My single duh'd colleague cannot have women (or anyone) over his house because his adult daughter wont let him

My colleague/friend is almost 50 years old, his almost 24 yr old daughter lives at home with him and wont let him have anyone over the house particularly women. He sneaks people over when shes at work then quickly shoos them out before she gets home; like a teenager sneaking a party when his parents are out of town.

I keep my mouth shut cuz hes my friend but good grief this is fucking ridiculous. He said he had an ex gf over the house 2 yrs ago she moved out to her aunts house and wouldnt speak to him for 6 months, it crushed him because shes his only family. He admits that hes spoiled her because her mother wasnt around (alcoholic) and shes deaf (but she acts more like an autard honestly). And he says hes held off on dating because of her (hes just a friend im not looking to date him for obvious reasons, but i think this whole situation is insane). Its not just women he cant even have male friends over. For his xmas party hes having everyone over his small rental in-law unit next door instead of the main house because of her.

He then asked me the kicker why i dont want kids and i said "because i dont want to be a prisoner in my own home" he shut up real fast.

Dont take this post as me feeling sorry for him because I do not, he has allowed this asinine situation to fester :bedmadelie. He also cannot imagine why guys on facebook ghost his little darling.

Ive thought ive heard it all from breeders, but not having platonic friends or girlfriends over because your adult kid whom you are lettint live at home says no..... Unreal

Sounds like a daddy's girl/only child in the worst possible way, and at this point, it's most likely much too late to train this behavior out of her, which is something he might feel guilty doing because she's disabled. He acts like he's married to his kid and the people he sneaks in are "mistresses." I don't get it, it's his house, so why is he taking her shit?

But this kind of behavior doesn't just happen - it's nurtured. She's been daddy's little princess all her life and he never taught her to act like a sane adult out of fear that she might abandon him, so he lets her do this bullshit and prevents him from having his own life. I almost feel bad for him because it seems like he was probably not only trying to be both parents, but trying to be a good parent too and got carried away. Almost.

She obviously doesn't want to share Daddy with anyone else. The fact that she doesn't allow anybody over regardless of gender shows some pretty insane jealousy and controlling. I might almost understand her being adverse to female companions, but not allowing male friends over either makes it seem like she's trying to completely isolate her father from everyone and everything, and this will make it much easier for her to abuse him if he has no one to reach out to.

Stay away from men who have a "surrogate spouse" that controls them. Whether it is a daughter, niece, ex-wife or friend the man is what they have in common. The "surrogate spouse" relationship itself can be platonic or romantic but that isn't the issue. For whatever reason he won't stand up for his rights as a human or maintain his boundaries. Even if the woman leaves his life it will just be a matter of time before she is replaced and the next woman may be even worse.

I've known a man who had a girlfriend then wife like this (she replaced the ex-wife and was much worse), she was so jealous and controlling that she couldn't handle him having friends. An ex-boyfriend had a friend like this, she would text him and throw huge fits any time he was with me and she would always have emergencies that coincided with our plans. When he told her that I was his girlfriend she threw a huge rage fit because it meant he would no longer be at her beck and call. As it turns out, he was still at her beck and call.

Also knew one man who had a cousin like this, she would monopolize his time and he kept breaking plans with me because of her. What they all have in common is HIM and his lack of a spine. And if you're the type to respect boundaries you will always lose in this situation because these men will always accommodate the squeaky wheel over you. I would guess that these men are also benefiting (or think they are) from the drama of the "surrogate spouse" and feeling "needed".

easier to dump a mamas boy or a daddys girl than to divorce one. advice over at jstnomil @ reddit

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Hes just a friend. Hes not my boyfriend and never will be.

I keep him at arms length and my expectations super low, i just cant help but pat my tubal scar and say "Thatll never be me"

Is this the same loser from this previous thread, or is this a different, enabling loser?

http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?2,425361,425432#msg-425432

Quote
ladybug2203
Hes just a friend. Hes not my boyfriend and never will be.

