Kids are idiots: trying to find bio parents is not the fantasy they imagine..

"https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/04/13/an-alleged-case-of-incest-leads-to-4-senseless-deaths-in-3-states-one-was-a-baby/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.34bac20c302e""

so much for this nonsense of finding 'famblee'.
even medical stuff, that is what tests are for.
and referring to them as my 'real mom/dad' is a slap in the face to those who did raise them (assuming they had good adoptive parents)
let it go

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I told my friend a long time ago not to do it. This is way before it was fashionable to do this like it seems to be now. Well, let's put it this way. She no longer talks to her bio mom or her 5 bio half sisters. They were all white trash breeders extraordinaire and asked for money and favors and the mom more or less warned her that if she didn't do what the half sisters wanted, they would likely make her life miserable, and make her regret it.

She sent a couple birthday cards, and slowly cut the whole relationship off.


I dont know what people think they are gonna get out of this. More places to go to the holidays? More family obligations to clutter up your months and free time on the weekends. Yeah, I would totally pass on that. I just dont know what people are lacking on the inside for this.

The medical thing too, come'on, it's nice to know but we're all rolling the dice in life. Someone came back into my uncle's life when he was in 70s. She musta got his address from 'net, and thought my aunt was still around too. She passed tho. She and her mom came looking for him, for medical reasons my guess before she reproduced with her longtime boyfriend. Thing is, she too had a college kid outta wedlock before, that lived w/ a different family. Whatever. Thank Dog my aunt passed, because whether she already knew about this or not, this was not the thing I would want for a 70 yr old woman to deal with. And, what, my cousins were supposed to add her and her soon to be bratz into the family fold? Becuz of a random indiscretion 40-50 yrs ago? It's not like she was an orphan, she had an entire family she grew up w/ and cherished. But no, she's needs the love and medical info from my 70+ yr old uncle. Crazy bullshit if u ask me.

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cfuter

I dont know what people think they are gonna get out of this. More places to go to the holidays? More family obligations to clutter up your months and free time on the weekends. Yeah, I would totally pass on that. I just dont know what people are lacking on the inside for this.

The story from the article is sick and twisted. But what about cases that are more run-of-the-mill?

I am certain I have no children. But in the event that one was looking for me from decades ago, I would not want to be found. If I was found, I'd ask what exactly they wanted (money? information? a father figure?) and as politely as I could, tell them I was not interested in any kind of relationship moving forward.

I saw an interview last night with the sleazy lawyer for the couple.

He tried to spin the situation and said, the daughter was an adult. These are just two people who wanted to be together in a consensual relationship. He said the case was "sad" and the prosecutors 'weren't sure what to do about it,' which I don't believe for a minute. He blamed the charges for the murder. So we shouldn't charge criminals with crimes because they might do more crimes?

It's incest and it's against the law. The bio dad was a predator and his daughter and their kid were probably genetically doomed. if this guy wanted to off himself, he could have, but he took out both his kids and her adopted father, when he had nothing to do with the situation.

I did wonder if her adopted father sexually abused her so when her dad wanted to do it, she didn't think it was as horrible as it was.

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StudioFiftyFour

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cfuter

I dont know what people think they are gonna get out of this. More places to go to the holidays? More family obligations to clutter up your months and free time on the weekends. Yeah, I would totally pass on that. I just dont know what people are lacking on the inside for this.

The story from the article is sick and twisted. But what about cases that are more run-of-the-mill?

I am certain I have no children. But in the event that one was looking for me from decades ago, I would not want to be found. If I was found, I'd ask what exactly they wanted (money? information? a father figure?) and as politely as I could, tell them I was not interested in any kind of relationship moving forward.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be found, and I think that is worst when these kids find ppl who didnt want to be found. Some older celebs are suddenly being found now, becuz the mom tells the adult kid. Then, suddenly you have to be a special someone to these adults and have a relationship forced on you, at 60,70 80.

My friend obviously wanted to find her bio mom, and the bio mom was on at the time was a 'new' list. So, if adopted kids wanted to find you, they could. this was even before the internet. So, she was interested also and she was very local like w/in 5-10 miles of my friend. She was interested because she was the type who just thought it was soooooooo great to breed whether or not the men stuck around, or whether or not you had the means to raise them. It was great to have kids to love you and she just wanted more love from her bastard children, including my friend. I can't imagine this lifestyle.

