Schadenfreude from friend's FB post

So I've posted about this FB friend's parenting before...waaaay invested in parenting and waaaay into her kids being "little". I have wondered what she would do when her kids weren't so little anymore and started being sassy and wanting to do their own things. Well, the oldest kid is about to hit age 10, the younger kid is 7, and I can tell the next few years are going to be rough. FB Friend might do better once they're just teenagers and not tweens, but right now she's posted stuff like "Goddess save me from my tween. My patience is running thin."

Well, yesterday I saw this on her page:
"Planning a road trip for spring break.

I have lost the will to live."

Heh. I really shouldn't be this amused by her misery, but she kind of created this situation herself. Not just by having kids, but by not being able to check her own perfectionism and anxiety. After a few decades of observing kids n parents, I can safely say that if you don't have a certain ability to go with the flow, you're gonna be a miserable bastard if you have kids.

The evil part of me just can't wait to see what she says about the trip.

Hmmm....planning a road trip with one tween and another older child. Might want to rethink being in the car with them if she is already miserable. Maybe try again when the kids are both at least 18? Doubt she will listen though.

I like that we childfree can cancel altogether or plan around the person in a bad mood for a road trip. One time I went on a road trip (day trip) with a Meetup group. One of the members was whining about a break up for the entire trip. He acted like a moody teenager the entire time even though he was easily the eldest at around 50. Lesson learned, even adults can behave like infants and exploit a captive audience. Now, I don't carpool.

Maybe I'm not well-versed in this stuff, but I never considered a ten year old a Tween. Whatever. I know that's not the point of the post.

I have Schadenfreude every time I talk to one of my friends. Because even if they are trying to make the best of it, I know that as their kids age, and are getting firmly into adulthood, it still aint coming out like they expected. And, it hurts their bank accounts and their target retirement age every time their adult kids dont act like adults. I'm all for not living a Life Script, but not on someone else's dime. Well, hahha, this won't be my problem. And, when we finally get old, we will see if the kids actually are around to take care of them......won't that be a kick in the pants.

I think tween is generally the 10-12 age range...double-digit ages before they hit the teen range. But yeah, it's just semantics. Either way, it seems that her darling little perfect kid is starting to get ideas of her own.

And from what the mom has posted about the younger kid in the past, it's been easy to read between the lines and see that the younger one has never been an easy kid. I have gleaned that the younger one seems to have been strong-willed and feisty from day one. Can't wait to see what übermom says about that one as she grows older. Heh.

Edit: I commented on her road trip post asking about their destination. She replied that they were going to (location A), and possibly all the way to (location . I responded that it's good to be flexible about stuff like that on road trips. Her response: "Harder with kids." WTF? Being flexible is harder? I'd think that having a fall back plan like they're doing makes for an easier road trip. If the kids are doing fine with it, go all the way to location B. If the kids are cranky or there's some other issue, just go to location A because it's closer. I thought I was complimenting her planning, but apparently that's harder with kids? I don't get it.

It's probably harder with her kids because she's negotiating with them and allowing them to run the show. Because uber moms are all about giving them "choices."

I noticed you can't say anything to a moo, because some way some how, they always squeeze in a backward (or straight-forward) complaint about their kids. This is how I knew not to have 'em. And, how I know no matter how much joy they are allegedly experiencing thru moohood, they actually are miserable.

cfuter, what blew my mind was that she managed to work in the complaint when I was fucking complimenting her planning for having a Plan B in case the kids (or the parents!) burn out and want a shorter trip or less time in the car. Some parents are normal people, but a lot of them seem to get in these mindsets where they work in the complaints no matter what!

I think she may have had a couple of those weeks where life in general was shitty...stress from work, caught a cold, and then she had to think about the prospect of dealing with her kids during spring break. Whatever. Her life must super-suck, and I'm glad I'm sitting here in my quiet condo, cat on my lap, where the only noise is the washer going round and round.

They will squeeze a brat complaint into anything, anything. But, if you complained about any person or thing like they did about their brats, they would say you're a negative person.

The moos that work at home at my office would have to come into work like every 3 months for some random meeting. Even tho they seemed light-hearted and jovial, almost every word outta their mouth was about the brat and something halfway a complaint. And men and women are all listening w/ undivided attention. I'm thinking, if I was this bitchy, no one would ever talk to me again.

Ahhh.... going on a week long trip starting tomorrow. Me and the dogs. They get in their carriers and don't complain till we get there... and then... they're happy with whatever 'mommie' wants to do.

I see so many miserable parunts traveling with their kyds. I can not feel sorry for something they did to themselves, thinking it was sooooo wonderful and romantic to sluce a loaf.

Status update from FB friend: "Just realized I have 5 working days until spring break and a shit ton of work to get done--including planning for our road trip! #sleepisoverrated"

Now, I know that work has been bombarding her lately, so her workload is probably extremely stressful. But if they have their two potential destinations in mind, what else do they have to figure out besides hotel reservations, which take maybe half an hour online if one is methodical and weighs/compares all options? Honest question, and I'm not about to ask her. I'd probably get some answer that just says it's all harder with kids.

I realize my spouse and I are super-laid back about road trips. If it's a busy time/destination, we reserve hotels. Maybe buy tickets to a couple things in advance online. Other than that, we pretty much just pack and go. Oh, and ask a friend to feed the cat. What else do normal (non-childed) people do when planning road trips? Real question.

