Moo article "Having it all kinda sucks"

Article is honest about moohood, unfortunately she wants exalted status for breeding

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moo
Except actually, that’s what happens to all but the very very rich when you encourage women to work and have children but don’t change any other part of the world they live in.

Not sure who exactly it is that you expect to pay for this change lifestyle choice. Is it all those very very rich taxpayers again? The child-free? Retirees? College students?

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moo
No woman (or man, for that matter) ever said, hey, you know what would be great? If I could get up at 5 a.m., make breakfast for everyone, then get dressed (with heels, natch), drop my kids off at daycare, go to work for 10 hours, pick the kids up, come home, cook dinner, clean up, put the kids to bed, work in bed ’til midnight so I don’t get behind at work, then do it all again tomorrow on 5 hours sleep.

Appreciate the honesty but you can't claim ignorance or lack of awareness after the first one was born. Apparently having 2 was more important.

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moo
We applaud companies for paying for female employees to freeze their eggs, but don’t push them to give women the space to have children during their actual child-bearing years and come back to work without losing their place in line.

Not sure who decided mombies are the only ones who should be able to take time off from work and then return at an increased salary just because they were doing TMIJITW. No one else can expect this same treatment. It is fine to whine about being a parent but claiming to be a feminist then demanding special treatment for spawning makes you whiny moo.

I've said numerous times I think sabbaticals ought to be a thing, because it would standardize how people should be paid for time off work and it would normalize employment gaps, which would benefit not only people who choose to take time off, but also those who were unemployed without wanting to be. Plus it would be fair.

And you'd think she'd be all about fairness, since she seems to think that career mastery is a queue. In her world, I suppose Olympic athletes are those who have been doing the sport the longest, with the gold medal being awarded in turn.

The fact is that some people are more skilled and will probably advance faster, while others will plod along. It takes more than showing up to get ahead, but showing up certainly helps, since even staying in the same place takes work, as knowledge grows out of date.

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freya

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moo
No woman (or man, for that matter) ever said, hey, you know what would be great? If I could get up at 5 a.m., make breakfast for everyone, then get dressed (with heels, natch), drop my kids off at daycare, go to work for 10 hours, pick the kids up, come home, cook dinner, clean up, put the kids to bed, work in bed ’til midnight so I don’t get behind at work, then do it all again tomorrow on 5 hours sleep.

Appreciate the honesty but you can't claim ignorance or lack of awareness after the first one was born. Apparently having 2 was more important.

First of all, you can't even claim ignorance even before the first brat. This is part of the reason CFs don't want this. You talk to and hear it from other moos all the time, especially wanna-moos have these convos w/ moos, so it is NO surprise. All you have to do it sit back and think about it, you would know this would be your day. I know I figured it out w/o having one pop out.

2nd of all, this is everyone's life basically, maybe just take out some of the daycare running around stuff. She described my life to the T before I quit my last job, minus the child care. If you have kids or not, you still have to cook dinner, clean up. I lived on 3-5 hours of sleep for over ten years. It was killing me from the inside out even tho I still highly functioned. You know what I did....I got out of it (granted I was financially able to, otherwise I'd still be doing it) but what does the MOO do? She has ANOTHER BRAT. I have asked more CF-friendly parents WHY our mutual friends do this. Complain up a storm about child care but keep adding them on even tho they have FT jobs and lack of funds. They are just gluttons for punishment.

3rd, it is hilarious that the whole world should change for her, so her day doesn't look like this and it never occurs to her for HER to change it, by opting out of more(or any) children, by working less hours like some of the old-school moms did in the 70s-80s. I didn't even know my friends' moms worked. Becuz they musta started after school was done and musta already been home w/ dinner cooking when we came home. (my mom was one of the only 48 hour a week moms in the school and neighborhood, so I can't use my own life for a reference). She could even change to a less high powered job. I'm a white collar worker, but my life was sorta kinda better when I wasn't at least when it came to stress level, and hours. It had other stresses, but when I was done w/ work, I left it there. When I was promoted, I was even working in the shower (in my head).

4th, really?? She doesn't want to lose her "place" Why do moos think they should get what everyone else has but not earn it like everyone else. If you take off 3, 6, 12 months or more ABSENT for each child like some of my friends did, YOU WERENT there earning anything, and certainly not learning anything. That's like saying I should demand a management job at McD's now, because I worked there when I was 16 and just took off awhile. I wasn't there, so I didn't earn it.

**"then get dressed (with heels, natch), "**

5th, if your life is so miserable, you can take off the heels and just wear something else to work. I wore heels all the time, but after while, when the job was getting unbearable 24/7, work in bed, 4 hours of sleep etc., I changed to pantsuit and low heels or flats. See *I* made changes in MY life to make it better for ME, I didn't ask the world to change for me and my choices.

