Isn't finding a babysitter the PARENTS' responsibility?

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Dear Amy: A family member is getting married. The bride and groom decided that they do not want children at the wedding or reception. However, they have made no provisions to provide babysitting for the several out-of-town relatives who have young children.

They have also not even offered to help those out-of-town relatives locate a babysitter. Consequently, those relatives have chosen to stay home and not attend the wedding.

Any suggestions on how this should have been handled?

-- Concerned Aunt

Dear Aunt: An obvious solution would have been for out-of-town family members to bring along their own competent babysitters, who could watch the kids at the hotel while the adults were at the wedding and reception.

If all the parents shared the expense, it would keep the cost down.

My favorite entitlement signals: "They have also not even offered to help those out-of-town relatives locate a babysitter" (if they don't want kids there, and they're getting married, maybe they don't have kids and wouldn't even know a babysitter; and in any case, why the hell should they, who are undoubtedly concerned with other matters, find anyone else a fucking babysitter?) and "Any suggestions on how this should have been handled?" suggesting that this was NOT the way to handle it. Fuck her. Fuck her and anybody else who thinks their kids should be somebody else's problem.

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kittehpeoples

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Dear Amy: A family member is getting married. The bride and groom decided that they do not want children at the wedding or reception. However, they have made no provisions to provide babysitting for the several out-of-town relatives who have young children.

They have also not even offered to help those out-of-town relatives locate a babysitter. Consequently, those relatives have chosen to stay home and not attend the wedding.

Any suggestions on how this should have been handled?

-- Concerned Aunt

Dear Aunt: An obvious solution would have been for out-of-town family members to bring along their own competent babysitters, who could watch the kids at the hotel while the adults were at the wedding and reception.

If all the parents shared the expense, it would keep the cost down.

My favorite entitlement signals: "They have also not even offered to help those out-of-town relatives locate a babysitter" (if they don't want kids there, and they're getting married, maybe they don't have kids and wouldn't even know a babysitter; and in any case, why the hell should they, who are undoubtedly concerned with other matters, find anyone else a fucking babysitter?) and "Any suggestions on how this should have been handled?" suggesting that this was NOT the way to handle it. Fuck her. Fuck her and anybody else who thinks their kids should be somebody else's problem.

I don't understand the concept of flying someone (including a child) to an event, when they won't be attending the event.

Find a babysitter at home for a couple of days and press on.

Let me just say I am impressed that Ask Amy actually hauled her up short a bit. She's always been a famblee-worshipping type. Nice to see her disagree with this entitled idiot. Maybe she's learning.

It used to be the default that parents had the ability to find a babysitter whenever the occasion rose: parties with alcohol, overnight trips, weddings, funerals, bar nights, etc. Somewhere the gene must have mutated because it seems only the rare mutated parents are the ones who now possess this ability.

And somehow the jerk writing this letter has made it all about her/him and the inconvenience of having to find/procure their own babysitter because it is such a hardship that it makes sense to whine about it and seek validation from a columnist. And I think part of the subtle bone being picked here is that the couple didn't offer to pay for all this daycare. Perhaps the couple about to marry has more important things on their mind besides someone else's daycare? And most couples can't afford to hire a sitter as part of their wedding and this shouldn't be expected in the first place. Even budget weddings are expensive and I'd guess something (if not lots of things) always pops up that wasn't budgeted for.

As a preteen I would gladly watch kids torture each other for 3 hours for pay and a piece of wedding cake.
It would likely be even easier with numerous families in a hotel.

At least the people who couldn't figure out the babysitting quagmire chose to stay at home which was a wise choice given their complete lack of empathy and imagination. Doubt they or their whining will be missed.

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freya
It used to be the default that parents had the ability to find a babysitter whenever the occasion rose: parties with alcohol, overnight trips, weddings, funerals, bar nights, etc. Somewhere the gene must have mutated because it seems only the rare mutated parents are the ones who now possess this ability.

There also seems to have been this shift in society infantalizing children. When I was younger, you could start being a babysitter at 15, and from about 11 you could be left alone for an evening. Whereas now, kids that are 12 need babysitters, which I presume means that babysitters must now be 23 and have a bachelor's in childhood development....and they still have to be willing to work for the kind of money that would inspire a young teenager. Or, better yet, do it for free because it takes a village, you know!

Now obviously a good part of that is breeders, but breeder brains have also influenced the laws to the point that parents find themselves hampered in giving their children responsibility. You've got laws against kids walking alone to school (something I was doing at 8), against being home alone until a parent gets home, etc.

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yurble
There also seems to have been this shift in society infantalizing children. When I was younger, you could start being a babysitter at 15, and from about 11 you could be left alone for an evening. Whereas now, kids that are 12 need babysitters, which I presume means that babysitters must now be 23 and have a bachelor's in childhood development....and they still have to be willing to work for the kind of money that would inspire a young teenager. Or, better yet, do it for free because it takes a village, you know!

PNB friend and I were just talking about this.. A mutual friend of ours was fussing about finding a sitter, and insisted that the sitter be 21 or older. Mutual friend's kids were about 6 and 8 at the time, and the sitter was only needed for occasional evenings out. PNB and I agreed that an adult sitter would make sense for an overnight trip, but for a few hours while the parents were at the movies or dinner? Overkill. There's also the fact that adult sitters are harder to find and more expensive to hire, especially if one goes through an agency (which they were considering at the time). I'm sure that Helicopter Mom and her husband had less date time because of their expensive paranoia.

It is NOT the job of the bride and groom to arrange babysitting services for their families and friends. Weddings are stressful enough, with a lot of expenses that are incurred. It is the responsibility of the breeders to find babysitters.

I had a CF wedding, and anyone with kids were responsible for finding care for their kids. I was busy enough without worrying about what my guests were going to do about their own responsibilities.

Breeders are becoming more entitled by the second. It seems that this entitlement is starting to break down, especially when a breeder-friendly advice columnist tells them how it really is.

heck, I was daytime babysitting infants when I was about 11! We are talking several hours and my Mom was across the street, but... i guess all these law suits and phobias about "everything must be 100% safe for the baybees". When I was around 14 I would baby sit two or three kids all evening. Heaven only knows what I was paid--maybe 50 or 75 cents an hour. I enjoyed finding the mildly pornographic books in the parents' bookcase, also!

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yurble
There also seems to have been this shift in society infantalizing children. When I was younger, you could start being a babysitter at 15, and from about 11 you could be left alone for an evening. Whereas now, kids that are 12 need babysitters, which I presume means that babysitters must now be 23 and have a bachelor's in childhood development....and they still have to be willing to work for the kind of money that would inspire a young teenager. Or, better yet, do it for free because it takes a village, you know!

Maybe this is it, all these complicated laws governing the qualifications of a babysitter. It is a true English maze out there today, one I'm happy to walk around the periphery of as a child-free.

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mumofsixbirds
It is NOT the job of the bride and groom to arrange babysitting services for their families and friends. Weddings are stressful enough, with a lot of expenses that are incurred. It is the responsibility of the breeders to find babysitters.

I had a CF wedding, and anyone with kids were responsible for finding care for their kids. I was busy enough without worrying about what my guests were going to do about their own responsibilities.

Breeders are becoming more entitled by the second. It seems that this entitlement is starting to break down, especially when a breeder-friendly advice columnist tells them how it really is.

I'm really glad to hear you had your wedding the way you wanted it to be mumofsixbirds. There is enormous family and peer pressure to invite children and glad you stood your ground. I think a wedding and all the decisions around it are to be made by the couple marrying and no one else. It is their day, after all.