Welcome! Log In Create A New Profile

Advanced

More maternal regret

Posted by yurble 
More maternal regret
April 12, 2018
Re: More maternal regret
April 12, 2018
I haven't read the article yet, but I honestly have to say that I've met a few CF people in my time, in person and on this board. I have yet to meet one CF person who has regretted their choice not to have kids.

The endless amounts of articles and forums that exist for moos that are regretful about their kids speaks VOLUMES.

Okay. I just read the article. More blathering about being too selfish to be maternal, etc. One woman was miserable with her first kid, and then went ahead and had another. So typical. I am so glad that isn't my life.

I apologize for all the edits, but I forgot to mention that I do think it's a good thing for these regretful moos to speak up about it, because it does give validation to CF people for making a wise choice, and may help some fence-sitters make the right choice for them.
Re: More maternal regret
April 13, 2018
From article:
"It just felt like an endless round of putting a bottle or food in their mouth for it to come out of the other end - and at what point was any of this going to be fun?"
The futility and boredom are apparent in this sentence!

Without parenting I understand how it is possible to be disgusted by someone and love them at the same time. Wish more people would be honest with others about the realities of parenting and that it is a choice, not a requirement. And there is nothing fundamentally wrong with people who can both love and dislike another person, it is normal.

A positive attitude and happiness are great qualities to have but this fairy-tale business needs to be left behind with childhood. The sacred cow/fairy tale of parenting needs to be destroyed along with the idea that becoming a parent will make a person happy who isn't happy or feels unfulfilled. When the fairy tale is destroyed by reality it is just way too convenient for the parents to take out their frustration on the most vulnerable.
Re: More maternal regret
April 13, 2018
Quote
mumofsixbirds
One woman was miserable with her first kid, and then went ahead and had another. So typical.

Yeah, that's the part that always gets me. They say they hate motherhood and they have two or three or even more kids. I have no doubt that they list their great capacity for logical thought and problem-solving on their resumes under mooternal experience when they try to re-enter the workforce.
Re: More maternal regret
April 13, 2018
Quote
yurble
Quote
mumofsixbirds
One woman was miserable with her first kid, and then went ahead and had another. So typical.

Yeah, that's the part that always gets me. They say they hate motherhood and they have two or three or even more kids. I have no doubt that they list their great capacity for logical thought and problem-solving on their resumes under mooternal experience when they try to re-enter the workforce.

Most of child rearing could be pawned off on teenager babysitters. But chauffeuring kids around requires all kinds of logical thought and problem-solving. And then there is budgeting. If only all of us had the capacity to budget and drive. bemused eye roll
Re: More maternal regret
April 13, 2018
this is why I know breeding wasnt for me, or I'm just too logical. Once I had one, or god-forbid, two kids, there's no way I'd want to go thru the diapers again once it was all over, the terrible twos, the kindergarten plays after I worked all day, the crying, the whining, the back talk, the PTA crap, the endless activities that bratz all do these days instead of just playing/hanging w/ friends, the money-suck for the activities, lessons, clothes, xmas shit, the teen yrs, the worry, the messes, and whatever else to make me feel it was Deja Vu all over again. I really dont understand it. Because at my work, these are people w/ a full time job, and more than a few have over 2, and over 3 kids. Why make your whole life this busy juggling of life if all you have to do is have less kids and stop creating humans that will end up costing you at least a quarter of a mil a piece? They half complain about it all day, but keep on having 'em.
Re: More maternal regret
April 14, 2018
Quote
mumofsixbirds
I do think it's a good thing for these regretful moos to speak up about it, because it does give validation to CF people for making a wise choice, and may help some fence-sitters make the right choice for them.

Absolutely. We need to acknowledge that parenthood (particularly motherhood) isn't right for everyone, and normalize that.
Re: More maternal regret
April 14, 2018
I think one reason people continue to load on more kids, is that our society virtually worships (ok, not only parenthood) but also the pose of being "just SO BUSY!". Commercials on TV pander to that, magazines feature articles about it, etc etc. No one coyly brags about enjoying free time to play with their dog, read a book, etc etc. People are supposed to kiss your feet when you sigh tiredly about how you haven't a single free moment.
Re: More maternal regret
April 14, 2018
The Cult of Busyness.

https://globalnews.ca/news/3343760/the-cult-of-busyness-how-being-busy-became-a-status-symbol/


https://www.newstatesman.com/business/business/2012/07/what-some-people-call-idleness-often-best-investment
Re: More maternal regret
April 14, 2018
Quote
reeniebessagain
I think one reason people continue to load on more kids, is that our society virtually worships (ok, not only parenthood) but also the pose of being "just SO BUSY!". Commercials on TV pander to that, magazines feature articles about it, etc etc. No one coyly brags about enjoying free time to play with their dog, read a book, etc etc. People are supposed to kiss your feet when you sigh tiredly about how you haven't a single free moment.