Her kids (especially the nine or ten year old) are old enough to be handed a packing list and told to lay out their items on their beds. Mom or Dad checks to make sure they have everything, then it goes in a suitcase. Yes, this works because it's what Ma and Pa Random did for all three of us as soon as we were old enough to read.

Road trips are out for me as I have nerve damage from the waist down which means frequent and urgent bathroom breaks. I am one step away from diapers. Hate it when your own body pulls a toadler.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Did the math and figured out that spring break has hit. Her kids' last day of school would have been Friday. Heh heh. No word from the übermommy about the road trip.

Update: her spring break totally sucked. No shock there.

She planned this spring break on the heels of a few really terrible weeks at work, by the way. She was already stressed-out and overloaded there. So what does one do with 5 days of one's PTO after that? Apparently plan a spring break of driving in a car with two kids, if one is her. I even ran this past my PNB friends to reality check my opinion of her decision, and all of them were like, "...what? No. HELL NO! Fuck that noise, I'd stay home and recuperate."

Anyway...they had destination A and B planned, and decided they'd stay at A as fallback if it looked like B wasn't in the cards. They got two days down the road, almost to destination A when the oldest got some kind of "tummy bug". They turned around and came back. Any wise, rational person would take this as a chance to let the sick one recover, then chill the fuck out for a few more days....but not Overdo It Mom! After ALL of them got over the "tummy bug" (because the kid infected her sister and both parents), they were out doing local/regional shit like going to the zoo nonstop for the rest of spring break. Because Martyr Mommy has to have those perfect Famblee Memories.

What a moron.

My parents changed/cancelled vacation plans when I was a kid, and know what? I wasn't shattered because I was thrilled to sleep in and be off school for a week! I played outside and rode my bike and played with friends and read and drew and played video games and all that. Her kids would have been fine with that. Want a break from them? Have them stay at a friend's house overnight! Though this person is so far up her kids' asses that she probably gets panic attacks if they stay overnight somewhere.

At any rate, there was enough schadenfreude to drizzle over the popcorn. Gotta love it when people choke on the Lifescript.

As usual, I get my Schadenfreude from my contact w/ my moo acquaintances thru an occasional email here and there and today was no different. My former co-worker was all like, boo hoo, my kids are going thru puberty and they need braces, and the dentist pulled their teeth and this is where my entire bonus is going to. In my head, I'm like,.....well, you WANTED THEM, did a thousand fertility treatments to get them, and thought it was gonna be JOY. I never hear much joy.

Then she told me everything my former secretary is going thru w/ her baby-making-machine adult daughter who doesn't work, and is of course 'unwed' and is on third kid from third man. With this one, I never saw the JOY of having kids, it's just one problem after the other. (She did raise good sons, so it's not entirely her parenting style) I wont go into all the gory and boring details, but more "glad it's you and not me" moments from me going on in my head.

I will never understand breeding.....5% happiness, 95% drudgery if they will admit it to themselves.

I know a few people who waited until their late 30's to marry and found out one woman who did this had a baby in her early 40's. I'm no expert, but I think I detect downy traits in the photos and given her age it seems very likely. When he smiles his eyes seem to vanish into slits and the side profile seems off. If it isn't downy then something is definitely not 100% right about him.

To the credit of the parents, there is absolutely no whining and it is 100% positive comments so they also have great friends. Some of the comments are a bit over-saccharined about the kid looking like a model. Can't help but note that the couple spent the first 40 years of their lives unencumbered and now seem to be in for a very rough 18+ years with the kid even if they do keep their struggles private.

Sometimes I think the parents who wait extra-long to have their kids (like very late 30s and after) have a harder time because they had very established adult lives and have to remodel those lives completely. They know what they're missing. Plus, they just don't have the energy and stamina that they did in their 20s. I imagine the ones who had to "work extra hard" to have the kids (ivf, trying forever, etc) feel doubly guilty if they don't like parenthood because they feel they wanted it that much, so they have no right to complain.

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randomcfchick
Sometimes I think the parents who wait extra-long to have their kids (like very late 30s and after) have a harder time because they had very established adult lives and have to remodel those lives completely. They know what they're missing. Plus, they just don't have the energy and stamina that they did in their 20s. I imagine the ones who had to "work extra hard" to have the kids (ivf, trying forever, etc) feel doubly guilty if they don't like parenthood because they feel they wanted it that much, so they have no right to complain.

I agree and if they have a normal functioning kid it is going to be tough enough. If they have twins (more common in older mothers) it is going to be challenging and if their kids have any issues it is going to be much worse. At least the normal functioning kids won't require care for the rest of their lives.

Having kids is always rolling the dice but for older parents the odds are much higher that they will end up with snake eyes.

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randomcfchick
Sometimes I think the parents who wait extra-long to have their kids (like very late 30s and after) have a harder time because they had very established adult lives and have to remodel those lives completely. They know what they're missing. Plus, they just don't have the energy and stamina that they did in their 20s. I imagine the ones who had to "work extra hard" to have the kids (ivf, trying forever, etc) feel doubly guilty if they don't like parenthood because they feel they wanted it that much, so they have no right to complain.

I wouldn't mind if they complained in such a way that acknowledged culpability, maybe that would deter other idiots. It's all that whinging where they make it sound like it was totally unpredictable that is irritating, instead of admitting they didn't do enough research and made a dumbass choice.