Conference speaker panders to lazy parenting

Recently attended a conference. One of the speakers brought up the topic of credit cards and how both his wife and his 16 year old daughter take his car and charge thousands of dollars on it. The wife may or may not have just cause. Want to examine the 16 year old for a sec.

Is this normal behavior for today? Allowing your minor kid free reign to a credit card? How on earth can a parent hope for a positive result from teaching a kid if they want something to beg for it or just giving it to them?

Timely letter received yesterday. Relative begging for money to go to Europe for a "mission trip" costing $3,500 plus a bunch of additional fees. Relative is a minor and has never had a job nor shown any interest in working. Relative didn't even bother to address the envelope, another relative did that work. Our new begging culture makes this perfectly acceptable, I guess. If there is anything relative is good at, it is begging and getting exactly what is wanted.

And don't get me started on adults selling girl scout cookies, scout candy bars, and various fundraising items for their kids.

Maybe it is normal to hand the kid a credit card. I saved for 2 years to pay for Europe with a part time job. Almost everyone on the trip had a parent's credit card. I was the only one I know of who paid for her trip.

I didn't mind saving for the trip just like I didn't mind working odd jobs as a kid so I could have pocket money. As soon as I turned 16 I got a job and was grateful I wasn't forced to give the money to my parents to help support the family. Knew plenty of teenagers who were forced to do this.

My teenaged niece (now in college tho) had/has free range of her dad's CC, there's a 1000 limit of some kind, but it automatically increases the limit w/ just an email alert that her dad never reads. So she , in other words, has unlimited funds to spend on Starbucks or whatever she wants. Her dad is like a 'platinum member' or whatever at Starbucks because of how much money she has spent there in his name.

If I was given this, I dont know what I would spend it on. After a while there's only so many lunches, dinners, or even clothes you can buy (where would you store it all, and the parents don't see the closet? I dont know?) . But yes, this is evidently normal these days.

Aren't you glad you aren't a 2017 parent?

This is why no one can afford to retire, by the way.

Quote
freya
And don't get me started on adults selling girl scout cookies, scout candy bars, and various fundraising items for their kids.

Somebody at work was peddling their kid's fundraiser recently.

I have no idea how it ended up at the bottom of the barrel, under all the other garbage

Quote
freya
Is this normal behavior for today? Allowing your minor kid free reign to a credit card? How on earth can a parent hope for a positive result from teaching a kid if they want something to beg for it or just giving it to them?

The short-term damage of this practice is the bill that the father will get at the end of the month. The long-term damage will be if/when that same 16 year old grows up to be 26 or 36 and has no concept on how to manage money or the value of money.

Quote
freya
Timely letter received yesterday. Relative begging for money to go to Europe for a "mission trip" costing $3,500 plus a bunch of additional fees. Relative is a minor and has never had a job nor shown any interest in working. Relative didn't even bother to address the envelope, another relative did that work. Our new begging culture makes this perfectly acceptable, I guess. If there is anything relative is good at, it is begging and getting exactly what is wanted.

A "mission" trip as in doing charitable works for God?

Sorry, I'm calling bullshit on this. You don't need to spend $3500 and fly all over the world to do good works. Team up with your local food pantry, soup kitchen, Lions Club, Rotary, Meals on Wheels, Habitat for Humanity, or any number of organizations that are located near you, and you'll find PLENTY of opportunities to provide virtually any kind of aid to those who are in need. I guarantee you, needy people are much closer than you think. You don't have to hop on an airplane to Europe. Hell... you might note even need to get into a car, depending on your location.

I question people who spend thousands of dollars and travel thousands of miles to do charitable works, when their very neighbors are in need. I believe what they are really interested in is attention whoring and virtue signaling.

The entitlement of some teens boggles my brain. And stealing a CC? Holy shit!

I was never a beggar. When clothes literally fell off my ass my mother and step father had to DRAG my ass to the store.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I've noticed teens (high school upperclassmen) have debit cards now, but that's more a reflection of how people pay for stuff. That doesn't bother me, as my own parents set up a checking account for me when I was in high school. It contained only my money (they didn't fund it), and they taught me to manage it. I figure debit accounts are more or less the modern equivalent.

As for credit cards...my childed friends with teens don't let their kids use their credit cards. But these are the same parents who didn't let their kids play with their phones, either, so I'm not shocked. I would not be surprised if one of my PNB friends sets her daughter up with some 'training wheels' credit card so the kid can learn to use it properly with some guidance while still a senior in high school, instead of just letting her "discover" credit cards in college.

