Miserable in your 40s? Don’t panic, it’s perfectly normal

The bottom line seems to be these are the sandwiched people who are taking care of both children and parents and that is why they are miserable. It just tends to happen at this age according to the article. And being social may make it worse. But not everyone in their 40's is sandwiched and social.

Quote: It seems like we start out wired for social competition, we’re ambitious, but our ambition is a trickster. It is disappointing because it never lets you feel satisfied and by midlife we feel disappointed. We accomplish so much but there’s no sense of fulfillment.

I disagree with this. And I think a healthy amount of people may not live to see a retirement due to bad health, so why obsess about something that may never matter? Save regularly what one can and live in balance. I also think it is really important to find fulfillment in small personal victories such as spending a night reading a book because the house is clean, enjoying some time with a friend, etc. I'm not sure where the disconnect is between accomplishments and fulfillment for the author but that is a sad choice.

Quote: We get older and we get more interested in social connections instead of competition. That evolution is a way of keeping us useful, to keep us connected with children, grandchildren, the community and tribe. I should add that social connection is a much more fulfilling ambition than competition.

This seems like a blanket assumption similar to the dreaded "you'll change your mind about kids one day". Not everyone harbors an inner frustrated social butterfly. The author may feel the social connection is important but I think it varies widely for others. Not sure everyone even cares or prioritizes "staying useful".

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/miserable-in-your-40s-dont-panic-its-perfectly-normal-2018-07-10

Why does the author think all young people are wired for social competition? Maybe it's normal to want to be popular, but there are a fair number of people who don't like anything competitive, regardless of their age. And of course it's true not everyone wants a lot of social interaction of any kind.

I'm in my 40s and I feel bad my life didn't turn out the way I hoped. I never had much success either personally or professionally and I can't change that now because I am chronically ill. However, I know adding one or more brats to the mix would have just made things worse. I may have made some mistakes, but not having kids is one thing I'm sure I did right.

My life became so much better in my 40s. Starting at age 40, I enjoyed success with women I hadn't seen since I was in my 20s, culminating with finding a ladyfriend I have remained with since I turned 40, fifteen years ago.

I had already begun moving toward an early retirement, working part-time at age 40 and retiring fully at age 45. I had resurrected some old hobbies in my 40s which have greatly added to my life. I have always had a small circle or friends and have never sought to change that.

It seems to me that many people who feel unfulfilled never took the time to figure out what pleases them and to pursue it, and have instead followed the script. I am quite comfortable with my life. Ambition has never interested me, only having work I enjoy and not having stress as a regular part of my life. How I approach work, relationships, and everything else is based on what I think will make me happy, in the medium-term (I really can't predict the long-term, and focusing on the short-term is a recipe for regret). I have never been especially competitive nor have I especially cared what others thought of me.

There are reasons to be miserable which could be out of a person's control, like ill-health. But the author sounds like someone who wants to salvage something by pretending their unhappiness is universal, and proposes to offer a panacea for others. Why would I take advice from someone who isn't content with their own life on the topic of how to be happy?

I am pretty sure I wouldn't gain happiness from having a lot of social activity. It's a good thing I know myself better than the author does, and am not flailing around for advice. The only advice anyone needs on the topic is to spend a lot of time in introspection. Really get to know yourself and who you are, not who you think you ought to be or wish you were. The earlier in life you do that, the better. Then, when faced with choices, you can make decisions which are consistent with your individual requirements.

My life started to decline when I was in my 20's. By the time I was 27 I was on SSI and dealing with several mental and physical illnesses. All were made worse by being autistic and forcing myself to blend into the 'normal' world. 50, I am now on SSD and living like a little old lady in a boarding house with two roommates and waiting for the third to move in.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I don't really get the competition thing, either. I'm in competition with nobody. I challenge myself from time-to-time when I want to improve my situation, but other than that, I couldn't care less if the Jones's have it better than me.

My life has improved a lot lately, especially now that I'm no longer being chemically lobotomized. My mind is sharper, I have more energy, and I'm able to do things that I never thought I'd be able to do. I deal with aches and pains, but who the hell doesn't when they reach 50?

I am dealing with chronic pain, but TBH, I have the time and luxury to be able to look after myself and take breaks when I need them.

I find that the more people in my life, the higher the chances of getting involved in negative people's drama, and that ain't my jam. I'm too busy trying to be a decent person, look after my responsibilities and give a little wherever I can.

We had a mock inspection. One of the questions were do you have any adverse problems?
I straight up told them that I can't drink, I'm too broke to gamble and I hate people. They looked at me as if I had grown two heads until my FSO confirmed it by pointing out some of my "special" artwork. So this whole "social connection" they are touting is just a way for breeders to think of themselves as part of a tribe. I'm having a bit of difficulty and am doing what I can to get out of the situation I'm in (because I'm a fucking dumbass) and as soon as I'm out, I refuse to socialize with anyone. I refuse to allow ANYONE to ever live with me and I don't want anything to do with anything remotely resembling "socializing". Fuck people with a spork...twice.

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"It is better not to look like what you are; it is better to look like a bourgeois woman because then all the doors are open for you and then you can just go and make hell." - Marjane Satrapi

I am a social butterfly but I live the life of a recluse.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I’m in my mid 30’s and just starting to have to deal with the huge fucking mess that is my parents and their lifetimes of poor choices. They’re both only in their 60’s, which is not what I would consider “elderly,” but they might as well be for all their ability to take care of themselves. Add to that a brother with a chronic illness who also does a poor job caring for himself and all I can say is thank god I don’t have any kids.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

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LoveToLurk
I’m in my mid 30’s and just starting to have to deal with the huge fucking mess that is my parents and their lifetimes of poor choices. They’re both only in their 60’s, which is not what I would consider “elderly,” but they might as well be for all their ability to take care of themselves. Add to that a brother with a chronic illness who also does a poor job caring for himself and all I can say is thank god I don’t have any kids.

When I was in my late thirties and faced similar situation to you, I took an assay of my life and relationship to shitty family members.
I chose to go 'no contact' and have never regretted it 25 years later.