Series: Friends don't let friends date nasty breeders

I've been bottling this up for a long time. I told the story from the start back on the old CFEZ board but now that's gone. It was basically how I suspected a close friend was about to turn his life into a trainwreck with a moo. This will be long and I will try to break it up into pieces. The story is continuing to develop so I figured I better get this out now before the real wreckage begins. Please excuse the length. This is like therapy for me.

Background...it's long and kinda complicated but I'll try to keep out too much inconsequential details:

So about twenty years ago I met this guy, "Ron". He and I were in our mid and late twenties, respectively. I met him at a time where I was in an LTR with a guy that was not for me but I just wasn't ready to end it. He came into my job at the time where I sold crappy electronic equipment (think: can I have your phone number? when purchasing batteries). He bought a pricy speaker and after I rang it up we kind of flirted. But he chickened out and afterwards my coworker says... "You and him are gonna end up together". I thought this implausible because he was kind of milquetoast. But a cute computer geek. Oddly, we kept running into each other in the strangest places. Like we were magnets or something. A few months later I invited him to a Christmas party and we eventually went back to his place. Things got hot fast and I still had the LTR thing on the side. But I said at that time of our first hook up that I was dating other people so don't think we are exclusive. After a month of sneaking around I broke it off with the LTR guy (he did not take it well at all). Ron and I ended up dating for a year and it ended on a sour note. I ended up back with LTR guy but now I knew that there was something else out there for me. I carried a torch for Ron and eventually broke up with LTR a year or so later. I just didn't respect him anymore.

So over the next few years Ron would pop in and out of my life. We were FWBs for a while in where he would crawl in my window at 3 am after he hit the bars. I put up with it because I hoped that he would actually want to have a relationship instead of bootie call but I was afraid to push him away. Ron is notoriously secretive for no reason. It's just how he is. Always holding things close and never really letting me over that wall of privacy. I was absolutely honest with Ron that I was on the online dating scene though. I was serious about finding my lifemate.

Eventually I met my now husband in that time frame through my personal ad. The next time Ron called, and he would call on occasion and we would talk like old friends, I told him he couldn't do the window thing anymore because I've met the man I'm going to marry. Ron was a bit flabbergasted. Said ..."but I thought we were together...we were talking a lot." I replied... "You moved on me without telling me. For a second time that we've known each other. Helloooooo.!!!" (He moves a lot. Very nomadic, unlike me, which will come into the story later).

I swear I will get to the crazy breeder part. Bear with me.

About a year into marital bliss (Dh and I married in 2005), Ron called out of the blue. I invited him up to meet my husband. They got on fantastically. And I got my friend Ron back. It was nice. He ended up dating a crazy chick he brought over once so DH and I could check her out and give her the sniff test. She was just not right and after hosting them, I told him that she didn't seem his type. And she wasn't. She was a belligerent drunk, and I came home one night from a Halloween party to find Ron sleeping on my couch after she assaulted him and he needed a safe place to sleep. Dh was fine with this btw. We called her The Biter after that. That relationship ended shortly thereafter and Ron and I resumed our friendship, usually just chatting on the phone. Until around 2009, he calls me up. He's dating this gal. She's younger than him by seven years. Has four kids. Two different baby daddies. I tried to warn him. "Ron. You have a good job. You're stable. You are a prime target for the single mom scene." And in his various jobs, he told me he was hit on A LOT by all the single gals like a piece of meat. He could have had any number of professional women to date but instead he chose....the pure white trash cleaning gal. O.M.G.

Things got scary when he started talking about maybe them having a baby. He had mentioned she had reproductive health issues, cancers I think, and I was livid. I think he wanted a family but he was getting long in the tooth and knew he needed to act fast. He expressed the notion that he has all this money and nothing to spend it on worthwhile. So he has signaled that he is basically a wallet for the first hungry female suitor. This is when I originally posted this story on CFEZ basically saying my friend is about to go full trainwreck and there is nothing I can do about it. And I was right.