Besides, how should her day look so she can have kids? Should all moos be on welfare for 10-20 plus yrs while raising kids?

I'm glad for the honesty, but it just seems like whining so someone ELSE can save her.

OH, and I forgot. We keep hearing having kids is a joy. So all that moo-taxi-ing around and bathing baby and feeding baby was described by society as joy, so she's complaining about joy and upset she doesnt have time for other things....like having a mimosa in the back yard in the middle of the day becuz her bundles of joy are animals.........

looking at that article reminds me why I am ever-so-thankful that I didn't allow myself to be badgered into having kids by society, family members, boyfriends and one husband who Changed His Mind^TM after we got married.

Her life sounds like utter Hell to me. Everyone has things to do in their life, and I knew I would always work and provide for myself economically. Because I went to college full time while working 35 hours a week, I know the feeling of doing neither task really well, and I vowed I'd never live like that again. After I'd been in my job for a decade and had a stable economic life, I went to graduate school at night. There were times I ate out of a vending machine for dinner and didn't get much sleep, but it was a CHOSEN life. I had well meaning friends try to tell me I didn't have "balance" in my life, but I explained to them that I enjoyed it and I was willing to make the sacrifice because I wanted the degree. (Had a 4.0 too.)

Similarly if this woman is deciding she "wants it all" then she has to be wiling to make the sacrifice. But it sounds like this entire decision to have a second child isn't well thought out. She's paying the bills and supporting her husband's "new business." Taking off one day after having a baby sounds completely nuts. So she's been in a room with her crying infant attached to her tit with a wounded cooter and trying to work since one day after the kid was born? What kind of rational person looks at that plan and thinks, "yeah, I can handle that?" I'm sure her work quality is pretty bad right now.

She writes that her husband is "better than the average guy" but it seems as if he's her third infant. These are his kids too...why are there piles of laundry around her house when another adult is there to help? Why is he coming home from work asking her "what the plan is for dinner?" Is he completely blind or just selfish? It would irk me to no end to have a full grown adult ask me these questions. It sounds like she married a child and had two more with him.

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cfuter

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freya

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moo
No woman (or man, for that matter) ever said, hey, you know what would be great? If I could get up at 5 a.m., make breakfast for everyone, then get dressed (with heels, natch), drop my kids off at daycare, go to work for 10 hours, pick the kids up, come home, cook dinner, clean up, put the kids to bed, work in bed ’til midnight so I don’t get behind at work, then do it all again tomorrow on 5 hours sleep.

Appreciate the honesty but you can't claim ignorance or lack of awareness after the first one was born. Apparently having 2 was more important.

First of all, you can't even claim ignorance even before the first brat. This is part of the reason CFs don't want this. You talk to and hear it from other moos all the time, especially wanna-moos have these convos w/ moos, so it is NO surprise. All you have to do it sit back and think about it, you would know this would be your day. I know I figured it out w/o having one pop out.

I completely agree with you. I can observe the torture and stress without actually submitting myself to it, which is one reason I'm childfree. But even the more obtuse can't claim ignorance after having 1 kid and that was who I was referring to. I don't feel sorry for them but wish they would read and take this as a cautionary tale but it is more likely to be a cautionary fail.

Almost all of us have had all the same stresses and tribulations as parents except the parenting part. Life isn't easy even if you're a single 20 something, it typically involves being overworked and underpaid. And it is necessary to eat, have a place to sleep and pay utilities so not a luxury. Children aren't a necessity. I have tried to explain this to parents but they really don't get it. They seem to focus on the romantic parts of being young and an adult. It is this focus on the romantic parts that gets them in trouble with having more kids than they can handle. We didn't get the perma rose colored glasses inserted at birth that make us think children are a joy.

There is NO such thing as having it all. Unless you are independently wealthy and can afford to take time off of work and raise your brats, I just don't see this as a logical thing. It's true. Moos try to 'have it all' and they end up half-assing everything. Half-ass their careers into the toilet, half-ass raising their kids...which usually wind up being raised by someone else, yadda yadda.

Even if a person happens to be extremely rich and can afford everything they want PLUS raise their kids, who's to say that the kids won't grow up to be entitled, rotten little fucks who wait for you to die so they can inherit everything? Who's to say they will even care if you become ill? That's what paid help is for, I suppose.

This woman seems extremely unhappy despite having it all. She is stretched far too thin, her husband isn't helping her enough, and her vagina is FUBAR.

