The gig is up: bizzy mahms are power gamers

Now we know what they are really doing, playing games. As in 42% of power gamers are parents. Not that there is anything wrong with games but playing them 10+ hours a week means you aren't so bizzy, mahms.

I don't claim to be busy (unless someone actually asks me when I am busy) yet finding 10+ hours a week to do anything that isn't productive would be difficult. Maybe if I count the 2 hours I sleep in each day on the weekend plus a once a week bath (1 hour) and workouts (4 hours a week) and the rare photo session (1 hour). There, 10 hours a week combined. Rarely does all that happen in a week.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/gaming/nearly-half-of-all-%e2%80%98power-gamers%e2%80%99-are-parents-third-are-women-study/ar-BBNR0cM

I don't mind if someone wants to game as a hobby, but you can't spend 10 hours a week at it and claim to be busy. I could probably play 10 hours a week most of the time if I wanted to (I don't), but I don't claim to be especially busy.

But I have to point out, if half of power gamers are parents, and 1/3 (of gamers) are women, it's likely duhs who are the biggest offenders.

If they're hardcore gamers, they probably don't see games as a hobby, but as work, so they still consider themselves bizzy even when they're parked in front of a screen playing CoD or Forza. I know people who can put in 10+ hours a day playing games if it's their day off. Course, they aren't parents either.

And yeah, I'd wager a lot of the more intense gamers are Duhs who don't want to deal with their screaming kids and screaming wives, so they zone out and play games with their buddies all day long. Really telling how they feel about their choice to reproduce when they'll neglect their families for images on a screen for hours and hours on end. I'm not bashing gamers either because I am one myself, but I think parents are much more likely to use games as an escape from reality rather than just a form of entertainment. One friend was bitching to me about how hard it is for him to play XBox because his kids bother him constantly and interrupt his gameplay. Well then why the fuck did ya have them if you want to play Grand Theft Auto in peace?

I've read a lot from moms who resent the fuck out of their husband's gaming habits. Sometimes I wonder how many of them married someone who was already into gaming and figured she could change him, vs. the guy got into it only after getting married/having kids.

How the hell do they find time for it? 10+ hours a week is a lot if you're working or studying full time. I'm not just taking cheap shots at gamers, either, because gaming is a hobby of mine. Sometimes on weekends I'll clear a few hours and spend the entire afternoon at the computer, grinding some levels. But I don't have kids. You eanna power game? Don't have kids.

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randomcfchick
I've read a lot from moms who resent the fuck out of their husband's gaming habits. Sometimes I wonder how many of them married someone who was already into gaming and figured she could change him, vs. the guy got into it only after getting married/having kids.
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Me too, whenever they complain to me firsthand, I say " you picked him!" I do this when male friends pettily complain about their wives too. "you picked her!"

I do this a lot less now that virtually all my friends with kids have disappeared to cater to their own genetic makeup.

Few people marry someone who plays games sparely, then turns into an addict a few months after tying the knot. Chances are, if games are a problem in your marriage, they were a problem BEFORE the marriage - you're just disappointed you couldn't fix it with your charm. Just like if alcohol is a problem before the marriage, it's gonna be a problem after it too. Choose wisely.

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childfreeadvocate
Few people marry someone who plays games sparely, then turns into an addict a few months after tying the knot. Chances are, if games are a problem in your marriage, they were a problem BEFORE the marriage - you're just disappointed you couldn't fix it with your charm. Just like if alcohol is a problem before the marriage, it's gonna be a problem after it too. Choose wisely.

It takes a while to REALLY get to know someone. Early in the relationship is the time I refer to as "your representative is dating their representative". But even a year into a relationship when you've seen the real person, you still don't know them completely. It takes a while to see how hobbies, priorities, finances, etc shake out. This is why I think people shouldn't be running at their partner with ring...if they're awesome now, they'll be awesome three years from now or five years from now, when you've had time to get to know them, including the amount of time they want to spend on a hobby.

And never assume you can "fix" how they spend their time. This mostly seems to be a straight lady problem...though there may be guys out there like this too. But there seems to be a particular subset of the Lifescript crew that have an agenda to "improve" their partner. Ugh. So patronizing. Lawd forbid that he hang out with friends, play games, watch TV you don't care for, etc. Assume those patterns are set. Hell, assume those patterns are gonna grow stronger.