Ron falls off my radar for a few more years. I would get status updates from a few people that we both know that would run into him here and there. He wouldn't say much about anything, being vague as usual, but reports were that he was fairly happy living the life of a family man with this gal and her brood.

Fast forward to two years ago. I call up a business person that is Ron's best friend who owns an optical place where I get my glasses and contacts. We just got new insurance that didn't suck so I call him up to see if he takes it. We'll call him Jim. I tell him that it's Mrs. Noodler, or, as he may remember, "Ron's Crazy Old Girlfriend" (Jim is Ron's best bro and during the year that we dated I always got the feeling that Jim was cockblocking me, but I ignored it. This time, as soon as he realized it was me he says "OMG, Noodler! Ron is in such a bad way. That girl is so bad. He's working for me on the side just so he doesn't have to go home. You need to help him" So we set up an appointment so that Ron would be there and we could talk afterwards. I joked with Jim that after all that cockblocking he pulled with me, I turned out to be the sanest of all Ron's romantic endeavours. Jim agreed.

After my exam, Ron and I went outside and had a few smokes while he filled me in on the last 6 years. Ron looked so dejected. He was still living with this gal, making an escape plan sort of, explained that she made him cut contact with me and basically he slept in a separate room with a lock on it because her rotten kids would steal from him. He figured in the period of 6 years with her he blew $175,000 on her and her kids upkeep. And her kids' kids. A grandmother at 38. Lovely. One son in jail already (She posted a pic of herself on facebook holding the jailhouse holiday scene showing her, her son in a jumpsuit, and poor Ron standing there like a total schmuck. Needless to say her FB was all about how she was a super mom to great kids and anyone that said differently would turn her into a she beast and look out!!! She also used Ron to watch her kids (one is profoundly autistic) while she hit the bars and cheated on him. I really fucking hate this chick at this point. And I am very protective of Ron but was again.... just happy that I had my dear friend Ron back in my life. Remember, I credit him with helping me get past a bad relationship myself and I would not be with DH if it wasn't for the fates bringing Ron into my life 20 years ago.

Over the next year, which brings us to 2017, DH and I were in full swing house hunting mode. We needed to move due to landlord pressure and just....we needed to move. Totally outgrew our low rent love nest. I had also hooked up Ron with a colleague of my husband's that seemed like a good way for him to get over the Moo. So here I am trying to fix up my old boyfriend if there is any doubt to us having an affair. I just wanted him to find a nice girl. Dh's coworker and him saw each other for a few months but it didn't work out and I think it really hurt him. He didn't like to talk about it. But we talked everyday anyway. Every. Day. Literally. And he would often crash on our couch if he was in the neighborhood hitting the watering hole nearby. He can't afford a DUI with his career. He would lose everything. (He's not an alcoholic, just did a little drinking with his chicken wings. Our area is known for awesome Buffalo Wings).

During this househunt, my landlord was torturing us. My anxiety disorder was so bad I was unable to eat. I lost a lot of weight. Ron also needed help with getting some stuff out of storage as he had now gotten a nice little bachelor pad and wanted to close the storage unit. And when we moved, he helped us in every way. It was a bitch of a move. Ron even said, with at least 15 moves under his belt, ours was the toughest he'd ever done. It was brutal. I returned the favor of all his help with a DIY project he needed help with and we basically spent a lot of time together either at his place or ours. He would feed me to help me gain weight. Basically, he became my best friend, and I, his. And then, in February of this year, it happened. He called me up and said he had reentered the dating scene. I was thrilled for him.

Now before this, while hanging out one night, I made him promise to me that when he found someone, he would not blow me off, and that DH and I had to vet her. In return, I would not interfere in any way that might hinder a future relationship for him.

He would not tell me anything about this new mystery woman, other than "She's not ugly. She's not a bitch. And she doesn't have a tail" (DH wanted to know if she had a tail. He's twisted like that. But there's a story there, too....)

