Guy had to have secret vasectomy

ttps://slate.com/human-interest/2018/04/dear-prudence-what-should-i-do-if-my-husband-got-a-secret-vasectomy-against-my-wishes.html?via=recirc_recent

This bint had twins and was on bed rest for five months. Her husband was CLEAR from the start, "two kids only"
After she was ready for more hubby admitted he had a secret vasectomy and moo is "devastated"

The person answering her goes on about him getting it done due to pressure moo was putting on him for more baybees, but doesn't mention the real reason, that she can't be trusted.

Prudie did get it right in that the decision must be made by both parents, not just one. The woman had twins that were in ICU and she ended up on bed rest for 5 months. That may not have been entirely because she had twins. She may have other issues that could come up if she gets pregnant again. She has two healthy children and that should be enough.

They agreed to two kids. She says they were "two college kids" who didn't know better. He didn't lie to her--he knew what he wanted and thought they were in agreement. Good for him for stepping up and taking care of business. The dumb bint isn't sure she wants to work on her marriage! She sounds controlling and immature.

How else does the bint think he would guarantee that they would only have two kids? She sounds disappointed she can't oops him. Glad she is the one to be disappointed, not him.

And since both twins are boys, you can guarantee she wants another kid because she wants a little girl that she can play dress-up and do princess shit with; breeders are so predictable /eyeroll

partial here: it is something that both parties have to agree on. Dr L says the 'no' wins, so this mootard can shove it.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

The fact that he didn't put himself in a position to be oopsied makes me think he knew something about her character...which makes me wonder why he married her and bred with her in the first place. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone I have to tiptoe around, and keep secrets from.

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yurble
The fact that he didn't put himself in a position to be oopsied makes me think he knew something about her character...which makes me wonder why he married her and bred with her in the first place. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone I have to tiptoe around, and keep secrets from.

Maybe he didn't know, but just wanted to cover his ass.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I dated a divorced man who had a secret vasectomy. He and his ex agreed that they did not want children and he had it done when she wanted to re-think that decision. A year later, she confessed that she had been trying to oops him and wanted him to see a doctor to see if he was the problem. He saw a lawyer instead.

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happyhiker
I dated a divorced man who had a secret vasectomy. He and his ex agreed that they did not want children and he had it done when she wanted to re-think that decision. A year later, she confessed that she had been trying to oops him and wanted him to see a doctor to see if he was the problem. He saw a lawyer instead.

Amazing gall of that woman. This is what happens when society brainwashes about how wonderful kids are. She was so secure in her treachery that she didn't even see it as a betrayal. Good thing he had the foresight to get a vasectomy, and the courage to see how shitty the relationship was once she confessed.

But I still think secrecy is a sign of some problem in the relationship. Why didn't he tell her when he had it done, if they were both on the same page at that time? I'd rather find out sooner than later that someone isn't CF. To me, secrecy reeks of trying to trap someone in a lie/cheat, and I wonder, if you have such suspicions about your partner, why be with them at all?

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craftyzits

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yurble
The fact that he didn't put himself in a position to be oopsied makes me think he knew something about her character...which makes me wonder why he married her and bred with her in the first place. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone I have to tiptoe around, and keep secrets from.

Maybe he didn't know, but just wanted to cover his ass.

If he just wanted to cover his ass, he would have said openly, "Well, we had the two children we agreed on, so I've gotten my vasectomy - you don't have to be responsible for birth control."

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yurble

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craftyzits

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yurble
The fact that he didn't put himself in a position to be oopsied makes me think he knew something about her character...which makes me wonder why he married her and bred with her in the first place. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone I have to tiptoe around, and keep secrets from.

Maybe he didn't know, but just wanted to cover his ass.

If he just wanted to cover his ass, he would have said openly, "Well, we had the two children we agreed on, so I've gotten my vasectomy - you don't have to be responsible for birth control."

I get the feeling that she would've felt betrayed and reacted badly no matter when he told her about the op, because she was either planning to oops him anyway or was certain he'd change his mind eventually.

And her first pregnancy was so dangerous, there's a good chance it'll happen again (it happened to my supervisor's daughter - both pregnancies almost killed her and yet she's pregnant again). It's easy for her to forget, in her baby-rabid haze, how bad that pregnancy was and how much worse it could have turned out for everyone involved.