I keep him at arms length and my expectations super low, i just cant help but pat my tubal scar and say "Thatll never be me"

The behavior affects all relationships negatively in his life regardless if you are a friend, relative or lover.

Quote
bell_flower
Is this the same loser from this previous thread, or is this a different, enabling loser?

http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?2,425361,425432#msg-425432

Thanks for the memory refresh bell_flower. Sounds very similar.

It is the same guy. Like i said hes a friend/colleague, but i did not want to annoy the members here by bringing up my profession again.

We have had sex before but i no longer do it on a personal level with him, only professional if we get a client request. I wont lie I was attracted to him initially as a FWB (never intended to make him a BF because I don't date parents), but this whole situation made him lose the small amount of sex appeal he had to me, so now hes strictly platonic friend and colleague.

Quote
ladybug2203
It is the same guy. Like i said hes a friend/colleague, but i did not want to annoy the members here by bringing up my profession again.

We have had sex before but i no longer do it on a personal level with him, only professional if we get a client request.......

You just did....again.

Quote
Peace

Quote
ladybug2203
It is the same guy. Like i said hes a friend/colleague, but i did not want to annoy the members here by bringing up my profession again.

We have had sex before but i no longer do it on a personal level with him, only professional if we get a client request.......

You just did....again.

Because people were asking me if it was the same guy, and i was just explaining that yes it is and why i didnt specify that in the beginning, sorry if I offended anyone i was not trying to be a jerk. I brought it up to explain any possible discrepencies (i slept with him before and now i dont because this whole situation with his fuck trophy was a huge turnoff) between this thread and the old one, that is all.

But back to the original topic.... He can't outright ask her when shes going to work (she works in a group home for tards of all places) because then she will "suspect" hes having people over, he has to bring it up non chalantly in a very certain way .

The man is really walking on eggshells. He uses her special needs as an excuse (shes deaf), every single deaf person I know has been super independent and nothing like this at all, shes just a spoiled little psychopath. Being deaf has nothing to do with it.

"He said he had an ex gf over the house 2 yrs ago she moved out to her aunts house and wouldnt speak to him for 6 months, it crushed him because shes his only family. He admits that hes spoiled her because her mother wasnt around (alcoholic) and shes deaf (but she acts more like an autard honestly). And he says hes held off on dating because of her (hes just a friend im not looking to date him for obvious reasons, but i think this whole situation is insane)."

Something here is very wrong. I revisited the old thread and read this one, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I think this guy could be having a sexual relationship with his daughter. It's not out of the realm of possibility and it does happen.

It's not unusual for people with sexual compulsions/addictions to see their kids as fair game.

Quote
bell_flower
"He said he had an ex gf over the house 2 yrs ago she moved out to her aunts house and wouldnt speak to him for 6 months, it crushed him because shes his only family. He admits that hes spoiled her because her mother wasnt around (alcoholic) and shes deaf (but she acts more like an autard honestly). And he says hes held off on dating because of her (hes just a friend im not looking to date him for obvious reasons, but i think this whole situation is insane)."

Something here is very wrong. I revisited the old thread and read this one, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I think this guy could be having a sexual relationship with his daughter. It's not out of the realm of possibility and it does happen.

It's not unusual for people with sexual compulsions/addictions to see their kids as fair game.

That thought never occured to me (shes upset at anyone coming to the house not just women), which is why im glad to get an outsiders perspective. It gave me alot to think about. Like i said earlier hes a friend/colleague that i keep at arms length and keep my expectations very low, but i will definitely keep an eye out.

Quote
bell_flower
Something here is very wrong. I revisited the old thread and read this one, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I think this guy could be having a sexual relationship with his daughter. It's not out of the realm of possibility and it does happen.

It's not unusual for people with sexual compulsions/addictions to see their kids as fair game.

