The "pre-baybee bucket list"

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/why-women-making-pre-baby-175937095.html

Fitting name as a bucket list is what you do before death

Orrrrrr....just skip the whole baby thing. Then you can do these things at your own pace without worrying about the age of your ova and/or being too old to deal with a little kid.

Seconded. So glad I didn't spend my 20's or 30's with the Baybee Cloud of Doom hanging over me. Highly recommended!

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I was terrified that when I had kids, the identity I had built would be replaced with just one label: mom.

Not my problem, but it seems to me that women are their own worse enemy here. All the bitchy fighting, battles to the death over tit versus formula, work versus SAHM, moos shredding each other apart....another reason to be glad I said no.

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There's social and personal pressure to abandon pre-baby goals in favor of mothering. Then there's the fact that moms consistently earn less than women without children, as well as federal policies that disproportionately hinder moms, such as the lack of federal paid family leave.

If moms earn less that women without children, it's because they aren't working as much as women without children. If I am sticking around and picking up Moomy slack, why shouldn't I earn more?

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She was only able to afford to take six weeks off from her job, however, which she says impacted her relationship with her son. "I was really sad because I went back to work in the ER and said, 'OK, I'm going to go pump,' and they just kind of laughed at me, like, 'Good luck with that on a 12-hour shift," Sheehan says. "I couldn't work full time and breastfeed and keep it up." Among some 42 developed countries, the U.S. is the only one without mandatory paid maternity leave on a national level, according to data compiled by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD). The report found that almost all other OECD countries offer at least three months of paid maternity leave.

This is a personal problem. She has a job where it's difficult to take breaks. The answer is to find another job where she can or not breast feed and tell the La Leache Tit Nazis to bugger off. Or marry a man who can support her while she stays home. Presumably having kids is something she and her husband want and they can find a way to pay for it themselves.

The bucket list is a new spin but they have interjected so much of the recycled garbage into this article about how society owes mahms. They get plenty already. I hope young women read this and think about all the ramifications of having and not having children will affect them. And they factor in the 50% divorce rate so they realize a baby in Belize may be impossible. Unfortunately most will just read this and decide this won't be their reality though these featured women seem to have more full lives pre-baby than most moms.

I'm really sick of the media and all their excuse to interject about the US being the only one without maternity leave. Like anything else lifestyle oriented, if people want leave then save money for it. I've known plenty of people who have done this and not one expected the taxpayers to finance it. I've known mothers who have also done this and on very tight budgets. They wouldn't complain because having kids was worth saving and struggling to them and they were respectable people.

And yes, taking time off work will cause your value in the workforce to decrease. And moos, you aren't the only ones who take time off but people who are sick or laid off didn't have a choice in the matter. And that is why they sometimes qualify for unemployment or SSI/D. There are many people who are unable to work who would love to do so if they could.

And really, are kids expensive? Are the costs of all 18 years plus daycare and college published in millions of articles on the internet or only to the child-free?

Quote "I worried it would be selfish to pay for a nanny so I could write a few mornings a week or to ask my friends and family to babysit while I trained to become a yoga teacher. Would I be a worse mother if I dedicated significant time to something other than caring for my baby? What would people think of me if I left my newborn at home to do something purely for myself?"

Hmmmm...what would people think of me? Not a good mindset to have if you want to be happy. The perfect mindset to have if you live to please others though. And if you desperately care about what others think of you taking time out for yourself then you probably also desperately care about impressing others, appearing perfect and keeping up with the Jones's. A perfect breeding consumer mentality.

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bell_flower

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I was terrified that when I had kids, the identity I had built would be replaced with just one label: mom.

Well, yeah, because...yeah. That's what happens.

I had a friend in college who had gotten pregnant and married as a teen, wound up with a total of three kids, and decided to go back to school to get the degree she always wanted. She was a fantastic student to the point where she was asked to speak at a university function for some event (probably Mother's Day). She talked about the value of the degree she was about to receive, saying that for the first time in her life, she felt like "more than just a mom."

