Wellllll..... I guess I gotta see the loaf

Looks like I will have to see the loaf that Harpitina baked. LOL However.. dh has decided not to invite them here but to meet them at a restaurant up near where they live. (he WON'T go to their house .. and that's understandable) He's still asking that I 'at least hold it' Well... we'll see about that. I told him "but..they LEAK...from both ends!!"

At least we won't have to sit around and stare at it too long like if it were visiting here. No putting up with where they will change it or anything. I just gotta suck it up and go have a look I guess. Can't put it off forever. It's really Harpi I don't care to see. I can bet that dh won't find the visit too stimulating with a 6 month old babbling or screeming or drooling through lunch.

We're going on April 17th. Start the count down.

I still don't understand why you need to "at least hold it" What is the difference if you hold it or not?

With all the germs passed in that family in the past few months... I'm not even sure about giving a courtesy hug to the moo and duh.

Exactly. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, you do not HAVE to hold it.

I see no reason to hold it.

Why do you have to hold it? Because you're a woman? Let him hold the rotten thing if he's so insistent on it being held.

I don't get the 'hold it' crap either. Personally.. I can't see dh holding a loaf. He probably wouldn't know how. I know how.. but I prefer not to. We'll see how long it takes me to come down with some illness after this little 'meet and greet' It always happens. I like to keep a safe distance between me and a loaf or toadler.

I dont get why breeders want people who dislike children to hold their babies. If in some alternate universe I were a parent id keep my baby far away from people who didn't like it.

It's not the breeders who want me to hold it... it's my own HUSBAND!!!! He doesn't want me to make HIM look bad in front of the only family he still speaks to. LOL Well... it will be an interesting lunch. Can't wait to post about it. It's the only thing that has me looking forward to any part of it. I intend to put on my best CF attitude.... calm and quick wit and avoidance of any baybee touching.

Quote
starlady
It's not the breeders who want me to hold it... it's my own HUSBAND!!!! He doesn't want me to make HIM look bad in front of the only family he still speaks to.

Either the connection between the two of you and your husband's nephew is based on ties of affection, or it is based on a hope for inheritance. If the latter, you two could show up in ogre masks and scream at them and they'd still try to salvage the relationship. If the former, what kind of ties of affection are so fickle and conditional that they require deception instead of being yourself, in order to meet expectations?

I'm glad you were able to convince your husband to go out to lunch instead of having them visit at your house. I would still try talking to him about holding the loaf though. There is a very small list of things people "have" to do, and none of them involve discomforting yourself for familiar expectations. I would try talking some sense into him. You could say something like, "I know you have a strong sense of familiar obligation, and if you want to pursue a relationship with nephew that's fine, but he is YOUR nephew. Any sense of familiar obligation you have towards them is something you are going to have to fill."

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

Quote
yurble

Quote
starlady
It's not the breeders who want me to hold it... it's my own HUSBAND!!!! He doesn't want me to make HIM look bad in front of the only family he still speaks to.

Either the connection between the two of you and your husband's nephew is based on ties of affection, or it is based on a hope for inheritance. If the latter, you two could show up in ogre masks and scream at them and they'd still try to salvage the relationship. If the former, what kind of ties of affection are so fickle and conditional that they require deception instead of being yourself, in order to meet expectations?

It's my dh who is trying to maintain the relationship. The nephew does look up to him like a second father figure. (as his father is 1000 miles away and doesn't really give a rip anyway) One thing I have to do is stop him and harpi from calling me 'aunt'. It's as bad as Mrs. I am nobody's aunt and Mrs (starlady) is my mother in law. Really.. we are not blood related and I think it is up to me as to what they call me. They can just use my first name...that will do. Dh is fine with that idea. Just makes me cringe every time I hear them call me 'aunt.'

I am sure dh will see that me holding the loaf is not necessary in the grand scheme of things. I'll bet when we see it and it's sitting there drooling or 'fussing' and has it's whole fist in it's mouth trying to cut a tooth... he'll also have second thoughts. LOL

If the worst comes to worst you can just act like you are coming down with a cold and say that you don't want to hold the loaf for its own safety. Bonus points if you have allergies you can trigger right before you go so you are legitimately sniffling and sneezing.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

Avoiding holding a baby is pretty simple. Keep your hands in your pockets so you don't look like you're ready or interested. If they hold it out, don't accept. "No thanks, looks like s/he is fine where s/he is". Stay standing so you don't have a lap to put the baby in. Keep talking about non-baby stuff. It's worked for me, anyways.

Well, I'm going to have to sit. We're going to dinner. LOL But then.. who's want to hold a kyd while eating at a restaurant?

Yeah, I thought of the 'sniffles' issue, but I do have spring allergies anyway so dh would see through that.

Just a matter of avoiding it. I really don't think the breeders will ask me if I want to hold her. They already know I do not like kyds and I told them so a couple of years ago. This is why THEY are not pushing for us to see it. I told my dh this but he thinks "oh they don't remember you saying that"
Oh yes they do. I never saw her bulgy eyes bulge out so big. She was shocked (moreso than Nephew) I don't believe she had heard anyone in her life ever say they did not like kyds and did not want them in their home. I said that and... you better believe she remembers. This is why I am glad that, if I do have to see the kyd, then it is not at my house. I am keeping my word at least...for now.

