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"Strict" parent applauds herself

Posted by yurble 
"Strict" parent applauds herself
October 01, 2017
Split off from the thread on commercials, this reminded me of this article.

Quote
bell_flower
I'm convinced we won't see that because it's not the norm in most households. Judging by what I hear from co-irkers and people I know who are grandparents, the inmates are running the asylum, thanks to the "I want to be my chyld's friend" and "gentle discipline" school of parenting.

This now passes for strict parenting: when a child has completely overspent their budget, buy them two tickets to an event and let them auction one for spending money. As opposed to just giving them all the money they want. Honestly the statement she attributes to her friend is so ridiculous and divorced from reality it reads like a straw-man caricature rather than a real person.

The writer should be careful not to hurt herself patting herself on the back over how superior her parenting methods are to those of her friends. My parents would have made me do without for the rest of the term, had I not already learned the lesson at a much younger age. I wonder if it occurred to her that in buying the tickets, she was in fact rewarding her daughter's spendthrift ways, compared to her son's thriftiness. Or did she just randomly give her son a similar sum in his first year, for no reason whatsoever? I think not. Even if she gave him a similar sum when she paid for the daughter's tickets, she was still rewarding the daughter's behavior since that is what spurred the monetary gift.

Are they trying to make a generation of completely useless people?
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 01, 2017
I was wondering when she was going to suggest to her kid that she gets a job to support her studies, never mind auctioning ball tickets?
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 01, 2017
Quote
yummynotmummy
I was wondering when she was going to suggest to her kid that she gets a job to support her studies, never mind auctioning ball tickets?

Except we aren't even talking about studies, it's all spending for fun. The girl's housing and meals are already paid, and presumably so are her tuition fees, plus she got an allowance which she managed to burn through. So what kind of message is her mother actually sending, when she gives her more money for fun stuff, in the form of two tickets to the ball, one of which the girl can sell to spend on other fun stuff?

Without money from her mother, this kid still wouldn't be anywhere near rock bottom. Let her experience a little hardship by spending a term with insufficient funds to take public transport, and nowhere to walk other than school and home. It would do her good to see what life is like if you waste all your money on luxury.
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 01, 2017
No wonder university counselling services are full to bursting with "kidult" students who can't cope with adult life and responsibilities. This perfectly illustrates exactly why that is. I'm at university at the moment (mature student and doing a professionally accredited Masters supported by my employers) and I'd been out of education for 13 years since finishing my undergrad degree. I was struggling to understand why the university was offering all these classes on things like budgeting, managing your household bills, time management, there was even a seminar on how to use public transport in the city - WTF?! The universities are having to do all the shit the parents didn't teach their sneauxphlaykes, because they've been driven everywhere, they don't know how to even read a bus timetable, pay an electric bill, wash their own clothes or figure out how much time they need to set aside for their reading and studying. Their parents micromanaged all that.

My best friend has two young adult kids (16 and 20) who are nice enough, but the older lad has just started working and he's been doing similar shit to this moo's daughter, spending all his wage on going out with his mates, takeaway food and Ubers because he can't be arsed to get up on time to get the bus to work. He keeps running out of money and asking his parents and sister (who is 16 and manages her allowance more sensibly than he manages his wage) as well as leaving the house in a mess and not doing anything around the house to tidy, clean etc. Thankfully my friend has just seen sense and stoped enabling this crap, she's started charging him board so he's contributing to the rent and bills and she's stopped paying for his phone and cancelled his contract so he has to go set up another one - of course he hasn't got good enough credit to get an account so he's having to do pay as you go, which he thinks is the worst thing ever because he actually has to keep tabs on how much data he uses and can't watch indefinite crap on his phone all the time. She's also told him he has to shape up around the house or she'll be increasing his board to pay for a cleaner. My friend works 12h shifts in a dementia unit, she doesn't have time or energy to clean up his mess and it's not like she earns a packet either, so time for the lad to grow up a bit. I think she's now realizing how much she enabled them and ran round after them and that you reap what you sow. Overindulgent parenting produces unprepared, self obsessed and useless adults.
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 01, 2017
I find myself appreciating Joan Crawford's parenting style more and more. No wire hangers!
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 02, 2017
A good parent would have nipped this in the bud at, say, $100. And a good parent also wouldn't humble brag on social media about it.

