was not any shorter as far as I could tell) For me it was the best thing I have ever done for my health and mental well being. I never considered any other treatment for my condition because I never wanted children... period. (oh.. and I didn't want any more of those either...lol)

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reeniebessagain
as another point of view, here I am. Let me state I NEVER wanted kids. I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids at 29 and the docs immediately, and for decades more, began advising me to "just have it all out". Long story short, I had read a very interesting commentary years back in the Washington Post from a woman who had had a hysto. and experienced serious and "non-serious" side effects. I understand that in many/most hystos. they remove the cervix, so your vagina is shortened? Is that correct?
To me, that indicated, long before the interwebs, that I ought to research the subject. I read an interesting (by now quite old) book "No More Unnecessary Hysterectomies" written by a male doctor. Illuminating! My gut reaction was and is that having uterus , etc removed MUST cause some side effects, especially sexual. I just "feel" and believe that this surgery has become so routine in our culture (check out the difference in stats in single-payer health care nations), that we just assume it's best in many irrelevant situations. I also believe that it's least possible that women are led to believe that any side effects they may have are "all in their head" because they now"feel their womanhood is taken away" or etc.
Admittedly, this is one my"issues" and I am radical on it. I eventually contacted an even MORE radical organization HERS (Hysto Education and something something) and they led me to a doctor in DC who did many of the procedures I needed--some on a same-day basis.
Just saying--consider the choices--always! Check out less drastic surgery like tubals, if you haven't already

I don't think that a hysterectomy is the best solution if you have no inherent disease of the uterus, sterilization is better.

But if I had something wrong with my uterus, I'd have it ripped out. When you have gallstones nobody tries to make you save your gallbladder, when your wisdom teeth are impacted nobody says keep them, and when your appendix is about to burst nobody is going to argue the benefits of non-invasive treatment. If an organ isn't necessary for life, and it is dramatically reducing your quality of life and endangering your health, why not get it removed? The only reason against it I can think of is emotional; if you "feel" that it will affect your sexuality then it probably will, not because the procedure necessarily does, but because of how you view it.

This is not to say there cannot be side effects, but for me a choice between possible minor side effects and health is an easy one.

When I had my hysterectomy, I did the research and elected to keep my cervix because of pelvic floor reasons and guess what? It didn't make that much difference. (I'd still make the same decision.)

I'm having issues due to things "falling down," mostly bladder issues which I'm taking a course of physical therapy to help. It doesn't take having a loaf to affect these things; prior to having my hysterectomy, I had stage 4 endometriosis and t was all over my abdomen, rectum, everywhere.

I do have a lot of anger toward doctors for not considering hysterectomy and ovary removal as an option. I could have done it earlier before the disease caused the damage I still live with today. I can't tell you the number of doctors who didn't even want to TREAT me and told me to come back WHEN I wanted to get pregnant. If I found one who was somewhat compassionate, I would get a D&C (had 6-7 between my 20's and 40's) and a laproscope to burn off tissue and that's it.

Generally I believe you should keep your parts if possible, but there's no doubt medicine is Breederific and overly-attached to that pear-sized bundle of muscle and tissue (and what we elect to do with it) and I resent the Hell out of that.

Navi8orgirl said, "Sheer liability. My last flight surgeon explained this; people get the surgery which is permanent then want to sue because they change their minds about kids. It is all to protect the doctor, and by and large not to try to convince us to breed."

The claim about women changing their minds after sterilization and wanting to sue is a common reason doctors give for not wanting to perform the operation. I call bunk on this surgeon's claim, as that smacks of the standard line. A few years back on Bratfree, a member with access to legal search engines checked after my request and could find no successful suit against a doctor by someone who changed her mind after sterilization. There were plenty of suits over failed sterilizations that led to unwanted post-op pregnancies, though.

Married men who want vasectomies experience similar resistance from doctors about sterilization. Some urologists expect the wife to sign agreeing to the husband's snip, which violates the health privacy provisions of the US law known as HIPAA.

The reality is that despite the real problems with litigious morons suing at the drop of a hat, no lawyer is likely to take a case involving suing a doctor over a successful operation after the patient changes his/her mind later. The law just doesn't work like that.

