Adult Loaves "mourn" their adoption?

Its a whole website dedicated to supposed "adoption trauma" from adult adoptees. When I first heard of such a thing I thought it had to be a product of pronatalist culture. Their way too obsessed with breeder worshiping without ever seeing the downsides to parenthood. Maybe the thought ever occurred to them that their adopted out by birth parents were for a good reason. They really want every born child to stay with their birth parent regardless of consequences?

(http://www.adopteeson.com/)

Theres plenty of people on the site referring to "baby sellers" and the public "not understanding the trauma of being adopted" and a "primal wound". Maybe or culture just indoctrinated them with babyee rabies. And so many of the site is written by breeders themselves.

And this makes a good argument for safe, legal abortion.

And I have to wonder how traumatized they would be by an abusive, neglectful birth moo?

This really boils my blood. I thank G-d that I was adopted by my mother. She’s given me unconditional love and support and taught me some valuable lessons. My egg donor was a knocked up 17 year old whose boyfriend left when the stick turned +. The orphanage I went to wanted to milk me for government aid. Tried to say I had some disability or other and would never walk or speak. Surprise! I’m perfectly normal because I wasn’t treated like a disabled person. I thank G-d for my mother and it has brought me to TEARS to think what my life would have been like if she didn’t adopt me. I’d probably be 23, sucking my thumb and rocking myself somewhere in a corner with how the orphanage painted me. According to the orphanage, I was supposed to be a vegetable. Fuck those guys, and fuck all these ungrateful pricks whining about their pseudo-trauma. People like THAT are the reason I grew up hearing “it’s different when it’s your own, but no offense to you,” from relatives who wanted my mom to give birth instead of adopting.

Bull. Dear lurkers, I don’t know you. I don’t know if you’re CF like I am or if you found this post because you’re considering adoption. Either way, let me tell you, it’s NOT different when it’s your own. You can give birth to children that will grow up despising you, like my niece despises my SIL. You can adopt children that love you and are grateful for the sacrifices you’ve made, like I love my mom. There are NO GUARANTEES. Giving birth does not guarantee your kid will love you, it just guarantees that one less child in an orphanage will be adopted. If you want something that is guaranteed to love you, get a dog.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

I'm another grateful adoptee. No, it isn't different when it's your own; or rather, you don't have to birth it for it to be your own. I'm so grateful to my Mom and Dad for the good life they gave me, and no, I do not mourn for my birth parents.

Assuming the people who adopted them were not abusive and tried their best, the vast majority of these people are better off with their adoptive parents than with people who did not want them. Perhaps abortion would have been a better option; I'm certainly inclined to say so in the case of people who can only blame others for whatever is wrong in their lives, and cannot be happy in imperfect circumstances.

Giving birth doesn't automatically make you a mom. Its raising and love the loaf that counts.

Seriously, it sounds like their pushing for coercing birth moos to raise unwanted kids. Very similiar to the pro-liar movement that wants to coerce women to continue unwanted, potentially dangerous pregnancies. So now they don't abort and they have to raise it too?

Yurble, some people are simply never happy no matter what. And so they go out and try to project their unhappiness on someone else. And on the site they kept glorifying the birth parent by calling attempted contact with them a "reunion". Theres never been any unity because just creating another person doesn't make you a parent. What their really doing is disrupting a strangers life.

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/adoptee-search-birth-mother-ends-rejection-article-1.1284242

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

After spending years working in social work, especially young offenders, I feel that there are large numbers of shitty parents who are birth-parents but who should never have been allowed to raise those kids.
Those people in that anti-adoption group are delusional.

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thom_c
http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/adoptee-search-birth-mother-ends-rejection-article-1.1284242

Oh, I remember that article. That poor woman. And the "kid" who found her (and insisted it was so simple to track down a mother in a closed adoption) continuing to contact her and blaming her for not "getting help" so she would, presumably, be happy to see the child she never wanted...what a nightmare. The grown-up brat should have been happy to have parents who wanted her and left it at that.

I often wonder what life would have been like for me if I'd been adopted out to a family less dysfunctional than mine....

So this isn't stories about people who were adopted into abusive families, it's just people who are disturbed by the fact that they were adopted and are butthurt over never knowing their biological parents? Giving a kid up for adoption is generally not easy for the mother, and if she does that, it's typically for a damn good reason: too young to care for a child, can't afford one, or if the child was taken away immediately at birth, it's because the mother was far too fucked to be left alone with a kid. All good reasons, if you ask me. Just based on things I've seen/read myself, if a woman gives a child up, the child is often (but not always) wanted, but the mother has the sense to know she can't afford a kid or isn't ready for one.

And if someone seals an adoption record, take the fucking hint! That is not a challenge for the adoptee; it means your bio parents want nothing to do with you, so why would someone interpret that as, "I need to find this person and insert myself into their lives?" I understand it must suck knowing your biological parents didn't want you, but why do some people fight to the point of hiring private investigators to meet people who tried so hard to never be found by their kids? I don't get it.

