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Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course)
Posted by kittehpeoples
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Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 05, 2018 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,363 |
This article is a couple of years old (2016), but I don't remember seeing it mentioned here. The parents are really blunt about their situation...a daughter in her 30s who's still the size of a child, in diapers, nonverbal, the works. The mother is miserable and the father wants his wife back. They don't see this kid as a blessing; in fact, the mother shoots down a lot of the bingos specifically:
Unfortunately, they didn't know about their daughter's condition until she was born; even if they had known, I don't know how hard it would have been to obtain an abortion. Still, if more parents would be freaking honest about how miserable raising a defective child is, maybe, just maybe, fewer people would choose to knowingly have them.
The article itself
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honest mom
I’m not doing this job by choice. I’m doing this job because I have to do it, because there is no alternative. I don’t want to do it any more. I’m bored. I’m bored out of my tree doing the same thing day in, day out, with no changes. I swear to God I could walk into a supermarket and rob the place blind, because once you have a child in a wheelchair, by definition you’re a good person. It doesn’t matter what you really are....
Sorry. I’m going to be very straight about it: she’s not special. She’s damaged goods. I wanted the child that I thought I was going to have. The one that was going to have two children by now, and have finished university studies, and be having a life for herself, in a home where I could visit and babysit my grandchildren. I wanted to have that child.
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My favorite quote from the article
One nurse told me I’d get my reward in heaven. It’s so condescending. What annoys me the most is when people come up to you and say, ‘God only gives these special children to people who can cope with them.’ Well, he can take her back, then.
Unfortunately, they didn't know about their daughter's condition until she was born; even if they had known, I don't know how hard it would have been to obtain an abortion. Still, if more parents would be freaking honest about how miserable raising a defective child is, maybe, just maybe, fewer people would choose to knowingly have them.
The article itself
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 05, 2018 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,708 |
Appreciate her candor. Wouldn't be surprised if we start to see these kind of articles in the US in about 20 years from the same women and men who insist all children deserve to be born. Think abortion is illegal in Ireland.
Found 3 more linked articles about elderly parents taking care of their middle aged disabled kids:
What happens to our 53 year old daughter once we die?
Adult daughter on waiting list for 13 years to be in residential care
Marriage woes from taking care of 9 year old disabled daughter
Found 3 more linked articles about elderly parents taking care of their middle aged disabled kids:
What happens to our 53 year old daughter once we die?
Adult daughter on waiting list for 13 years to be in residential care
Marriage woes from taking care of 9 year old disabled daughter
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 05, 2018 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 06, 2018 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,576 |
Tards are not blessings. Tards are mistakes.
America's GOP and Pro Lifers are trying to force women to breed and give birth to Tards so they can control the population.
They hate the CF because they aren't so easy to control.
If Pro Life and the GOP really gave one pink shit about life and people they wouldn't be seeking to slash Medicaid and Medicare. They are seeking to slash Medicaid and Medicare, that speaks more loudly than their bleating about God. They are hoping that the slashed budgets will cause millions of deaths by neglect. That will definitely include the 'wonderful' Tards that the GOP forced women to have.
+++++++++++++
Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
America's GOP and Pro Lifers are trying to force women to breed and give birth to Tards so they can control the population.
They hate the CF because they aren't so easy to control.
If Pro Life and the GOP really gave one pink shit about life and people they wouldn't be seeking to slash Medicaid and Medicare. They are seeking to slash Medicaid and Medicare, that speaks more loudly than their bleating about God. They are hoping that the slashed budgets will cause millions of deaths by neglect. That will definitely include the 'wonderful' Tards that the GOP forced women to have.
+++++++++++++
Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 06, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,432 |
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freya
Appreciate her candor. Wouldn't be surprised if we start to see these kind of articles in the US in about 20 years from the same women and men who insist all children deserve to be born. Think abortion is illegal in Ireland.
It is, although there will probably be a ballot on whether the 8th amendment should be repealed. However, it is well known that dozens of Irish women go to the UK every week for abortions. But in this woman's case I guess it was probably before cheap airfares and also if abnormalities weren't known she wouldn't have considered it.
But that's the game of breeding: you are always taking chances, whether you acknowledge it or not. If you can't handle the risk of being stuck with an unhealthy baby, don't have a baby.
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 06, 2018 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
Other siblings of autistic kids say similar things. How empowering it is, how its made them a better person/more mature, they wouldnt trade it for the world etc. Great for them but i dont feel the same way at all. Ok maybe it did make me slightly more mature for my age, but those few extra points of maturity were definitely not worth the pure hell we all went through, and id gladly trade in a few maturity points to not have had to deal with this crap.
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 06, 2018 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 619 |
Reading those stories makes me stabby, though I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s Ireland. Traditionally, Church and State are intertwined there, which of course means “prolife” no matter the circumstances. Quality of life just doesn’t occur to the prolife set, but we already knew that. And the Irish government isn’t too keen on helping parents deal with their disabled kids. What’s the point of this, except the Catholic belief that life is full of suffering and them’s the breaks?