I can honestly say that I'm glad I don't have it all. I don't have the constant stress, lack of money, lack of clean clothes, or the responsibility of raising brats. I have enough. I'm struggling with my health, running a house and working at my studies every day. That's enough for now.

I knew what ya meant Freya, I was just adding on.


I always wondered how moos' lives were before kids because I never had that much free time really. We're all busy adulting. I had to have a bit more time for working out when I was on track w/ that stuff. Or reading when the mood hit me, otherwise, I always felt very busy. And, even tho they acted like they could never meet for a drink, or read a book, they certainly seemed to have a buncha time for stuff that looked like relaxation to me...keeping up with TV shows, planning vacations, date nights, re-decorating, then redecorating again, shopping for new clothes for every kids party or adult party they attended. I guess breeders are just lemmings and let the life take them by the reins, instead of the other way around.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Fuck her.

"I don't have tiiiiiime". Bitch I haven't been able to play with glass since the second week of January because boss-lady decided I can't input OSHA rosters anymore because of my charge number. So I spent the last several weeks dragging that shit home to do because I still had 3 months to input. We're not even going to talk about the fiasco that is my normal job. Hopefully it's straightened out (new database....PITA) and I have no more "surprises" show up. I may also be going back to school (again) on-top of going back to help out on the ship. All of these are choices I'm making to either help myself or help others (including my company)....just like you chose to drop a turd with legs. Neither of us should get a medal for these choices, but neither should we bitch about it and expect others to feel sorry for us because sleep is a distant memory.

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"It is better not to look like what you are; it is better to look like a bourgeois woman because then all the doors are open for you and then you can just go and make hell." - Marjane Satrapi

I figured out in high school I did not want a frantically busy life, and that is what I would probably have if I had kids. I already knew I did not want kids because I didn't like them, the increasing pressure to "have it all" was just another reason. This was the 1980s and already there were magazine articles complaining the idea a woman can have it all had become a woman MUST have it all.

The harsh reality of adulthood is usually one of two things.
1. At some point you realize you are never going to get what you want and you have to just deal with that.
2. You do get what you want, but it is not nearly as much fun as you thought it would be.

I got option 1. I'll spare you the boring details, but basically I never got a lot of what I wanted and now it is too late because I am chronically ill and don't have the energy for much of a life. At least I'm in a comfortable situation.

The "have it all" moos went with option 2. When they were young they no doubt had romantic dreams about how much fun it would be to do everything. Their dreams came true, except instead of fun their lives are endless work.

Maybe when people have kids one partner should stay home or work very little. I just don't know how to change society to make that happen without being unfair to the unchilded. I've heard of people practicing "voluntary simplicity" which is living a minimalist life, so one parent can stay home with the kids. Good idea, but the kids probably complain endlessly about not having designer clothes of the latest electronic toy.

I wish she had a comment section because she needs some eye-opening.

Number 1 rule when you're working at home is to make your partner understand that it's actually a real job. (Hey, if SAHMs could convince the whole world it's a real job, maybe you, as a wage-earner, can do the same.) It has to be done at the very beginning. I'm not lazy, I can throw a few clothes in the washing machine, because I can do some work while it washes them, or I can wash that coffee cup he left in the sink, but I can't spend two hours cooking a dinner or washing windows, just like he can't do it at his workplace.

Number 2 rule is that when you're doing 90% of the housework and he does 10%, don't swoon that he helps you sooo much because as long as you're doing more than 50%, it's not him helping you, it's you helping him. If he does nothing, then you can't say you're not a single mom. You can say you're a single mom with a roommate who is also a fuckbuddy. Nothing wrong with that, I used to have a roommate who was sexy as hell and once in a while deigned to clean the bathroom or wash dishes, but I wouldn't call this a relationship. (Also, there's a reason we're not roommates any more...)

Also, dear moo, you don't seem to understand the fact that what you propose would hurt all women's careers. You whine that your childfree and barren friends have to answer questions about when they're going to have kids. Well, dumbass, it's because you and the likes of you have taught employers that kids are the mother's responsibility only. "How about we just stop asking women about their personal reproductive choices, period?" How about you stop saying you can't attend late night meetings because of kids? Does your fuckbuddy say the same when he's asked to work overtime? No, because he thinks it's your job to take care of your kids. How about getting your man to participate in raising his own kids, instead of expecting the whole world to help you?

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freya
Almost all of us have had all the same stresses and tribulations as parents except the parenting part. Life isn't easy even if you're a single 20 something, it typically involves being overworked and underpaid. And it is necessary to eat, have a place to sleep and pay utilities so not a luxury. Children aren't a necessity. I have tried to explain this to parents but they really don't get it. They seem to focus on the romantic parts of being young and an adult. It is this focus on the romantic parts that gets them in trouble with having more kids than they can handle. We didn't get the perma rose colored glasses inserted at birth that make us think children are a joy.

