Tubal ligation consult & marriage issues

I had my yearly physical a couple of weeks ago and brought up that I was interested in a tubal ligation. I hate the way BC pills make me feel. I've actually been off them for a couple years now and definitely see an improvement in my mood. I'd like to just hack the wires and have one less thing to worry about and not have my hormones screwed with anymore. Of, course, the Dr put in a referral to an OB/GYN for "consult on a possible IUD or other permanent birth control" *eyeroll* (I'm not interested in an IUD. TBH, I'm not even sure how they work, except I know some use hormones. >>>This chick<<< will be going to the appointment to discuss TL).

I haven't got any negative push-back or judgy comments from anyone yet, which is a positive. But I need some advice/guidance going into this appt with my particular situation...

My marriage is dead. My husband is not mean or abusive, so I'm sharing living space with him still, but also making plans to move back to my home state, probably next spring. My husband has some issues with addiction (not chemical, I am safe where I am) and I don't think he's mentally equipped to face how bad things have gotten between us.

Is the OB going to take my personal situation into account? Will they be less likely to want to do the permanent procedure if they think I'm going to leave my marriage soon, meet my stupid prince charming and want his babies after?? Is my husband going to be consulted/considered by the OB about any of this when I really don't want him in my personal business anymore?? Should I blow sunshine up the OB's skirt and act like everything is ducky with my marriage? Or if I do that, will the OB then expect my husband to be part of the process when I don't want him there??

I left my relationship out of it when I talked sterilization. When they tried to bring it in, as in suggesting that my partner get a vasectomy, I explained that a vasectomy might be a solution for us as a couple, but I was looking for a solution for myself as an individual, one which would give me the desired outcome regardless of whether I was in that relationship or not. I also mentioned the prevalence of rape and how in such a situation I'd rather have one less thing to worry about.

After that they stopped talking about my partner and started talking about me.

Yeah, I wouldn't recommend bringing up your relationship. To breeders, you're ready to find the "right" man who will put babies in you soon, they won't want to jeopardize that.

You will probably want to check your state laws. Spousal consent laws are pretty common.

I live in one of the most conservative states in the Union and in addition to spousal consent, I was horrified to find a 30 day waiting period specifically for adults without children. If you've never adopted, aborted or given birth, you are required to wait 30 days. I became an issue for me because I was bleeding and I wanted it done while I had a D&C.

The first ob-gyn I asked about the issue bingoed the Hell out of me, along with her nurse, even though I'd been mentioning it on every annual visit for 2-3 years. I thought I would be okay because she was Hindu, not Christian but I guess there are pro-natalist assholes in every religion. I was insistent on signing the forms that day to start the clock.

When I found a 2nd doctor who would do it and the 30 day rule became an issue, I asked doctor #1 for my consent forms. They told me they lost them. No lie, I was at the hospital on the gurney and about to be wheeled in, when a "helpful" nurse counted the days and said only 29 days had passed. The hospital ended up calling doctor #1 and they magically found the forms.

I was so infuriated by the whole thing. Fucking Nanny state and pro-natalist doctors. I was also 36 years old. Age doesn't really matter--anyone who wants a tubal ligation should get one but doctors will cheer on a pregnant 20 year old, but hassle someone who is 36 years old who doesn't want to have children.

Yurble gave her usual good advice. In 1996 there was a CDC study that confirms what we all know: the highest regret rate is among Moos, and it makes logical sense, because 99% of the situations are serial breeding situations, and if you'll breed for one guy, you'll probably breed for the next one too.

Bell_Flower and I live in the same state, I think.

The 30–day waiting period for someone who has never had children to get sterilized is correct, but a number of states impose such.

Also, Medicaid-funded sterilizations require a 30–day waiting period across the US. This policy might have influenced some states. Often states copy federal law on some issues.

A few years ago I looked extensively into the subject for this and other forums. In this state I cannot find anything in the state code requiring spousal consent for sterilization. A lot of folklore is going around about supposed state laws all over, but in fact, courts have broadly ruled requiring consent unconstitutional—just as a woman doesn't need her partner's permission to have an abortion. Georgia is often cited as one state with a spousal consent law still on the books, but that law was repealed roughly 40 years ago. And the repeal was precisely because of the realization it would be declared unconstitutional.

In addition, on the face of it requiring a spouse's consent for a medical procedure violates the HIPAA medical privacy law. As far as I have found, no court has directly addressed this exact question. But we have discussed here before how some doctor's offices are telling bald-faced lies about laws on spousal consent to discourage not just women's tubal ligations, but also men's vasectomies. Copies of forms from around the US that some doctors have required both spouses to sign before husband or wife could be sterilized have been posted online.

We have also discussed the bogus claim of lawsuits against doctors who sterilized people who later changed their minds. But a past member of this board searched legal databases for me and could find no such lawsuit. It's another bald-faced lie.

The problem seems to be a continuing paternalism among many doctors that they know better than you what's best for you about your decision to seek sterilization.

Good for you for moving toward TL. I'd leave relationship status out of it, and if they deflect, take the same tack that yurble did. Drawing in your relationship status is a stalling/CYA tactic; don't let them use it.

Not sure what the notification laws are in my state, but I'd be pretty surprised if there were any. I haven't been sterilized, but when my husband did the consult for his, the doctor basically asked "you realize this is permanent, right?" and Mr. Random said "Well, yeah, that's the point". The doctor was just "okay then, how about a week from Friday?".

I have an IUD. It is nonhormonal which is why I chose it. Just something to think about. It's a Paragard. I've had it so long I have no issues with it. It's almost as effective as sterilization, requires no surgery.

Because of medical issues involved, I chucked the whole oven and eggs, and Glory Be, Medicare/Medicaid picked up the tab.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!