Further proof breeders are never happy

So I posted a while ago about some in-law issues and now I have some wonderful schadenfreude for you.

After BIL and his moralising about our 'selfish lifestyle' and siding with MIL on the 'you're terrible for not having kids' stuff, it seems BIL is now reaping what he's sown...MIL started badgering BIL and SIL about having a sibling for nephew and they finally came out and said they're not having any more. SIL is morbidly obese, they told her she probably wouldn't get up the duff in the first place, let alone carry a loaf to term, she suffered gestational diabetes and had to have a C-section, she also hated moo leave and missed her job so much she took the absolute minimum leave she could and she also didn't beef because of being on anti-depressants and fearing PND. Nephew has been in daycare since 6 months of age, he's there from 8am to 6pm 5 days a week. So I guess TMIJITW didn't turn out to be the dream...and now they've decided to shut down the babymaking shop and BIL wants a vasectomy.

Now this is all well and good and I applaud people making responsible decisions about their reproduction - if you don't fundamentally want kids (or more kids when you already have one, two, whatever) then make sure you don't have them. Too many unwanted kids in this world already. But OMG MIL...you'd think it was the end of the world. The reaction was almost worse than what we got when we said we were CF. MIL has been saying they're selfish, they'll ruin nephew's life, he'll be psychologically damaged as an only child, kids need brothers or sisters to keep them from becoming narcissists...accusing them of child abuse. At which point when she was crapping on about this to us, I said "well, I'm an only child from my parents' marriage and I survived without developing narcissistic personality disorder - and thank goodness they didn't bring another child into that mess".

BIL whinged about MIL's attitude to us a bit and we were like, well, now you know how it feels to be told you're selfish and your lifestyle choices are all wrong. Not got much sympathy there since you colluded with her when she was on at us, bro. He shut right up.

This is the thing with breeders. You can never keep them happy. Hopefully BIL has learned this the hard way now he's been at the sharp end.

talk about proving our points. but these kool aid drinkers are oblivious to their own hypocrisy and insanity. I don't know how old this warehoused little kid is, but if there is too big an age difference, they won't have anything in common anymore either.
they should develop one and tell this interfering old sow to stuff it where the moon don't shine.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

It is a little precious that awful people who couldn't stay out of your business are upset that the old sow is being meddlesome. I have noticed that, among all of their other bad qualities, breeders are the worst at minding their own business. I guess if you are too stupid to know you can opt out of the lifescript it irks you when someone does it, even in the smallest way, like stopping at one kid.

I wonder if it has occurred to BIL and SIL to send MIL the actual data on only children. They tend to be smarter, more successful and better-adjusted than the rest of us. Of course, that is probably due to spending more time with adults and it appears that your BIL and SIL are cancelling that out by warehousing the kid.

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happyhiker
It is a little precious that awful people who couldn't stay out of your business are upset that the old sow is being meddlesome. I have noticed that, among all of their other bad qualities, breeders are the worst at minding their own business. I guess if you are too stupid to know you can opt out of the lifescript it irks you when someone does it, even in the smallest way, like stopping at one kid.

I wonder if it has occurred to BIL and SIL to send MIL the actual data on only children. They tend to be smarter, more successful and better-adjusted than the rest of us. Of course, that is probably due to spending more time with adults and it appears that your BIL and SIL are cancelling that out by warehousing the kid.

That's interesting, I'd never read that about only children. All you ever hear is how onlies are more selfish, or can't share, but maybe that's all breeder supposition and not much evidence. Or justification for over-breeding, of course.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/01/01/small-families-are-better-for-kids-according-to-new-research/?utm_term=.591b99e6dce0

The article links to the research. For every additional kid born, you get lower cognitive abilities, more behavioral problems and worse outcomes. As quantity goes up, quality goes down.

I had a former friend IRL who experienced this. To her credit, she wanted another kid but her husband did not, and she honored his wishes. (They divorced eventually....she was one of those obsessive Moos.)

Back when I was in my 20's and 30's and being harassed by nosy Breeders and my family, I naively thought that these people would stop harassing me if I knuckled down like a good little conformist female and bred. Was I uninformed or what?

Lurking CF fence-sitters, don't ever believe that once you breed, the harassment will stop. Motherhood is a cult and, like any cult, it only becomes more tricky after you are admitted. It's only the beginning of women shredding each other apart over:


attachment parenting versus cry it out
eating your placenta
breast versus bottle
SAHM versus working Moo
all the obligatory family functions, including in-law involvement, you MUST attend because baybee!
you're a rotten parunt if you don't give your child a sibling!

You're a rotten Moo if you do/don't X, Y, or Z.

So I glad I opted out of all that nonsense. I can live my life however the fuck I want. I'm not obligated to entertain people who say rude shit and make nosy comments because FAMILY!

They'll harass you if you have no kids, because everyone needs to have children.
They'll harass you if you have one kid, because every child needs a sibling.
They'll harass you if you have 2,3, etc. kids, but all are the same gender, because you should keep trying until you have at least one of each.
Plus all of the issues that bell flower mentioned above, plus many more.