There was a man I went to University with who told me I couldn't possibly have had any fun because I graduated in 3.5 years with a Bachelor's degree. I had plenty of fun. He graduated in 5 years with a teaching degree (and a major in uh....Fraternity Studies). Dude, 5 years isn't the norm for a Bachelor's degree unless you're working a full time job and he wasn't!
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 03, 2017
It took me 4 years to get my Associates Degree in Journalism. I too had to take up the catch up classes similar to what Yummynotmummy posted. Then again, I had severe mental illness and Aspergers so that my mother had to train me to not offend normal society. She literally had to train me on what to say and when to say it when other teens were (supposedly) learning the ins and outs of budgeting, managing your household bills, and time management.

I still can't take buses. That's because I've nerve damage from the waist to the toes and that negatively effects the waste disposal system of the human body.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 03, 2017
Quote
craftyzits
It took me 4 years to get my Associates Degree in Journalism. I too had to take up the catch up classes similar to what Yummynotmummy posted. Then again, I had severe mental illness and Aspergers so that my mother had to train me to not offend normal society. She literally had to train me on what to say and when to say it when other teens were (supposedly) learning the ins and outs of budgeting, managing your household bills, and time management.

I still can't take buses. That's because I've nerve damage from the waist to the toes and that negatively effects the waste disposal system of the human body.

Good on you for getting your degree crafty, sounds like you’ve overcome a lot and your situation was way, way different from kids who don’t learn shit simply because they’ve been spoiled and developed a “the world owes me” attitude.
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 03, 2017
Quote
yummynotmummy
Quote
craftyzits
It took me 4 years to get my Associates Degree in Journalism. I too had to take up the catch up classes similar to what Yummynotmummy posted. Then again, I had severe mental illness and Aspergers so that my mother had to train me to not offend normal society. She literally had to train me on what to say and when to say it when other teens were (supposedly) learning the ins and outs of budgeting, managing your household bills, and time management.

I still can't take buses. That's because I've nerve damage from the waist to the toes and that negatively effects the waste disposal system of the human body.

Good on you for getting your degree crafty, sounds like you’ve overcome a lot and your situation was way, way different from kids who don’t learn shit simply because they’ve been spoiled and developed a “the world owes me” attitude.

Exactly. Congrats on the degree. You aren't a spoiled brat partying on your parents dime.
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 04, 2017
Quote
yummynotmummy
Quote
craftyzits
It took me 4 years to get my Associates Degree in Journalism. I too had to take up the catch up classes similar to what Yummynotmummy posted. Then again, I had severe mental illness and Aspergers so that my mother had to train me to not offend normal society. She literally had to train me on what to say and when to say it when other teens were (supposedly) learning the ins and outs of budgeting, managing your household bills, and time management.

I still can't take buses. That's because I've nerve damage from the waist to the toes and that negatively effects the waste disposal system of the human body.

Good on you for getting your degree crafty, sounds like you’ve overcome a lot and your situation was way, way different from kids who don’t learn shit simply because they’ve been spoiled and developed a “the world owes me” attitude.

That's true. I was adopted by a PNB who ran a dance studio for 25 years and until retirement worked in government.

I came with an unusual amount of baggage even for a sped. I was adopted twice, taken from the first family with a bleeding diaper rash (according to the government case manager) and hospitalized for ten months for malnutrition. I didn't learn to talk until age 7-9. Still managed to graduate high school with credits to do so six months early and GPA 4.5.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 09, 2017
I thought of this article when I was listening to XM today. I was channel surfing and I heard that vapid Jenny McCarthy, who had a friend on air with her. She and the friend were patting themselves on the back for raising independent kids. The friend told some story and said her daughter was now 20 and "living independently" at college and they have this "great relationship" and they Facetime 3-4 times per day.

WTF? If your kid is calling you 3-4 times per day, she's not independent. In fact, I think 3-4 times a week would raise my eyebrows. When I was 20 and living away at school, I my parents called me on my dorm phone once a week. And I made and spent my own money. If I had run out of any theoretical allowance, I wouldn't have got any more, that's for sure.

