Again, glad that time off is actually time OFF!

I'm on summer vacation and enjoying it thoroughly. I love that being CF allows for actual relaxation during weekends and vacations. When I was younger I noticed that parents never really got to relax, and that my mom and dad were usually tired when we got back from family trips, etc. I figured that shit out young, and filed it away for future reference. Could be why I was already skeptical of the whole parenting thing by the time I was sixteen, and knew for sure by the time I was eighteen or nineteen that the type of life I wanted simply wasn't compatible with parenthood.

I had an online chat with a friend recently, and it just reaffirmed my CF choice. It went like this:

Me: Hey, I heard you're taking PTO this week, that's awesome! (this friend's not known for taking time off for the whole self-care thing)
Friend: Yeah, it's okay. Mostly it's a "staycation" with the kids, who are so ready for summer to end it's not even funny.
Me: Hey, I like staycations. That way I don't need a day or two to bounce back from travel and all that. Staycations can be really great.
(we chatted a bit about our respective jobs and caught up on things...snipping that out)
Friend: Work's going better but still stressful. Kids are driving me insane. I'm short on sleep. Other than that, things are good.
Me: Glad your work situation is starting to improve. Hope you can use your staycation to catch up on sleep.
Friend: (general comments about things she does with the kids when she's home & genral 'hopes' to sleep more this week)

So she doesn't carve out time for herself, lets the kids impinge on her time and space when she's home on PTO...time that she would usually be gone at work anyway, so it's not like she's taking away time with them, ya know? Send 'em off to day camp that week as usual. Seriously. Maybe take one or two days as "fun with mom" days, but pack them off as usual the rest of the time. They need that routine.

Self-inflicted suburban martyr mom issues.

So glad that will never be my life. Sure, I've got stuff to get done during my time off---car maintenance, cleaning, vet appointments, home repairs, etc. But I don't have to manage other people, I can catch up on sleep, and I can maintain my fucking boundaries.

It's funny. If you told them before they had kids this is how their life would be, and say, suggest life would be better not having them at all, they would declare Kids are what they really want and how it would be all worth it. They never believe us, or if we bring it up first, we just dont understand. But you let the conversation drift, sooner or later, they end up admitting it themselves after a couple of childed years. The kids get older, therefore in theory, easier, but they finally gripe how their vacations suck, they have no time to themselves, and can't even enjoy reading a book in the sun on vacation, because the kids are in their hair.

As usual, glad it's not us.

It's pathetic that your friend doesn't believe she's entitled to have a couple of days to herself. Everybody needs a break every now and then from work, spouse, and it's logical kids would be included.

A former friend of mine used to have Federal holidays off. She would withhold this information from her brat and take the brat to daycare/school like usual because if she told her kid, the kid would start to complain of "not feeling well" and would start demanding to stay home.

What is wrong with these spineless Moomies? I was raised by a 1960's mom who had no problem telling me that she needed some personal time and I needed to get out of her hair for a while. Neither one of us suffered. Healthy separation and boundaries are good.

What's even worse is that martyr Moos are never free because when the grand sprogs come along, they martyr themselves similarly. There is no such thing as retirement for a Martyr Moo. I had another former friend who worked 35 years in a job. (I've ranted about her previously.) Friend's daughter (who made really good money) married a loser and cranked out two mistakes.

The last couple of years she worked, GrandMoo re-arranged her work schedule to four days a week, which meant she had to work 10 hour days. So on GrandMoo's one day off, she was watching brats . She essentially had ZERO time when she wasn't either working or watching brats.

My friend was constantly tired and sick all the time. Even after she was diagnosed with a progressive neurological disease, do you think her daughter let up and put her kids in daycare? (The daughter worked at a company with an award-winning, state of the art daycare facility that was on-site.) If you guessed no, you would be correct. Once when my friend was bitching to me (again) how bad she felt, I said something like, have you considered asking Daughter to put her kids in day care part time so you could get a break? She was like OMG NO, and GASP they can't go to EVIL daycare, even though Friend's own kids went to daycare and turned out okay.

Last I heard my friend is nearly bedridden. Our friendship was a casualty because GRANDKIDS! took up all GrandMoo's time. And when she finally got to retire, but there was no enjoyment because she yoked herself with raising two kids that weren't even hers.

I concur with the sentiment, that will not be my life. I've worked hard and my retirement will be MINE MINE MINE to spend how I want to.

I recently took an 18-day staycation from work because my PTO had accumulated so much and we're in a dead period right now. I had nothing to do but what I planned to do and I could take a nap at any time. I wasn't forced into some little tiny tyrant's schedule, I didn't have to run around and waste gas driving said little tiny tyrant around, I could take my time with the things I wanted/needed to do, I didn't have to play with and entertain anybody, and I didn't have to put on pants.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

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paragon schnitzophonic
I recently took an 18-day staycation from work because my PTO had accumulated so much and we're in a dead period right now. I had nothing to do but what I planned to do and I could take a nap at any time. I wasn't forced into some little tiny tyrant's schedule, I didn't have to run around and waste gas driving said little tiny tyrant around, I could take my time with the things I wanted/needed to do, I didn't have to play with and entertain anybody, and I didn't have to put on pants.

Hope you had a great time! 18 days is a great staycation.

