Trapped ! (a Nephew update)

Well, it's been a while since Nephew and Harpitina have surfaced. My dh does speak to Nephew (and sometimes Harpi) about once a week but hasn't shared anything with me for a while. Just mundane things about work.

This week.... well... I got some scoop. Before they were married and before loafly came along Nephew enjoyed playing hockey about 3 evenings a week. He belonged to one league and helped coach a teen league. Harpi would usually go along with him to the games..especially before they were married. We feel she was keeping an eye on him as there are girls and single moos who come to these games. She said she'd just sit in the stands and sleep while he played. Hummm.... showing she's not interested in hockey one bit.

Now that the loaf has arrived... he only gets to play about 3 times a MONTH ..if at all. She is back to work full time and he is always stuck with the kid. When he does have an evening free... Harpi will not let him go. Nephew said they have had many 'discussions' on this subject. They could wrap up the loaf and go as a fambly... but she doesn't want to. She says that 'hockey is for kids' and that he needs to be a 'father' now.

For heaven sakes. He needs an outlet. He's been playing since he was about 8 years old...coached, been on winning local teams and has many friends from being in the sport. Now he has to just give all that up to sit home with a kid? Seriously! Harpi will not let him go out on his own to do anything. He must stay home with loaf when she works in the evening... or they all have to go out TOGETHER.

The freedom train has left the station Nephew. You're trapped...like a rat.

She's going to be bothering him for loaf #2 here in no more than a year. I hope he doesn't get 'ooopsed.'

Looking back on the story of how these two met.... She was very fat before they met...and had been all her life. Never had a boyfriend befor Nephew.. and she was 31 when they met. She had done the gastric bypass just about a year before they met and then when on an internet match site with one of those 'glamour shot' photos. They met and she got those hooks in him because she wanted baybees...and she was getting into her 30's. This is exactly what I told my dh the first time I met Harpi. She was being so sweet and agreeable with Nephew and everyone else in the family... until... she trapped him and they were married. Then she turned so bossy and demanding. Poor Nephew. He IS a sweet guy but stupid and vulnerable. He's in for a rough time now.

Gastric bypass surgery is proving not to be a real cure for obesity. Almost all of those I know who have had it eventually had their smaller stomach stretch enough that they were able to resume old eating habits and become morbidly obese again. Odds are the same thing will happen with Harpitina. Your nephew's nightmare is just beginning.

It's been 4 years now and even after the baybee she has managed to keep the weight off... but she was never thin. She was about 350 before the surgery and is still over 200. Yeah.. I have also seen people gain it all back. Have another friend who is getting bigger and bigger each time I see her.. and she had the procedure about 7 years ago now. Started at 250 and went down to 150 and is now about 200 again. It's a life long effort to keep weight off. I know from experience.

This is a recipe for a divorce. He's going to become so resentful of her harpiness that he's going to leave one day. Loaf or not, because a LOT of guys leave their harpy wives for the same reason.

If there's one thing "family men" are typically permitted as an outlet, it is coaching kiddies. But I guess since Loaf isn't on the team, he can't possibly be allowed to make any kind of contribution to the village.

I went fishing with my dh before we were married... but I don't like fishing. I enjoyed watching and being in the boat or on a dock. Still... I didn't just sit there and go to sleep. I've been with him on a few trips over the last 40 years but it's his thing to do to relax. He doesn't need me along. I let him go fishing as much as he wants. I know it makes him a happier person.

He does his thing and I do mine but we still have enough time for eachother. It's always been that way with us.

she is a control freak. interesting as it is usually males that do this.
Also want to add is, this is typical (in addition to controlling), fear of losing him to a better female. Lack of trust, fear of betrayal.
Ironically, she will do more to drive him away ultimately.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I'm of the attitude that if your spouse wants to do something that isn't illegal, damaging to the marriage, etc, why not? I follow this myself, as I am a separate and independent person from my DH. I run things by him for logistics reasons, but I don't need his permission to indulge my interests and he's supportive. I wouldn't be married to him if he weren't.

Our relationship is not affected by kids, however. I can see when you have a kid, there are immediate things that need to be done to take care of the kid. I personally never wanted kids, because no matter how egalitarian marriages are prior to kids, a lot of the women get stuck with cunt work and the chore wars begin.

But the key is to pick the right partner and talk about about what your relationship will be prior to marrying and having sprogs. Many people have different relationship styles. I've (briefly) dated guys who expected their spouse to be the primary person in their life and they want total togetherness^TM. I remember hearing Paul McCartney proudly declare in an interview that he and Linda McCartney never spent a night apart. I would feel suffocated in an arrangement like that.

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Nephew said they have had many 'discussions' on this subject. They could wrap up the loaf and go as a fambly... but she doesn't want to. She says that 'hockey is for kids' and that he needs to be a 'father' now.

This is what happens when you are desperate for a partner: Wifey was hungry from sperm and sprog and Nephew was so glad to be getting laid that he didn't ask the right questions. Obviously his interests meant a lot to him and she's using the baybee to make him give up a part of himself. It doesn't bode well for the long run.