Since March, I have barely spoken to him. He doesn't return my calls or texts. Calls actually go straight to voicemail. I'm kind of sweating all of this because he has a bunch of my stuff, like tools and some books, and other things that were actually gifts from DH, like the tools, that we need to work on our house. I had left them at his place because I helped him with that DIY project so I figured I'd get the stuff the next week. By that time, too late. Then he started to ghost me. Have you ever been ghosted? It sucks.

Well, It's late, and this got long. More of the story tomorrow. It gets much more lurid. Like, I'm disturbed by it, lurid. And it takes a lot to disturb me. I didn't even get into the suspected fake pregnancy story....

I think it is stupid when someone cuts out their friends on the bequest of a partner. Even if those friends are shitty people and the person is trying to turn over a new leaf, they ought to be the one to decide to end the friendship, not the partner. It's a complete red flag if someone tries to control who you see.

And you'd expect an adult to know that romantic relationships can come and go, while friends can be for life. If things do go wrong, you're going to want people who know you well and that you can trust to help you get back on your feet.

I'd put up with a friend getting so wrapped up in a partner that they forget about the world...once. People make mistakes. But one time only. So in your case, I'd focus on getting my stuff back and forget about being friends, since he doesn't sound like he's a good friend to you unless he's single.

Ugh, noodler, I'm having a similar problem with a guy friend of mine, too. He called me up last week and invited us to come and visit them this Saturday night, and I called yesterday to let them know we'd be coming. His MOO GF picks up the phone, and basically told us not to bother, because SHE is busy. I'm expecting him to call me back tonight, but I'm not holding my breath.

If I hadn't have called last night, I would never have known they were busy. It just pisses me off, because I know she's isolating him from his friends...for what reason, I don't know. I suspect that her reasons we are uninvited aren't really the truth, and I'm getting tired of beating my head against a wall trying to see him. I miss him, we've been friends for over 35 years. I'd like to see him. The shitty thing is, is that they only live 10 minutes away and I never see them. I know it's her, not him.

I can't stand it when people pull these kinds of games off on me, thinking I'm stupid or something. I know there's something going on there, but I can't get any straight answers from either of them. Every time I talk to my friend, he's all excited about seeing us - then SHE invariably cancels. If I were him, I'd be royally furious with her.

I'm wondering myself when it's time to cut off the friendship. If my friend can't stand up to her, then I don't think it's worth my time or energy.

Wow, ya can't make this stuff up.


I'm basically ghosted right now by a female friend who moved across country, to be w/ a married man (not sure she knew that tho, she aint on FB and remains blissfully ignorant on purpose, I ended up to be too chicken to tell her, besides based on her actions, maybe she doesnt want to know or hear any truth about the whole thing). Actually it's like a semi-ghost situation. If I call her, she wont answer the phone even tho I know she's not busy, we used to talk virtually every morning at 9am. She was never busy before, and certainly not the entire day. But she will return my call the next day. After several months of that game, I dont call her anymore and she doesn't call me. She didnt call to have a Xmas outing w/ me, or a Bday outing w/ me, she actually sent a snail mail card only. She moved w/o telling me when it actually occurred and didnt get together for a goodbye lunch or something. Now, I assume she figured out she aint number one in this guy's life. Part of me feels for her since she is obviously desperate, part of me is like fuck her for acting so desperate and not cherishing my and other's friendships w/ her becuz we dont have dicks I guess.

But text him that you want your stuff back by a certain day, and if you dont get it, call the police when you know he's home(dont threaten it, keep him off guard and then he won't leave his house) and have the cops knock on his door, and they will be there while u get your stuff, if it will take a short time for you and DH to pick the tools, etc up, like 20 mins.

Yes yurble I know that. Its why im using this as a sounding board. I wouldn't have even posted this except it involves a horrible moo that can only be described as a gold digging whore that is raising at least 3 future felons or will wind up on the sex offender registry.

Ron is a very smart guy. But man he has lousy judgment when it comes to dating, yours truly excluded lol. He is also one of the kindest people I know. He isnt mean, per se. But he can completely disconnect when it suits him. So I was really just happy that he had let me into his life so freely. He opened up to me in a way that he had never in the 20 years we have known each other. One night we were hanging out in our new place and he was telling me stories of the future felons antics. These kids were rotten. The autistic one gets a pass but the others? Rotten. Thieves. Druggies. Promiscuous. Disrespectful. Destructive. He tells me this story about how they killed...the baby. What????