One of my friends think that it is strange that I never did care to find my bio parents. I was adopted at 8 months and my 'real' parents ARE my adoptive parents. They raised me, loved me, and gave me the best life they could. (which was pretty darn good even though they did not make a lot of money) Why would I want to complicate things? When doing some genealogy searches I used my adoptive parents as my real parents and looked up all of their background. I consider that my real family... not some single mom who gave me up because she made a mistake and abortion was illegal back then.

My parents are gone now...as are a few cousins, all my aunts and uncles and grand parents. So my friend asks "Do you want to find your 'real' mom now?"
My answer is still 'No. No need to do that"

She brings up the health issue. I am 65 and very healthy. Not one daily med or do I have any medical issues. (Maybe a little anxiety but, in this world, is there any wonder?) Why do I need to find out any health info. on my bio parents? Life is a gamble and I am living it happily CF and with little family to cause drama.

That is weird she brought up the health issue at your age. I guess your friend just can't wrap her head around it.

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twocents
"https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/04/13/an-alleged-case-of-incest-leads-to-4-senseless-deaths-in-3-states-one-was-a-baby/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.34bac20c302e""

so much for this nonsense of finding 'famblee'.
even medical stuff, that is what tests are for.
and referring to them as my 'real mom/dad' is a slap in the face to those who did raise them (assuming they had good adoptive parents)
let it go

I would like to find my bio-family because several of my medical mysteries are wholly dependant on family history to solve. It isn't anything Earth shattering if I don't find em and I'm not actively seeking.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I haven't the slightest inclination to find my bio-relatives. (As a matter of fact, I have their names on my adoption papers, which my Mom gave me years ago. Never did anything about it.) I'm 68, and apart from Fibromyalgia, I don't seem to have any major problems. Certainly nothing I need to find my sperm- and egg-donor to learn about. Fuck that.

My parents apparently destroyed my adoption papers. My mother was paranoid as heck that I would go out and find my bio mother. I never wanted to and they told me I was adopted when I was 5. The only thing I found when I was going through papers after both parents were gone was a handwritten note my father had taken from a phone call. I was adopted through a Christian adoption agency. My bio parents were of 'german decent'. They were not married. Mother--19 and Father-- 21. was given up because my mother lived at home with her mother and siblings and they could not afford to keep me. So I was apparently with her for a few months before she made the decision to put me up for adoption. That's it. That's all I know and all I need to know. My adoptive parents kept telling me over the years that my parents were dead. I know this was a lie... but.. they had told me this so I wouldn't look for them. I never had any intention of looking for them..dead or alive. I just didn't care.
I guess my parents had heard these stories of adoptees finding their bio parents and then trying to form relationships with them. Maybe they were afraid my bio parents would marry and come into money and they want me back. Who knows.
My childhood was complete, happy, healthy and I have grown up the same way...and with no need to know who sprang me from their loins.

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cfuter
The medical thing too, come'on, it's nice to know but we're all rolling the dice in life. Someone came back into my uncle's life when he was in 70s. She musta got his address from 'net, and thought my aunt was still around too. She passed tho. She and her mom came looking for him, for medical reasons my guess before she reproduced with her longtime boyfriend. Thing is, she too had a college kid outta wedlock before, that lived w/ a different family. Whatever. Thank Dog my aunt passed, because whether she already knew about this or not, this was not the thing I would want for a 70 yr old woman to deal with. And, what, my cousins were supposed to add her and her soon to be bratz into the family fold? Becuz of a random indiscretion 40-50 yrs ago? It's not like she was an orphan, she had an entire family she grew up w/ and cherished. But no, she's needs the love and medical info from my 70+ yr old uncle. Crazy bullshit if u ask me.