As for the mission trip...my thoughts are similar to Studio54. There's a lot that needs doing nearby, and let them earn the money for it. If it's a church trip, the church should be setting up ways for the kids to earn the money (car washes and the like). I flat-out refuse to buy from adults for kid-group fundraisers (scouts, etc). If it's an organization/cause I support, I'll say something like "I would buy some if Madison were selling them in person, though." Kids do not benefit from having their parents handle stuff like that. The ones who actually work toward their experiences are more invested and get more from it.

IDK, my parents didnt set me up w/ any CC. A friend of a friend had one, maybe in my freshman year of college, so I got a MasterCharge and a couple of store cards because she did. I didnt even think I needed it but I did it. And, I managed my money. I charged stuff just to charge stuff and I would pay it back.


I know my boss' kids went to South America to do charity work so they could put it on their resumes/LinkedIN. Now they are like 30-ish and one works in a mail room and daddy got the other one a job, so much for the fancy resume. ( My resume had my work history of working in a clothes store, yet I got a job by myself in a Fortune 500 company...not in the mail room either) I dont see teens and college kids do anything on their own now, at least in my circle of friends, and my friends aren't poor but they arent rich either.

Quote
cfuter
My teenaged niece (now in college tho) had/has free range of her dad's CC, there's a 1000 limit of some kind, but it automatically increases the limit w/ just an email alert that her dad never reads. So she , in other words, has unlimited funds to spend on Starbucks or whatever she wants. Her dad is like a 'platinum member' or whatever at Starbucks because of how much money she has spent there in his name.

If I was given this, I dont know what I would spend it on. After a while there's only so many lunches, dinners, or even clothes you can buy (where would you store it all, and the parents don't see the closet? I dont know?) . But yes, this is evidently normal these days.

Aren't you glad you aren't a 2017 parent?

This is why no one can afford to retire, by the way.

She is in for a harsh reality once she is cut off from the CC. No way would I want to be a 2017 parent! Thank spaghetti monster no!

Who knows, she'll likely live w/ her parents till she's 35 like everyone else these days, the parents will keep all harsh realities from their snewfaulke kids.

Quote
StudioFiftyFour

Quote
freya
Is this normal behavior for today? Allowing your minor kid free reign to a credit card? How on earth can a parent hope for a positive result from teaching a kid if they want something to beg for it or just giving it to them?

The short-term damage of this practice is the bill that the father will get at the end of the month. The long-term damage will be if/when that same 16 year old grows up to be 26 or 36 and has no concept on how to manage money or the value of money.

Quote
freya
Timely letter received yesterday. Relative begging for money to go to Europe for a "mission trip" costing $3,500 plus a bunch of additional fees. Relative is a minor and has never had a job nor shown any interest in working. Relative didn't even bother to address the envelope, another relative did that work. Our new begging culture makes this perfectly acceptable, I guess. If there is anything relative is good at, it is begging and getting exactly what is wanted.

A "mission" trip as in doing charitable works for God?

Sorry, I'm calling bullshit on this. You don't need to spend $3500 and fly all over the world to do good works. Team up with your local food pantry, soup kitchen, Lions Club, Rotary, Meals on Wheels, Habitat for Humanity, or any number of organizations that are located near you, and you'll find PLENTY of opportunities to provide virtually any kind of aid to those who are in need. I guarantee you, needy people are much closer than you think. You don't have to hop on an airplane to Europe. Hell... you might note even need to get into a car, depending on your location.

I question people who spend thousands of dollars and travel thousands of miles to do charitable works, when their very neighbors are in need. I believe what they are really interested in is attention whoring and virtue signaling.

I couldn't agree with you more S54. It is utter bullshit. Attended one of these trips (wasn't a mission trip--was an intense fundamentalist camp in a different state) as a young teenager and had no clue what I was attending. It is overt brainwashing in order to recruit young teenagers to full-time/part-time life long ministry. I visited a bunch of websites on brainwashing and sure enough, that is exactly what it was. It is the same organization as my trip was. Guessing they have to throw in an exotic location to get the attention of the teenagers and isolate them. Also, the teens will receive donations to pay for their trips so you can bet they will be guilt-tripped into committing to lifelong fundamentalist ministry.

Most mission trips/camps/etc. for fundamentalist teens are about recruitment more than anything. Definitely it is more important than the people they are sent to help.

Never mind the fact that a bunch of teenagers raising $3,500 each could greatly help out local organizations or the people still suffering from Hurricane Maria. This isn't about love or aid, it is about recruiting and making sure the fundamentalist numbers increase. First week they work on all the teenagers that attend and the second week they are working on the European teenagers and children.

These same people will put the Mormons down for pretty much forcing their sons to do 2 years of mission work when they are forcing sons and daughters to commit to a lifetime of full or part time ministry when they are 14 or 15 years old. The overt brainwashing appalls me almost as much as the abusive brainwashing techniques used on young teenaged minds which aren't equipped to deal with adult manipulation.