Ron explains that one night they were all having dinner at their new place. This was while they were living together. It was early in their cohabitation. Apparently a fight between the future felons erupted over the last piece of pie. During said fight which was so bad that the neighbors had to call the police, one of the FFAs elbowed Moo in the stomach and she supposedly miscarried. I think this pregnancy was how she jostled him into getting a place she could never afford on her own. After he unfurled this whole tale in all its glory i looked at him and said.... "That was most likely the best piece of pie you never ate, man. Holy bullet dodged." He agreed. Then my bratfree spider sense kicked in. I asked Ron a few days later....

Are you sure she was pregnant? (This was around the time I described him in my OP saying to me how he might want kids and afterwards he stopped calling me because....truth hurts). I asked if he saw a positive test fresh from the urine stream. No. But she had gained some weight and was slightly showing at 4 months when this occurred. I said that could just have been a burrito baby. I asked if she had gone to the hospital to remove the alleged fetus. At 4 months you would think that would require medical intervention. He said she did not. Red flag there. Big time. He had also popped the question and produced a big ring around that time. I think she eventually pawned it. Obviously the engagement didn't work out. But I think deep down me telling him she probably faked it took away a degree of pain he was carrying in his heart and he began to open up more and more about Moo and all the dysfunction he witnessed. He only barely scratched the surface but my Google fu skills really shed light on the depths of just how bad her entire family is. I wish i had found some of these things out earlier. I only recently uncovered the details of her half brother doing two life sentences for murder, only narrowly escaping the death penalty because....he was abuuuuused as a child. Sadly, I think Ron saw himself as a rescuer to Moo who he said had endured childhood emotion, physical and sexual abuse. And that is where I will leave this for now. It gets much uglier.

Thanks for all your responses. Im still processing a lot of what i just found out.

Long story short....the reason he ghosted me and stopped calling is because he got back with Moo. I finally confronted him at his place. Had to pound on the door to get him to open it. He looked terrible. His place was a wreck(normally its fairly tidy). A box of Tampa was in an end table.

I had to ask him point blank....are you back with Moo. Yes or no. He didn't want to get into it. I persisted and he responded with....sort of. Sort of? WTF? I was at least glad ar thst point that I saw the tampons so she's not knocked up...yet.

He also has had some health issues pop up. He turned 50 and now has high blood pressure. I wonder why. He put on weight. He says he wants out of the relationship but doesn't know how. I told him he could hide at our place as she doesn't know where we live now.

Ultimately he was afraid to call me. He didn't want to be yelled at. I left his place after an hour or so. I told my dh everything of course. He is baffled but agrees to help Ron in any way. Ron also promised to call me. He didn't.
The next day....so....two days ago....like the magnets we are, he was behind me in traffic. I knew where he was going. To his mechanic. I went there and made sure he was alone. It was pouring rain. I pulled up to him and he rolled his window down and invited me in. I told him there was so much we didn't cover the night before. A few minutes we talked but he was distracted by looking at FB videos. Odd. His mechanic waived him to come in to the office. I stayed put. Looked around. Yup. Hairbrush in the console...... Lip gloss in the side pocket. And... A business card in the little spot on the door where you can put change or a lighter. I pick it up.....

A business card for a juvenile probation officer. So she may not have a tail but it seems mist if her kids do (a tail is what people in jail or trouble with the law call probation or parole.) I looked up her youngest on facebook. Dear lord. Nothing but thug life, sex addict posts, lurid pics of women or girls being held down, and if course....lots of drug references. And bragging about being arrested. And Ron is one of his fb friends. Oh. And his baby pics. Yes. This FFA has already reproduced. Lovely future stepson material.

