gawdalmighty, here we go again..sex stealthing

from the New York Post..

"The latest bedroom trend doesn’t have to do with a certain position or technique — and it’s not sexy at all.

The disturbing, nonconsensual trend is called “stealthing” and its rise is documented in a report by the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law.

Lead author Alexandra Brodsky argues that “stealthing,” when a man secretly removes his condom in the middle of sex, is a form of sexual assault and should be treated as such.

Even more troubling is the online community Brodsky uncovered, where men encourage other men to “stealth” their partners. These perpetrators — both gay and straight — believe it’s a man’s right to “spread one’s seed.”

“One of my goals with the article, and in proposing a new statute, is to provide a vocabulary and create ways for people to talk about what is a really common experience that just is too often dismissed as just ‘bad sex’ instead of ‘violence,'” Brodsky told the Huffington Post."..

The study opens with Rebecca, a doctoral student who works at a rape crisis hotline. Rebecca noticed she was receiving more and more calls about women being “stealthed.” (Rebecca said she had also experienced the same thing with an ex-boyfriend.)

“Their stories often start the same way,” Rebecca said. “’I’m not sure if this is rape, but…’” They all felt violated but “didn’t have the vocabulary” to figure out what was happening.

Not only does “stealthing” leave a victim vulnerable to pregnancy or STIs, it causes the same type of emotional, physical and financial harm that stems from other, more clearly defined, violent sex acts. One of the victims Brodsky interviewed for the report called the act “rape-adjacent.” Another victim described what happened with her partner as a “blatant violation of what we’d agree to.”

Brodsky concludes that since existing laws don’t necessarily cover “stealthing,” a new statute is the best bet for addressing something that too many people experience, but don’t know how to talk about.

“At its best, such a law would clearly respond to and affirm the harm victims report by making clear that ‘stealthing’ doesn’t just ‘feel violent’ — it is,” Brodsky writes in the report.

In January, a Swiss court convicted a man of rape after he took off his condom without telling his partner. The court concluded that the woman would have said no to sex if she knew the condom would be removed.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I'm skeptical that this can be done, and if so how regularly it is done.

Since it's impossible to prove without video evidence, more laws won't solve anything. Choose your partners wisely.

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StudioFiftyFour
I'm skeptical that this can be done, and if so how regularly it is done.

It's done. This isn't the first time this has been brought to light.

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Choose your partners wisely.

Yeah, well, the problem with that is that you don't know you're going to be betrayed until you get betrayed. You can know someone a long time, and well, and not be able to predict their every action.

I know the kneejerk reaction for many is to doubt the victims, but women do get assaulted by men in myriad ways. This is one of them.

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kittehpeoples

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StudioFiftyFour
I'm skeptical that this can be done, and if so how regularly it is done.

It's done. This isn't the first time this has been brought to light.

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Choose your partners wisely.

Yeah, well, the problem with that is that you don't know you're going to be betrayed until you get betrayed. You can know someone a long time, and well, and not be able to predict their every action.

I know the kneejerk reaction for many is to doubt the victims, but women do get assaulted by men in myriad ways. This is one of them.

There is nothing that law (aka, government) can do, legislatively speaking, to solve this problem. It's going to result in conflicting testimony, and forensics won't help much either. The guy can simply say the condiment broke, particularly if he keeps it in his possession.

Remember Hurricane Katrina? People were on rooftops, waiting for the government to rescue them. They waited and waited. And waited. And some died, eventually. It's not that the govt didn't want to help. They couldn't help. Whether it was ineptitude or something else.... I'll leave that up to the experts.

Matters of an interpersonal nature often fall in the same category. Are women betrayed? Yes. Are men "oopsed". Yes.

We've got to look out for ourselves and be skeptical and circumspect when selecting partners. If we're not, we will be stuck on our own metaphorical rooftops, waiting for the justice system to rescue us. But it won't.

Who are these men who want to pay child support for the next 18 years on multiple children?

My advice to young women is to tell any potential sex partner that you will need to see a "report card" from a doctor or the health department and will be happy to provide him with one, and explain that any pregnancy will end in abortion. I would think that this would discourage any potential stealthers.

