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Why won't my adult child talk on the phone twice a day? I am outraged!

Posted by thundergirl85 
http://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-of-college-kids/i-am-ask-to-much-to-return-my-calls-386984

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My 21 daughter has refund to return my calls she says I bug her call her to much, she going on irview and just wanted to know how the interview went? She went on the inteview on Monday I called and left messages everyday until Sunday and still no response. So I begain to worry I had everyone in our circle checking up on her to find out she was fine. Not only did I look like fool my feeling were extreamly hurt. I feel in was disrespectful and totally unnessacary. If she didn't want to talk she could have texted my or email. Not I am totally upset with her and not sure of how should reponsed. Please help

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My son moved out. Stopped talking to me and when he did it was all against me. How I want to control him. How he is grown up and leave him alone... Well it ate away at me so much I had a Heart Attack . Seen him in the hospital for 3 days. But after that he's back to never coming over. Not calling . When I call he doesn't answer... Only maybe a text. We are not invited to his apartment . Don't let your son eat away at u like mine has done.... Broken Hearts can cause Heart Attacks!!!

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ahhh my son has just finished uni........and its so hard ...i had to not ring for a whole week nearly killed me.... buttt he rang one day and said UMMMM MUM JUST RING TO LET U KNOW IAM STILL ALIVE.... lol........he said why havent u rang me all week... i was like ive been busy....aftter that id ring maybe three times a week ....but try ring when he wasnt busy........if he was going out i said please just send a text when u get home safe.........it worked........ they will always be our babies ....even when there 40 ....bless em xxxx

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I agree with Vivan, let her miss you. but if she still doesn't call send her a letter in the mail and tell her how much you love her and that a relationship is two way - not one way and she needs to keep up her end of it. Explain to her that it is rude and inconsiderate to let you worry about her. Ask her how she would feel if she really needed you and you did not return her phone calls or answer when she called and left her hanging (make her answer that question)!!!! maybe then she will get it. if she keeps it up then when she calls do not answer and see if she then "gets it" this should work.

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How do I handle my son not wanting me to call him. I call maybe once a day or every other day and sometimes he won't answer my calls or call me back. I even told him that I wouldn't call that much but I wanted him to call me on sundays. And he said, " Sundays are football days" and he didn't call me on Sunday. He won't tell his dad not to call him, and he calls him two or three times a day. How do I take that??? Any suggestions???

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It was very difficult for me when my daughter left for college. I think I cried for about three months.

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Oh...I am so sorry...that must really hurt. I have a teenage son and it hurts my feelings when he won't accept a hug or pat on the back. I do remember that my brother really cut the strings from my mom, but they are now very close. I think guys at some point in their lives feel like they have to really cut the apron strings and be men. He just hasn't realized yet that he does need his mom, but he will. We moms love our little boys and want those sweet little boy days

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Guess I am like everyone else here. My 21 year old moved out 2 years ago and it drove me crazy not talking to him or seeing him everyday. It does get better with time I assure you. Try texting or emailing, not the same as hearing his voice, I know, but better than nothing. He will come around in time, mine did.

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I've been there, this is my son 2nd year. I called him sometimes 3 times a day, and like your son he stop answering my call, we talked and I ask him to help me let him grw up to be a man. So what we agreed to is I call him once a week, or for him to call me once a week, then at a certain every night I text him to tell him good nite, I love him and to pray. guess what it works for us. Oh yeal, he calls me more now, because he feels like he's in charge of his life. We must give them space to grow.
Just, wow. Things certainly have changed since I went to college in the Cretaceous Period (1986-1990 and 1994-1996). I spoke with my parents once a week or every other week and I made out fine. I would have been suffocated if my parents called me several times a day.
I can see why anyone would want to get away from that inarticulate heap of neediness. They don't want to give their children any space to be adults.
given the level of English acuity, surprised some of the sproggen made it to kawledge

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children
and I defy anyone to prove me wrong:

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my pets.

Mankind and its needs (wants) are like unto a black hole. It devours all available resources and it never is full: it merely grows larger and demands more.

Definition of 'wealthy': Anyone who makes more/has more than you do.

Someone pointed out that I'm a realist. And all along I thought I was just a pessimist crossed with a cynic.