Moos overestimate how great their kids are and how great they themselves are.

John Rosemond may be a Fundy, but he has the right idea.
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 10, 2017
Quote
bell_flower
I thought of this article when I was listening to XM today. I was channel surfing and I heard that vapid Jenny McCarthy, who had a friend on air with her. She and the friend were patting themselves on the back for raising independent kids. The friend told some story and said her daughter was now 20 and "living independently" at college and they have this "great relationship" and they Facetime 3-4 times per day.

WTF? If your kid is calling you 3-4 times per day, she's not independent. In fact, I think 3-4 times a week would raise my eyebrows. When I was 20 and living away at school, I my parents called me on my dorm phone once a week. And I made and spent my own money. If I had run out of any theoretical allowance, I wouldn't have got any more, that's for sure.

Moos overestimate how great their kids are and how great they themselves are.

John Rosemond may be a Fundy, but he has the right idea.

I notice today's parent will pat themselves and their semi-adult bratz on the back for ANY positive aspect that a normal person should do, act, or know. My male friend told me his lame basement living daughter (who appears to be going on a ten yr plan to college) was really smart because she realized she couldn't go to a Canadian College like she wanted to(to be with her friend, possible gay lover, she may be in the closet) because all her credits wouldn't be transferred. Um....right,....no one wants to re-take classes they already took, in fact they woulda looked into that FIRST before declaring you were moving there and going to college, and since she aint paying the tuition bill, she really doesnt have a choice anyway.....SOooooooo.....how is this make her really smart? No one in their right mind would do this. But today's parent will look for anything to put a positive spin on for an opprotunity to make their otherwise lameass kids look good for a minute, or to continue in their own denial how great their kids are, while living in their basement.
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 10, 2017
Quote
bell_flower
The friend told some story and said her daughter was now 20 and "living independently" at college and they have this "great relationship" and they Facetime 3-4 times per day.

That is co-dependent for sure. Back when I was at university, long-distance charges were still a thing, so I talked about once a month to my parents. It's still about how often I talk to them. We have a great relationship, based on us all being independent adults with our own lives. I really enjoy their company when I visit, and I'm sure it is mutual, but none of us are sitting around bemoaning the distance on a daily basis.

I wouldn't even talk with a long-distance boyfriend 3-4 times a day, because (a) we both have shit to do, that's why we're apart in the first place - to get shit done, and (b) neither of us is that unattractively needy, and (c) what the fuck is there to talk about when you never spend any time apart? Once a day is often enough for that type of relationship.
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 11, 2017
Quote
yurble
I wouldn't even talk with a long-distance boyfriend 3-4 times a day, because (a) we both have shit to do, that's why we're apart in the first place - to get shit done, and (b) neither of us is that unattractively needy, and (c) what the fuck is there to talk about when you never spend any time apart? Once a day is often enough for that type of relationship.

No shit. When I was younger my bf and were long distance for a bit while he finished the last bit of his degree. Long distance rate was still a thing then, but I had unlimited calling through Vonage...even then we talked maybe once per day, because as yurble said, we had shit to get done. He had classes, I had work, we saw each other every other weekend or so.

Later on we had a friend living with us (he's a whole 'nother story) who took up with a long-distance gf on another continent. He WAS doing the talking every single weekday and 4 or 5 times a day on weekends, and it was ridiculous. After a couple weeks of him "not having time" for chores or shopping on weekends because he was so busy with the gf, we picked up on his pattern, warned him once about phone charges, and then when he was late paying his share we disabled international calling on our phone line. He was butthurt about it, but changed nothing about his ways. This was before Skype was readily available, so he just spent all his time instant messaging her or whatever. Their relationship was doomed anyway...not due to distance, but due to her being a high-maintenance, manipulative can of crazy. Anyway...point is that even long-distance relationships can't function when you talk to each other THAT much!
Re: "Strict" parent applauds herself
October 11, 2017
If the daughter still hasn't developed proper spending/saving habits, she's more than likely fucked.
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