"You don't have kids, so you don't have any responsibilities"

...or so says my BIL.

Mr Yummy's dad isn't too well at the moment. He has a lung condition and is finding it hard to cope with everything, he's still working because he's got that work ethic (and he's stubborn) but it's leaving him with no energy to take care of his house, cook, eat properly. We recently went down to FIL's dad's funeral, which was hugely stressful for him and has precipitated the recent bout of ill health and Mr Yummy raised his dad's state of health with his brother, saying that we might need to help him out a bit more at the moment while he's not well.

BIL's response? "Well, we have a kid, so that's down to you. You don't have any kids, so you don't have any responsibilities anyway, it would do you some good to care for someone else but yourselves for a change".

So apparently, because they have a brat, that absolves them of doing any care for their ailing parent

Mr Yummy is working all week, then driving down to see his dad on the weekend, I have to stay here by myself because I work on Saturday nights and BIL mentioned to my partner how I wasn't doing anything to help because I haven't been down there with him the last two times. I can't just take a night off without notice and I have limited annual leave FFS. BIL's comment "Oh, Yummy really doesn't like responsibility, does she?"

I'm fuming. I'm training to be a psychotherapist, which my work is paying for so I can't just jack the job in because the hours don't suit other people's needs. I work at night, unsociable hours, counselling people in crisis, and because I don't earn that much as a trainee I also freelance during the day to make up the money. I have run my own business for 3 years, have a dog, two sheep, three guinea pigs, and two chinchillas that we have rescued from shit owners who really couldn't be arsed with any responsibility (and our dog came from neglectful breeders who didn't want him when they had a shiny new baybee). I have effectively sacrificed my social life so that I can retrain to have this career, I never go out, my own father isn't well so I am often doing things for him, but nooooo because I don't want kids, I am irresponsible. BIL and SIL (and indeed a lot of other friends we have who have brats) seem to think that we live the life of Reilly and spend every penny on ourselves and all our spare time having fun and getting drunk and we don't care about anyone else.

I am just...well, sick of breeders and their attitudes, and this is the one place I can rant honestly about it.

Why is wiping asses the only thing that qualifies as a "responsibility" to breeders?

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aes sedai
Why is wiping asses the only thing that qualifies as a "responsibility" to breeders?

DoG knows. With breeders it's like unless you're raising holy loaves, your life is meaningless and you never do anything for anyone else.

Many a CF person has taken care of their parents while their other siblings whine about not being able to help because kids.

I can only hope their own kids punt them to the curb because kids. It would be fitting.

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bell_flower
Many a CF person has taken care of their parents while their other siblings whine about not being able to help because kids.

I'm in that boat right now. And being childfree is WAY better than having to deal with an autard or some other kind of fuck-up who drains the life out of a person.

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bell_flower
Many a CF person has taken care of their parents while their other siblings whine about not being able to help because kids.

I can only hope their own kids punt them to the curb because kids. It would be fitting.

Well this is rather the irony, right? Since breeders have kids because "who will take care of you when you're old?"

I think this idiot is playing the kid card to get out of jail free when it comes to looking after the father. He is playing the guilt game, by accusing you of not having any real responsibilities so you will take up his slack because the hardest job in the world is marketed as the hardest job in the world so people will get off breeder's backs about doing anything that doesn't directly relate to thier lazy job of "raising the future"

Funny how the only way a person can have responsibilities is if they have children. Having a home, a pet, a car, a job, class, training, an illness... none of those things constitute responsibility? Or are we supposed to believe that brats trump any other responsibilities?

BIL is just using his brats as an excuse to get out of caring for his ailing parent because he doesn't want to be bothered with it. The same kind of shit happened with my one aunt when the whole family got recruited to care for my ailing grandmother. Aunt Evelyn is childfree and is a homemaker, so she got saddled with a much larger portion of the caregiver duties because she "had nothing to do." Just because she wasn't working 9-5 didn't mean she was just sitting around all day twiddling her thumbs. She had plenty to do and she resented the hell out of her siblings for dumping so much on her when she had her own things to do. My cousins and I were roped into caregiving too and I was forced to stay a lot more often than my other cousins because they both had jobs and social lives and my family decided that since I had no friends (or so they thought) and no job, I didn't need to be anywhere but at my ailing grandma's beck and call for my entire summer. It's not that we didn't want to help (well, we honestly didn't - Grandma absolutely needed to be in a facility with people who knew how to care for her), but the workload division was kind of unfair.

