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"How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"

Posted by yurble 
"How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 13, 2018
Has someone got a tiny violin?

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“I was absolutely devastated when we were told that you couldn’t have children naturally, and I think that was the time I did most of my grieving. All those feelings like, ‘Why us?’, ‘This isn’t fair’, ‘Why can’t we just have our child?’”

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“If roles were reversed though, and the problem was you, do you think you’d feel the same way as me - completely bereft - because you don’t think you’ll ever meet your own biological baby?”
Re: "How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 13, 2018
The whole thing is one big "woe is me" - from the wanna-breeds themselves, to their mums (nothing from their dads, really?) to their friends rabbiting on about sex education in schools.

And then this happened:
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“Society concentrates too much on pushing the message of ‘career first’. All those life stages where you want to push your career are in conflict with the best years for women to start a family. The balance is all wrong.”

What utter bollocks.

As a woman with no kids, can you guess what people are always asking me? Hint, it's nothing to do with my career and everything to do with my uterus and how empty it is.
Re: "How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 13, 2018
This reminds me of something I was watching last night on Investigation Discovery. It was about a case from San Fransisco, mid-eighties. Several people went missing. It turns out they were kidnapped, tortured, used as sex slaves, videotaped, murdered, and buried on a large parcel of land in Willseyville, California.

At some point during the murder spree, a man was killed for his car. The sister of this man, granted, in a state of grief, announces on the show that she's unable to have kids, but her murdered brother was wanting kids, and his kids would have become HER kids. She was actually mourning the loss of these hypothetical, nonexistent loaves, seemingly more than her brother.

While I feel extremely sad for her, I found it kind of pathetic that she was more upset about the kid angle. She's CL, obviously, and the lack of these loaves were pretty hard for her to deal with.

In all, there were more than 30 bodies recovered from the grave site. It was a horrific story. One that I heard about many years ago, but never forgot because of the sheer magnitude of the people murdered, and the horror of what they went through.

What about...yanno, feeling bad for the lives that were LOST, rather than lives that never existed in the first place? One of the victims was a loaf. They never found his body, but they did recover the bones of his mother.
Re: "How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 13, 2018
The key word is "desperation." Despairing over not getting pregnant, and making your own life (and others) miserable because of it, is pretty pathetic. Once again, wanna moo and duh only want their own DNA offspring, not someone else's mistake. If they wanted a child that badly, there are many of them available. But no, it's all about the ego stroke of getting "their own." Hardly worth a whole pictorial of what appear to be two spoiled adults. At least they are photogenic/s
Re: "How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 14, 2018
The best part is it seems to be incredibly rare when these desperate infertiles wind up happy with their lives if they do manage to reproduce. There is a lot of romanticizing that people do in regard to having kids, and that romance multiplies for those who are struggling to conceive. It's like someone pouring glitter and rainbows on their dreams and they just forget to say "when," and then every single aspect of parenthood winds up being a total disappointment because it's mundane at best and infuriating at worst. It's one of those things where they just play it up so much in their heads to the point where their expectations become insanely unrealistic and there's absolutely no way actual parenthood can measure up.

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“Starting a family - and finding it difficult - can break couples. But I honestly think this is making us stronger.”

It only breaks couples if they let it. Instead of sitting around for years and blowing thousands and thousands of dollars on fertility treatments that only have like a 20% success rate (and then the risk of miscarrying is insanely high on top of it), why can't they find something else to focus on? Heaven forbid they try to be a good influence in the life of a child that isn't biologically theirs.

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“Society concentrates too much on pushing the message of ‘career first’. All those life stages where you want to push your career are in conflict with the best years for women to start a family. The balance is all wrong.”

And what's wrong with trying to establish a career and getting financially stable before breeding? I guess the alternative is calving at 20 and living off welfare indefinitely?

