AskReddit: People who dislike their own kids

The prompt was a fairly simple one: People of Reddit who genuinely dislike your own kids, when did you realize it and why?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9c2gns/people_of_reddit_who_genuinely_dislike_your_own/

Lots of regretful breeding, lots of kids who were regretted. And of course plenty of "I don't hate my kids, I hate my life. I had no idea things would change so much." Really? Even the people who try to sell it talk about how much your life changes because it is suffused with unconditional love.

that's another of the things that cause me to go "huh?!". Along with being totally puzzled about why anyone would ever want kids or choose to give up even a boring lifestyle like mine to cater to brats, I just cannot imagine people not being able to predict that being a parent would change their lives in, at best, very mixed ways! Possibly there's some mysterious joy like they always brag about, but I have never been able to see THAT glass as half full. Just LOOK at all that emptiness up there at the top!! That's all I see.The sense of enslavement!! The chains of obligation!! How can anyone not predict those feelings?

I say if you openly complain about your children on social media, using your own identity, you should have to sacrifice all your tax credits and other perks for the rest of your life.

The government tells us, as childfree people, the reason we are giving them incentives to breed is the hope their children will grow up to be rational, tax paying citizens. How are they going to accomplish that, by using their deductions to complain about the reason they are getting deductions?

I say if you complain about raising your kid even once, no benefits for you.

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childfreeadvocate
I say if you openly complain about your children on social media, using your own identity, you should have to sacrifice all your tax credits and other perks for the rest of your life.

I disagree. I'd like for more people to be vocal about the downsides of parenting. Maybe hearing more of these perspectives will cause the young and impressionable to think twice about reproduction. Obviously anyone who has really thought about the issue won't be affected, but I welcome any cracks in the natalist facade which get people talking and thinking.

Although people who bitch and moan and then go on to have another should probably not be allowed to make any decisions that require rational thought.

As for tax credits, I don't support the transfer of funds to a group of people simply because of their choice of lifestyle. Nobody ever says they are having children for the benefit of society. Such claims are always post-facto justifications which don't take into consideration basic facts like the emotional fitness of the people who are having children for the task of parenting, which would surely be something society would ensure if it were being done for the public benefit. If people choose to spend their discretionary income breeding themselves some "unconditional love" it's on them. I do think money should be spent educating children and ensuring their basic necessities of life are met, both because it is ethical to not let innocent people suffer, and because it is in society's interests to have educated citizens with a stake in society rather than a generation of desperate and hopeless children whose only outlet is criminality. But there's a gulf between providing for children's needs and cushioning adults from the financial consequences of their own choices.

I love that show American Greed, and watch it once in awhile. I was watching an episode last night, where a kid murdered his mother, father, and little sister, because he thought he would inherit everything they worked for. He was a greedy little fuck, spent his grandmother's money (she had dementia) by taking out credit cards in her name, and driving her to various ATMs to have her give him cash.

This kid was well loved by his family, btw. His little sister adored and looked up to him. He didn't care about any of that, in the end. Money was more important to him than his entire family.

I often think that I dodged a bullet by not breeding, because it seems there are a lot of programs on TV now that show kids murdering their parents because they don't get what they want. It's quite scary, really. It's a cautionary tale about what a teenager is capable of doing.

The kid was given three life sentences, because the extended family didn't want to go through a death sentence trial.

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yurble

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childfreeadvocate
I say if you openly complain about your children on social media, using your own identity, you should have to sacrifice all your tax credits and other perks for the rest of your life.

I disagree. I'd like for more people to be vocal about the downsides of parenting. Maybe hearing more of these perspectives will cause the young and impressionable to think twice about reproduction. Obviously anyone who has really thought about the issue won't be affected, but I welcome any cracks in the natalist facade which get people talking and thinking.

Exactly, yurble. Silencing these people wouldn't help anyone. We need more people to come forward and admit that being a parent has made them miserable and they wish they hadn't done it.

now I read on FB that there's a "wonderful" program that gives jobs too single Moos (only!) who are homeless. They train and employ them in some sort of sewing business. Punished again for not breeding! Even if we/they were living in a shelter---possibly because we /they don't qualify for benes and housing subsidies because of no kids!!

There are posts like that on AskReddit pretty often, and there's one asking people why they don't want kids on practically a weekly basis. The ones I've read had a LOT of, "I love my kids, but I shouldn't have them" or things along those lines. I think some people are still genuinely scared to say they hate their own kids because it spits in the face of what has been drilled into their heads all their lives: that you have no choice but to love your kids. If you wish something never happened, then you don't love it. It's not a hard concept to grasp.

I'm glad they're vocal about their dislike/hatred of their kids for a couple reasons. First, so people who don't have kids can read it and know what to actually expect from breeding before they breed. Second, even if they are retarded parents, it's good for them to have an outlet to vent so they don't just beat their kids to a bloody pulp for existing. Sometimes, just having someone listen and go, "I feel ya" means the world, and even if they are morons, I wouldn't deny breeders that release.

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reeniebessagain
now I read on FB that there's a "wonderful" program that gives jobs too single Moos (only!) who are homeless. They train and employ them in some sort of sewing business. Punished again for not breeding! Even if we/they were living in a shelter---possibly because we /they don't qualify for benes and housing subsidies because of no kids!!