@ bell flower:

I agree with everything you said besides this:

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But the key is to pick the right partner and talk about what your relationship will be prior to marrying and having sprogs.

The problem is that people lie.
You can discuss what you want, it still won't prevent anyone to make 180 degree turn.

True, but sometimes time can help winnow out a person and you can get an idea if they are lying. I have been burned myself. I only dated my ex for less than a year. He turned Breeder/Cheater after we got married.

I think a person can put on a show for 1-2 years. I dated my current husband for almost 5 years and I've been pretty happy the last decade. I hope he continues to treat me well but at the end of the day it's his choice. I wouldn't hang around if he decided to stop being a loving and supportive partner and I don't have to as I can support myself.

Not romantic, but I think realistically it's the best anyone can hope for.

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mrs. chinaski
@ bell flower:

I agree with everything you said besides this:

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But the key is to pick the right partner and talk about what your relationship will be prior to marrying and having sprogs.

The problem is that people lie.
You can discuss what you want, it still won't prevent anyone to make 180 degree turn.

People absolutely do lie. Abusive/controlling partners rarely start out that way. They are usually charming, agreeable and supportive in the beginning, that's how they reel you in. And these types, whatever the gender, usually have their radar out for people who are in some way vulnerable - low self esteem, previous abuse, socially isolated, substance abuse issues or mental ill health.

Nephew sounds like he's found one of those women who expects everything to revolve around them and uses the kids to achieve that. If you think even pre-kids she was going to watch the games because she was worried about the single moos there, she's likely then to be the insecure type, so kids would have been a perfect excuse to stop her partner socialising. If you both work full time, IMO, there needs to be some discussion about how often is reasonable for a partner's hobby, particularly on evenings - this is no pity party for parents, because if you choose to have kids you accept it means effectively doing a double shift - you finish a day at work and then you have to go home and deal with the kids. 1-2 evenings sounds reasonable for each parent to have a hobby that means they won't be home until later, but 3+ doesn't seem fair to me. Mr Yummy has one or two football friends who are literally at the gym or playing football every night of the week, and their wives work full time as well, which means they're never doing the kids' tea, baths, bedtimes...not suggesting your nephew is like this Starlady and Harpi does sound like a right nightmare, but there are some men who will do anything to get out of doing any cunt work, even when both partners are working. Parenthood does change the game somewhat, so it is fair for some compromises to be made and your average PNB will understand the need for both partners to have a balance between responsibility/family time and freedom to do your own non-famblee stuff.

Or, you could just be CF and never have to deal with any of that shit

I agree.. 3 nights is a lot in their case... but she gets mad when he wants to go out ONE night a week. I get the feeling that Nephew doesn't like to let dh know that the two of them are arguing more but when she isn't home when they are talking on the phone then he seems to 'spill' more truths. I know I don't have a problem with my dh going out to fish once a week. I actually like getting rid of him for several hours. LOL

Yep... not appart for ONE night is a bit much. Dh and I have been apart a lot. I have my travel for my group that keeps me away 1 to 3 nights at a time and when we had our home in Nova Scotia we were apart for a couple months at a time. We had phones for heaven sake. Not like we were not communicating.. just not in the bed together. I slept better anyway. It's good for couples to have breaks from eachother.

Count me in as another who agrees that couples need their own me-time. My husband and I are both fairly independent, and I'm sure the way we run our marriage would shock people like Harpi. We have friends and hobbies and such in common, but I don't care if he wants to go out with friends or spend time on a game or TV show that I find boring. I can damn well entertain myself. Oh, and the thing that would really make Harpi's brain go boom: he has female friends. Actually, I'm pretty sure he has more women friends than men. And because I know exactly where I stand with him and I'm secure in that standing, I don't find those friends threatening. At all.

Nephew is indeed trapped. I hope he gets snipped, because she WILL find a way to have another baby if she wants one. And her ridiculous, immature, insecurity-driven behavior will drive him away. He'll leave her, or cheat, or both.

I think there are two possibilites:
1. he will leave her -> I think that the probability is very low. From what starlady wrote about him, he is a weak, co-dependent person
so he won't go anywhere.
2. he will become miserable, frustrated Duh.

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mrs. chinaski
I think there are two possibilites:
1. he will leave her -> I think that the probability is very low. From what starlady wrote about him, he is a weak, co-dependent person
so he won't go anywhere.
2. he will become miserable, frustrated Duh.

He'll hire an escort someday if he hasnt already, he fits the profile of my typical client, thank u harpi for the business!

@ ladybug2203: I believe you. poor Duhs - escort = the only treat + escape from reality

Trapped duhs in sexless (or sex only for procreation) marriages are my bread n butter

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ladybug2203
Trapped duhs in sexless (or sex only for procreation) marriages are my bread n butter

Good for you but sad for them!

