How do I deal with my husbands "very mild fondling" of our daughters?

Ummmm report him to the authorities you moron?!

http://www.stopitnow.org/advice-column-entry/how-should-i-deal-with-my-husbands-very-mild-fondling-of-my-daughters

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My husband sometimes touches our 3 and 6 year old daughters in ways that I find mildly inappropriate - e.g. pulling down the 3-year-old's pants so we can see her bottom, or caressing her bottom when she just needs help pulling down her night-time diaper to use the toilet in the morning; or holding the 6-year-old across his lap in an armchair and stroking her leg from top to bottom (just on the outside).

Okay that's the most disgusting thing I've read in a while.

another 'moo in denial'
to quote dr laura, 'a limp chick'

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

And then in 20 years she's going to wonder why her daughters hate her.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

There is no such thing as "very mild fondling." Fondling does not come in degrees. It is or it isn't, and this... is.

I think it's pretty damn easy to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy touchy-feely behavior with anybody of any age or relation - namely, you don't feel icky seeing it or hearing about it.

What the Duh here is doing sounds like the unhealthy kind of touching, and this is just what Moo sees him doing with their kids. Imagine what he's touching when she's not around. I'm willing for a moment to give Duh the benefit of the doubt - maaaybe he's one of those people whose parents/family were very touchy-feely with one another. Not in an incestuous way, but just in a general way, and it might not even be something that he realizes is abnormal. Or maybe he himself was abused as a child and didn't know it was abuse, so he thinks this is an acceptable way to interact with his own kids. Who fuckin' knows. Doesn't excuse him doing it, and if he honestly has no idea it's inappropriate, Moo needs to bring it to his attention before the kids grow up thinking it's totally fine for an adult to touch them like that.

But I fail to see any reason why a parent should be pantsing their kids or rubbing their legs and asses. We have gut instincts for a reason and if Moo is having one regarding her husband's behavior, she should be paying far closer attention to how Duh acts with their kids and also observe the way the kids behave. She'd be wise to invest in a nanny cam and not let Duh know about it. If her spidey sense is tingling, there's probably a goddamn good reason for it, but I'm sure she'll just stick her head in the sand and pretend like nothing is wrong, even if she winds up with concrete proof that the guy is abusing their kids.

Why? Because that's what Moos do. It's much, much more convenient for them to pretend like nothing is wrong because then they'll have to lose their walking ATMs/sperm donors if they raise a stink and/or reveal that their wonderful husbands are Chesters. How do you deal with your husband's fondling of your kids? You get your kids the fuck away from him. How does the average Moo deal with it? Pretend like it's not happening. Well, she'll have some explaining to do when the older child starts talking about Daddy touching her ass and rubbing her legs at school (assuming she's not home-schooled or unschooled).

And you know if this moo is on the fence about it, she's describing it in the most mild terms possible. Whatever she admits he's doing, it's worse. Leave his ass and report him to the police. Period.

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kittehpeoples
And you know if this moo is on the fence about it, she's describing it in the most mild terms possible. Whatever she admits he's doing, it's worse. Leave his ass and report him to the police. Period.

Leaving is what we hope she will do, but Moos come with learned helplessness. That is the feeling that they can't do things on their own with out others doing the heavy lifting, such as learning how to support their own sprogs.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

There is seriously no need to do any of that in order to show healthy affection to your kids. Weird.

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Christhead
There is no such thing as "very mild fondling." Fondling does not come in degrees. It is or it isn't, and this... is.

Exactly. If the word fondling - as opposed to snuggling or cuddling - is being used to describe it, then you know that it is inappropriate. (Assuming the description is accurate, as it is in this case, and it isn't just jealousy at the father showing the children affection.) I agree with kittehpeoples, it's probably worse than she describes because she doesn't want to get the advice to put a stop to it right now...because, like craftyzits says, she's afraid that she'll be completely responsible for the kids.