I'm sorry they're not getting something out of life that they want, but the sad truth is most people don't get most of the things they want, and I have to wonder if it's really, truly worth the heartbreak when you've done your 11th round of IVF that you paid for by selling your house only to wind up getting a period that month because it didn't work. These people hold out for a miracle and will just not accept reality. They don't need babies, they need fucking therapy.
Re: "How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 14, 2018
One reason the infertils are being so damned desperate is that they are swallowing all the propaganda that this government is flinging at them so hard. It is getting worse as the fertility of the USA drops.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: "How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 14, 2018
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cj
The key word is "desperation." Despairing over not getting pregnant, and making your own life (and others) miserable because of it, is pretty pathetic. Once again, wanna moo and duh only want their own DNA offspring, not someone else's mistake. If they wanted a child that badly, there are many of them available. But no, it's all about the ego stroke of getting "their own." Hardly worth a whole pictorial of what appear to be two spoiled adults. At least they are photogenic/s

I read another article recently that said adoptions are down due to improvements in reproductive technology. I can't how reproductive technology is promoted as a social benefit.
"Mirakuls happen".
Yeah, right, for example it would be a freaking Mirakul when such wanna-breeder posers would stop being such selfish+attentionwhoring pricks.
If they want a loaf so bad, then they should just be humane and adopt an already existing one and get over all the "not my bio-kyd bullshit".
And then this moo-in-law. Sheesh! "When its time to have a baybee, they'll have a baybee, and if nooot its so saaad!". If she would have said "IF they WANT to have one" - fair enough. But like this?? As if its a fucking obligation.
LifeScript sheeple nonsense all over the place.
But most of all, this 'Richard' asshole makes my blood boil. "Society pushing 'career first'" instead of "using the best years of fertility" (aka throwing your life in a dumpster for the sake of mindless breeding)! Who does this fucker think he is, generalizing like that!
Career is something that only works if people invest themselves properly in their job. Breeders won't do that anyway. They will freaking breed, no matter what, and then their "career", if they even had one, will be circling the drain, because they'll automatically neglect it.
Last time I checked (few secs ago) this society was still a pro-natalist clusterfuck where the childfree people are regularily harassed and ridiculed for thoughtfully and with intention putting their life/career first, but breeder moos are freaking worshipped. And now here he comes and twists everything to fit his pro-natalist craphead. What an Asshole!
Re: "How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 15, 2018
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Cambion
The best part is it seems to be incredibly rare when these desperate infertiles wind up happy with their lives if they do manage to reproduce. There is a lot of romanticizing that people do in regard to having kids, and that romance multiplies for those who are struggling to conceive. It's like someone pouring glitter and rainbows on their dreams and they just forget to say "when," and then every single aspect of parenthood winds up being a total disappointment because it's mundane at best and infuriating at worst. It's one of those things where they just play it up so much in their heads to the point where their expectations become insanely unrealistic and there's absolutely no way actual parenthood can measure up.

This made me think of something, it is all about wanting what they cannot have. Many people seem to become deadlocked on wanting something the minute it is unavailable. Normally I think of this with a person wanting an unavailable significant other but I think it applies here too. It seems to whet their appetite and then it becomes a compulsion, which can only turn out badly because a reality will never be as good as all those built up compulsive fantasies. People lacking a leg and being obsessed with running marathons, people wanting an unattainable partner, infertile people wanting babies, etc.

Think about how people salivate to attain the unattainable, whatever that might be to that person. In almost all circumstances once the person has obtained what they wanted they find it can't live up to their fantasies.

I would guess there has probably been more than one significant other/spouse and child/ren murdered because they didn't live up to someone's compulsive fantasies.

Advertising exploits this human weakness to convince people they should purchase something marketed as "unattainable" (it is either too expensive, too impractical, or too time consuming).
Re: "How our desperation for a baby affected those close to us"
November 16, 2018
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freya
This made me think of something, it is all about wanting what they cannot have. Many people seem to become deadlocked on wanting something the minute it is unavailable.

I've noticed that too. Sort of along similar lines as "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." People won't obsess over stuff that they feel is within their reach because hey, it's there, and while they might not want it or need it now, they like knowing it's there and it brings them comfort to know that even if they never wind up making use of whatever the thing in question is, it's still going to be there.

Then you go and take that thing away and like you said, all of a sudden, they NEED it RIGHT NOW, and they'll fight tooth and nail to get it. If they do get it, they might not even use it - they just want the satisfaction and security of knowing that it's there. Unfortunately, that kind of mindset doesn't really work with having kids. Most people who want brats take fertility for granted, so if they learn they can't have kids without medical help, they go batshit nuts and do every retarded expensive thing possible to conceive because they've obsessively fantasized about how wonderful and dreamy and fulfilling parenthood is. Then if they finally get a kid and realize the experience is "meh," they might wind up ignoring the kid because they're safe in the knowledge that they have a kid there if they want to be parents. Only that kinda sucks for the kid to have parents who only do their jobs when they feel like it instead of all the time.
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