Help! I Forced My Husband to Have Kids. It Was a Terrible Mistake.

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mumofsixbirds
Holy crap, freya! That sounds like breeder hell!

I've never internet dated, but it sounds rife with wannabreeds out there. The guys I met, as friends and as dates, never really talked about sprogs at all. I don't know if this is a more recent phenomenon with the advent of internet dating, but it seems that the people who I generally attracted didn't like kids that much at all.

A lot of girlfriends I had did end up getting knocked up eventually, but I never had much to do with them afterwards. Mostly just bingos and babysitting demands came my way. The guy friends I've had never talked about kids the way the women did. I guess that's why I've always had more male friends than female.

I think there are a number of men who want to breed expecting the Kodak moments like others have mentioned here. Never have I once heard a wannabreed man talking about temper tantrums and diaper changing 7 + times a day or the high cost of day care. The men who bitch about that stuff are the ones with kids. With the wannabreeder men it is always about Og and Jr. on holidays, sports, camping, and other romanticized experiences. Reality and what they see all around them just doesn't sink in. Too bad more of them aren't forced to live with a family with young children for 2+ years, bet reality would change their perspective really fast and there would be a surge of child free men. And all of the sudden Freya's dance card would be full.

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kman
In the past some employers preferred men with children because they would presumably work harder and longer to provide for the wife and kids. My hunch is those days have long faded, and things have even gone the other way as younger guys now use their kids as an excuse not to work long hours.

I used to work a PT job for a small company for manager wtih 3 kids who would bingo me and such, until he bought the company, Within 2 years he let go of every employees with kids and replaced them with childfree 20 somethings, in order to cut cost and take home more money for his own mombie wife and 3 kids. And I didn't get bingo'd after he gained full ownership.

Funny how that worked.

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Cambion

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cassia
In my opinion, the vast majority of the men I have met who wanted kids did not have a clue about how much was involved in having a child.
They mostly had abstracted ideas about it or a few Kodak moments in mind.
Not one had been prepared for the unending drudge-work that would be involved in being a fully involved parent.
Most of them counted on the mother doing most of the work and being clued in to the really needs of a child.

I've noticed that too. When asked why they want kids, most guys I know have said they want someone to carry on their family name or they want a little buddy to teach how to play video games or something like that. They're in it for the Kodak moments, but not so much for all the behind the scenes shit work that goes into breeding, which comprises about 99 percent of parenthood. They probably figure Moo will deal with the kids at their worst and then Duh can swoop in and enjoy the kid for five seconds at their best. These are the men who, when forced to help raise the kids they wanted, will tell people that they're "baby-sitting." Uhh no, you can't babysit your own kids.

A decent chunk of men seem to not care one way or another about having kids, and many of the ones who do want them don't really give much though as far as why they want them and figure it's something you just do when you become an adult or get married.

I'm seeing a rent-a-kid business. Pay the kid for the Kodak moments and then send the kid home.
I bet there are droves of parents who would be willing to rent their kids out in their bratty moments so that the fence-sitters can witness reality and parents can have that much needed break. Background check on the adults wanting to rent, of course. The ones on auto-pilot would never do this but it may serve the thinkers well.

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freya
I'm seeing a rent-a-kid business. Pay the kid for the Kodak moments and then send the kid home.
I bet there are droves of parents who would be willing to rent their kids out in their bratty moments so that the fence-sitters can witness reality and parents can have that much needed break. Background check on the adults wanting to rent, of course. The ones on auto-pilot would never do this but it may serve the thinkers well.

I'm kind of curious how that would play out. On one hand, breeders might go for it because they'd essentially be getting paid to let someone babysit for them. On the other hand, we all know how much misery loves company and I think breeders would get severely butt-hurt if a fence-sitting renter decided to not reproduce after borrowing one of these shrieking brats, and then cue serial bingoing. And I'm sure there would be plenty of parents who would try to arrange rent-to-own deals to try and get rid of kids they didn't want in the first place.

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freya
I'm seeing a rent-a-kid business. Pay the kid for the Kodak moments and then send the kid home.
I bet there are droves of parents who would be willing to rent their kids out in their bratty moments so that the fence-sitters can witness reality and parents can have that much needed break. Background check on the adults wanting to rent, of course. The ones on auto-pilot would never do this but it may serve the thinkers well.

They have that, at least in the States-- Big Brother/Big Sister, right? Before anyone is allowed to breed, they should have to sign up for a program like that. Then the kid assigned to them should get to choose whether or not they're good enough at parenting to have kids of their own.

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kittehpeoples

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freya
I'm seeing a rent-a-kid business. Pay the kid for the Kodak moments and then send the kid home.
I bet there are droves of parents who would be willing to rent their kids out in their bratty moments so that the fence-sitters can witness reality and parents can have that much needed break. Background check on the adults wanting to rent, of course. The ones on auto-pilot would never do this but it may serve the thinkers well.

They have that, at least in the States-- Big Brother/Big Sister, right? Before anyone is allowed to breed, they should have to sign up for a program like that. Then the kid assigned to them should get to choose whether or not they're good enough at parenting to have kids of their own.

It sounds really good and practical in theory but I've known more than one childless person who participated in the program seemingly as bragging rights. It was interjected into many work conversations but only when there was a sizable audience in earshot.