All of this prompted me to go back to see his friend Jim yesterday. Jim was appalled at the situation himself and also had to do the confrontation thing of pounding on Ron's door. Even then, Ron wouldn't let him in. And he said he looked really bad and is also concerned for his health.

But Jim also made a mistake. While i was waiting for Jim in the lobby, he had gotten a text from Ron while I was there about having to come over later (helping Jim with a business expansion). Jim texted him back that "oh...yeah...Noodles is here" I about died. He thought Ron and I were still very close. I told Jim he would make for a terrible secret agent. Ugh. We both agreed that honesty was best and that he would tell Ron that it is because I care that I am reaching out to the only people that I know that also care. Jim is disgusted with the whole situation but thinks the best thing is for us both to be persistent to pull his head out of his ass.

At this point I am awaiting a Shitstorm from Ron for going to Jim. Or perhaps he will just continue to ignore me. I prefer the shitstorm outcome. I just dont want him to have a heart attack.

Thanks again for your responses and insights.

It sounds as if you and your husband are doing everything in your power to try to reach your friend. I wish I had something to suggest at this point, but I'm at a bit of a loss with my friend as well.

If he chooses to isolate from the people who truly care about him, he's in for a shitstorm of a life. The sad part is that I think he knows it. He just doesn't sound strong enough to get rid of this breeding bitch on his own. I seriously HOPE he doesn't impregnate her. If he does, he will be tied to her forever.

Do what you can to help, but take care of yourself first. I did decide earlier today that I wasn't going to stick my neck out for my old friend anymore, no matter how much I miss him or am worried about him. I know his GF is very controlling, and I've witnessed this myself. He's a grown adult, though, and he has to deal with it on his own. When he's ready to talk again, I'm sure he'll call. Same goes for Ron. He's an adult and a free agent, and no matter what you do or say, he'll go on doing what he's doing until he decides that it's not working anymore. Hopefully that will be sooner than later, and it sounds as if he's already drawn that conclusion. Now he has to man up and do something about it.

The shitty thing about getting involved with friends and their relationships, is that no matter how toxic the relationship is, there isn't much we can really do about it. We can be there to support and help, but it's really difficult to watch someone you truly care about get fucked over so badly. If you advise them to leave and they do it and something goes wrong, they'll forever hold you accountable.

Sometimes it's just easier to walk away, let them have their privacy, and when they need us, just to be there and pick up the phone when they call. That's what I'm doing with my friend. Hope this helps!

Oh he knows it, MO6B. He is ashamed but wont say it outright. Jim called me today because he knew how upset i was. Apparently he never made it over there last night due to car problems. Jim asked if he needed a ride to work or anything. He said he had someone. Sure he does. Moo.
Jim didn't get into it much regarding my pop in visit. But he dud tell him that im upset and that he should call me. Thats not gonna happen this weekend obviously.

I did tell him to hide his condoms a while ago during one if our last conversations. That breeder would poke a hole in them so fast.

Jim and i also discussed the lurid facebook page of Moos youngest spawn. It is indicative of someone being abused or seriously neglected. I said she might make for a better mother if she focused on her troubled child instead of the contents of Ron's wallet. Jim agreed completely and added that If Ron was poor or didn't make much money she wouldnt even be interested. He isn't rich but any money he has will soon be drained.

We hope to use this argument that may be what he needs to send her packing. Priorities and TMIJITW. You know?

I really hope for the best for your friend. It is too bad that often people don't see reality for what it is and they lose sight of their friends when they enter a committed relationship. Especially past the first 3 mos. I think it is a red flag when a man or woman monopolizes their significant other to the point that they aren't able to have friends. It seems to happen often though.

In his current situation he has nothing to gain and everything to lose and she had nothing to lose but as long as she is with him she has everything to gain. As long as he doesn't see this she will control him, whatever she has done in the past is still working.