Well, I suppose these people could, uh, I suppose, dare I suggest it, can't believe I am typing this: Not have sex!?

Not to put all the responsibility on women, but why can't more women have a headache (as in not tonite dear, I have a headache)?

Oh, but it's perfectly fine for women to sabotage birth control in order to trick a man into unprotected sex! When men do it, they're assholes (they are), but when women do it, it isn't generally viewed as being a bad thing because it results in a precious baybee that she wants. How about all the men who feel violated when they trust their partners to use birth control only for those women to lie about it just to get pregnant? I guess only women can be sexually assaulted, right?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's okay for men to do this. Deception is deception no matter who does it, and tricking someone into unprotected sex or pregnancy is one of the worst things you can do. But I hate the tone of this article because it implies that something women have been doing to men for years with little more than accolades from their fellow heifers is described as a sexual violation on par with rape when the woman is the victim instead of the man. Nobody will write an oopsing article because if a woman gets a loaf that she wants, then nothing else matters, apparently! Not even the guy who never consented to the child's conception whose ass will be on the line financially for it for the next two decades.

I think it's more "acceptable" when women do this same exact shit because if it results in a baybee, then it's okay because people think babies are always wonderful (for fuck's sake, consider how many women seem to think being impregnated by their rapist is a silver lining). But since men are tampering with protection just so they can enjoy better sex, then it's a bad thing. If men plucking off their condoms during sex without telling the woman about it constitutes sexual assault, then women unilaterally deciding to get pregnant and tricking their partners into parenthood should be as well. In spite of what a lot of people think, women can be sexually abusive too.

One "stealthing" method I've heard of is men using extra-large condoms that they don't need (which no human male needs because normal condoms stretch a LOT). They can lull their partner into a sense of protection with the condom, but he knows it'll be too big and will slip off mid-fuck. It'll look like an accident to the other party. Another method is using oil (baby oil, coconut oil, etc.) as lube because oil-based products weaken latex and make condoms more likely to break.

Yeah, I'm uncomfortable with the word "assault" to describe this phenomenon. The words "sexual assault" should mean exactly that, and it's profoundly insensitive to victims of the real thing to equate lying about birth control with rape. As Cambion says, women have been doing it since the advent of the pill. It is different, because getting someone pregnant doesn't violate a man's body in any way, but it sure as hell violates his life.

I've literally just finished watching a bbc tv show from a few years back (Thank you insomnia) about a man dealing with the aftermath of his wife's fatal accident leaving him dealing with at least 4 kyds.
In scenes before the accident the wife is seen encouraging her friend to oops her boyfriend and have a kyd with him...she admits to having oopsed her husband at least once. This is treated as a joke.
Accident happens...wife is killed....dude eventually moves on with new woman.
The final scene shows this same poor bastard confront the new woman in his life(same friend of wife from before) who admits she has oopsed him and that she was purely thinking about herself and her own needs. I was waiting for this guy to go nuts at her but he DOESN'T.
He acts like it's the greatest thing evar and he's delighted. What the actual fuck?
This kind of shit is why some women believe "He'll love it when it gets here" and all that bollocks.
How is it okay to portray this behaviour as acceptable and even cutesy and "romantic"???

It's NOT okay either way EVER. Sometimes I'm glad I'm a woman because I think I'd be so bloody paranoid if I was a man.

I can personally attest that this can (easily) happen.
And, gee,Mr Neptune, so you think women have no need for/desire for/dare I say "right to" have sex? Same old, same old. It's expected for the man to need and push for sex, and solely up to the woman to spend her life "pleading headaches".
Basically, a bunch of trashy people with nothing else to (they think) brag about want to have lots of keeyuds. It is seen as their only legacy or achievement in life. You see men on the various court shows bragging about their 9 kids with 6 different women. And I have even met one or two of these in person. It's not as if, in their wildest dreams, this type of guy has any intention of PAYING child support for all these kids. They work for cash only and the Moos draw benefits and live from pillar to post anywhere they can.

