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Kids are evidently something you must endure for eventual success.eye popping smiley

Posted by cfuter 
Kids are evidently something you must endure for eventual success.eye popping smiley
December 18, 2017
It's only one sentence in this listicle, but really? For the secrets for a successful marriage, all they can say about kids is....



Children can be stressful, but they, too, will grow up.



So you have them to say you did I guess, and just wait it out, and endure them until it's over.......which if you have more than one, literally could be 25-30yrs, in other words, the bulk of your marriage. And, from my POV, it's always something w/ them, no matter what the age, especially w/ the current rage of over-involved parenting.


Here's the rest of the secrets
They may grow up, but what about disabled kids, or kids who just refuse to leave the house and become permanent basement dwellers? Once again, these lists are short-sighted in the sense that they don't show the whole picture.

Why should anyone have to endure anything, anyways? Especially something so unnecessary. There are a whole lot of things that people have to endure nowadays, but sluicing kids isn't one of them.
Re: Kids are evidently something you must endure for eventual success.eye popping smiley
December 18, 2017
This is another Breeder platitude that people mindlessly repeat without questioning why they Hell they are doing something. Others are:

Better have fun now before you have kids. (Because after that your life is essentially over--sign me up, NOT.)
There is no good time to have kids. (So.... why do it at all?)

That list is questionable. I've been with DH 15 years, married for 12 and I consider myself happily married. The most important thing not on this list is to pick a grown-up with GOOD CHARACTER. Personality is the icing on the cake, but character is the foundation.

Frankly, this makes me gag:

Quote

Share everything with each other. Most importantly, everything you are feeling. There is no way to be on common ground if you don't communicate how you're feeling.

I'm an introvert and living with someone like this would be exhausting. Grownups know you can't get everything from one person, nor should you try because that sounds like a recipe for insecurity and suffocation. And it would be tiresome to be with someone who tells me EVERYTHING he is feeling. Summarize the situation and convey your bottom line. I'm willing to do this, and not that.

"communication" is often batted around like it's the be-all and end all. It's not the end state. The end state is RESOLUTION. Can you and your spouse communicate during conflict and reach a resolution respectfully?

My in-laws have been married almost 60 years. I've seen how they resolve conflict many times. My FIL says "it's not up for discussion" and that's the end of it. Many Breeder marriages are like that. It's not for me. If DH thought he had the right to run over me just because he's a man, and he doesn't have to negotiate with me and consider my POV, like he would do in any other relationship, we wouldn't stay married for long.
Re: Kids are evidently something you must endure for eventual success.eye popping smiley
December 18, 2017
Quote
cfuter
It's only one sentence in this listicle, but really? For the secrets for a successful marriage, all they can say about kids is....



Children can be stressful, but they, too, will grow up.



So you have them to say you did I guess, and just wait it out, and endure them until it's over.......which if you have more than one, literally could be 25-30yrs, in other words, the bulk of your marriage. And, from my POV, it's always something w/ them, no matter what the age, especially w/ the current rage of over-involved parenting.


Here's the rest of the secrets

A kitten or puppy can be stressful too but pets grow up and do so in way less than 18+ years! Do you think for one minute anyone would have a pet if it required 18+ years of stress? How can anyone sign up for this torture?
Re: Kids are evidently something you must endure for eventual success.eye popping smiley
December 19, 2017
Quote
freya
A kitten or puppy can be stressful too but pets grow up and do so in way less than 18+ years! Do you think for one minute anyone would have a pet if it required 18+ years of stress? How can anyone sign up for this torture?

There are humans out there who actually ENJOY children. They are rare, but they are there.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: Kids are evidently something you must endure for eventual success.eye popping smiley
December 20, 2017
People tend to associate wealth and success with kids and marriage. Chances are, whoever was going to build wealth, could have done so without kids. However, for some people, they won't do something unless they have to. For example, saving for college, can cause a person to become more likely to save in general. Having to provide for kids, that can likely force someone to seek a higher paying job and work more hours.

But one can do all those things without having kids. If one wants a better paying job, they can look for one. If one wants to work longer hours, they can do it. If one wants to save, there is nothing to stop them if they are CF.
"Children can be stressful, but they too grow up". This is true. But by then, the permanent damage may already be done. Marriages aren't improved by adding children. Strong, mature adults who are on the same page can endure raising kids without losing their relationship. But most childed people I know are left with a shell of what their relationship once was.

Orrrrr you could just skip the stress. Sometimes it blows my mind that people can't comprehend that reproduction is optional.

They only gave minimal comment on having time/interests apart from each other. I honestly think that couples who spend all their time together and only have common friends and hobbies are setting themselves up for dysfunction. Having one's own hobbies and friends, and time alone to spend with those, is important.
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