Of course, because nobody else matters but breeders! Never mind the shitloads of people who need help getting jobs who would actually be decent employees and not find a million and a half ways to slack off like Moos do while blaming it on their kids.

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reeniebessagain
now I read on FB that there's a "wonderful" program that gives jobs too single Moos (only!) who are homeless. They train and employ them in some sort of sewing business. Punished again for not breeding! Even if we/they were living in a shelter---possibly because we /they don't qualify for benes and housing subsidies because of no kids!!

I read that too and of course my immediate thought was "what about other homeless people?" but of course mention that anywhere and expect the pitchforkmob.

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reeniebessagain
now I read on FB that there's a "wonderful" program that gives jobs too single Moos (only!) who are homeless. They train and employ them in some sort of sewing business. Punished again for not breeding! Even if we/they were living in a shelter---possibly because we /they don't qualify for benes and housing subsidies because of no kids!!

Of course, because nobody else matters but breeders! Never mind the shitloads of people who need help getting jobs who would actually be decent employees and not find a million and a half ways to slack off like Moos do while blaming it on their kids.

I don't know if I formatted this sucker right...

Don't think the government passes out that free shit to breeders out of "the goodness of their heart". The government is looking to force the next generation of taxpayers to pay for the ever-expanding debt that the government creates and cannon fodder for the never-ending wars. Because we don't play that game, the government sticks it to the Childfree.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

When I read stories like this it puts me in a momentary hell, especially the stories on the special need ones, more than 4 kids and druggie children. Then I remember it will never be my problem and I feel better again.

My sister's youngest son is a meth addict. He has been doing it for years, and can't seem to stop. I've tried reaching out to him, but his problems are greater than what I can handle.

He lives at home with his parents, and goes out on binges for 2-3 days. He brings home strays off the street, and my sister has been fearful for her home and safety. I told her she has got to set up boundaries, or else she will get robbed or murdered. She agrees, but she won't really do anything. They've kicked him out of the house numerous times, but each time he comes back, they let him back in.

All I can say is that I'm glad I didn't drink the Kool-Ade, because I don't have to deal with those problems. I have other issues I have to deal with, but that isn't one of them.

I love my sister very much, but sometimes I just want her to take some good advice. I figure it's because she thinks I don't understand, because I'm not a moo. The funny thing is, you don't have to be a moo to see what's going to happen next. Someone's going to die. Either my nephew will overdose, or he'll bring someone home off the streets who will be violent and dangerous.

sorry, Mum! I have found these folks are so codependent, that there's no advice you can give them. Plus, the "you don't have kids so you can't understand" shit. My friend used to bitch and gripe because her Golden Son would take her phone,keys, car while she had her back turned. Once he came home with her "borrowed" car and there was weed scattered around inside it, as he was a known drinker and pot smoker, and underage. I could not get her to hear that the current a*#hole drug rules could cause her to lose her car if he were picked up with it in the car. It's called hide/lock up the keys and phone since he has proved...The only thing they hear when you offer the obvious advice is that you "just don't understand LLUUVV"

^^ As for the "you don't have kids so you don't understand" line...Yeah, there are some things that I genuinely won't get because I don't have kids. But some things are just common sense. I don't have to be a pilot to understand that that a helicopter doesn't belong in a tree. I don't have to be a CDL driver to understand that a jack-knifed truck is bad news. And family does not mean no boundaries.

I think it's better that parents have a place to vent online and hopefully get some help than just stew in their own juices.

Honestly, there are a TON of parents out there with kids who might not be harmful, crazy, or shitty...but are just SO different from their parents that the parents don't know how to relate. A lot of it is the parents pinning their hopes on having a mini-me who likes the same stuff, then getting a kid who's their polar opposite. They never learn to deal with their kid's markedly different personality, preferences, and temperament. Those parents need to get over themselves. There's also parents who try and try, but have to maintain a front because they can only stretch so far.

And that's not even allowing for parents who have kids with mental illness, autism, or other disabilities.

Younger people need to go into adulthood/parenthood with their eyes open regarding the life-altering nature of parenthood, and that it's entirely optional.

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randomcfchick
^^ As for the "you don't have kids so you don't understand" line...Yeah, there are some things that I genuinely won't get because I don't have kids. But some things are just common sense. I don't have to be a pilot to understand that that a helicopter doesn't belong in a tree. I don't have to be a CDL driver to understand that a jack-knifed truck is bad news. And family does not mean no boundaries.

People who say "you don't have kids so ______" are completely discounting the fact that WE WERE KIDS. We learn a lot about parenting (good and bad) just by surviving to adulthood. We know the things our parents did that worked and the things that didn't. And you're exactly right; we can also observe the world around us and (gasp!) learn from other people's mistakes. You don't have to stick your hand in a fire to know you'd get burned.

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randomcfchick
Younger people need to go into adulthood/parenthood with their eyes open regarding the life-altering nature of parenthood, and that it's entirely optional.

SO MUCH YES. This is why we need more parents to admit having children was a mistake they regret, and not to silence them as CFA suggested.