I am happy to get a full night's sleep nearly every night, and I really don't understand the people who brag about how little they get. Isn't that more or less admitting that my life is better organized?
Re: More maternal regret
April 14, 2018
On Kelly Carlin's (daughter of George Carlin) social media, she has Stop the Glorification of Busy posted on her profile page.
Re: More maternal regret
April 14, 2018
Yet, when it came to moos and duds, I always noticed that they were always up on all the Sopranos episodes, the SATC episodes and now, all the netflix offerings. If youre busy, I dont know how u pull that off.

When I had a more active social life, exercised more, just bought a new home,and definitely putting in the hours going to night grad school and working a demanding white collar job FT, I didnt have time for that shit. I mentioned that to one childed friend of mine in passing and she paused, looked puzzled, and said "b-b-but that's on at 9p you know". Soooo, it was over her head that I was still busy at 9pm, and had no time for shows.I was going thru bills, doing a bit of housework, getting things ready for the next day of work and school and the gym, and still had to eat and take a shower before bed. I used to do housework til 1am becuz no time. (altho I notice all moomies are going thru email and FB at 1am if you look). Moos and duds like the appearance of being busy if you havent noticed, probably as you guys said, it is a status symbol. They are just busy w/ the arbitrary things they dragged their kids too. Not their own social life, but their kids' social schedule.

Now, they all thought I was living the life of luxury and had all the time in the world simply becuz I didnt have a sprog. Can you believe it?
Re: More maternal regret
April 15, 2018
yeah, I understand they all seem to be up on the latest reality show, dancing with the idiots, etc--yuk! Plus, we are all so "out of the loop" that we just don't understand they all apparently DO their kid's homework for them too, right?
Re: More maternal regret
April 15, 2018
Quote
cfuter
Now, they all thought I was living the life of luxury and had all the time in the world simply becuz I didnt have a sprog. Can you believe it?

The worst day of your life is luxurious, compared to what your life would be like if you had a sprog. Maybe that's what they realized!
Re: More maternal regret
April 15, 2018
Quote
yurble
Quote
cfuter
Now, they all thought I was living the life of luxury and had all the time in the world simply becuz I didnt have a sprog. Can you believe it?

The worst day of your life is luxurious, compared to what your life would be like if you had a sprog. Maybe that's what they realized!

I guess, but it's their martyr syndrome too, they're the ones that had time to unwind in front of the TV and be up on all the stupid shows. It kinda goes back to the busy work syndrome. Most people are innately lazy, whether they know it or not, whether they are still industrious or not. They are time to relax and still considered them self too busy becuz they were moms. But I will say, my busyness didnt include all the whining and crying and mindless shuffling around that is gruntwork moowork. I was actually getting somewhere in the end.
Re: More maternal regret
April 15, 2018
Quote

Without parenting I understand how it is possible to be disgusted by someone and love them at the same time. Wish more people would be honest with others about the realities of parenting and that it is a choice, not a requirement. And there is nothing fundamentally wrong with people who can both love and dislike another person, it is normal.

A positive attitude and happiness are great qualities to have but this fairy-tale business needs to be left behind with childhood. The sacred cow/fairy tale of parenting needs to be destroyed along with the idea that becoming a parent will make a person happy who isn't happy or feels unfulfilled. When the fairy tale is destroyed by reality it is just way too convenient for the parents to take out their frustration on the most vulnerable.

That whole passage should be written in stone somewhere. Once I was grown up, it was so obvious that my mother's temperament is wholly unsuited to having and raising children. She was high-energy, intelligent, Type A and focused. As I was growing up I was constantly reminded what she was giving up to stay home and also, that her life was one long interruption, thanks to having children.

She went back to school in her 30's and got a job out of economic necessity. It was the best thing that could have happened for all of us. (And while she had a choice to have kids, I cut her some slack because she was born in the 1930's. Women didn't have a lot of choices other than having kids back then. It wasn't socially acceptable for "nice" women to live alone in some parts of the country until the mid 1970's and women couldn't get credit in their own names.)

The interviewer missed the chance to ask the really important question, other than why the woman had TWO MORE KIDS after the first one: What was this woman's mindset prior to having kids? Was she ambivalent, but did it anyway because "it's what you do," or she wanted to please her partner or her parents or it would be different if it were her ownTM and all the other rationalizations fence-sitters use to talk themselves off it?

