Now he's 'selfish' (another Nephew update)

Dh spoke with Nephew yesterday and he couldn't wait to tell me the latest. Seems that Nephew and Harpi are arguing a lot over his work schedule and hers and that they are never together. SHE will not ask her mother to baybeesit for even a couple hours 'cause "she cant trust her" So the only ones who can stay with loafly are Moo and Duh. Well, that's a 'bed made lie' sinerio if I ever saw one.

If I remember correctly.... About 18 months ago Harpi was telling Nephew that it would be a great time to get 'in pig' because she worked days and he worked nights so one of them would always be with the baybeee. Guess that wasn't the greatest idea after all.

Nephew finally told Harpi that he has GOT to get out and get some exercise and he wants to play hocky 2 times a week in order to stay in shape (as well as have an outlet) So now.. Harpi's brothers, mother, aunt all call Nephew "Selfish and uncaring" (because he wants to play hockey 2 evenings a week.

Now he wants to switch to another job with less money so he can have the same schedule as Harpi. Well.. so... where does kyd go now?

The nephew can't win. He either works the job where he makes decent money and gets stuck with the kyd everyday..all day...and gets little sleep... and gets called 'selfish' by all the inlaws.... Or... he switches to the job with the better schedule..that makes less money...so Harpi will stop harping... and they can hardly make ends meet as it is. Less money.. yeah...great idea.

I told dh that if they have another kyd (and I know she wanted 2) they deserve every bit of poverty they get. Also told dh that Nephew should get snipped because if SHE wants another kyd...she'll get it. (Stupid duh...'ooops' is thy name) Dh is finally getting so fed up and feeling Nephew is in a bad situation that he actually wants to sugest to him to think about 'getting snipped'.

Told dh that the kyd was a bad idea and he just told me to accept it and they knew what they were doing. Now he is seeing things my way.. and he is 'so amazed' when he realizes I was right ... and 'called' just about every bad thing that has happened to them since she got 'in pig'.

This story will go on and on.... and I can't help but feel sorry for Nephew...but... he got himself into this mess and he will have to figure a way out... if there IS a way out.

Stay tuned......

The only one who has my sympathy is the kid.

Quote
ladybug2203
The only one who has my sympathy is the kid.

Yup. The only one who had no control over any of it.

I don't buy the "partner won't let me" crap...in this case, that he's "not allowed" to play hockey. What, is she holding a gun to his head? He's making his choices. Nobody's fault but his if he doesn't like their outcome.

perfect description of a 'bitch on wheels'
makes me wonder though, neph needs an outlet, knows he needs it (and frankly, he should have one). the same old grind (and we are now seeing ) will make them all snap. ... what is moos outlet? or is this sex trophy her only outlet? we all know where that one goes... if they make it though to when kid is 18, they will have nothing in common.
thanks for the updates.
keep em coming.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote
starlady
Told dh that the kyd was a bad idea and he just told me to accept it and they knew what they were doing. Now he is seeing things my way.. and he is 'so amazed' when he realizes I was right ... and 'called' just about every bad thing that has happened to them since she got 'in pig'.

I don't see how it is so hard for people to predict this shitshow, but I guess lack of foresight is how people end up in these situations. Your DH should thank his lucky stars he got you instead of a woman who would have taken him along the lifescript, because it sounds like he would have just gone, thinking it is normal for men to be a bit reluctant and women to drag them along anyway...

Yeah, way back when we were discussing the kyd situation I asked him if he wanted them and he said "whatever you want" So.. if I would have been a 'breeding bertha' ... he would have gone along. However... we may not have lasted 40 years either. He is very happy now as a CF man. He wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah.. I am lucky.

They got themselves there...the only one who has my unfiltered sympathy is their kid.

That said, adults need creative and physical outlets in general...wanting to go out with friends, work out, create art projects, build stuff, etc are important. Harpi is being ridiculous in wanting to deny him his hobbies. Seriously, does she think that their lives should now consist of sitting around staring at the baby (when not feeding, wiping, and generally tending to it)?

I cannot get my head around that level of controlling, bratty insecurity.

I hope Nephew takes your spouse's advice about a vasectomy.

Quote
starlady
Yeah, way back when we were discussing the kyd situation I asked him if he wanted them and he said "whatever you want" So.. if I would have been a 'breeding bertha' ... he would have gone along. However... we may not have lasted 40 years either. He is very happy now as a CF man. He wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah.. I am lucky.

He is lucky. And I hope he realizes how lucky he is, seeing this trainwreck. You would have landed on your feet because you already had a clear idea of how you wanted to live your life, but he would have been at the mercy of whatever woman he wound up with, since he wasn't prepared to take a position on the topic. He's lucky he met a CF woman.

harpi is an extremely apt name

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Maybe we should start a betting pool about what happens with Nephew and Harpi.

