The Road Less Taken

While driving down the Main Street of my city today I spotted a Jeep. The top was down. Handsome man driving. Lovely woman by his side, They appeared to be 30-35 years old. There were two Labradors in the back seat, one black, one yellow. On top of the Jeep was a well-worn yellow canoe.

I looked on at the happy sight and just wondered...why? Why do so few people choose the life represented by this lovely picture?

Why do they choose labor, stretch marks, painful delivery and deflated breasts. Why are sleepless nights, nasty diapers, vomit, bills and incontinence the chosen route. Why would anyone...much less almost EVERYONE...choose a path in the daily grind of the school line up than a hike in the fresh air of mountains and sunshine?

Are most of us mindless robots?

WHY?

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Why do they choose labor, stretch marks, painful delivery and deflated breasts. Why are sleepless nights, nasty diapers, vomit, bills and incontinence the chosen route. Why would anyone...much less almost EVERYONE...choose a path in the daily grind of the school line up than a hike in the fresh air of mountains and sunshine?

Lots of reasons. They want to raise "the future" or continue their bloodline (like it's something special), it'll be different for them (their child won't cry all night or be born sick), they want to make a better human being than their own parents did, they want to make something to eliminate their loneliness, or they want someone to love them or give their life purpose, they want to try to hold a failing marriage together, they want to feel like a hero or a martyr without doing anything that's actually heroic, or just plain having kids is what you're "supposed to do" when you become an adult.

At least, those are the reasons they claim. I think most people have kids for one of two reasons: they can't think of anything better to do with their lives, or they were careless with birth control. It's no secret how much parenthood blows, especially with the ability to bitch about it anonymously online. Yet people still voluntarily choose to fucking do it. Then they act incredibly bitter toward those of us who figured out breeding sucks without actually breeding first like they did.

Honestly, just watching fictional families in movies and shows and seeing how hectic the parents' lives are constantly wrangling and teaching and yelling at their kids makes me want to drink. I can only assume the people who would do this knowing what exactly it entails are fucking nuts, and there is no way the Kodak moments are really worth all the trouble.

Somewhere, someone convinced them it is all worth it and they bought the lie. There are so many thought processes which they have, here are some:

Recalling what I heard quite a bit in my 20s: I never really gave it much thought. Mostly from men when asking whether or not they wanted kids. A few then thought about it for a few minutes and said yes. Maybe a few more think that with almost everyone doing it it can't be that hard. Most of the women I went to high school with were ready to train (college, internship, career), marry and then have kids. A few were ready to marry and have kids right after high school. The only one I knew of who didn't want kids was me. It went from avoiding pregnancy in high school to pretty much everyone I know being married by 25 (or younger) and all trying for kids.

Then there are the mindless conformists who will do anything to fit in and their fear will drive them to procreate. I think a high number don't give it a thought and life just happens. And there are plenty of women who have been brainwashed into the biological clock business. There are also lots of areas where people are pushed to breed and not wait until they can afford it because if they do they'll never have kids (the truth in this statement is very ironic). There are also those who give it about as much consideration as they do for dinner plans. They probably think about Kodak moments in movies too and how lonely they would be if they don't have kids around for holidays and vacations. And there are a few religious wackos who get married and don't believe in birth control and kids are the outcome of this. Most of the people mentioned previously are most likely young and perhaps too young to understand consequences. There are also some people who have kids to try to keep their spouse or save their marriage. And a few who have kids hoping they will take care of the parents when they are old.

And the previous group are amongst the ones who bully/intimidate/shame others into having kids so they can be unhappy crabs in a pot.

Then there are a few who have much of it figured out but are likely to still be overwhelmed. At least they put thought and deliberation in it but now their pride is under scrutiny if they admit it is too much for them to handle despite their preparation. Then there are the obnoxious ones who plan out everything but are having kids because they think they're somehow superior, even if they do have good genes they have to roll the dice like everyone else and could wind up with snake eyes. And since they waited until they had their lives on track they are likely to either have fertility issues or snake eyes.

I always felt so strange because I just couldn't get that either. I mean, who wants to totally give up their own needs, their own activities, and cater pretty completely to a screaming, drooling, pooping creature for years and years to come. To spend your days explaining EVERYTHING, coaxing, indulging, governing,paying for, making excuses for...on and on. And somewhere in the pre-teen years to be treated and thought of with contempt most of the time!! AKKK

So many claim to be in it for love. Everyone who talks about never having known what love was is just telling me that they've never had a good relationship with anyone. It's no surprise to me that they subsequently fail to love their children unconditionally and go on to repeat all the relationship mistakes they've learned along the way, creating a new generation to repeat the same cycle. I wish people who daydream of love and lack deep relationships would get therapy and work on relationships with their partners, friends or family. What does it say about you when your ideal of love involves a completely helpless and unchallenging person and an inherently unequal relationship?

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deanad
Why do they choose labor, stretch marks, painful delivery and deflated breasts.

There's an easier way called C-section but in my lovely country is done only if there are any medical reasons. If you just go and say you want one because you want to avoid all the "glamor" of natural calving, doctors will laugh in your face.

On the subject, i think it's also conformism in the way that you will be more accepted in society. Talking from my experience now, it's becoming harder and harder to be CF in a society that is very hostile to people who deliberately choose not to have kids. Not even childless people are "forgiven" because there are lots of laws that work in favor of people who have kids. It's much easier to conform and be accepted than ostracized.
If you dare to show that kind of happiness that the couple mentioned showed be sure you will get lots of shit for it. People can't stand to see you happy if you live a different life than theirs and actually are happy with it.

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deanad
Are most of us mindless robots?

WHY?

Yes.

Because we are constrained by pro-social expectations driven by hegemonic forces disguised as normalcy and any deviation from that is severely frowned upon.

But that's why smart people exist, to SHAKE SHIT UP! Smart people: Nature's shit-starters.

HEH... then there are the idiots who say crap like "If you didn't really want a child then you would have never gotten the dogs. The way you treat them.. you would have been a great mother"


It's not the same. I chose this life and I am very happy with it...still.... at 65. No regrets.

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starlady
HEH... then there are the idiots who say crap like "If you didn't really want a child then you would have never gotten the dogs. The way you treat them.. you would have been a great mother"


It's not the same. I chose this life and I am very happy with it...still.... at 65. No regrets.

Haha, I hear that occasionally because of how I care for my pet birds. I love my birds, but I can also put them in a cage when I don't have the time and ability to deal with their antics. It is NOT the same. I'd have resented the Hell out of any proverbial kid I'd have had, and I know it. I choose my birds because they fit me and my personality. Kids do not.

I took a more extreme rout of preventing pregnancy than most. I had a hysterectomy before becoming sexually active. That was the best move I ever made. I got the surgery free cuz I had other medical issues, but not worrying about possible brats: PRICELESS.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!