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lurker-derp

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yurble

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craftyzits

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yurble
The fact that he didn't put himself in a position to be oopsied makes me think he knew something about her character...which makes me wonder why he married her and bred with her in the first place. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone I have to tiptoe around, and keep secrets from.

Maybe he didn't know, but just wanted to cover his ass.

If he just wanted to cover his ass, he would have said openly, "Well, we had the two children we agreed on, so I've gotten my vasectomy - you don't have to be responsible for birth control."

I get the feeling that she would've felt betrayed and reacted badly no matter when he told her about the op, because she was either planning to oops him anyway or was certain he'd change his mind eventually.

Which is my point - he knew something of her character. Which begs the question: why get involved with someone like that to begin with?

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yurble

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lurker-derp

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yurble

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craftyzits

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yurble
The fact that he didn't put himself in a position to be oopsied makes me think he knew something about her character...which makes me wonder why he married her and bred with her in the first place. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone I have to tiptoe around, and keep secrets from.

Maybe he didn't know, but just wanted to cover his ass.

If he just wanted to cover his ass, he would have said openly, "Well, we had the two children we agreed on, so I've gotten my vasectomy - you don't have to be responsible for birth control."

I get the feeling that she would've felt betrayed and reacted badly no matter when he told her about the op, because she was either planning to oops him anyway or was certain he'd change his mind eventually.

Which is my point - he knew something of her character. Which begs the question: why get involved with someone like that to begin with?

Hmm... my first thought is maybe he was being pressured to marry by his parents/her parents/society - some people are weak and don't think for themselves - what's that expression? Act in haste, repent at leisure?

Maybe she managed to mask her true intentions long enough to hook him - breeders are devious like that - or maybe if the twins had been one girl and one boy none of this would be happening. Forgive me for holding onto the gender theory but that's usually how it is with breeders - gotta keep going until you get the golden child...

I agree that there certainly wasn't anything wrong with the snip itself, and he was holding her to the letter of their agreement. The fact that he kept it a secret is a symptom of a deeper problem. The fact that he didn't tell her just screams dysfunction on both sides. Good on him for maintaining his reproductive freedom, but I have a feeling he kept it secret because his wife is a control freak.

So I guess I have nothing different to add to what's already been said.

Yay for bodily autonomy.

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Amazing gall of that woman. This is what happens when society brainwashes about how wonderful kids are. She was so secure in her treachery that she didn't even see it as a betrayal. Good thing he had the foresight to get a vasectomy, and the courage to see how shitty the relationship was once she confessed.

I think society and Breeders brainwash each other that "moo-therhood" is so all-consuming and so necessary to being a woman that women are entitled to do whatever.

In my almost 60 years of living on Earth, at least half of women I've known believe that the male's opinion regarding fatherhood is less important than what the woman thinks. To them "he'll love it once he it gets here," is socially acceptable. When I've heard women talk about wanting another kid and their husband doesn't, the common refrain among other women is, "well, what about what YOU want?" because what the woman wants is somehow more important.

It's horribly sexist and despicable, but it's there.

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yurble
Which is my point - he knew something of her character. Which begs the question: why get involved with someone like that to begin with?

Maybe he was looking at the relationship through rose colored glasses or youth as they were together in college and now he sees her for what she is. Most of us don't know beans at that age and didn't have much dating experience. He may regret having any kids with her in the first place but it is too late for that.

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bell_flower

In my almost 60 years of living on Earth, at least half of women I've known believe that the male's opinion regarding fatherhood is less important than what the woman thinks. To them "he'll love it once he it gets here," is socially acceptable. When I've heard women talk about wanting another kid and their husband doesn't, the common refrain among other women is, "well, what about what YOU want?" because what the woman wants is somehow more important.

It's horribly sexist and despicable, but it's there.

When my ILs used to badger me to have kids, I would say, why don't you ask your son/brother? (otherwise they never talked to me about anything of a personal nature before) and this is basically how they responded, they brushed off the statement immediately. That was about *their* blood relative. This is when I realized all their husbands were really just a means to an end(sperm) and I dont think their love for them was the same as my love of hub. They were obsessed w/ "family" and "kids" and really didnt care about their hubs or the hubs' opinions. Once my SiL's oldest turned like 21, her and hub divorced. He was a means to an end, nothing more. Her whole life is her mom now, her sis and sis's kids, and her college kids, altho she does have a BF, but I honestly think she has him to prove to herself she can still get a dude.

