Series: Friends don't let friends date nasty breeders

Thanks for the concern, cfuter and reeniebess. I know you say it with love. But I don't think therapy is necessary. Maybe just some time with other friends but other friends are also going through hard things right now and my problems are pretty small compared to theirs. So I look at it with a lot of perspective. And I do tend to overanalyze and then pour it all out here so I look like a crazy woman, which isn't helping my case.

I guess I am going through severe feelings of abandonment from Ron and this isn't the first time. Which is why I hurt now because I really and truly believed that for the past two years he was able to open up to me. All I can do is just try to lay low and be a friend for him when he needs it. Isn't that what friends do?

And I called this a "series" because I kind of got hooked on reddit and I know there will be more tales so I'll just start a new post when the trainwreck drives on by.

I decided a while back in my life to avoid unhappy and unlucky people and I have lost nothing of value. Your friend is not a “friend in need” but an unreliable, insensitive, discourteous train wreck who did you a solid over 20 years ago. He attracts chaos and tragedy and that type of shit spills on anyone close by. You can choose to be a friend when he needs it (i.e. when it is convenient for him to vomit his latest self-created drama on you), or you can say goodbye forever and be around people who are slightly less charming but 100% less batshit.

Actually he has done me several solids in just the past year. I figured I owe him at least 12 more favors.

He isnt insensitive but he just goes into his own coccoon sometimes because he doesnt want the additional drama of having 2 friends mad at him for this stupid decision. Honestly, if it was a matter of him dating a new person i would wish him luck. I DID wish him luck! Ive fixed him up twice now. I get that being in love makes you forget everyone else. Was really hoping that he met someone new. Alas, he will become what he was before to this woman....a wallet and a taxi. His words not mine.

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happyhiker
I decided a while back in my life to avoid unhappy and unlucky people and I have lost nothing of value.

Me too! Amazing how the drama level in your life just drops off to non-existent.

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the noodler
Actually he has done me several solids in just the past year. I figured I owe him at least 12 more favors.

He isnt insensitive but he just goes into his own coccoon sometimes because he doesnt want the additional drama of having 2 friends mad at him for this stupid decision. Honestly, if it was a matter of him dating a new person i would wish him luck. I DID wish him luck! Ive fixed him up twice now. I get that being in love makes you forget everyone else. Was really hoping that he met someone new. Alas, he will become what he was before to this woman....a wallet and a taxi. His words not mine.

Would it be possible to hang out with him but avoid this entire topic? Stick to happy topics instead? Until he decides to change his situation it isn't going to change, so decide to enjoy the fun parts?

He is a stage five clinger and no normal woman could deal with that. He can never have a healthy relationship because he is damaged and apparently in denial about it. So I would give up on fixing him up at any point, you would not be doing him or the women any favors.

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freya

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the noodler
Actually he has done me several solids in just the past year. I figured I owe him at least 12 more favors.

He isnt insensitive but he just goes into his own coccoon sometimes because he doesnt want the additional drama of having 2 friends mad at him for this stupid decision. Honestly, if it was a matter of him dating a new person i would wish him luck. I DID wish him luck! Ive fixed him up twice now. I get that being in love makes you forget everyone else. Was really hoping that he met someone new. Alas, he will become what he was before to this woman....a wallet and a taxi. His words not mine.

Would it be possible to hang out with him but avoid this entire topic? Stick to happy topics instead? Until he decides to change his situation it isn't going to change, so decide to enjoy the fun parts?

I did bring this up last week when I confronted him. It was hard trying to stay on any topic, especially the fact that he had a pretty nasty bruise from falling in the water trying to start a boat (he went in between the boat and the slip and really did a number on himself) because so much time had passed and I am most concerned about his physical health. Just before i left I asked him what i could do for him whether it was helping him clean or just do what you suggested, call and talk and stay off the topic. He said "Just be a friend."

The really sad thing is that he is in a position to meet amazing professional people through his landlord. The guy is a self made millionaire but kind of into the Buddhist thing. Very Zen. He had invited Ron out to his personal residence for a drum circle. This was about 2 weeks before he fell off the wagon so to speak and stopped calling me. They even went to a Ladysmith Black Mumbazo concert together (That one really surprised me. Ron has... not bad taste in music, per se, but very ersatz. But he does try to seek out culture). I had figured the new woman was someone he met through this new interest or maybe through the landlord. Perfect scenario actually. So when I had found out the ugly truth that moo was back on the scene it really stung.