Some bitch actually blasted her in the school paper, saying her (the writer's) own mother had been in the audience, and the writer was mortified on her behalf at being told she was "just a mom" when clearly motherhood was the be-all and end-all of existence.

My friend was frustrated with that response, obviously, but she told us she stood by what she said. She finally felt like more than just a mom.

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Some bitch actually blasted her in the school paper, saying her (the writer's) own mother had been in the audience, and the writer was mortified on her behalf at being told she was "just a mom" when clearly motherhood was the be-all and end-all of existence.

Heaven forbid that a woman have an identity outside Moo-hood and speak about it publicly as a positive experience. And that's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. If the woman in the audience was truly happy with her own life, she would have realized that woman was speaking about HER PERSONAL experience. A happy person hears something like that and thinks, "good for her...but it's not something I was interested in."

And I might add, if your friend hadn't got her education and ended up divorced and was struggling economically, someone would have thought, why didn't that lazy woman go back to school, or, what's wrong with her that she couldn't keep her marriage together? .

It just goes to show, if you have a uterus, someone is going to blast your choices. I'll take being blasted for not having kids, because that's just one thing. Motherhood is truly a cult because there seem to be 500 "rules" that one has to follow and who has time for that shite?

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kittehpeoples

My friend was frustrated with that response, obviously, but she told us she stood by what she said. She finally felt like more than just a mom.

It is sad that everyone in the audience couldn't be happy for her and her accomplishment. It shouldn't have to be their same course in life for them to show some happiness for someone else's success. Obviously she worked hard for her achievement and overcame lots of obstacles in achieving her goal.

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freya
It is sad that everyone in the audience couldn't be happy for her and her accomplishment. It shouldn't have to be their same course in life for them to show some happiness for someone else's success.

In theory, I agree. But my experience (and maybe I have the misfortune to know many small-minded, petty, jealous, nasty and unhappy people,) is that the overwhelming majority won't be happy for anyone's success. Ever. On a good day, they will offer some lukewarm snark along the lines of "hmmph, must be nice," and at worst, they will be full-blown assholes.

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Tiquer

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freya
It is sad that everyone in the audience couldn't be happy for her and her accomplishment. It shouldn't have to be their same course in life for them to show some happiness for someone else's success.

In theory, I agree. But my experience (and maybe I have the misfortune to know many small-minded, petty, jealous, nasty and unhappy people,) is that the overwhelming majority won't be happy for anyone's success. Ever. On a good day, they will offer some lukewarm snark along the lines of "hmmph, must be nice," and at worst, they will be full-blown assholes.

I completely agree with you Tiquer. At one point in time (about 20 years ago) most people were at least interested in politely pretending (?) to be happy for others. Now it seems to have become socially acceptable to not be happy for anyone's greater success amongst mothers who overcome odds to become successful. Talk about a lack of support. Learned awhile ago solitude is much better than bad company.

Spot on Tiquer. Years ago when DH and I bought our house, we had his family over for a BBQ to celebrate. His bitch aunt and bitch SIL sat out side on our front porch bashing us for buying such a big house for just the two of us (3000 sq. ft.). It was total jealousy. Little did they know that all of the front windows were open and I heard the entire bitch session from inside.

Neither one of them ever amounted to much. SIL now lives with her 73yo mother in the mother's home, and aunt (and uncle) have moved into their home their dipshit, heroin user son, his heroin user wife, and their three kids. Karma's a bitch.

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quiltergirl
Spot on Tiquer. Years ago when DH and I bought our house, we had his family over for a BBQ to celebrate. His bitch aunt and bitch SIL sat out side on our front porch bashing us for buying such a big house for just the two of us (3000 sq. ft.). It was total jealousy. Little did they know that all of the front windows were open and I heard the entire bitch session from inside.