I often think that's the main difference between the CF and breeders. We are capable of seeing things as they are (so are PNB ), whereas they have to romanticize the dingy parts of it and thus are surprised when a predictable reality bites them in the ass. They can believe things like that children are innocent despite having been children, or that the world is a good place, despite being capable of taking in the news, or that children are a blessing, despite having a rough idea of the work they entail.

This whole thing sounds like hell to me. But then, I have made choices to have the kind of life I want. The kind of life I want isn't about keeping up with the Joneses, either in terms of consumer goods or children, so I can prioritize the things I want over money, once I've met my expenses, which I deliberately keep low.

So I have time to cook healthy meals (something I enjoy doing), get a full night's sleep, and unwind at night by pursuing hobbies. I find my work interesting and challenging but not stressful.

And every single one of these things came about because of the deliberate choices I made to move my life in that direction. I was never dumb enough to think I could have all that and a high-powered, high-earning career as well, so I chose the things that make me happy.

Not everyone is made happy by the same things, but it doesn't take being a genius to think about what makes you happy, and to make choices that move you closer to that goal. I have no sympathy for people whose circumstances are the result of bad choices, as opposed to circumstances beyond their control. This woman's situation is almost entirely down to her own decisions.

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ondinette


Maybe when people have kids one partner should stay home or work very little. I just don't know how to change society to make that happen without being unfair to the unchilded. I've heard of people practicing "voluntary simplicity" which is living a minimalist life, so one parent can stay home with the kids. Good idea, but the kids probably complain endlessly about not having designer clothes of the latest electronic toy.

That's it, I agree, I mean the parents in my 'hood, they had one car and hand me downs, a modest home and no new construction except a small room add-ons, and no real vacations, no real outings, meals at home, not frozen meals either. They played a balancing act w/ money, not their lifestyle choices. One parent stayed at home. {As much as we make fun of the SAHM here, it very well might be the answer, I just don't like the pretention that comes w/ it these days...as another thread said, they make moohoo a commodity now.}

[My parents were one of the only w/ two cars, but they had ONE kid and my mom had a real 48+hour a week job(and I know the other moms likely looked down on her for not being home for me), they had a Cadillac back when it meant something(otherwise my parents lived a simple life), and we went on Disney vacations every yr and my dad traveled abroad.] Everyone else at least could wake up at a normal time, relax after dinner, volunteer at the church, because they didnt live a lifestyle that made them busy-busy.

Sorry I'm kinda all over w/ this post, but I'm in a hurry to post and I have to leave the house and run some errands.

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yurble

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freya
Almost all of us have had all the same stresses and tribulations as parents except the parenting part. Life isn't easy even if you're a single 20 something, it typically involves being overworked and underpaid. And it is necessary to eat, have a place to sleep and pay utilities so not a luxury. Children aren't a necessity. I have tried to explain this to parents but they really don't get it. They seem to focus on the romantic parts of being young and an adult. It is this focus on the romantic parts that gets them in trouble with having more kids than they can handle. We didn't get the perma rose colored glasses inserted at birth that make us think children are a joy.

I often think that's the main difference between the CF and breeders. We are capable of seeing things as they are (so are PNB ), whereas they have to romanticize the dingy parts of it and thus are surprised when a predictable reality bites them in the ass. They can believe things like that children are innocent despite having been children, or that the world is a good place, despite being capable of taking in the news, or that children are a blessing, despite having a rough idea of the work they entail.

I totally agree

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yurble
This whole thing sounds like hell to me. But then, I have made choices to have the kind of life I want. The kind of life I want isn't about keeping up with the Joneses, either in terms of consumer goods or children, so I can prioritize the things I want over money, once I've met my expenses, which I deliberately keep low.

So I have time to cook healthy meals (something I enjoy doing), get a full night's sleep, and unwind at night by pursuing hobbies. I find my work interesting and challenging but not stressful.

And every single one of these things came about because of the deliberate choices I made to move my life in that direction. I was never dumb enough to think I could have all that and a high-powered, high-earning career as well, so I chose the things that make me happy.

Not everyone is made happy by the same things, but it doesn't take being a genius to think about what makes you happy, and to make choices that move you closer to that goal. I have no sympathy for people whose circumstances are the result of bad choices, as opposed to circumstances beyond their control. This woman's situation is almost entirely down to her own decisions.

I agree, she didn't need to only take one day off of work when having a baby. That's insane. I'm also surprised, she couldnt take her pee pants off a few seconds before feeding the baby. Also, like said, put a load of laundry in, that isn't hard to do while working from home.