I can only imagine how much this shit hurts the adoptive family that spent shitloads of money and raised the kid as their own, only for them to yearn far more for a parent who they not only never met, but didn't want them. They always say they want to meet their "real" parents too. What a kick in the teeth. Your "real" parents are the ones who raised you and loved you - more goes into being a parent than just shitting out a kid.

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Cambion
I understand it must suck knowing your biological parents didn't want you, but why do some people fight to the point of hiring private investigators to meet people who tried so hard to never be found by their kids? I don't get it.

I personally never thought that. I’m grateful for my adoption, and I’ve never wanted to meet egg donor, even though I was told that’s an option. However, despite not sharing those feelings, im going to speculate on why others have those feelings. I think ungrateful adoptees are narcissistic, in the same way that breeders are who refuse to adopt because”it’s diferent when it’s your own.” Ungrateful adoptees probably want to see their egg donors because they can only love someone that is “part of them.” They don’t realize that they are only part of each other biologically, not emotionally.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

I think in so many ways adopted children are special because at one point their parents had to want them. A person has to put lots of effort into an adoption. And there are tons of accidental pregnancies where the baby isn't wanted.

It should have been obvious that the recent drives for open adoptions, unsealing previously sealed adoption records, and allowing adoptees and bio-parents to find one another would often not have a good result. This story is an example. Mourning an adoption? Absurd.

These adult loaves need to get grateful. When Washington state began allowing adoptees access to previously sealed adoption records upon turning 18, some bio-mothers—who had given their children for adoption with the understanding the records would be permanently sealed—said then that if they had known this change might happen, they would simply have aborted. Those adult loaves wouldn't have been here at all then.

We have a huge problem today with birth mothers killing and disposing of newborns, despite safe haven laws allowing the babies to be left at such places as hospitals and fire stations with no legal consequence to the mother. Children left at safe havens and not reclaimed are eventually adopted. I wonder if this problem with killing continues in part because women are afraid of an adult child confronting them later, thanks to today's open adoption records. Clearly that's not the only reason, but it must play some role.

some of these relentless people like Penn from the article are operating under some sort of fantasy delusion. They think what might have been is better than what they have now (or had). It is a slap in the face to the people who raised them (assuming they did a good job). Another one who doesn't like behavior like this? Dr. L. Again, i've heard her excoriate some of these adopted brats. She actually had the adoptive mother, the teenage adoptee who had the gall to say on air, 'I want to find my real mother'. After this woman had raised her from almost a baby in arms. Think Dr. L had a few choice words for her. Was a few years ago so my memory is faded

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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contemplativeintrovert

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Cambion
I understand it must suck knowing your biological parents didn't want you, but why do some people fight to the point of hiring private investigators to meet people who tried so hard to never be found by their kids? I don't get it.

I personally never thought that. I’m grateful for my adoption, and I’ve never wanted to meet egg donor, even though I was told that’s an option. However, despite not sharing those feelings, im going to speculate on why others have those feelings. I think ungrateful adoptees are narcissistic, in the same way that breeders are who refuse to adopt because”it’s diferent when it’s your own.” Ungrateful adoptees probably want to see their egg donors because they can only love someone that is “part of them.” They don’t realize that they are only part of each other biologically, not emotionally.

This is very curious and makes lots of sense when thinking about the fact that it is exactly the mentality a parent who is narcissistic has. Does a child adopted out become a narcissist because of nature or nuture?

The narcissistic child also probably thinks there is no way their bio parent(s) can meet them and not think they are the greatest thing on the earth. Instant love and grave apologies for not raising the bio child. And that only happens in the movies.

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freya

This is very curious and makes lots of sense when thinking about the fact that it is exactly the mentality a parent who is narcissistic has. Does a child adopted out become a narcissist because of nature or nuture?

The narcissistic child also probably thinks there is no way their bio parent(s) can meet them and not think they are the greatest thing on the earth. Instant love and grave apologies for not raising the bio child. And that only happens in the movies.

Absolutely what I was thinking. Narcissists that regret their adoption probably think ‘I’m awesome, bio parents will want to meet me / I’m doing them a favor.’ Unfortunately for the rest of us that deal with them, they will never realize that NOBODY loves them as much as they love themselves.

I don’t know enough about narcissism from a diagnostic standpoint, but I’d speculate it’s a bit of both. I don’t remember the ab psych statistic, but I do think nature has a large part in it. People diagnosed with XYZ aren’t guaranteed to have kids that are XYZ but I think they are at a significantly higher chance of hazing XYZ kids. I also think the notion that they are not wanted might have to do with it. My niece is a narcissist. When I told my parents I suspected she was they said she is, and she’s probably that way because her mom never really loved her or told her she was special etc. I doubt being neglected is a sufficient condition to make someone a narcissist, but it probably doesn’t help.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

Freya, exactly. The "bio parent" mentality does sound very narcissistic because the adult loaf can't possibly imagine their bio parent doesn't give a fig about them. They probably haven't thought about their adopted out loaf in years and thats something that would upset breeders.

And its horrifying hearing cases of adoptees trying to open closed cases and track down the bio parent. Seriously, their disrupting a strangers life.