Neither one of them ever amounted to much. SIL now lives with her 73yo mother in the mother's home, and aunt (and uncle) have moved into their home their dipshit, heroin user son, his heroin user wife, and their three kids. Karma's a bitch.

I’ve noticed that there is no end to how jealous parents will criticize how you spend the money they can’t have because of their own decisions. They love to ask how much you paid for something (rude) and then compare it to something less frivolous. I know that my knitting needles are a driver’s education course and my best fountain pen is Christmas for 3 spoiled brats. Only bizzy mawms deserve anything beyond basic needs and the rest of us should spend our spare time and money making them casseroles and bringing them diapers.

Yup, ITA with all of the above. My husband and I bought a Mercedes Benz a couple of weeks ago, because we had to replace our car. I'm learning how to drive and needed an automatic versus the standard that we had. I LOVE this car. It is beautiful and it drives like a dream. I told my aunt about us buying the Mercedes, and she just said, "Oh." In a very disappointed tone.

I've named the car Ingrid. She's my first baby, and I love her. I'm taking driving lessons from a reputable driving school, so I'm not too worried about crashing her.

Congratulations!

Mum, enjoy your new car, may you have many happy years together!

But please, please be careful with Ingrid in parking lots. I've seen too many asshole kids (and their asshole parents as well) happily swing battered car doors into nice, well cared for vehicles, as a Fuck You for anyone with the audacity to own something nicer than they have.
Needless to say, I park as far as I can from store entrances, because bizzy moms like to park as close to the door as they can, but it's an unfortunate reality.

Thanks guys! I'm getting my Learner's license in June and then I start my driving lessons.

I've been worried about Ingrid in parking lots because idiot breeders have hit our Jetta (she is also a nice car) with their doors and don't care. We've decided to only park in places where there are other nice cars. That way, chances are she won't get scratched or dented.

It's been a bit of a tough go for me since moving to the country. There is little to no bus service where I live and I can't walk anywhere from my house. I'm really excited about driving, because it will open a lot of doors for me.

She wasn't over-the-top expensive since she's an older model, so we were able to pay for her outright. My aunt wanted me to buy an old Honda or Toyota, but after discussing safety issues and researching this particular car model, we decided to go with Ingrid.

She only knows one word. "Aufwiedersehen!" (sp?)

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mumofsixbirds
Yup, ITA with all of the above. My husband and I bought a Mercedes Benz a couple of weeks ago, because we had to replace our car. I'm learning how to drive and needed an automatic versus the standard that we had. I LOVE this car. It is beautiful and it drives like a dream. I told my aunt about us buying the Mercedes, and she just said, "Oh." In a very disappointed tone.

I've named the car Ingrid. She's my first baby, and I love her. I'm taking driving lessons from a reputable driving school, so I'm not too worried about crashing her.

Congratulations on Ingrid. Mercedes Benz is a beautiful car. Why your aunt is disappointed in your new car remains a mystery. Maybe you're realizing a dream she will never experience?

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quiltergirl
Spot on Tiquer. Years ago when DH and I bought our house, we had his family over for a BBQ to celebrate. His bitch aunt and bitch SIL sat out side on our front porch bashing us for buying such a big house for just the two of us (3000 sq. ft.). It was total jealousy. Little did they know that all of the front windows were open and I heard the entire bitch session from inside.

Your house sounds nice. I think it would be difficult to not put in an innocent dig or two after hearing the conversation. You know, bring up the remodel of a room, installation of a hot tub, etc. from time to time to the aunt or SIL.

Breeders (in general) seem to have a pet peeve when singles or couples purchase houses that have more than one spare room. They forget it isn't income based government housing when you pay for it yourself and is about the house one can afford, not whether there is person(s) in every bedroom.

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happyhiker
I’ve noticed that there is no end to how jealous parents will criticize how you spend the money they can’t have because of their own decisions. They love to ask how much you paid for something (rude) and then compare it to something less frivolous. I know that my knitting needles are a driver’s education course and my best fountain pen is Christmas for 3 spoiled brats. Only bizzy mawms deserve anything beyond basic needs and the rest of us should spend our spare time and money making them casseroles and bringing them diapers.