Entitlement, thy name is mooooooooooooooo

"Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove
they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen.
Add to this that, many of those who refuse or are unable to prove they are
citizens, will receive free insurance paid for by those who are.""

I am confused enough already. I do not need outside help.
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twocents
given the level of English acuity, surprised some of the sproggen made it to kawledge

The grammar in those posts is atrocious!
Good grief. I'm the youngest, my dad died when I was a kid, I went to a university that was out-of-state and seven hours away, and even so, my mother didn't need more than a once-a-week call to just update her on how school is, if anything interesting happened, ask her questions about a topic (she's a psychologist and I majored in psychology), if I'm getting along with my roommates, and such. Her expectation was that I was to study hard, but also have a life and learn to be an independent adult.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan
Ah, yes, the helicopter parent. I worked in the Residence Life department of a major university for 18 years, and you'd be amazed (or perhaps you wouldn't) at the number of parents who just won't let go when Bratleigh and Snotford go off to college. We had parents who, after trying one time to get a phone call through to their kid, called the hall director. If the HD couldn't/wouldn't make the kid call Moo and Duh, then they'd go straight to the Department Head. Like he had nothing better to do than chase down Cathy Coed who, now deeply ensconced in the university and its social life, had neglected to call her parents for one day. The parental units just could not conceive of a life where they didn't talk to their kyd at least once a day, or one where their offspring had a life separate from Mom and Dad.
That's both sad and pathetic! Those parents have nothing else going in their lives after their kids leave the nest so they stalk their adult children instead of creating a new way of living that includes picking up old hobbies and interests they enjoyed pre-kids.
Yeah, if my mom and/or dad had been that smothery and needy when I went to college, I would have called and visited a lot less. Maybe it was because I am the youngest and they'd done the young adult/college offspring thing before, but they let me have room to build myself a life, try things, and (gasp) make mistakes.

It's pretty clear why these young adults aren't calling or texting or communicating. They're glad to be out from under all that pressure and dysfunction!
mumof6birds... I was just being a trifle sarcastic?
My english, grammar and otherwise, is definitely not the best but it is a far sight better then what is encountered nowadays. For the most part. smiling smiley

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children
and I defy anyone to prove me wrong:

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my pets.

Mankind and its needs (wants) are like unto a black hole. It devours all available resources and it never is full: it merely grows larger and demands more.

Definition of 'wealthy': Anyone who makes more/has more than you do.

Someone pointed out that I'm a realist. And all along I thought I was just a pessimist crossed with a cynic.

Entitlement, thy name is mooooooooooooooo

"Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove
they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen.
Add to this that, many of those who refuse or are unable to prove they are
citizens, will receive free insurance paid for by those who are.""

I am confused enough already. I do not need outside help.
Oh, twocents, I didn't mean you at all...I meant the moos who wrote those posts! smiling smiley
There's probably a really good reason these people's kids don't call them, like extreme helicoptering. Fuck, even when I was in college, my overbearing, controlling banshee of a mother didn't expect me to call her very often - every 1-2 weeks unless something else came up. Probably the only point in my life when she maintained a healthy distance. These now-grown kids are probably thrilled to be away from what I can safely assume are clingy, controlling and/or narcissistic parents and they aren't in any rush to call Mommy every single fucking day.

If someone has a healthy relationship with their parents, they'll keep in touch, and depending on the relationship a person has with their parents, a call every day may still well fall within the bounds of normal/healthy. I know a couple people who get on really well with their parents, have a healthy connection to them and talk to them damn near every day. These barnacle mommies have no one to blame but themselves for driving their adult children away after being wedged firmly up said children's asses all their lives. If you've worked yourself into a heart attack over your grown child not calling you constantly, you need to get your fucking head examined. The less space helicopter breeders give their kids, the more distance those kids will put between them physically and/or verbally once they do manage to get away.

What happened? People used to be thrilled when their brats turned 18 and could be kicked out of the house. Now parents want Junior and Princess to rot away at home with them forever, seemingly not giving a shit if their kids ever learn to grow up, be independent adults and quit sucking on Mommy's tit. If Moo can't keep her kids at home dependent on her, she'll passive-aggressively make them feel bad for daring to have their own lives that don't revolve around her and her whims.
ok mum, all is good... smiling smiley
but truth be told, my english definitely is lacking in many areas

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children
and I defy anyone to prove me wrong:

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my pets.

