You Gave It Up At Birth, But It Can Still Find You.

This article from New Jersey Monthly paints a rosy, happy fambleee version of adopted children finding their birth parent. When I read this, it made me so happy to be sterilized and know that this would never be me.

What about women who were raped, forced to birth it and then gave it up? There is a reason adoption records were sealed, and that was to protect the woman and the child from society's shame and scorn. What about a woman who gave up a child when she was young, got married some years later, and never told her husband and new family? What an unpleasant surprise she could have if this now adult suddenly came knocking on her door.

I would have loved for the article to use some not-so-happy-ending stories, but that would have defeated their narrative, which is how wonderful it is that adopted adults can now suddenly find their birth mother, her wishes be damned. Oh yeah...there is a waiting period so that birth mothers can have their name redacted, but how many birth parents know of this?

I would have no issue if an adopted child came with a medical history that the birth mother filled out at the time of birth. It seems reasonable that a person would want to know if there was epilepsy, diabetes, or other medical issues in their genetic line. But that's it.

linky

There's a reason sperm donations have flowed to a trickle in countries where the law was changed to permit the offspring to find the donor. At least in those cases it wasn't changed retroactively, so people could still opt out of the new policy.

As long as the laws aren't change retroactively, and women know the policy and have access to abortion, I don't mind if people want to discourage adoption in favor of abortion, which is pretty much what such a rule would do.

On a side note, I've realized I don't like the term sperm donor/egg donor even when we use it to distinguish deadbeats from people who try to parent. "Donor" implies altruism, when it's just the selfish furthering of one's own genetic material.

Whenever anyone writes about the not-so-happy outcomes of this, it always slants in favor of the offspring. Always. Can you imagine if someone tried to write about this presenting a sympathetic view of the parent who suddenly had someone show up on their doorstep they never wanted to see? Even in the most extreme situation...imagine a woman who's raped and becomes pregnant. She truly believes she's carrying an innocent life and decides not to abort, but can't stand the thought of raising her rapist's offspring. She gives it up for adoption and asks that the child not be given any information about her. Two decades or so later, the offspring digs up the info she didn't want them to have and shows up on her doorstep or otherwise contacts her out of the blue. Now in an instant she's reliving the rape, the trauma of carrying her attacker's child, the pain (emotional and physical) of birthing that child, the turmoil surrounding the adoption, everything all over again. Because the kid just HAD to meet the person who didn't want them in the first place.

Even in circumstances like those, you know she'd get blasted for being a heartless bitch.

Quote
kittehpeoples
Whenever anyone writes about the not-so-happy outcomes of this, it always slants in favor of the offspring. Always. Can you imagine if someone tried to write about this presenting a sympathetic view of the parent who suddenly had someone show up on their doorstep they never wanted to see? Even in the most extreme situation...imagine a woman who's raped and becomes pregnant. She truly believes she's carrying an innocent life and decides not to abort, but can't stand the thought of raising her rapist's offspring. She gives it up for adoption and asks that the child not be given any information about her. Two decades or so later, the offspring digs up the info she didn't want them to have and shows up on her doorstep or otherwise contacts her out of the blue. Now in an instant she's reliving the rape, the trauma of carrying her attacker's child, the pain (emotional and physical) of birthing that child, the turmoil surrounding the adoption, everything all over again. Because the kid just HAD to meet the person who didn't want them in the first place.

Even in circumstances like those, you know she'd get blasted for being a heartless bitch.

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/adoptee-search-birth-mother-ends-rejection-article-1.1284242

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

Quote
thom_c
http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/adoptee-search-birth-mother-ends-rejection-article-1.1284242

They may be sympathetic to both sides, but maybe they should take aim at the notion that "family" is paramount, which I think is the root cause of the problem. I believe there's a registry where people can indicate if they are looking to make contact with adopted children/birth parents. If someone isn't on that registry, it should be an indication that they want to be left the fuck alone.

Quote
yurble

Quote
thom_c
http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/adoptee-search-birth-mother-ends-rejection-article-1.1284242

They may be sympathetic to both sides, but maybe they should take aim at the notion that "family" is paramount, which I think is the root cause of the problem. I believe there's a registry where people can indicate if they are looking to make contact with adopted children/birth parents. If someone isn't on that registry, it should be an indication that they want to be left the fuck alone.

Yeah, I think "closed adoption" should have been a big fucking clue.

As for the article, it's the fairest I've seen for something like this (and I'm surprised, thom, I wouldn't have expected it to be that balanced). It doesn't surprise me that the new moo in the article who decided to find a woman who didn't want to be found and then proceed to stalk her has zero regret for completely disrupting her life. :/

I noticed in the article the word stalking is in quotes. I bet if the now adult offspring was calling and sending threatening messages for five years they would still put the word stalking in quotes. Also she did a closed adoption with a "catholic charity" The poor woman, most of those Catholics believe that every rape victim should be forced to birth a rape baby and then be joyful that said rape offspring is in the picture, cuz it is all family.

I wonder what kind of fantasies that woman told herself abut her birth mother. If abortion had been legal she would not exist. Does she even realize that?

Quote
cfdavep
I noticed in the article the word stalking is in quotes. I bet if the now adult offspring was calling and sending threatening messages for five years they would still put the word stalking in quotes.

Yeah, it's like fathers fucking their own kids doesn't make them pedophiles, it makes them "troubled" or "sick." It's more acceptable because they're related, right?