If the daughter is 24, decent looking, and choosing to live and leech of her biological Dad and harass him for fun instead of an finding an easily attainable boyfriend with more money....she probably has some Daddy issues. Could be trying to pay him back for something she think he did wrong to her while she was growing up

I thought the same thing

Quote
childfreeadvocate

Quote
bell_flower
Something here is very wrong. I revisited the old thread and read this one, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I think this guy could be having a sexual relationship with his daughter. It's not out of the realm of possibility and it does happen.

It's not unusual for people with sexual compulsions/addictions to see their kids as fair game.

If the daughter is 24, decent looking, and choosing to live and leech of her biological Dad and harass him for fun instead of an finding an easily attainable boyfriend with more money....she probably has some Daddy issues. Could be trying to pay him back for something she think he did wrong to her while she was growing up

I thought the same thing

She is decent looking (havent met her but ive seen photos) although she tries to find guys on facebook alot and they usually ghost her (surprise surprise).

Quote
ladybug2203
He then asked me the kicker why i dont want kids and i said "because i dont want to be a prisoner in my own home" he shut up real fast.

Nice comeback!

I agree with you, she sounds damaged beyond "she's deaf." You're right to keep him at arm's length....

Quote
kittehpeoples

Quote
ladybug2203
He then asked me the kicker why i dont want kids and i said "because i dont want to be a prisoner in my own home" he shut up real fast.

Nice comeback!

I agree with you, she sounds damaged beyond "she's deaf." You're right to keep him at arm's length....

Thanks. I should say i dont wanna be a prisoner in my own home....again (as many on here know i have a very low functioning autistic sister with violent tendencies). Im still traumatized by it . While his daughter is not physically violent (that i am aware of), i fully know what its like to be a prisoner in your own home.

Last time he was complaining about his prediciment(i.e. he wants to date again but has held off because of his daughter) i told him "before you date or see anyone, you should be 110% at peace for letting the chips fall where they may with your daughter and not resent the poor woman you end up seeing if your daughter moves out" he then threw in the "you're not a parent you dont understand" i said " since im not a parent and dont understand, then i guess its safe to assume you will no longer be complaining about your prediciment to me. However i hope you are prepared for the extreme flexibility, patience, worship, and sometimes $$ that single mothers usually demand while always putting you second" he again shut up real quickly.

My female colleague actually does have an autistic son (albeit a nonviolent one probably because she doesnt indulge him like most autizmoos do), but still lives her life and doesnt tolerate nonsense from him. Shes awesome.

Quote
kittehpeoples

Quote
ladybug2203
He then asked me the kicker why i dont want kids and i said "because i dont want to be a prisoner in my own home" he shut up real fast.

Nice comeback!

I agree with you, she sounds damaged beyond "she's deaf." You're right to keep him at arm's length....

Ive known a few deaf people in my life and all have been very independent. Shes milking her deafness for all its worth, or shes just a plain old lil shit that has nothing to do with her ears. Not all disabled people are little angels.

Quote
ladybug2203
Thanks. I should say i dont wanna be a prisoner in my own home....again (as many on here know i have a very low functioning autistic sister with violent tendencies). Im still traumatized by it . While his daughter is not physically violent (that i am aware of), i fully know what its like to be a prisoner in your own home.

Last time he was complaining about his prediciment(i.e. he wants to date again but has held off because of his daughter) i told him "before you date or see anyone, you should be 110% at peace for letting the chips fall where they may with your daughter and not resent the poor woman you end up seeing if your daughter moves out" he then threw in the "you're not a parent you dont understand" i said " since im not a parent and dont understand, then i guess its safe to assume you will no longer be complaining about your prediciment to me.

I remember you talking about your sister-- I figured growing up in that situation may be what prompted your thought that this guy's daughter is autistic. You recognize the behaviors.

Breeders do love to complain and then pull the "you're not a parent" bingo out-- I like your response. If I have nothing of value to add to the conversation, why have it with me? Go bitch at another breeder.

My response to "you're not a parent" is usually, "No, but I was a kid." I know what a parent/child relationship is from that perspective, and like the comedian said, I don't have to be a helicopter pilot to know that if I see one in a tree, something's gone wrong.