Well, that's a risk you take when you have them...that you'll be 100% responsible for them. You don't get to decide that it's okay for them to be inappropriately touched so long as they are fed and clothed.

she had better have documentation, proof out the wazoo, up every which way and sideways. If she walks out and he gets unsupervised visitation because she can't prove it...oy

Oh yes, and the understatement is very real. How many mootards whine 'he was quietly fusssing'. riiight.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

There is no dealing with it. Report it, divorce it, and restraining order it and his whole fam damily.

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

Eww, those poor babies! My dad sure never "fondled me" like that. And what's with this line:

"even at age 3 children are sexual beings and experience sexual feelings."

I mean, I get the point but that could be spun by a pedophile to justify their depraved desires. Maybe "children have personal boundaries on their bodies" would be a better way to put it. Or, "kids know bad touch when they feel it." I never liked the phrase 'children are sexual beings.' Because they really aren't unless someone sexualizes them. Their bodies (and minds) are immature & not made for sex. That's what puberty is for--sexual maturation of the body. The whole article just creeps me out.

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trance formation usa
Eww, those poor babies! My dad sure never "fondled me" like that. And what's with this line:

"even at age 3 children are sexual beings and experience sexual feelings."

I mean, I get the point but that could be spun by a pedophile to justify their depraved desires. Maybe "children have personal boundaries on their bodies" would be a better way to put it. Or, "kids know bad touch when they feel it." I never liked the phrase 'children are sexual beings.' Because they really aren't unless someone sexualizes them. Their bodies (and minds) are immature & not made for sex. That's what puberty is for--sexual maturation of the body. The whole article just creeps me out.

That phrase also creeps me out too. Ugh. I have a feeling that some pedo will look at this and say to himself 'Yup what I'm doing is good. It's society that doesn't 'understand.'

I disagree with that statement too, because I am a victim of childhood sexual assault. My only thoughts were, "Why is he doing this to me?" And "What did I do to deserve this?" And "How can I survive this?"

It was two weeks after my ninth birthday, and I don't ever remember feeling anything at all about sex until my BIL raped me. Then, I felt personally responsible for what he did, felt that I didn't do enough to stop him, and other horrible feelings that I still struggle with today. Even when I told my own mother, she replied to me by saying that I probably did something to 'bring it on'. Yes, it was my fault, according to my moo.

I certainly knew little to nothing about sex at that age, and I remember because when this happened, all I could think of was that I was going to die. To this day, I have to be careful not to retraumatize myself because I suffer with PTSD.

MO6B

Firstly You are stronger than you know for surviving something so heinous. Every day you wake up, you are winning against those that tried to kill you (mentally, spiritually and physically cause not many would still be here without kissing a gun barrel or knife) and proving you are stronger than them.

Secondly:
I hope karma assfucked him without lube with a cactus.

The only reason I can see staying with these tiny dicks is to lull them into a false sense of security, cut their dicks off, fry it up and make them eat it. I have no love of cowards and that is exactly what pedophiles are. They only go after those they know can't fight back because they are nothing but cowards (can't call them chickenshit cause there is a reason they call it mother henning). I find it sad that having drugs on you is treated more harshly than rape. How does it make sense to punish a pothead with 20+ years but give a rapist 30 days? It's not ok to be high but it's just fine and dandy to shatter someone's life....even a small child's life.

Pathetic. And this cow that is allowing it should be sterilized and the kids put with real parents.

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"It is better not to look like what you are; it is better to look like a bourgeois woman because then all the doors are open for you and then you can just go and make hell." - Marjane Satrapi

Thanks, addiea,

I've had to live my entire life with the pain and confusion of what happened. When I saw him recently, I noticed how pathetic, weak and sickly he was. It actually helped, because I realise that I have more power than he does. He knows i could have a little talk with his wife (my sister) at any time, and fuck him up. I've tried to reach her before and let her know by going to the RCMP and reporting it, but she never believed me. I think now she would have an entirely different opinion.

Someone on the board here once wrote, "Karma is the bitch that never forgives and never forgets...." That is so true with him. He has to live with what he did, and it's eating him up inside. Not because he did a terrible thing, but he could get called out and that would wreck what little bit of life he has left.