Your best fountain pen may be alive and kicking in 10 years, where will the Christmas for 3 spoiled brats be in 10 years? A landfill is the most likely scenario and that seems frivolous to me. Same for your knitting needles.

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freya

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mumofsixbirds
Yup, ITA with all of the above. My husband and I bought a Mercedes Benz a couple of weeks ago, because we had to replace our car. I'm learning how to drive and needed an automatic versus the standard that we had. I LOVE this car. It is beautiful and it drives like a dream. I told my aunt about us buying the Mercedes, and she just said, "Oh." In a very disappointed tone.

I've named the car Ingrid. She's my first baby, and I love her. I'm taking driving lessons from a reputable driving school, so I'm not too worried about crashing her.

Congratulations on Ingrid. Mercedes Benz is a beautiful car. Why your aunt is disappointed in your new car remains a mystery. Maybe you're realizing a dream she will never experience?

She's mad because she just spent $42,000 on a Honda SUV. Granted, it's brand new and insured up the ying-yang, but it's no Mercedes. Also, we were able to purchase Ingrid outright. I put her on the debit card. She's all bought and paid for, while my aunt is locked into some sort of ridiculous payment plan through the dealership that's going to suck the life out of her for the next several years.

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freya

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happyhiker
I’ve noticed that there is no end to how jealous parents will criticize how you spend the money they can’t have because of their own decisions. They love to ask how much you paid for something (rude) and then compare it to something less frivolous. I know that my knitting needles are a driver’s education course and my best fountain pen is Christmas for 3 spoiled brats. Only bizzy mawms deserve anything beyond basic needs and the rest of us should spend our spare time and money making them casseroles and bringing them diapers.

Your best fountain pen may be alive and kicking in 10 years, where will the Christmas for 3 spoiled brats be in 10 years? A landfill is the most likely scenario and that seems frivolous to me. Same for your knitting needles.

Just to clarify: I mean the knitting needles will be used in 10 years, not in landfill with Christmas gifts. This reads weird, sorry about that.

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mumofsixbirds

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freya

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mumofsixbirds
Yup, ITA with all of the above. My husband and I bought a Mercedes Benz a couple of weeks ago, because we had to replace our car. I'm learning how to drive and needed an automatic versus the standard that we had. I LOVE this car. It is beautiful and it drives like a dream. I told my aunt about us buying the Mercedes, and she just said, "Oh." In a very disappointed tone.

I've named the car Ingrid. She's my first baby, and I love her. I'm taking driving lessons from a reputable driving school, so I'm not too worried about crashing her.

Congratulations on Ingrid. Mercedes Benz is a beautiful car. Why your aunt is disappointed in your new car remains a mystery. Maybe you're realizing a dream she will never experience?

She's mad because she just spent $42,000 on a Honda SUV. Granted, it's brand new and insured up the ying-yang, but it's no Mercedes. Also, we were able to purchase Ingrid outright. I put her on the debit card. She's all bought and paid for, while my aunt is locked into some sort of ridiculous payment plan through the dealership that's going to suck the life out of her for the next several years.

I like Honda but wouldn't want to spend $700 a month on a payment for 4 or 5 years. Yikes. Much better to buy outright and avoid those large payments. And a Mercedes at that!

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Tiquer
Mum, enjoy your new car, may you have many happy years together!

But please, please be careful with Ingrid in parking lots. I've seen too many asshole kids (and their asshole parents as well) happily swing battered car doors into nice, well cared for vehicles, as a Fuck You for anyone with the audacity to own something nicer than they have.
Needless to say, I park as far as I can from store entrances, because bizzy moms like to park as close to the door as they can, but it's an unfortunate reality.

I've seen kids (and some adults) inside a car open the car door by ramming the car door with their foot, car parked next to them be damned.