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randomcfchick

It takes a while to REALLY get to know someone. Early in the relationship is the time I refer to as "your representative is dating their representative". But even a year into a relationship when you've seen the real person, you still don't know them completely. It takes a while to see how hobbies, priorities, finances, etc shake out. This is why I think people shouldn't be running at their partner with ring...if they're awesome now, they'll be awesome three years from now or five years from now, when you've had time to get to know them, including the amount of time they want to spend on a hobby.

And never assume you can "fix" how they spend their time. This mostly seems to be a straight lady problem...though there may be guys out there like this too. But there seems to be a particular subset of the Lifescript crew that have an agenda to "improve" their partner. Ugh. So patronizing. Lawd forbid that he hang out with friends, play games, watch TV you don't care for, etc. Assume those patterns are set. Hell, assume those patterns are gonna grow stronger.

I agree. People are insecure though, esp. young people. They think "if I don't marry this good looking person now, or get pregnant / impregnate now, I'll never meet another as good again". <<< When they're all of 18.

If I had a kid (which I never will) I wouldn't want them saying "I Love you" to anyone before 21. And 25 is better. 30 is best.

But adults, esp. parents, like to preach their own moralities to young people, esp. if those moralities are nonsense. They teach high schoolers they NEED to go to the prom with somebody they LOVE, who they could see spending the rest of lives with. NOBODY 18 years old should be trying to fall in love and find their soulmate. That should wait until after college and a career. 18 years old should be on birth control and double wrapping it and banging each other like crazy until after college to figure out what person they want to end up with. Not marrying the first person who puts out after prom night.

But then again, the world needs lots of unmotivated people in low paying service jobs.

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randomcfchick

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childfreeadvocate
Few people marry someone who plays games sparely, then turns into an addict a few months after tying the knot. Chances are, if games are a problem in your marriage, they were a problem BEFORE the marriage - you're just disappointed you couldn't fix it with your charm. Just like if alcohol is a problem before the marriage, it's gonna be a problem after it too. Choose wisely.

It takes a while to REALLY get to know someone. Early in the relationship is the time I refer to as "your representative is dating their representative". But even a year into a relationship when you've seen the real person, you still don't know them completely. It takes a while to see how hobbies, priorities, finances, etc shake out. This is why I think people shouldn't be running at their partner with ring...if they're awesome now, they'll be awesome three years from now or five years from now, when you've had time to get to know them, including the amount of time they want to spend on a hobby.

And never assume you can "fix" how they spend their time. This mostly seems to be a straight lady problem...though there may be guys out there like this too. But there seems to be a particular subset of the Lifescript crew that have an agenda to "improve" their partner. Ugh. So patronizing. Lawd forbid that he hang out with friends, play games, watch TV you don't care for, etc. Assume those patterns are set. Hell, assume those patterns are gonna grow stronger.

Ohh boy- I have definitely met LOTS of straight white men (35- 55 yrs old ) who feel that they need to dictate how I relegate resources to my various and numerous hobbies, (or spend my time, my career, my friends, etc.)
Sometimes within minutes of first meeting me I have had men try to dictate his new rules for my interesting hobbies.

I learned to respond with something like....

Cassia: " Oh, (hobby) will not be a problem for us"
Prospective date has a self-satisfied grin after thinking he has controlled the parameters of my hobby .
Cassia : "If there is no dating and no "us" there is no problem"
(microphone drop and walk away)

Cassia <-- recently bought SIX different new mascot animal heads (about 90% off regular price ), after waiting 15 years for a price I could afford. (Also I do not give a flaming f*ck what anyone who wants to date me thinks about it)

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randomcfchick
And never assume you can "fix" how they spend their time. This mostly seems to be a straight lady problem...though there may be guys out there like this too

I've noticed this too. I don't usually see men trying to "fix" their female partners' "bad" behaviors, unless they're narcissists/control freaks, in which case they see everything their significant other does as imperfect.

I think a lot of women have this fantasy in their minds where they "rescue" a "broken" man and "fix" him up into a perfect specimen by correcting the things about him they think are "wrong." Sometimes there might be real problems such as addiction or abuse, but other times, the woman just wants to keep the guy on the shortest possible leash and will see things like watching sportsball, playing XBox, or getting drinks with the boys as "bad behaviors" that must be fixed. And these kinds of women will find problems in any man too.