Mankind and its needs (wants) are like unto a black hole. It devours all available resources and it never is full: it merely grows larger and demands more.

Definition of 'wealthy': Anyone who makes more/has more than you do.

Someone pointed out that I'm a realist. And all along I thought I was just a pessimist crossed with a cynic.

Entitlement, thy name is mooooooooooooooo

"Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove
they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen.
Add to this that, many of those who refuse or are unable to prove they are
citizens, will receive free insurance paid for by those who are.""

I am confused enough already. I do not need outside help.
Quote

What happened? People used to be thrilled when their brats turned 18 and could be kicked out of the house. Now parents want Junior and Princess to rot away at home with them forever, seemingly not giving a shit if their kids ever learn to grow up, be independent adults and quit sucking on Mommy's tit. If Moo can't keep her kids at home dependent on her, she'll passive-aggressively make them feel bad for daring to have their own lives that don't revolve around her and her whims.

I came of age in the 70's and early 80's when most self kids couldn't wait to get out of their parents' house. It was acknowledged that having milk crate bookshelves and living in a dump was worth it because you were free. I think the rise of Mommyism, where parents, particularly Moomies, have no life outside their kids can be blamed for the current trend + a healthy dose of consumerism + in some cases student loan debt.

As far as the consumerism, affluent kids don't want to spend any time in apartments---they want to go right to houses, usually financed by Mom and dud, and they want all the techno gadgets.
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I came of age in the 70's and early 80's when most self kids couldn't wait to get out of their parents' house. It was acknowledged that having milk crate bookshelves and living in a dump was worth it because you were free. I think the rise of Mommyism, where parents, particularly Moomies, have no life outside their kids can be blamed for the current trend + a healthy dose of consumerism + in some cases student loan debt. .

Yes. I was also one of those kids who could not wait to be an adult and venture out on my own. Living in a dump or somewhat of a dump was a rite of passage for past generations. You saved your own money to earn a better place to live.


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As far as the consumerism, affluent kids don't want to spend any time in apartments---they want to go right to houses, usually financed by Mom and dud, and they want all the techno gadgets.

I live in a university town--this is so true. In fact, within the last twelve years or so, all off-campus construction has catered to this trend. The newest off-campus apartments, cottages, houses, suites and condos have all or most of the following: computer labs, full fitness centers, swimming pools/saunas, public transit bus passes included in rent, laundry service (Not the washer/dryer combos--someone actually does laundry for the tenants!) and recreation centers. My 45 YO equally childfree BF and I share a modest two-level/two bedroom townhouse and live comfortably on the outskirts of the downtown area. We have none of those amenities (and bought our own public transit bus passes and washer/dryer) and we are absolutely fine. We sometimes mutter about how today's students live so high on the hog!
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(Not the washer/dryer combos--someone actually does laundry for the tenants!

Ew, no. Just give me an in-unit washer/dryer combo (so I don't have to deal with assholes being selfish with shared laundromats) and I'll do my own laundry.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan
Re: Why won't my adult child talk on the phone twice a day? I am outraged!
March 22, 2017 09:56AM
I had an early helicopter mom. I was also her scapegoat do-no-right child. Disapproval, punishment after punishment, spying, searching, invading... When she demanded rent I said fuck this and left. I wasn't ready to leave, but she was certainly not getting money from me. Fortunately this was before cell phones. Unfortunately she would just show up at any time if she knew where I was staying. So I gave her fake addresses often, and lived out of my car periodically. Now she is just super passive aggressive, still feels a sense of ownership over me, and still refuses me closeness or affection.

Why don't I invite her over more??? She just doesn't understand! She feels like she always has to tiptoe around my feelings because I DARE to react normally to the actual words coming out of her mouth. Why can't I understand that I am supposed to take her abuse and come back begging for more? (Well, she doesn't say that last sentance, lol! But that's what it comes down to.)

Some people just don't deserve to breed, and yes I wouldn't care if I didn't exist. But seriously, possessive helicopter moos need to find a new hobby.
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