My family had a similar situation many years ago. One of my uncles was physically and mentally disabled. Grandma and Grandpa took care of him his whole life, and never considered putting him in a home. BUT this was in the early 20th century, and conditions were shitty in those homes. Uncle B. died at 29 from pneumonia. He was in a better state than the people in the articles, but it took a helluva toll on the family trying to care for him. I can’t imagine dealing with a severely disabled child, and I didn’t want to risk it with our family history of mental illness and alcoholism,
Dad used to say, you never know what you’ll get when it’s your own. Isn’t that the truth...
My family had a similar situation many years ago. One of my uncles was physically and mentally disabled. Grandma and Grandpa took care of him his whole life, and never considered putting him in a home. BUT this was in the early 20th century, and conditions were shitty in those homes. Uncle B. died at 29 from pneumonia. He was in a better state than the people in the articles, but it took a helluva toll on the family trying to care for him. I can’t imagine dealing with a severely disabled child, and I didn’t want to risk it with our family history of mental illness and alcoholism,
Dad used to say, you never know what you’ll get when it’s your own. Isn’t that the truth...
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 06, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,308 |
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craftyzits
Tards are not blessings. Tards are mistakes.
America's GOP and Pro Lifers are trying to force women to breed and give birth to Tards so they can control the population.
They hate the CF because they aren't so easy to control.
If Pro Life and the GOP really gave one pink shit about life and people they wouldn't be seeking to slash Medicaid and Medicare. They are seeking to slash Medicaid and Medicare, that speaks more loudly than their bleating about God. They are hoping that the slashed budgets will cause millions of deaths by neglect. That will definitely include the 'wonderful' Tards that the GOP forced women to have.
GOP Trad-cons, yes. But the party is evolving. The next generation of the GOP is heavy on bends of alt-right and alt-light and libertarian philosophies. I'm a middle aged dude and can only speak for myself, but I think I'm a good representative of what younger "conservatives" are, in general... very libertarian and alt-light (in my estimation) and restricting reasonable abortion rights is in no way on my radar.
Banning abortion doesn't jive with ideals of freedom, free speech, limited government, fiscal responsibility, personal responsibility, etc. ...
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 15, 2018 | Registered: 7 years ago Posts: 651 |
My SIL had a friend who had a kid w/ some crazy rare disease, kid's in a wheelchair and oxygen for life, whatever else, you get the idea. They had a benefit every year for expenses, and invited us even tho we really don't know them. I mighta sent a check the first year just to be polite and get ILs off my back. But all other years I threw the invite in the garbage can, hoping ILs wouldnt bring it up to us again. And boy, am I glad because GUESS WHAT this couple did........went ahead and had THREE more kids! And, TWO of them also had that disease! The last one did not. THEN a few years later, they got a divorce. But do I feel for the last kid, having to deal w/ the 3 sibs that are totally helpless the rest of her life, and never getting the attention she needs growing up from her parents becuz the parents are dealing w/ the sick kids. But the couple, everyone use to talk so highly of them b/c they had this sick kid. (I always wondered if my MIL knew the wife used to be a stripper when she would put her up on the pedestal)
Now that I know they kept reproducing even tho they certainly didnt have the money or time for more kids after they had the first kid in the wheelchair, it confirmed why I didnt think highly of them. It obviously was important to them, no matter the financial, emotional or physical costs to everyone involved, including any state monies they received, that they keep reproducing, probably to prove to themselves they could make a 'normal' kid. Once again, how "busy" and "stressed" can you be if you have to care for sick kid 24/7 but then feel the need to make more, and then don't stop once you keep reproducing sick kids?????? I can't even imagine. I also cant fathom the selfishness.
Now that I know they kept reproducing even tho they certainly didnt have the money or time for more kids after they had the first kid in the wheelchair, it confirmed why I didnt think highly of them. It obviously was important to them, no matter the financial, emotional or physical costs to everyone involved, including any state monies they received, that they keep reproducing, probably to prove to themselves they could make a 'normal' kid. Once again, how "busy" and "stressed" can you be if you have to care for sick kid 24/7 but then feel the need to make more, and then don't stop once you keep reproducing sick kids?????? I can't even imagine. I also cant fathom the selfishness.
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 15, 2018 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,363 |
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 16, 2018 | Registered: 7 years ago Posts: 651 |
A friend's friend kept reproducing kids that had cystic fibrosis. When I said to friend how selfish that was, my friend told me it was a choice like any other just like me choosing to be childfree. I didn't want to argue so I kept my mouth shut, but my decision does NOT affect others,(how can people not see that? Actually, not people, but breeders) not to mention my choice doesn't keep children at home for life and unable to do anything and be in pain and have deadly infections, and have state money to pay for that too. She said the kids don't know any other life so it probably doesn't affect them. Yes, even my friends are big dopes when it comes to the subject of breeding.