I had a friend who had a great career and I was there for him during his divorce. His ex comes along, basically blindsides him with sex and pushes a marriage on him immediately. This is a woman who (despite being perfectly physically capable and mentally sharp) has earned a bachelor's and master's degree yet has never made enough money to support herself. She went from living with another guy for 13 years to moving in with him right away and went to so far as to blindside the replaced boyfriend. She made up some victim story to get pity from my friend so he'd come swooping in there to save her but most likely she is the one who was victimizing her ex. Within weeks of marrying him the sex stops and they start living like roommates. He pays for a degree for her (because that is what she claimed she needed, apparently the first two weren't good enough) and once she completes the degree and does an internship she decides she is no longer interested in that career. I'm positive that she tried to impress him with her new career direction back when they were dating, held the mirage until after they were married and made some excuse to not work. So, now she works part-time at some $10 an hour job and acts like she is the most important person in the world and SO BIZZY! When he told me she works part time for $10 an hour (less than minimum wage here) and that he doesn't care if she works (he makes in the neighborhood of $200K) I was shocked as she acts as if she is such a provider and her life is sooo stressful. And she can barely handle her piddly nothing job as it is, despite having no physical or mental defects that bar her from working.

Because of her life choices she is incredibly insecure (and she is pushing 50 and her only real career is as a professional student) and within 5 years he had no friends as he wasn't allowed to keep any of us around. Only her friends are acceptable and I would bet none of them are the least bit self-sufficient. And he is one of the nicest, kindest people I have ever known yet I've heard her spreading nasty talk about him to our former group of friends and some of them actually believe the witch.

I feel bad to see such a nice guy be treated so badly but there is really nothing I can do at this point. At some point they have to grow backbones and decide to not put up with the crap.

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the noodler
Ron is a very smart guy. But man he has lousy judgment when it comes to dating, yours truly excluded lol.

Maybe he will wake up one of these days and stop dating. It isn't worth it for some people.

Oh. Did i mention Moo probably infected him with HPV? Yeah!
I texted the gal I had hooked him up with previously but it didn't work out. She is also very CF and has a Mirena. So they rawdogged. After they broke up she went for her annual pap and....HPV.
Btw. There is no test for males with HPV. Ron was shaken by this. Maybe that will come up in conversation over the weekend with him and Moo and please let it lead to a huge fight that ends in him throwing her whore ass out.
And really. From what ive seen with her kids i am worried he'll get his throat slit in his sleep. It runs in her family. Really.

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freya

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the noodler
Ron is a very smart guy. But man he has lousy judgment when it comes to dating, yours truly excluded lol.

Maybe he will wake up one of these days and stop dating. It isn't worth it for some people.

He has a very high sex drive. And is a consummate cuddler. He needs that female presence in his life. It would always break my heart when he would sleep on our couch and I would always tuck him in and give him a kiss on the forehead. Im married. I can't give him any more than that. I just wanted him to know tgat he is loved. Its so sad because he's a decent looking guy. He deserves better than this cash seeking missile.

It takes years and years, even decades for HPV to pop up on a pap, as I understand it at least. Like 80% of adults have been exposed to HPV in their lives. Some clear immediately, some don't. Some come and go.

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cfuter
It takes years and years, even decades for HPV to pop up on a pap, as I understand it at least. Like 80% of adults have been exposed to HPV in their lives. Some clear immediately, some don't. Some come and go.

Which is why girls need the vaccine to create herd immunity.

But the research is not complete and yes...we are all at risk somewhat.

Moo is still an accredited THOT in just about everyone's little black book in this town. And maybe that could trigger the light bulb in the head on his shoulders and we can extract him from this quagmire. Jim thinks he's depressed and I could believe that by the way his house looked and by the weight he put on.

Edit to correct that the gal that had the bad pap....it was about 10 months she had it show up after they stopped seeing each other. I would edit my above comment but the webs are wonky on me.

In college one of my friends had a bad relationship. The guy was abusive and controlling, but she kept going back to him. Finally she left him when someone in the dorm called the cops after he beat her. She started dating someone way better. We've lost touch, but I hope she learned her lesson permanently and never dated an asshole again. It's sad some people never learn, and even sadder when they bring kids into their fucked up lives.

Don't most abused people go back something like 20 times before they get out? He sounds emotionally abused, and the only person who is going to get him out of there is him.