Stealthing and oopsing are both vile behaviors which should get the perpetrators severely punished. But there is another issue nobody seems to want to talk about: the dangers of having sex with people you barely know. Promiscuity seems to be super fashionable these days, especially among the younger generations. People have the right to have many sex partners if they want, but they should know they are engaging in high risk behavior. No method of preventing pregnancy and diseases is 100% foolproof (except abstinence). And while people can be betrayed by long term partners it is much more likely with someone you don't know well. If fucking around with multiple partners is your thing go for it, just be aware you could get hurt.

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danity
I've literally just finished watching a bbc tv show from a few years back (Thank you insomnia) about a man dealing with the aftermath of his wife's fatal accident leaving him dealing with at least 4 kyds.
In scenes before the accident the wife is seen encouraging her friend to oops her boyfriend and have a kyd with him...she admits to having oopsed her husband at least once. This is treated as a joke.
Accident happens...wife is killed....dude eventually moves on with new woman.
The final scene shows this same poor bastard confront the new woman in his life(same friend of wife from before) who admits she has oopsed him and that she was purely thinking about herself and her own needs. I was waiting for this guy to go nuts at her but he DOESN'T.
He acts like it's the greatest thing evar and he's delighted. What the actual fuck?
This kind of shit is why some women believe "He'll love it when it gets here" and all that bollocks.
How is it okay to portray this behaviour as acceptable and even cutesy and "romantic"???

It's NOT okay either way EVER. Sometimes I'm glad I'm a woman because I think I'd be so bloody paranoid if I was a man.

Are you talking about Single Father with David Tennant? I also saw that one and it drove me nuts for so many reasons. Like the new woman is the dead wife's BFF and she and the widower start fucking barely before the wife's body has hit rigor mortis. And he already had five kids, one from a previous relationship who became a teen moo so he's a grandfather as well, the three kids he had with his wife, and the wife's daughter from a previous relationship. Now he's having a sixth kid before even the one year anniversary of his wife's death.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

It's immoral to give false information about contraception but I don't know to what extent it can be pursued legally because there will always be a lot of ambiguity about whether it was accidental or not, unless the perpetrator admits to it.

Anyone having sex needs to be aware that there are lots of assholes around. There are assholes who will have an STI and lie about it, there are assholes who will lie about contraception. You have to do what you can to look out for yourself. But that doesn't mean that anyone who this happens to - male or female - deserves to have their reproductive choices taken away from them.

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paragon schnitzophonic


Are you talking about Single Father with David Tennant? I also saw that one and it drove me nuts for so many reasons. Like the new woman is the dead wife's BFF and she and the widower start fucking barely before the wife's body has hit rigor mortis. And he already had five kids, one from a previous relationship who became a teen moo so he's a grandfather as well, the three kids he had with his wife, and the wife's daughter from a previous relationship. Now he's having a sixth kid before even the one year anniversary of his wife's death.

Well spotted! So much fuckery! I couldn't sleep a wink last night and ended up watching mostly in a can't take my eyes off the car crash waiting to happen kind of way. It was the cool calm way the new woman told him she'd oopsed him on purpose and his absolute lack of any sort of anger in response. What the hell? My jaw was hanging open for a good ten minutes after the credits rolled.

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yurble
It's immortal to give false information about contraception but I don't know to what extent it can be pursued legally because there will always be a lot of ambiguity about whether it was accidental or not, unless the perpetrator admits to it.

Anyone having sex needs to be aware that there are lots of assholes around. There are assholes who will have an STI and lie about it, there are assholes who will lie about contraception. You have to do what you can to look out for yourself. But that doesn't mean that anyone who this happens to - male or female - deserves to have their reproductive choices taken away from them.

Precisely--there is too much ambiguity surrounding such situations, rendering legal remedies virtually impotent. Pardon the pun.

No one "deserves" to have this happen to them, but everyone has an obligation to look out for themselves and do what it takes to minimize the risk of such an incident occurring. Having some degree of skepticism regarding romantic partners and their intentions, particularly early on, is a good starting point.