This makes me doubt they are participating because they enjoy it but see it as a way to impress others.
Think many of the people who see participating in the program as something to brag about (it is so rewarding, humble brags of all sorts follow) are the types that think having children is required once they are married, in a relationship, or whatever so they can say it is the most important job on earth or whatever trite diatribes are popular. Part of the "good person" identity along with saving the environment and the non-sequiturs that are in vogue at the moment. Needless to say these people have no desire to think for themselves, society dictates what they need to do to be a good person which always means at least one child.

It would be such a sad existence to plan one's free time around impressing others rather than doing what one enjoys. I think this mindset gets lots of people in trouble when they commit to things just to impress others or be a "good person" when those things don't really suit them in the first place.

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kittehpeoples
They have that, at least in the States-- Big Brother/Big Sister, right? Before anyone is allowed to breed, they should have to sign up for a program like that. Then the kid assigned to them should get to choose whether or not they're good enough at parenting to have kids of their own.

I don't know if this is a universal response or not, but I've told some folks I know to try "renting" a kid via Big Brother/Sister to get a taste of parenting, and the reply was always the same: it's different when it's your own. They felt there would be no investment - emotional or financial - in some stranger's child, but they seemed to think that their own child = automatic love.

I know even if you forced people to go through every possible experience to try to discourage parenting, many would still proceed to reproduce while operating under the impression that it will be different with biological offspring. Then it turns out to be just the same, only worse, because they can't hand the kid back.

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Cambion

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kittehpeoples
They have that, at least in the States-- Big Brother/Big Sister, right? Before anyone is allowed to breed, they should have to sign up for a program like that. Then the kid assigned to them should get to choose whether or not they're good enough at parenting to have kids of their own.

I don't know if this is a universal response or not, but I've told some folks I know to try "renting" a kid via Big Brother/Sister to get a taste of parenting, and the reply was always the same: it's different when it's your own.

I know even if you forced people to go through every possible experience to try to discourage parenting, many would still proceed to reproduce while operating under the impression that it will be different with biological offspring.

Yep, People who become big brothers / sisters do it mainly for selfish reasons - at best, to wear a "good person badge", but more often to hook up with easy single parents.

The only kid without a Dad in my grade school class got a big brother around 11 and 12 and guess what happened - big bro banged his mom!!!

Reproducing will always be voluntarily handled by the poor and the stupid, no matter how much it's discouraged or incentivized. That's why I'm vehemently against child tax credits. Incentives should be for people doing good things for the community they would never do without the incentives. Poor people are going to crank em out no matter how many or few kickbacks they get, because they're too ignorant and selfish to consider cost. They shouldn't be getting tax credits for doing what they would do anyway.

I knew a guy years ago in his late twenties who wanted to be a "big brother" but decided against it since he feared some accusation of abuse or sexual abuse over some tiny misunderstanding and he knew if that happened it would ruin his future, so he dropped the idea

I want nothing to do with kids, but this would be particularly so if I were a guy. It's a sad fact of life that child predators exist and they are often within the family. If it's reported kids may not want to implicate family members for obvious reasons so they will name someone outside the family. I wouldn't want to be entangled in someone's drama.

Damn, stories like these are, I guess, the best "medicine" against depression after being dumped by / left a partner for the reason of getting pressured for brats. No wrong decision taken.

Once more it shows, that yielding - under whatever pressure - to have freaking loaves is NEVER EVER worth is. No matter how great the partner was. A forced kyd or, God forbid, multiple ones, is always a "mental death sentence". Not only for the forced parhunt, also for the loaf itself. Morally completely incorrect. Agreeing to force a life into existence that isn't even wanted and will ultimately suffer, and all that only for fear of a break-up or pronatalist "social norms". Idiotic to say the least.

If such a partner, no matter how awesome he/she used to be, wants you for the sake of procreation with no compromise and endless fights and nagging, then there was never any love or understanding in the first place.
So walk away with your head held high, and watch in amusement how they go and continue to create their kiddie hell and rot in it!

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Freedom & Art & Music >>>>>>>>>> human spawn

"Music is immortal. People are not."
-William Anger, "King's Story" - Thief2 FM by Zontik

Late to this dance but I found this tale rather sad yet fascinating.

Am I the only one who finds it odd that the kids like the distant dad more than the more attentive mom? I remember growing up my dad was more distant than my mom and I liked my mom a lot more. But that's me, I suppose.

Her husband would benefit a lot from a divorce, as he would be free from the woman who basically wrecked his life and from kids he has no real use for. It might wreck him financially, assuming he is the bigger, if not primary breadwinner.

As for her, it is bed-made-lie. Her biggest challenge, post-divorce, would be repairing the strained relationship with the kids who would ultimately blame her for the divorce.

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deegee


Am I the only one who finds it odd that the kids like the distant dad more than the more attentive mom? I remember growing up my dad was more distant than my mom and I liked my mom a lot more. But that's me, I suppose.
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I think it's that psychological thing of wanting what you can't have - dad is distant and uninterested in giving the kids any more love or attention than he has to, therefore the kids want his love and attention all the more.

Or it's the Cat Principle; cats tend to be attracted to people who either don't like them, or are allergic to them.