Bratty younger sister is pissed with her sensible boyfriend

My younger sis and i never got along, we are like oil and water.

She and her boyfriend just finished college and he is en route to medical school. They are 22/23 years old. Her boyfriend has several years of med school then needs to do residency (which doesnt pay much, atleast not enough for my sisters caviar tastes), she thinks doctor=cha ching automatically, but initial residency doesnt pay much.

Theyve been together a long time and he states he wants to get married to her, but wants to wait until they are about 35 or so; so he can support them plus have a family. She wants to get married at 25 because.... (Drum roll please) BAYBEZ. Not to mention she is the youngest and has zero child care experience, and spends money like water, very careless overall. She probably couldn't keep a goldfish alive. A couple years ago parents got her a bunny but when she realized she actually had to take care of it she wanted it gone so they got rid of it. Not even my folks trust her. When i moved into my 1st apt my parents let me take one of the cats as they trusted me to take care of it, they wont do they same for her because even they dont trust her to care for it. But shes apparently ready to be a mom.

I fully get that its harder to have them when you are older but good grief she wants to have them when hes in school full time and they have no $$$ and no place to live except my parents house.

I havent met him yet but hope he runs like the wind(although im not holding my breath).

I hope this guy is smart enough to run. If he's not, he should be wrapping it up, each and every time.

She sounds like the type to get knocked up on purpose by accident to hurry things along. If he does continue with school, she'll bitch constantly how haaaaaaaaaaaaaard it is to take care of a loaf while he's gone all the time. They'll end up divorced because he outgrows her. Being 22/23 and having no aspirations of life other than marriage is pretty stupid anyway. It's 2018, not 1918.

But they never run when they should. Some guys are just too trusting and then they wonder why they're 30 and their lives are ruined.

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bell_flower
I hope this guy is smart enough to run. If he's not, he should be wrapping it up, each and every time.

She sounds like the type to get knocked up on purpose by accident to hurry things along. If he does continue with school, she'll bitch constantly how haaaaaaaaaaaaaard it is to take care of a loaf while he's gone all the time. They'll end up divorced because he outgrows her. Being 22/23 and having no aspirations of life other than marriage is pretty stupid anyway. It's 2018, not 1918.

But they never run when they should. Some guys are just too trusting and then they wonder why they're 30 and their lives are ruined.

My sis takes the pill. Shes a total fart brain though and could easily "forget." She even forgot her graduation date and which classes to take when, shes in lala land all the damn time.

I dont know how long theyre dating but asking someone to wait over 12 yrs to tie the knot is a little long, even for the reasons he's citing. Now, waiting to reproduce....that's a different story. But if she's pretty irresponsible, he'll figure it out sooner or later, before he's 35

He should use the opportunity to get a vasectomy during his urology rotation.

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cfuter
I dont know how long theyre dating but asking someone to wait over 12 yrs to tie the knot is a little long, even for the reasons he's citing. Now, waiting to reproduce....that's a different story. But if she's pretty irresponsible, he'll figure it out sooner or later, before he's 35

Or he'll give into her demands and marry sooner. I feel for the poor kid. He has to know what a diva my sister is, and he wants to support her to HER expensive satisfaction, and as a young college grad isnt able to do that right now.

This is yet another of those our-life-plans-don’t-match-and-we-should-break-up-before-we-both-end-up-miserable situations. She is young and cute and educated and there is no shortage of men who want to have baybees immediately. He will have no problems scoring a wife as a 35-year-old doctor someday. But, no, by all means stay together and have one party be resentful because he or she didn’t get his or her way. He is just begging to get oopsed. He should freeze some sperm and get a vasectomy. Pretty much all young men should do that.

On top of it. My sister got into a horrible skiing accident in 2013, she can walk again (still has numbness in her upper thighs), but will automatically have to have a c section, but she still wants them.


Plus my sister has all her life been gifted with a naturally petite figure and a high metabolism and never had to exercise, her metabolism is slowing down she has put on some weight (not a ton though). Hes always encouraging her to workout with him (hes very much into fitness) and she wont. Lazy housemoo in the making.

I think if finances werent an issue he would marry her sooner. I think he really does love her, but he knows what exquisite tastes she has and wants to be able to give that to her. Also I think if she were ok with finances being tight for a bit while he works on his career, he'd marry her and have a kid. But she expects to be kept in luxury at all times, did I mention shes not a nice person? (Many of you know i have an autistic sister, this isnt her, i have 2 sisters, the youngest is not autistic).