Sounds fun.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

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happyhiker

I wonder if it has occurred to BIL and SIL to send MIL the actual data on only children. They tend to be smarter, more successful and better-adjusted than the rest of us. Of course, that is probably due to spending more time with adults and it appears that your BIL and SIL are cancelling that out by warehousing the kid.

yeah, it is hilarious the things even my most educated friends say about only children, even tho they know I am one(but they must forget) and never would accuse me of being selfish or narcissistic.

As I have said elsewhere on the 'net, if you work in an office or company, think about your co-workers....easily over 50% of them act out rather selfishly, they are always gimme gimme gimme, can't stop talking about themselves even tho you might be the one w/ a particular problem that needs discussion. Think about your old BFs or GFs, many many of them act in a very selfish manner and that is why you break up w/ them, and all these people have siblings. So many people are "Me First" it isn't even funny. I personally think people WITH siblings become more selfish because they didnt like being forced to share and still think w/ their childhood memory brains. Not all, but many that I have come across. This excludes everyone on this board of course,

I think it's absolutely hysterical that BIL and SIL are now getting similar pressure that you did, especially since you haven't gotten much family support over your decision to be CF.

I was raised as an only, because my two half-sisters were gone out of the house by the time I was born. My mother was a single moo who raised me in poverty. When I was a young kid, I always preferred the company of adults over feral, noisy little bastards. I am extremely introverted, and prefer the company of my pets and husband over anyone else.

My sisters are decent people, but they turned out to have severe problems with their spouses and some of their kids. My one sister was pregnant at 18 and married just before she birfed her first kid. She is very unhappy in her life, and uses alcohol to cover it up.

My other sister also married young, but has been a career woman her entire life. She married an asshole who hits on everything that moves, myself included, and she is extremely greedy about things. She is also a manipulator of sorts.

My two sisters were wed and bred early, and I saw how their lives turned out as a result. I am soooo happy that I stuck to my CF guns and married much later in life. I think that in making those two decisions I now have a better life than them. It saddens me that they did this to themselves.

The sister who was a pregnant teen has bingoed me in the past, even though she has told me that if she could do it over again she would never have had kids or gotten married.

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mumofsixbirds


The sister who was a pregnant teen has bingoed me in the past, even though she has told me that if she could do it over again she would never have had kids or gotten married.

That's breeder logic for you right there. All they want is for us to share in the misery. Even when they openly admit it's not a picnic, they still believe others should follow the script.

Bell_flower is right - lurking fence sitters, don't think the problem of pressure from others will go away if you cave and breed one. That's just the start. My MIL was happy with nephew for about five seconds while he was a cute little baybee - he's three later this year, novelty's worn off, its all gimme more baybees. We met up with some old friend of FIL this weekend just gone who has six grandbrats and MIL was lowing about only having one and it wasn't fair, why did she get kids that ended up not being into breeding when she tried so hard to raise them right. But both Mr Yummy and his brother are intelligent introverts. Neither are super social and neither are kid oriented. I suspect BIL would have stayed CF if he's not met a wannabreed, he likes a quiet life and a kyd is exactly the opposite of that. And I bet you that's why he's always crapping on about how It Makes You a Better Person because you can't be selfish any more and you have to make sacrifices. He's probably trying to convince himself there's an upside.

One of my friends from school was an only child. She was intelligent, hard working (farm kid), and earning money at age 10 by giving piano lessons. She did have more toys, but nothing ridiculous and took care of them and put them away neatly.

Only child here too. (and adopted) I always wished I had a sister...but... in looking back I am glad it was just me. My parents spent lots of time with me and I was able to spend a lot of time with adults. Learned to entertain myself and be came rather artistic and creative with an active imagination... and I rarely get bored.
To be an only and adopted in the 50's.... boy did my mother get comments from her MIL. The one comment my mother told me about was "You can do everything else so well but you can't even have your own baybee"
I never really 'took' to that grandmother.

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LoveToLurk
They'll harass you if you have 2,3, etc. kids, but all are the same gender, because you should keep trying until you have at least one of each.

Yeah, I know a family that has five daughters. They didn't want five kids, but they were trying for that golden penis. I have never heard anyone in their family criticize them for having that many kids; mostly the rest of the family thinks it's "cute" or "funny."

Five more people in the world and a carbon footprint bigger than Godzilla's and it's "funny."

I knew of a stylist when I was getting my hair cut who told me that she had 4 boys because "I wanted a baby girl and I kept on having boys." Cosmetologists don't make that much so money must be spread thin and she tells me I am the only one who said anything about too many kids.

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mr. neptune
I knew of a stylist when I was getting my hair cut who told me that she had 4 boys because "I wanted a baby girl and I kept on having boys." Cosmetologists don't make that much so money must be spread thin and she tells me I am the only one who said anything about too many kids.

Then you are either the smartest person she knows or the only one who cared enough to say something.

Growing up I had an older sister, but at six years older than I, she was closer to a parent than a sibling. The age difference was more pronounced because of my Asbergers developmental delays.

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