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randomcfchick
I'm on summer vacation and enjoying it thoroughly. I love that being CF allows for actual relaxation during weekends and vacations. When I was younger I noticed that parents never really got to relax, and that my mom and dad were usually tired when we got back from family trips, etc. I figured that shit out young, and filed it away for future reference. Could be why I was already skeptical of the whole parenting thing by the time I was sixteen, and knew for sure by the time I was eighteen or nineteen that the type of life I wanted simply wasn't compatible with parenthood.

Yes! All the tired parents you saw as a kid which was pretty much the default state of parents. Honestly, the happiest I ever saw any parents was when they were free of their kids and enjoying a night out with their spouse or friends. Of course, this was during a time when parents had no issue with telling their kids to go entertain themselves when they are old enough to not die if unsupervised for an hour or two.

Let's see...

My husband took last week off, and he's back to work tomorrow. I decided to enroll in a medical transcription course so I can work, I adopted a new featherbaby named Spike, as she was abandoned at the pet store TWICE. I'm changing her name to Leah.

We had a huge weekend airshow barbecue and invited the whole family. There were sprogs here, but they stayed outside and were the responsibility of their keepers. I kept an eye on things, but nothing got ruined.

If we were burdened down with our own kids, I couldn't have enrolled in my new program because it would've been too difficult to study with shriekers in the house, I couldn't have adopted Leah because I probably wouldn't have had any money to care for her, and our barbecue would've been a hot mess because we would've been running after the brats all day.

Today we are just taking a rest. Husband is sleeping in this morning and I'm having coffee and writing on bratfree. I'm so excited about everything that we accomplished this week. My aunt is paying for my course, because she wants me to have a career. Not only am I going to be a good transcriptionist, I'm going to be the best. Leah is going to be Conner's buddy while I'm studying, and she's in love with him already. Today I'm going to introduce her to a much larger cage, and let her out for the first time in her life.

If I had brats, nothing could've been possible. I probably would have never married the man I love, never been able to afford a house, and never could've done the things I've wanted. Not only would me and my husband's staycation have been ruined, but so would our lives.

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bell_flower
What is wrong with these spineless Moomies? I was raised by a 1960's mom who had no problem telling me that she needed some personal time and I needed to get out of her hair for a while. Neither one of us suffered. Healthy separation and boundaries are good.

Amen. Healthy separation produces more self-sufficient adults. I was a 70s/80s kid, and I am SO fuckin' thankful that my parents saw us as children/future adults, and raised us accordingly. Modern parents are up their kids' asses 24/7 and thus their kids have no idea how to handle risk, decisions, or prioritizing. We had chores starting with little things. By the time I was 10, I was expected to pitch in around the house at pretty much any task an adult would do. (and as a result left home knowing how to cook, mow a lawn, iron a shirt, cook some basic things, do laundry, etc). But around that same time, I also had freedom to go with those responsibilities. I didn't get shuttled around to 87 different activites...I was in scouting, and played softball sometimes, when it was in season. Rest of the time I amused myself. That was just the cultural standard for my family, really.

I also got to go the hell away starting around age nine. Summer camps, canoeing trips with my uncle and aunt, stuff like that. And sure, that made me a more self-sufficient and experienced person. It also gave my parents a break and let them go on with their lives. That's important.

I saw my parents go out on dates, or do stuff with friends. Their hobbies varied with time, but I saw them go running, play bridge, garden, do ceramics, read, hike, and bike. They had their own lives. I grew up knowing that their lives didn't revolve around me or my siblings. Kids need to see their parents do that, and Helicopter Friend's kids don't. She does things with them, family activities and the like. But she doesn't have any separate hobbies, and that's just sad. They see her work, do family things, and do household stuff. Their dad, at least, has some hobbies. And he's offered to hold down the fort solo more often so Helicopter can get out and do her thing...I think she just doesn't take him up on it. Her issues are self-perpetuating.

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mumofsixbirds
Let's see...

My husband took last week off, and he's back to work tomorrow. I decided to enroll in a medical transcription course so I can work, I adopted a new featherbaby named Spike, as she was abandoned at the pet store TWICE. I'm changing her name to Leah.

.......

If I had brats, nothing could've been possible. I probably would have never married the man I love, never been able to afford a house, and never could've done the things I've wanted. Not only would me and my husband's staycation have been ruined, but so would our lives.

This sounds like a wonderful staycation. Congratulations on the training and finding a Conner a new buddy. And a new great home for Leah!

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freya

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mumofsixbirds
Let's see...

My husband took last week off, and he's back to work tomorrow. I decided to enroll in a medical transcription course so I can work, I adopted a new featherbaby named Spike, as she was abandoned at the pet store TWICE. I'm changing her name to Leah.

.......

If I had brats, nothing could've been possible. I probably would have never married the man I love, never been able to afford a house, and never could've done the things I've wanted. Not only would me and my husband's staycation have been ruined, but so would our lives.

This sounds like a wonderful staycation. Congratulations on the training and finding a Conner a new buddy. And a new great home for Leah!

Oh my goodness, Freya, you have no idea how sweet this little girl is! We spent the day yesterday preparing her new house, and she was out for the first time in many years. She's extremely malnourished and thin, but we are going to get her on a very healthy diet and have her out flying. She was absolutely glued to my husband and I all day, sitting on our shoulders. Then, she let my husband scratch her head. Later on, we were eating dinner and she was begging for a little bit of my husband's food, and he happily obliged her. She is a beautiful little bird. He later thanked me for choosing to take her home. We are absolutely in love with her!