So yes 12 years is a long time but i totally get why.


My prediction of how this'll pan out: (background story first, when they first started seeing eachother he didnt want to put a label on it didnt want to be exclusive, she threatened to leave and he came around and asked her to be his gf within a couple days. Dont get me wrong i do think its ok to leave if you want two different things, in just stating that when she harps he gives in). IF he doesn't give into her harping, she will oops him, he will try to "do the right thing" and have a shotgun wedding, his parents and mine will fork over a fuck ton of money for the loaf so her bf can go to school and my sis gets luxury at the same time, also my sis will no doubt pawn the kid on my mother all the time who has a ton of health problems (including ruptured disc and ulceritve colotis among many others painful things).

No. He's just not that into her. Saying you don't want to be exclusive or put a label on the relationship means you don't love her. That's crystal clear. He's into fitness and ambitious for his education and she refuses to exercise and forgets to go to class. I'm willing to bet she doesn't even really want children, but rather an excuse to not work. Waiting to have kids is a LOT different than waiting to get married. If he loved her no way would he tell her he plans to marry her in more than a decade. As an aspiring physician he knows fertility declines after 30 and moreso after 35. He's planning on him being 35 when he has kids, but I can assure you he's planning on having them with a younger women. IOW not your sister.

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cfinboston
No. He's just not that into her. Saying you don't want to be exclusive or put a label on the relationship means you don't love her. That's crystal clear. He's into fitness and ambitious for his education and she refuses to exercise and forgets to go to class. I'm willing to bet she doesn't even really want children, but rather an excuse to not work. Waiting to have kids is a LOT different than waiting to get married. If he loved her no way would he tell her he plans to marry her in more than a decade. As an aspiring physician he knows fertility declines after 30 and moreso after 35. He's planning on him being 35 when he has kids, but I can assure you he's planning on having them with a younger women. IOW not your sister.

I sure hope so for his sake

ITA with everything cfinboston wrote. When a guy is really nuts for a woman, she doesn't have to beg him to be exclusive or force the relationship. He wants to lock her down and be exclusive because HE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO SWOOP IN AND TAKE HER AWAY.

Who knows what this guy really feels, Perhaps he's got CF leanings but is giving your sister the "socially acceptable" answer about wanting to finish school, etc. He's probably saying these things to keep the pussy coming which is certainly a motivator for guys of all ages.

He probably regards her as "Miss Right for now" and he's keeping his options open.

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I'm willing to bet she doesn't even really want children, but rather an excuse to not work. Waiting to have kids is a LOT different than waiting to get married. If he loved her no way would he tell her he plans to marry her in more than a decade.

If the sister had some self-esteem and career goals, she would be working on her life. Baybees require no special smarts--anyone can lie back and get knocked up and get automatic societal head pats.

Also, it's 2018--many high achieving males want to be with someone who is also high achieving, not some cantaloupe brain bimbo.

I believe there are more women than men in medical school now. He'll have his pick of attractive and smart women, if she doesn't oops him first.
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I think the pressure to marry is coming from his family too. They like my sister ALOT, shes going on a cruise to mexico with them at the end of june. Also his uncle kept calling her "future niece in law." his family is very catholic (i know i know regardless of them sharing a cabin on the cruise) and want him to do marriage and baybez. Our family was raised catholic also but we are more spiritual than religious. I was confirmed into the catholic church (against my will), they snubbed my autistic sister(refusing to confirm her) so my mom quit church and swore it off forever (the church being dicks to me was a-ok but as soon as they snubbed my autistic sistwr off we go) and never got the youngest confirmed

I’m not an expert or anything on relationships, but I think he’s just buying time. Your sister and her boyfriend could get married now and have kids later, but I don’t think he sounds like he wants to marry her at all. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing. I myself don’t want the whole classic nuclear family SAHM lifestyle, and I don’t blame him for not wanting to live like that either. My pessimist senses are tingling. I think there are going to be problems because they want different things. “When I was your age,” marriage was about two people that loved each other getting together because they wanted the same things out of life and it is easier to kill those shared goals together. Now it seems like people are using marriage and kids as an excuse not to work.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.