Doesn't matter what you or Mr. Yummy says, your in-laws will just assume that nothing either of you do could possibly be more important than caring for your father/FIL. They're going to guilt trip you guys into doing the lion's share of any caregiving by blaming their kids for their lack of availability. They could very well help out - they just won't because they have a convenient little excuse.

Maybe you could casually mention something about how BIL's refusal to help his father will probably result in a much smaller or non-existent inheritance. If anything will get breeders off their lazy, useless asses, it's MONEY.

Wow, what a jackass. Basically anything that ties you down is a responsibility, your responsibilities aren't worth less than his because you didn't screw up your life. In fact, it can be said that working is the most important responsibility, because if your FIL needs serious medical care or assisted living, it will be somebody's JOB {whether you help in this regard or if he has insurance} that will pay for his care. You could even say your job is more important from the utilitarian perspective, because becoming a therapist helps more people in the long run, so it is worth more than easing an inconvenience for BIL. Don't let the jackass get to you, you do what you have to do.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

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contemplativeintrovert
You could even say your job is more important from the utilitarian perspective, because becoming a therapist helps more people in the long run, so it is worth more than easing an inconvenience for BIL.

Ha - BIL thinks my retraining is "self-indulgent"...I see it more in the long term, not only do I love what I do, it's going to give me a better wage when I'm qualified and allow me to have a comfortable and independent retirement. Not everyone finds their vocation in their 20s - I'm 35 and BIL says that's "too old" to go back to school! Tell that to my 87 year old Nan who is studying for an open university degree, since she didn't get to go to university when she was younger due to the war, then child-rearing, then work.

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Cambion
Maybe you could casually mention something about how BIL's refusal to help his father will probably result in a much smaller or non-existent inheritance. If anything will get breeders off their lazy, useless asses, it's MONEY.

Well, FIL has none of that. BIL and SIL have £50k+ salaries and a house in a super expensive part of the country. They earn more than twice what we do, but BIL was still bitching about the cost of petrol to make the 3 hour journey up there each week, because you know, they have daycare and an extra mouth to feed, so really we are better off than them, with our lack of real responsibilities. Breeder logic.

Sorry to hear you and your aunt got lumbered with most of the care, Cambion. I would have thought breeders would/should see caring for an ailing relative as a teachable moment for their kids, because kids should learn that life isn't always about them and they are not the centre of everything, caring for others is important...but most breeders seem to be bringing their brattos up to believe they are the centre of the universe and don't have to lift a finger to help their family or community.

Your BIL has way too many opinions on your life.

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stillwaters
Your BIL has way too many opinions on your life.

Pre-breeding, he never did. Breeding seems to make some people into sanctimonious assholes and he seems to be one of them.

Quite the example he's setting for his own kids - try to get out of taking care of your aged parents at any cost. Kids are quite adept at picking up on the things that adults would rather have them miss - even if BIL doesn't directly discuss the situation with his kids, the kids will still hear the adults talking amongst themselves and will figure out what is going on.

30 years down the road, what does BIL plan to do if his kids have decided to follow his example?

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

@Yummy You and Mr. Yummy are way more responsible than BIL and his famblee. I would tell him off, tell him to stop with this sanctimonious bullshit and help out with FIL. Everyone in the family should have an equal part in his care, whether they like it or not. If you can 'find the time' between all your commitments and responsibilities (list them off for him) then he should be able to help too; instead of being such a dick!


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They are having children for selfish and narcissistic reasons, or are simply irresponsible. Funny... Those are the terms often used to describe the CF

~Live, Laugh, Love~

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creativelycf
@Yummy You and Mr. Yummy are way more responsible than BIL and his famblee. I would tell him off, tell him to stop with this sanctimonious bullshit and help out with FIL. Everyone in the family should have an equal part in his care, whether they like it or not. If you can 'find the time' between all your commitments and responsibilities (list them off for him) then he should be able to help too; instead of being such a dick!

And maybe remind him that he may find himself in FIL's position when his kids are grown... We know what breeders are like; ask BIL who will he be expecting to take care of him when he's old? And how is he treating his own father right now?

Continuing your education isn't self indulgent - it is an investment into your future. And it is never too late to go back. I did poorly in 2 classes on my first year in college and decided to take a year off. I'm going back this year, so all told I'll be 2 years behind, but it doesn't matter. The world won't fall off its axis if someone doesn't get a degree in the standard time frame, and, take it from someone who knows, going when you are ready and want to go will make the experience far more enjoyable and enriching. Your BIL just sounds like he needs to mind his own business. I'd either cut him out or tell him to stay in his place.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.