Quote
randomcfchick
I've noticed teens (high school upperclassmen) have debit cards now, but that's more a reflection of how people pay for stuff. That doesn't bother me, as my own parents set up a checking account for me when I was in high school. It contained only my money (they didn't fund it), and they taught me to manage it. I figure debit accounts are more or less the modern equivalent.

As for credit cards...my childed friends with teens don't let their kids use their credit cards. But these are the same parents who didn't let their kids play with their phones, either, so I'm not shocked. I would not be surprised if one of my PNB friends sets her daughter up with some 'training wheels' credit card so the kid can learn to use it properly with some guidance while still a senior in high school, instead of just letting her "discover" credit cards in college.

As for the mission trip...my thoughts are similar to Studio54. There's a lot that needs doing nearby, and let them earn the money for it. If it's a church trip, the church should be setting up ways for the kids to earn the money (car washes and the like). I flat-out refuse to buy from adults for kid-group fundraisers (scouts, etc). If it's an organization/cause I support, I'll say something like "I would buy some if Madison were selling them in person, though." Kids do not benefit from having their parents handle stuff like that. The ones who actually work toward their experiences are more invested and get more from it.

Sounds like you know responsible people who are raising good kids randomcfchick. Wish that was the norm and not the exception.
If it were a legitimate mission trip then it would be up to the kids to raise the money and the location wouldn't be Ireland. And if the relative really wants to go then why can't he extend any effort and address those darn envelopes? Like you said, there is a lot that needs doing nearby.

Quote
cfuter
IDK, my parents didnt set me up w/ any CC. A friend of a friend had one, maybe in my freshman year of college, so I got a MasterCharge and a couple of store cards because she did. I didnt even think I needed it but I did it. And, I managed my money. I charged stuff just to charge stuff and I would pay it back.


I know my boss' kids went to South America to do charity work so they could put it on their resumes/LinkedIN. Now they are like 30-ish and one works in a mail room and daddy got the other one a job, so much for the fancy resume. ( My resume had my work history of working in a clothes store, yet I got a job by myself in a Fortune 500 company...not in the mail room either) I dont see teens and college kids do anything on their own now, at least in my circle of friends, and my friends aren't poor but they arent rich either.

Establishing your own credit as a young adult completely makes sense to me cfuter. It is a weird system to learn, that you must have credit to have buying power for a loan.

I was forced to do a bunch of charity work as a kid and refused to list it on my resume or college application. It didn't come from the heart and I wanted to put the past behind me. Since then there has been a huge trend for so many people to make a huge deal out of their mission and/or charity work, adding it to LinkedIN, etc. So, not all of these people are going to get the best jobs just because they did charity work. Some will brag about it to anyone who will listen so everyone in earshot knows what a great person they are. I think of them as self-congratulatory asshats. If you have to work that hard to prove you are a good person then you aren't one.

Ted Bundy did charity work.

Quote
freya

Sounds like you know responsible people who are raising good kids randomcfchick. Wish that was the norm and not the exception.
If it were a legitimate mission trip then it would be up to the kids to raise the money and the location wouldn't be Ireland. And if the relative really wants to go then why can't he extend any effort and address those darn envelopes? Like you said, there is a lot that needs doing nearby.

They generally are. I've also dropped people who were making ridiculous choices when it came to their kids, or who wouldn't shut up about them, or all those other reasons CF people drop childed friends. I only kept the ones who were sensible. And in general, their kids are neat people. And yeah, I wish that was the norm, too.

I double checked with one of my PNB friends, and once or twice my friend has let her oldest kid use her credit card to buy something online, but it was an item they'd talked about that the kid needed for her summer job. Mom had told her to look around and see what deals she could find, then report back. Kid found a good price, put in the credit card info, handed card back to Mom. That's the only way that they've let the teenager use the credit card.

""Aren't you glad you aren't a 2017 parent?""

just glad I ain't a parent, period.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote
twocents
""Aren't you glad you aren't a 2017 parent?""

just glad I ain't a parent, period.

Of course so am I, but today's parenting style is off the wall, and now they see the poor products that come out of it, and still don't change their ways. If I was a parent now, I would be totally unhappy. At least back in the day, the inmates aren't running the asylum.

I never had use of a CC until I got my own a few months after I graduated from college and began working full-time. Before that, it was a big deal when I got my own personal checking account before my junior year of college. And before that, it was also a big deal when I got my first bank ATM card just before I started my freshman year of college. These were all under my own name and were purely my own responsibility. I can't imagine having (or even asking for) access to my parents' credit card at any age.