Quote
yurble

Quote
starlady
Yeah, way back when we were discussing the kyd situation I asked him if he wanted them and he said "whatever you want" So.. if I would have been a 'breeding bertha' ... he would have gone along. However... we may not have lasted 40 years either. He is very happy now as a CF man. He wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah.. I am lucky.

He is lucky. And I hope he realizes how lucky he is, seeing this trainwreck. You would have landed on your feet because you already had a clear idea of how you wanted to live your life, but he would have been at the mercy of whatever woman he wound up with, since he wasn't prepared to take a position on the topic. He's lucky he met a CF woman.

This is exactly what Mr Yummy was like. Had he not met a CF woman he would likely have gone along with having brats and being miserable. And he says now he knows he would have been miserable, but he was prepared to have kids because he figured it's what women expect, breederific MIL having conditioned him this way. I do feel for him though, because nearly all his friends have now paired up with women along the same continuum as Harpi (maybe not all that cray, but still with many of the same traits and expectations that their husbands should have little to no life outside the nuclear famblee) and he's rapidly losing much sense of a social life. It seems that the wives don't mind as much if their husbands' friends are also duhs, but hanging out with guys who are CF? Not permitted. We are pretty much pariahs now among his married and childed friends, because we have our irresponsible selfish lives and we couldn't possibly know anything about what their saintly existences are like.

As for nephew, well yeah...he's got himself a peach there. Whatever he does won't be enough for Harpitina, so he best get used to that now. As others have said, I feel bad for the kid, but bed, made, lie.

Told dh today that I would rather visit with the baybee than Harpi... and would maybe even let baybee in my house before I'd let her in. LOL He goes "wow, you really don' tlike her'

I have not liked this woman since the day I met her. I could tell in just a matter of minutes that she was a pushy snot. She and Nephew spent that evening while visiting us (just us and them) on the couch together and could not keep their hands off of eachother. I could see she was reeling him in at that point and they had only known eachother (in person) for 3 weeks. When we saw them again for another visit about a month later... OMG.. we were watching something on TV that afternoon and they were on the sofa, with a blanket thrown over them and I sware.. 'something' was going on under there' Disgusting .. especially in someone else's home.

She worked her wiles on him till he got her a diamond ring which was way out of his price range. (any ring would have been way out his range unless it came out of a Cracker Jack box)

Then he wanted to wait about 8 months to a year before getting married. Well she got him to agree to move the wedding to only 3 months from when they got engaged. She said "we won't be able to afford a big wedding for a long time so we may as well just go ahead and have a small wedding now .... so we can start our family"

Yep, that's what she said. I could tell by the look on his face when she told us that that he was not really for it but was being persuaded.

So there's the kind of person she is. She harps and harps till she gets what she wants.

Quote
star lady
OMG.. we were watching something on TV that afternoon and they were on the sofa, with a blanket thrown over them and I sware.. 'something' was going on under there' Disgusting .. especially in someone else's home.

Whenever you tell me about these two losers I have to remind myself they are in their mid-thirties. That stunt sounds like something two 14 year old kids would pull. Gross, disrespectful and immature.

Yep... He's 35 and she just turned 36. The thing on the couch was in 2014. Yep.. way too old for such carry'n on in your uncle's livingroom.. with aunt and uncle right there.

This whole thread reminds me....unfortunately I was once married to a Harpi.

Many Harpis are female, and they often use breeding to control their mate, but men can be Harpis too. I was married to one in my early 20's. I was escaping a bad home life and he was SO controlling and he wanted to run our lives the way he wanted and to control EVERYTHING; where we lived, leisure time, money. He decided we needed a new house. There was one afternoon when he got together with a real estate agent and had a contract written on a house we couldn't afford...all I had to do was sign. I was like, are you nuts? Do you ever want to eat or pay utilities or go on vacation again? We ended up buying a house we could afford then he whined constantly that I wouldn't let him put the expenses to fix it up on a credit card. We could worry about how to pay for it "later." Then he wanted to start a side business flipping houses so he could "fix up a house the way he wanted." No mention of where that money was coming from, but I had a small inheritance, which I didn't let him have.

OMG and SO dissatisfied with every factor of his life. I don't like my job, WAH, I don't like our house, WAH, and he criticized me constantly. Harp, harp, harp.

I got fed up around year 3, tried the marriage counseling thing but he really didn't want to hear that he was part of any problem. I left with the clothes on my back and little else. It was totally worth it.

Anyway it's time for Nephew to step up and get some balls unless he wants the rest of his life ruined. That includes getting snipped and telling the bitch they go to marriage counseling for the sake of their kid or he's leaving and she can be a single Moo.

But he probably won't.