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happyhiker
I dated a divorced man who had a secret vasectomy. He and his ex agreed that they did not want children and he had it done when she wanted to re-think that decision. A year later, she confessed that she had been trying to oops him and wanted him to see a doctor to see if he was the problem. He saw a lawyer instead.

This is somewhat of a common occurrence. While I do not think that people should lie to each other, I also have to take into consideration that men only really have 2 birth control options at the moment. One of them is close to 100% effective, another, it is debatable how effective it is or how easily it can be tampered with.

Absolutely unbelievable. While I dont like all this deception in a relationship, Good for him.

Yesterday evening I watched the movie "The Big Lewbowski" It is about this middle aged "dude" who gets caught up in a bunch of kidnapping foolishness and gets mis-identified as a really rich guy with the same name

Anyway he gets to know the guy's daugther and they get into some sort of relationship. At the end they hit the sack and after it is over she is in some weird physical position and admits that "it increases the chances of conception" He is like "what the hell" and then realizes that he is ok with it. The idea was that it was time to grow up and take responsibility and she had every right to use him for sperm and after her oops he became protective of her as the possible carrier of his sprog. So it seems to be everywhere, that an oops is fine and an adult male needs to shape up and be happy about it.

There was also "The Old Christine" with that one from Seinfeld. Her hubby dumped her for a younger blonde woman who was an ebil "cf" woman who demanded her husband get a vasectomy. He pretended to go and she found him on the cough pretending to be in pain with a bag of frozen peas. This convinced her that he went through with it and she went off the pill getting knocked up. When he oopsed her it was considered funny and she did a 180 from CF to moo.

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cfdavep
Yesterday evening I watched the movie "The Big Lewbowski" It is about this middle aged "dude" who gets caught up in a bunch of kidnapping foolishness and gets mis-identified as a really rich guy with the same name

Anyway he gets to know the guy's daugther and they get into some sort of relationship. At the end they hit the sack and after it is over she is in some weird physical position and admits that "it increases the chances of conception" He is like "what the hell" and then realizes that he is ok with it. The idea was that it was time to grow up and take responsibility and she had every right to use him for sperm and after her oops he became protective of her as the possible carrier of his sprog. So it seems to be everywhere, that an oops is fine and an adult male needs to shape up and be happy about it.

I had NO idea that The Big Lewbowski had a story line like that. I've thought I should see it because people have made such a big deal about it being a cult classic and "The Dude" thing and what all, but now NO THANKS. Sounds lame.

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Ketchup

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cfdavep
Yesterday evening I watched the movie "The Big Lewbowski" It is about this middle aged "dude" who gets caught up in a bunch of kidnapping foolishness and gets mis-identified as a really rich guy with the same name

Anyway he gets to know the guy's daugther and they get into some sort of relationship. At the end they hit the sack and after it is over she is in some weird physical position and admits that "it increases the chances of conception" He is like "what the hell" and then realizes that he is ok with it. The idea was that it was time to grow up and take responsibility and she had every right to use him for sperm and after her oops he became protective of her as the possible carrier of his sprog. So it seems to be everywhere, that an oops is fine and an adult male needs to shape up and be happy about it.

I had NO idea that The Big Lewbowski had a story line like that. I've thought I should see it because people have made such a big deal about it being a cult classic and "The Dude" thing and what all, but now NO THANKS. Sounds lame.

I did rent it like 10 yrs after it was out, I wasn't as impressed as I thought I might be. I actually don't remember that part, I can't believe this movie has the silly, college-bro type following it has w/ this ending story line. How very very pathetic. Only sprogs can make the most childish man grow up.........blah blah blah.



Act in haste, repent at leisure<---------I have to remember this one more often. I think I mentioned my forever single friend who ran off to California to be w/ a married man to enjoy her retirement. This little saying is very likely gonna apply to her, unfortunately. Of course, I won't be so heartless to tell her it.