I'd also like to know, what is she telling her own kids about having children? Is she telling them it's optional or the Greatest Thing Evar?

I would be willing to bet that most people who regret children knew they were making the wrong decision, but for whatever (dumb) reason felt they didn't have the right to make that choice. To me, that's really sad. These are free people.

ITA the choice not to have children needs to be normalized. We need forums where parents (both sexes) can tell it like it is**. We need CF forums like this one that can show that life without children isn't Earth shattering and weird or abnormal--it's a valid choice and to many CFers it is THE ONLY CHOICE. To me, being CF is as much a part of me as being heterosexual and having blue eyes. It just is.

**Speaking of which, I noticed that true mom confessions is no longer an anonymous confession site. It's just bullshit pablum about how haaaard it is to be a Mawm. And we all know true Dud confessions went the way of the dodo bird. A lot of Moos are okay about ranting themselves, but Heaven forbid that any male person express one iota of regret about having a child.
Re: More maternal regret
April 15, 2018
Quote
bell_flower
The interviewer missed the chance to ask the really important question, other than why the woman had TWO MORE KIDS after the first one: What was this woman's mindset prior to having kids? Was she ambivalent, but did it anyway because "it's what you do," or she wanted to please her partner or her parents or it would be different if it were her ownTM and all the other rationalizations fence-sitters use to talk themselves off it?

That would help some, but then there are those who just don't do their research. If only sterility were the default condition, and people had to undergo some type of training before breeding.
Re: More maternal regret
April 15, 2018
Quote
yurble
Quote
mumofsixbirds
One woman was miserable with her first kid, and then went ahead and had another. So typical.

Yeah, that's the part that always gets me. They say they hate motherhood and they have two or three or even more kids. I have no doubt that they list their great capacity for logical thought and problem-solving on their resumes under mooternal experience when they try to re-enter the workforce.

Lots of this can be blamed on lax attention to birth control.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: More maternal regret
April 16, 2018
Quote
craftyzits
Quote
yurble
Yeah, that's the part that always gets me. They say they hate motherhood and they have two or three or even more kids. I have no doubt that they list their great capacity for logical thought and problem-solving on their resumes under mooternal experience when they try to re-enter the workforce.

Lots of this can be blamed on lax attention to birth control.

If you hate something, you think you'd be a little more careful about avoiding it. Nobody says, "I can't remember whether I filed my taxes this year or not, so I think I'll file them again."
Re: More maternal regret
April 16, 2018
There is a medical condition called hyper fertility that causes the continual release of multiple eggs that can render birth control all but useless but thankfully it is rare.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: More maternal regret
April 16, 2018
Just stumbled up this reddit question. You'll notice 3600 replies. I'll just never know why people sign up for this, or have 2 after being miserable w/ one. Also, of note, how the males deal with it, by trying to hide from the kids. So, just as we suspected, busy industrious men, are hiding from their kids. Kids are the problem, even if it isn't "their" fault.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/89zya9/serious_parents_who_regret_having_children_how_do/
Re: More maternal regret
April 17, 2018
Quote
cfuter
Just stumbled up this reddit question. You'll notice 3600 replies. I'll just never know why people sign up for this, or have 2 after being miserable w/ one. Also, of note, how the males deal with it, by trying to hide from the kids. So, just as we suspected, busy industrious men, are hiding from their kids. Kids are the problem, even if it isn't "their" fault.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/89zya9/serious_parents_who_regret_having_children_how_do/

Enjoying the comments about men getting postpartum depression but think that would be referred to as buyer's remorse.
Noticed that the people on the thread are not berating the childfree that are posting about not wanting kids. Some are encouraging them to go with their instinct on it. Also appreciate the honesty because fence sitters aren't going to read propaganda, they're reading reality and regret.
Re: More maternal regret
April 18, 2018
Here's some Paternal Regret


http://www.bbc.com/news/education-43703221?platform=hootsuite
Re: More maternal regret
April 18, 2018
Quote
cfuter
Here's some Paternal Regret

http://www.bbc.com/news/education-43703221?platform=hootsuite

From this article:
"Martin, 45, hopes to move abroad in five or 10 years but worries "people would say, 'What happens if they need you, why are you spending their inheritance?'"

Hope Martin moves abroad. Just drop fakebook and move. People can't say crap if he isn't around. His kids will all be grown and it is his life. Sounds like his wife is one of those "hands on" grandmoos who lives for the grandbrats. She has turned down his ideas to leave and also thinks their money is the inheritance for the kids. He should do so anyway as he only gets one life. Or he can be unhappy and stay with moo and raise grandbrats and give them their "inheritance."
Re: More maternal regret
April 19, 2018
It is absolutely pathetic.
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login