Barbara Deangelis wrote a great book called "Are You The One for Me?" Very practical and I highly recommend it.

One of the concepts is for people to look at their emotional programming and relationship history and pay attention. A person may say, "I want a person who has good values, is a good communicator, is healthy and has a good sense of self," but if they always end up with clinging, unstable, emotional drama queens/leeches, that person needs therapy to figure out why they are making bad choices. There's an old saying, "water seeks its own level." In other words, if you end up with what is familiar and what you think you deserve, not necessarily what you want. I can validate that in my own life.

DH has a friend I've discussed before. I call him ManHo. ManHo is very nice looking, very smart (master's degree), personable, great job, financially stable. If you talked to him, you would think, gosh, what a nice, together guy, but his personal life is always a fucked up nightmare. He married young and left Wife#1 for Wife#2. (He and W2 both had spouses when they met and were cheating on them.) So the cheaters divorced and married each other. He has a "rescue complex"--I guess she was conventionally "hot" and came with two failed marriages and two kids from two different daddies. Their subsequent marriage didn't work out and her two fucked-up, juvenile delinquent kids were a big reason why. Her daughter had a long term affair with a married police officer, had the first baby when she was 17 (not prosecuted for obvious reasons) and another one after that. She and the police officer are still together and he's still with his wife. The son started dealing drugs out of MH's house and W2 would not discipline them, so he had to get out.

I found out recently that although he's living with another single mother since his W2 marriage broke up, and it's been like 13 years, he is still legally married to W2 and told me he still loves W2 and W1 is divorced and wants to get back with him. (He must be hung like a horse is all I can say.) Of course, he's been with his current chick since his second marriage broke up. Wife-in-Waiting #3 has been waiting patiently for 13 years.

He asked for my advice and I said: therapy and you need to be alone. Alone. Not in a relationship at all. Take some time to be by yourself.

He won't listen of course.

Sometimes I think "what is wrong w/ people?!?"'

Its like Ron needs a warm body to go to immediately in order to dump Moo. But what kind of nice gal wants a guy that needs that?

The odd thing is that he is the king of being called a jerk for not responding to a womans advances. Literally over a hundred women over the years in his recollection. He doesn't do one night stands if its just a matter of getting laid.

Moo is a master manipulator, always has some crisis, and has gaslit him when they were living together. Once he caught her in their place with a guy in the living room. She was pantsless and laying between the guy's legs. She cried out when caught... Its not what it looks like. I have my period!!! Sad thing is....she is now living with that guy and makes Ron cart him around sometimes when they go places. Jim called him out on this several times.

I found out last night from a well connected local that she has not 2 but 3 baby daddies of her 4 brats. Now that i think about it perhaps because most of her kids are aged out she now needs a new income stream. A lookup of her previous addresses are majority low income or Section 8 housing places. She now needs someone else besides taxpayers to fund her lifestyle of bar hopping and hitting the casino. Oh yea. She used her autard's disability check to hit the slots. Classic breeder.

I don't think he would do therapy. He is very well adjusted otherwise. He just needs to keep his heart open to let in the right person. And not immediately move in with them.

You guys are great with all these stories. I hope to have a script to say next time we speak drawn from all your advice. I love you my childfree peeps!

sorry, Noodler. But I really really hear you being WAY too involved with his guy and his life. Plus, it's like you worship him and believe some really wild, blaming -the-woman tales he tells you. It's a very strange situation and a whole bunch of really weird relationships, including yours with him.

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reeniebessagain
sorry, Noodler. But I really really hear you being WAY too involved with his guy and his life. Plus, it's like you worship him and believe some really wild, blaming -the-woman tales he tells you. It's a very strange situation and a whole bunch of really weird relationships, including yours with him.

I hear that. It is strange. That's why i am unloading here. The tales he has told me are true and he was ashamed to have been taken for a ride. Why he got back on the roller coaster just baffles those of us that give a shit about him. He really does stand to lose everything.