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 16, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,841 |
Why doesn't the church, if the church wants people to have kids so much, offer to help this family? For example, perhaps Father can arrange for a home care aide to come in give the parents a break. Father would just have to ask people in the parish if they are willing to volunteer and even if he had to pay, it's not that much money. But priests don't know anything about child care (after all, you are supposed to keep kids Away from a priest so as to not be messed up) and just live in their own little world and the people believe anything a priest says.
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 16, 2018 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,708 |
During the dark ages people (like any animal) would dispose of babies they couldn't afford to feed or which had obvious defects, this was up through the time of the depression and maybe through the 40's in the backwoods. I have a friend who had a long lost adopted relative who her grandmother saved because the mother was about to drown him in the river because she couldn't afford to feed him. It might not be publicized much but this used to be a regular occurrence.
Then we had a period of time where this was no longer socially acceptable and people just had to deal with it and they mostly ended up sending their kids away to live at an institution, which was mostly before the time abortion was legal and medical tests to detect abnormalities either didn't exist or weren't very good. And a bunch of these babies probably were succumbing to SIDS as those cases weren't investigated. Think this was mostly the 50's to the 70's or early 80's.
Now, we have the technology to know if a baby is going to have serious issues in many instances and birth control. Because of this there is absolutely no excuse for having a defective factory. It just makes me sick when thinking of how selfish it is for the parents to treat the kids with issues plus any fully functioning kids they have along the way. And even worse, parents use it as a vehicle to make the public "socially aware" and have the time and energy to whine if anyone makes fun of the kid, probably out of their minds due to their medication plan from Big Pharma. If they were properly taking care of their special need kids in the first place they wouldn't have time to attention whore on social media.
Then we had a period of time where this was no longer socially acceptable and people just had to deal with it and they mostly ended up sending their kids away to live at an institution, which was mostly before the time abortion was legal and medical tests to detect abnormalities either didn't exist or weren't very good. And a bunch of these babies probably were succumbing to SIDS as those cases weren't investigated. Think this was mostly the 50's to the 70's or early 80's.
Now, we have the technology to know if a baby is going to have serious issues in many instances and birth control. Because of this there is absolutely no excuse for having a defective factory. It just makes me sick when thinking of how selfish it is for the parents to treat the kids with issues plus any fully functioning kids they have along the way. And even worse, parents use it as a vehicle to make the public "socially aware" and have the time and energy to whine if anyone makes fun of the kid, probably out of their minds due to their medication plan from Big Pharma. If they were properly taking care of their special need kids in the first place they wouldn't have time to attention whore on social media.
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Re: Mother of severely disabled kid tells it like it is (not in the US, of course) February 16, 2018 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
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cfuter
My SIL had a friend who had a kid w/ some crazy rare disease, kid's in a wheelchair and oxygen for life, whatever else, you get the idea. They had a benefit every year for expenses, and invited us even tho we really don't know them. I mighta sent a check the first year just to be polite and get ILs off my back. But all other years I threw the invite in the garbage can, hoping ILs wouldnt bring it up to us again. And boy, am I glad because GUESS WHAT this couple did........went ahead and had THREE more kids! And, TWO of them also had that disease! The last one did not. THEN a few years later, they got a divorce. But do I feel for the last kid, having to deal w/ the 3 sibs that are totally helpless the rest of her life, and never getting the attention she needs growing up from her parents becuz the parents are dealing w/ the sick kids. But the couple, everyone use to talk so highly of them b/c they had this sick kid. (I always wondered if my MIL knew the wife used to be a stripper when she would put her up on the pedestal)
Now that I know they kept reproducing even tho they certainly didnt have the money or time for more kids after they had the first kid in the wheelchair, it confirmed why I didnt think highly of them. It obviously was important to them, no matter the financial, emotional or physical costs to everyone involved, including any state monies they received, that they keep reproducing, probably to prove to themselves they could make a 'normal' kid. Once again, how "busy" and "stressed" can you be if you have to care for sick kid 24/7 but then feel the need to make more, and then don't stop once you keep reproducing sick kids?????? I can't even imagine. I also cant fathom the selfishness.
I am the eldest, my autistic sister was born2 years after me. Then when i was 10 my parents adopted a healthy baby girl, thats all well in good but IMO they really had no business taking on another kid, as they were dumping her on me the entire time to tend to my autistic one. I had to constantly occupy her and it fucking sucked, my parents wouldnt teach her to occupy herself because they didnt want to deal with tantrums after taking care of my autistic sister.
My youngest one grew up to be a real bitch (sorry but it's true). She hates me but kisses my autistic sisters ass even though she frequently beat her as a child and i protected her, but somehow im the bad one. She also cant fathom why i dont want any kids, yet shes a total diva who doesnt like to lift a finger with zero child care experience. Her boyfriend (who will likely become her husband someday) is very religious and a total dick, i feel terrible for my future nieces and nephews.
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