I agree that people who are denied any licit outlets for stress reduction will generally turn to less healthy options. But that need not be escorts, it could also be gambling, drinking, overeating or drugs.

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freya

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ladybug2203
Trapped duhs in sexless (or sex only for procreation) marriages are my bread n butter

Good for you but sad for them!

Don't extend too much sympathy, many of them (not all) have the madonna/whore complex. They think sex is bad/sinful that only "bad" girls do, you see girls like me are too slutty to be "wife material" because we are unapologetically sexual we couldnt possibly make a good wife! So they have to marry either virgins or women with very few past partners that dont have much of a sex drive or are ashamed of sexuality, hence the "madonna."

But then they wonder why their wives won't fuck them after marriage (well what do you expect dude? If shes s prude before marriage she won't turn into a vixen afterwards), then come crying to "sluts" like myself "boohoo my wife wont fuck me anymore" (the wives usually only fuck to get preggers) i cant help but laugh..... (Secretly ofcourse when theyre not around), even outside the business i attract a lot of men who already have wives or girlfriends (only my god father knows what i do)....well being a "slut whos not wife material" is a tough job but somebody has to do it , to volunteer for these poor saps whos prude wives/gfs who are "wife material" wont fuck them. I dont care if my clients are married because they are paying me for a service, but I wont be anyones side chick in my personal life. For the latter guys (the guys seeking a mistress) i say :bedmadelie

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ladybug2203

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freya

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ladybug2203
Trapped duhs in sexless (or sex only for procreation) marriages are my bread n butter

Good for you but sad for them!

Don't extend too much sympathy, many of them (not all) have the madonna/whore complex. They think sex is bad/sinful that only "bad" girls do, you see girls like me are too slutty to be "wife material" because we are unapologetically sexual we couldnt possibly make a good wife! So they have to marry either virgins or women with very few past partners that dont have much of a sex drive or are ashamed of sexuality, hence the "madonna."

But then they wonder why their wives won't fuck them after marriage (well what do you expect dude? If shes s prude before marriage she won't turn into a vixen afterwards), then come crying to "sluts" like myself "boohoo my wife wont fuck me anymore" (the wives usually only fuck to get preggers) i cant help but laugh..... (Secretly ofcourse when theyre not around), even outside the business i attract a lot of men who already have wives or girlfriends (only my god father knows what i do)....well being a "slut whos not wife material" is a tough job but somebody has to do it , to volunteer for these poor saps whos prude wives/gfs who are "wife material" wont fuck them. I dont care if my clients are married because they are paying me for a service, but I wont be anyones side chick in my personal life. For the latter guys (the guys seeking a mistress) i say :bedmadelie

Pretty much, Ladybug. If girls are raised to believe they can only either be a wife or a slut, Madonna or whore, mother or sex toy, and men buy into that, then what the hell does anyone expect? Wanna bet a lot of these wives have sexual desires they dare not talk about, because mothers aren't meant to be sexual? I particularly found it to be true with American men that they'd date so-called "sluts" who have an unapologetic sexual appetite, don't particularly give a shit about how many sexual partners they've had, and know what to do in the bedroom, but when it comes to thinking of "marriage material" they'd pick the straight-laced types. British/European men perhaps are less likely to be that way (and especially CF ones) but there are still some that are hung up on it.

I was brought up very feminist and I am unapologetically feminist AF - any dude who comes at me with that kind of shit, or judges me for the number of guys (and/or girls) I've slept with, can go fuck themselves, because they sure as hell won't be getting anywhere near me.

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yummynotmummy
I was brought up very feminist and I am unapologetically feminist AF - any dude who comes at me with that kind of shit, or judges me for the number of guys (and/or girls) I've slept with, can go fuck themselves, because they sure as hell won't be getting anywhere near me.

I don't care if people have preferences on the topic as long as they aren't hypocrites. But I would never want to be with someone who would respect me less for it.

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yurble

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yummynotmummy
I was brought up very feminist and I am unapologetically feminist AF - any dude who comes at me with that kind of shit, or judges me for the number of guys (and/or girls) I've slept with, can go fuck themselves, because they sure as hell won't be getting anywhere near me.

I don't care if people have preferences on the topic as long as they aren't hypocrites. But I would never want to be with someone who would respect me less for it.

Literally, 9/10 men I have ever met (sorry, but it is usually men in my experience) who think like this are total hypocrites - they think it's fine for them, but not for women. The older I get, the less time I have for any of that shit. And how many is too many? One person other than them? Two? Less than 10 is OK but not more? it's a totally arbitrary standard and completely dehumanises the person (usually a woman), because they are seen as spoiled goods, they are seen in terms of how many men they've been with and not as a person in their own right. Ugh. It's just bullshit.

In my experience, people don't just have a "preference" - it always comes with judgement.

And if they know you had very few partners or no desire for sex, they consider you 'frigid.'

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nightfire
And if they know you had very few partners or no desire for sex, they consider you 'frigid.'

Yes but then ud be "wife material" but then they come crying to "sluts" when their wives won't fuck them anymore