As for worshipping him? No. But I do have to step back for a while. Ill admit that. But i have never had many friends that stuck by me. Ron has and I'm trying to return the favor. I do understand your opinion. However this is a breeder trainwreck about to happen again. I know all you all like a tale of moonipulation. If i have a tiny bit of influence I am going to use it.

Let me just say that reeniebess has a point due to tge amount of info I have purged. I started this by sayibg this is a sort of therapy fir me. Im in my head all day. Alone with two cats that tend to nap a lot. My depression and anxiety has been all over since a year ago just before we moved. I lived in the same place for 25 years so buying a house was momentous abd super scary to me.

I always had my cross the hall crazy cat lady retired. nurse to talk to and share coffee and stories. She was so upset with our moving and doesn't drive so she doesn't visit. We talk or text on occasion but it's not the same.

So being able to come here and unload my brain really does help. But I have very well realized that I am not responsible for someone besides my husband's happiness. I'm trying to make peace with the realization that I have lost a good friend.

And im perimenopausal which isn't helping. Mood swings suck.

I totally get what you are going through. It's so hard to watch someone you truly care about go and fuck up their life like that. I see it happening to my friend, too, and it kills me. Close friends for 35 years and this cunt won't let me see him. It's frustrating and it pisses me off to no end, and I haven't a clue why she's doing it.

The sad part is, that he really doesn't have anyone else around, besides me. He's quite isolated where he lives, and since his mother died, he's at this woman's mercy. He's estranged from the rest of his family for reasons I don't know, and he has very few friends who live nearby...or even far away. She's taking away the only real connection he has with anyone. She's taking it because she wants full control of the situation, and there's no room for anyone to say to him, "Hey, WTF are you doing with your life, dude?" I think personally she's afraid I might ask him some hard questions that might make him rethink this whole thing.

Hang in there, girl. It's hard to watch a grown adult fuck up their life like this, but there is little you can do at this point. Unfortunately, this is a bed made lie situation here. I'm working things out in my head with my own friend, and while it hurts like a bitch, I also have to realize that he's a grown man who has decided this path for himself....much like your friend has.

The best thing you can do for now is to try not to let it bother you so much, and take care of yourself and your husband. Nobody else will. I'm going through some personal stress issues not related to my friend, as well as health stuff. I also have to carry on with my every day shit, like looking after my own life. When you think about it, Ron is doing this for some...reason I can't fathom. Maybe the pussy is just that good? I know that's not the case with my friend because he's already complained that they have a dead sex life. Maybe he thinks he can 'fix' her? Whatever the issue is at the heart of the matter, the best thing you can do is look after your own life and maybe he'll come around one day.

I mean it in the kindest possible way, Noodler, but have you ever considered going to some co-dependency group meetings? I have found them a great support in the past, as I tended to "pick up strays" and try to fix them all the time. Even if you have to go to an AlAnon meeting (they actually generally have no "admission test" and will accept anyone who wants to participate and look for help). The good one I found and attended for years also responded to me when I addressed the question of their saying a group Lord's Prayer at the end. The premise stated that attendees could be "of any religious faith , or of NONE", so the group changed it to the Serenity Prayer instead! The preamble also say "take what you like and leave the rest"--so I "left" the religion.If you are co-dependent it really doesn't matter on WHAT. It's free!

It is hard to let go w/ good friends. We all seem to be going thru the same things on here. I definitely had the same probs w/ some male friends and now I'm going thru it w/ a female friend that is so very old enough to know better. One thing I did learn, these people dont want to hear or believe the truth. They are in fairy land and want to believe things are gonna be magically different from the truth. I find it amazing how many people don't follow obvious solid advice. I would if I heard it, thus why there is a lot less drama in my life. They act like their situation is so unique to only them, so no advice applies. They want to live by the mantra, "everybody makes mistakes". But I try to suggest that statement means nothing if you don't learn from those mistakes.

Go ahead, use this forum as therapy, I dont think anyone minds. But if you think you're too tangled up in someone else's life, do seek co-dependency help. You can be concerned for him, but not attached to the situation.