There's also a difference between hardcore gamers and HARDCORE gamers. The former are pretty passionate about gaming and may do things like chuck their controllers through the wall when they lose or bitch at characters on the screen, but they're also interested in doing other shit like spending time with people and leaving the house once in a while. The HARDCORE gamers are the ones who are pretty much addicted to games and act as though gaming is a job. These are usually basement dwellers who piss in empty soda bottles and don't bathe for weeks on end, and if they do find a partner, they fully expect this person to be totally fine with them playing games 24/7, ignoring the whole family, not doing anything hygenic for months, and not working. These kinds of gamers cannot be changed or saved. In all seriousness, some of these people (usually guys) are so into gaming that they need to be surgically removed from their chairs. Not even joking, some gamers who sit in the same place for upwards of 50 hours will wind up with their flesh fused to their chairs.

Believe it or not, though, it's possible to actually make money playing video games now. Shit you not, you can stream gameplay live and people will not only watch, but will sometimes donate money just to watch you play. Even if you absolutely suck, people will watch you and pay you. Some people can make enough from this to quit their jobs.

Bottom line is people have different hobbies and there will be varying levels of passion in those hobbies. The passion may not be mutual, but that's okay. But when someone loves their hobby more than they could ever love another person, they probably won't make a good partner.

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cassia
Ohh boy- I have definitely met LOTS of straight white men (35- 55 yrs old ) who feel that they need to dictate how I relegate resources to my various and numerous hobbies, (or spend my time, my career, my friends, etc.)
Sometimes within minutes of first meeting me I have had men try to dictate his new rules for my interesting hobbies.

I learned to respond with something like....

Cassia: " Oh, (hobby) will not be a problem for us"
Prospective date has a self-satisfied grin after thinking he has controlled the parameters of my hobby .
Cassia : "If there is no dating and no "us" there is no problem"
(microphone drop and walk away)

Cassia <-- recently bought SIX different new mascot animal heads (about 90% off regular price ), after waiting 15 years for a price I could afford. (Also I do not give a flaming f*ck what anyone who wants to date me thinks about it)

You are good Cassia. I'm a slow learner (have had several relationships where men tried to control certain aspects about me just to be controlling). I now see this right away and say no instead of letting the frustration build up and eventually surface. And I found out from experience if you do change something about yourself to please him (or shut him up) it doesn't end. He'll just go to the next item on his list and nitpick on that one once you've confirmed you're a doormat.

There is a distinction between concern about a significant other doing something that may harm himself/others and me trying to prevent him from buying mascot heads which he can afford. I think it is about whether or not it comes from a place of concern (and potential harm to people) or it is from trying to gain a sense of control of someone.

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Cambion
There's also a difference between hardcore gamers and HARDCORE gamers. The former are pretty passionate about gaming and may do things like chuck their controllers through the wall when they lose or bitch at characters on the screen, but they're also interested in doing other shit like spending time with people and leaving the house once in a while. The HARDCORE gamers are the ones who are pretty much addicted to games and act as though gaming is a job. These are usually basement dwellers who piss in empty soda bottles and don't bathe for weeks on end, and if they do find a partner, they fully expect this person to be totally fine with them playing games 24/7, ignoring the whole family, not doing anything hygenic for months, and not working. These kinds of gamers cannot be changed or saved. In all seriousness, some of these people (usually guys) are so into gaming that they need to be surgically removed from their chairs. Not even joking, some gamers who sit in the same place for upwards of 50 hours will wind up with their flesh fused to their chairs.

I've only had the experience twice (and over 15 years apart) but dating an addict of any kind can lead to this type of all-consuming behavior and it is never healthy. Oftentimes they replace one addiction with another and are unable to self-modulate.

I think I've heard of a few gamers (or was it people on the internet for days on end?) who have died from lack of sleep, similar to other addicts who die from their addiction.

I know someone who had a great marriage that started sliding toward not-great, and then the husband got hooked on WoW. If he was home and awake, that's what he was doing. They're divorced now. But that was years into their marriage; when they first got together, there was no indication he'd behave that way. WoW wasn't even around then. But basically his addiction to it was symptomatic of other, bigger problems in the relationship. Gaming doesn't kill relationships; feeling like you need to escape your relationship via gaming means there's something else going on.

And the same applies to parenthood. As yurble and Cambion say, guys (and a significant number of women) are using gaming to get away from their kids, when they should have just not had them in the first place.

Years ago a neighborhood kid was going door to door selling something for school and saw that we had a couple of Playstations and X-Box, but no evidence of children in the house. He asked if they were just ours, confirmed we didn't have kids, and told us we were "super cool." We both discussed it after and hoped he grew up knowing you don't have to have children, and adulthood doesn't mean giving up fun.