Plus, if it were about litigation, doctors in countries where lawsuits are far more uncommon wouldn't exhibit the same paternalistic attitude.

I didn't want to give TMI, but I probably should have explained that there is a medical reason for me wanting a hysterectomy. For the past year, my periods have been lasting 2-3 weeks. I have taken ultrasounds, and the doctors can't even find a medical explanation as to why. It's just how my body is, and I can't take it anymore. They have not been heavy or painful enough for me to miss work, but I am sick and tired of spending untold amounts of money on feminine products, not to mention what it has done to my sex life.

Four different doctors have also told me that an ablation may not work on someone my age, so hysterectomy it is. The fact that I will not be able to have kids after this is a huge bonus of course.

Several years ago, I did have a doctor that would have given me a tubal ligation, but that would have not solved my other problems. I have always been irregular, but what has been happening to me lately is actually starting to drive me insane.

I did ask that my ovaries be left in, so that I do not enter premature menopause. I forgot to ask if my cervix is going to be removed, I'll have to do that at my next appointment.

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Peace

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nobodylikesyourkidbutyou
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone on here for all the advice and thoughts. I feel much better now about what to expect. I had a feeling it was a session for them to cover their asses legally.

But today I just learned that there is a very good chance that around the time my surgery would be scheduled that I may be starting a new job, so I'm not sure if I will have to postpone this. I'm really not happy about that, but it's the job I had my eye on for a long time, so passing on it is not an option.

I will definitely keep everyone posted, and let you all know what happens! As of right now, I will still be attending the pre-op session, new job or not.

Depending on what your job is, you can go back to work in 5 days after this surgery.

The new job I may be getting involves a lot of standing and walking, with maybe a couple hours of sitting a day. It deals with the public, so it could vary from day to day. I have read that recovery time could take up to two weeks, but it could be less?

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nobodylikesyourkidbutyou

The new job I may be getting involves a lot of standing and walking, with maybe a couple hours of sitting a day. It deals with the public, so it could vary from day to day. I have read that recovery time could take up to two weeks, but it could be less?

Oh, I don't know, but maybe after dealing with the public, you will want the 2 weeks for recovery time!


I am sick and tired of spending untold amounts of money on feminine products

But your doctor might own stock in Kimberly-Clark and Proctor and Gamble, and he likes what that does to his stock portfolio.

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nobodylikesyourkidbutyou

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Peace

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nobodylikesyourkidbutyou
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone on here for all the advice and thoughts. I feel much better now about what to expect. I had a feeling it was a session for them to cover their asses legally.

But today I just learned that there is a very good chance that around the time my surgery would be scheduled that I may be starting a new job, so I'm not sure if I will have to postpone this. I'm really not happy about that, but it's the job I had my eye on for a long time, so passing on it is not an option.

I will definitely keep everyone posted, and let you all know what happens! As of right now, I will still be attending the pre-op session, new job or not.

Depending on what your job is, you can go back to work in 5 days after this surgery.

The new job I may be getting involves a lot of standing and walking, with maybe a couple hours of sitting a day. It deals with the public, so it could vary from day to day. I have read that recovery time could take up to two weeks, but it could be less?

Of you have a desk job, you can go back to work in about 5 days. But since you do a lot of standing and walking, you'd need a couple of weeks recovery time.

I had my appointment today, everything went well! It was just a session for them to go over the risks and possible complications of the surgery. Of course it was stated in three different ways on as many forms that I will not be able to have children ever. I was also asked to sign and date forms stating that I am aware of this.

But they did not set a date yet because the office was closing by the time I left. I should be hearing about that tomorrow.

I never heard back on from that job I was waiting on. I am going to assume at this point that I did not get it, and go on with the surgery. Recovery time is supposed to be 2 weeks.

Thanks again, everyone! I knew exactly what to expect today, and I did not feel nervous going in at all. I will come back and update this when I have more news.

Bumping this thread because my surgery has finally been scheduled! It's going to be a week from today, and I can't wait to get it over and done with. But I have some embarrassing questions about what will become of my future sex life. Can someone who has had this done please send me a private message? Thanks.

Congratulations on your surgery date!