Quote

Avoiding holding a baby is pretty simple. Keep your hands in your pockets so you don't look like you're ready or interested. If they hold it out, don't accept. "No thanks, looks like s/he is fine where s/he is". Stay standing so you don't have a lap to put the baby in. Keep talking about non-baby stuff. It's worked for me, anyways.

Great suggestions.

IIRC, Mr. starlady was the one who originally did not want kyds in the marriage, so I believe he's as CF as they come.

I think the problem here might be: Mr. starlady wants to see them, be also wants Mrs. starlady to go and he wants her to like going for some reason.

That's not really grown up thinking, at least in my mind. (But it's also very human to feel this way. I have a strong personality--I have to catch myself when I'm wanting DH to want what I want and I'm not giving him space.)

My DH and I had differing ideas when it came to visiting his family. 99% of the problem was that he wanted me to go and he wanted me to enjoy it. He finally got it through his head that that best he was going to get was a negotiation. I choose to go if my conditions are met. It also helps that my DH is one of the most egalitarian people I've ever met. I never feel as if I don't have a say in marital decisions.

And hey, let's not discount another possibility: we are over-analyzing something that he forgot as soon as it left his mouth. I once heard a comedian say the problem between the sexes is that men don't remember anything they say, and women remember everything men say.

starlady--many of us know about the "deafness" of breeders. They may have heard you say you didn't like kids, but , like evangelical religious people, they ALWAYS think they have to try to win you over! "All it will take is one time holding this Magical Baby and she will fall down and BEG for one of her own". Then they will be casting sweet little looks at you for the rest of the visit to see if you can tear yourself away from gazing, enraptured, at their loaf. I have an otherwise very nice friend who is an incredibly sheltered, naive "born again" type. One time we were at a concert and she heard me singing along with a bluegrass gospel standard.She kept "trying to hide her wise smile" as she stole looks at me. You could just see she thought liking one song meant I was totally, magically converted! Silly hopes never die.

Quote

"All it will take is one time holding this Magical Baby and she will fall down and BEG for one of her own".

Yep, or in the present example, they are hoping Mr. and Mrs. starlady will open up their wallets and bail them out of their financial idiocy.

I ain't gonna be 'gazing in awe' at that kid. LOL I plan to avoid looking at it at every turn and just keep my head to my plate or.. on dh or maybe talk to Nephew a few times. Plan to ignore Harpi and Baybee as much as I can. I can not stand her.. not one bit. I doubt I'll eat much either for my want to just get out of there. One of those things where I guess I can suck it up for a couple hours and then go back to life as usual. Some people have to learn that not everyone is going to melt over their crotch dropping. They love the attention... which is why they seek it out by dragging said dropping around on plane trips to see relatives.

Quote
starlady
It's my dh who is trying to maintain the relationship. The nephew does look up to him like a second father figure. (as his father is 1000 miles away and doesn't really give a rip anyway)

This part has to be hard for Mr. starlady. If he and Nephew had a good relationship before, watching Nephew go down this path must be painful indeed.

Having lost people to parenthood, Mr. starlady has my sympathy.

Update... dh is now on board with not touching the loaf. He said "who knows where her hands have been" and now feels like I do. He is very naïve when it comes to baybee stuff so I had to enlighten him. LOL He's a boarderline germaphobe. Not real bad but does tote the hand sanitizer around.

Thing is.. now... we not only have to go out to eat but then... "do something after" WHAT? Wants to go to the nearby (to the restaurant) outlet mall. Hopefully breeders and loaf will have to go home early. But then... a trip to the mall may mean a freebee and a chance to show off the loaf.

Eh... lets just get it over with.

Plan ahead with him. Set a time limit for the "something after" and/or the total amount of time spent out with the couple and baby.

Whenever I have to be around toddlers or preschoolers, I arrange for some type of treat for myself afterward. Ice cream, favorite drink, bubble bath, something else that I like. Some evenings, Mr. Random and I have bought each other drinks or gone for a nice stroll downtown after the childed couple had to leave early. Maybe set up something like this in advance.

Good idea Randomcfchick. If I am anything..I am a planner. I'll need a reward after this lunch. It will be an early dinner actually as Harpi has a dr appointment at 1:00 before they meet up with us.

One week till I meet 'the she loaf'. I had a dream last night that I was holding a baybee and I 'LIKED IT' I actually woke up with my heart pounding.

So this morning we had a guy here doing some work in finishing our garage. ONe of our new neighbors walked by (a grandmoo with a kyd on her hip) and she, handiman and dh began talking about the building going on on our road. I saw them out there because one of my dogs started barking. I did not go out there.
When dh came in he said "I undertstand.. I didn't make a fuss over the kyd either"

I think he kind of understands my feelings but still wishes I would get over it .... but only because of Nephew.

Oh well.. I have a busy week. Loaf day will be here before I know it.