Guess she has never heard of the expression let sleeping dogs lie.
The funny part about this is she waits until he is 70. It is more understandable from a younger person because someone at 20 who was adopted may think their birth parents obsess over them as much as they obsess over the birth parent. It would be easier for a 50 year old to understand that the birth parent may have not given the biological kid a second thought or even have known about him/her. At 20 a random indiscretion may prompt the kid to wonder how there can be an adult out there who doesn't give a fig about him/her. By 50 pretty much everyone will know of many random indiscretions and have seen enough of life to know that there are plenty of children with bio-parents who are not in their lives and don't care to ever be.

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freya

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cfuter
The medical thing too, come'on, it's nice to know but we're all rolling the dice in life. Someone came back into my uncle's life when he was in 70s. She musta got his address from 'net, and thought my aunt was still around too. She passed tho. She and her mom came looking for him, for medical reasons my guess before she reproduced with her longtime boyfriend. Thing is, she too had a college kid outta wedlock before, that lived w/ a different family. Whatever. Thank Dog my aunt passed, because whether she already knew about this or not, this was not the thing I would want for a 70 yr old woman to deal with. And, what, my cousins were supposed to add her and her soon to be bratz into the family fold? Becuz of a random indiscretion 40-50 yrs ago? It's not like she was an orphan, she had an entire family she grew up w/ and cherished. But no, she's needs the love and medical info from my 70+ yr old uncle. Crazy bullshit if u ask me.

Guess she has never heard of the expression let sleeping dogs lie.
The funny part about this is she waits until he is 70. It is more understandable from a younger person because someone at 20 who was adopted may think their birth parents obsess over them as much as they obsess over the birth parent. It would be easier for a 50 year old to understand that the birth parent may have not given the biological kid a second thought or even have known about him/her. At 20 a random indiscretion may prompt the kid to wonder how there can be an adult out there who doesn't give a fig about him/her. By 50 pretty much everyone will know of many random indiscretions and have seen enough of life to know that there are plenty of children with bio-parents who are not in their lives and don't care to ever be.

Totally, I told my friend when she wanted to look(but she didnt listen) sometimes things are better left in the past. And, she found out the hard way that they were.

yeah, she woulda been in her forties at the time when she contacted uncle, the conception was probably while he was in the army. Like I said, she already had like a college age kid that she kept in touch w/ but put up for adoption. So she didn't care about that kid's medical. I think it was time for her to have her last chance baby w/ her partner and have a 'normal' family. I agree with what you say, but these din-a-lings dont think. I do think it is appalling to come into someone's life when they are this old. It's not like she was an orphan, she had a family w/ her real mom and her mom's husband.

If anything, this trend of people looking for their birth parents may put people off from adopting out a child. Think about it. You think you are free of a child you can't look after for whatever reason. You go many years thinking it is all behind you and then BAM! A knock on the door and suddenly you are staring back at the past.

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the noodler
If anything, this trend of people looking for their birth parents may put people off from adopting out a child. Think about it. You think you are free of a child you can't look after for whatever reason. You go many years thinking it is all behind you and then BAM! A knock on the door and suddenly you are staring back at the past.

That would drive me crazy, having tried to deal with the huge mistake of having a kid and spending the rest of my life wondering if that mistake was going to show up on my porch...I have enough anxiety as it is!

Tell brat to piss off and if it doesn't get a restraining order.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

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craftyzits
Tell brat to piss off and if it doesn't get a restraining order.

Oh, I would definitely be honest and tell it to fuck off. But I would still dread every knock on the door.

These people looking for their birth parents aren't thinking of anyone but themselves. Maybe the parent will be happy to see the kid and be glad to know they're doing well (if they are); but there's an equal-to-better chance that they want nothing to do with them and that's why they got rid of them in the first place. But to hell with the chance they're going to majorly mess up the birth parent's life; they want what they want, and nothing else matters.

The kids might get more than a few surprises once they find bio-mom. It depends on the culture.

Years ago I read a story about a young Vietnamese woman who had been given for adoption as a baby by her mother, who had stayed in Vietnam. An American couple raised her, but—you guessed it—she just had to find her bio-mom. She got a shock once she tracked down her mother and flew to Vietnam at great expense to visit her: in that culture, the kids as adults help support their parents, and the bio-mom expected her newfound daughter to do the same and give her money. IIRC, the young woman decided after her return to the US that the search had not been worth it. Imagine!