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Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out

Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 07, 2018
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Hi Carolyn, love your columns and chats. Here's my question: when my ex-husband and I divorced about 8 years ago, he left town and I got full custody of our daughter, "Jane," and remained great friends with his family (from whom he is estranged). His sister especially helped out with a lot of the logistics of raising a child like after school coverage, and she has also come to school plays and activities with me. In addition, she is wealthy and has been amazingly generous to Jane, over the years buying clothes, taking her on wonderful trips, etc. By the way I never asked Aunt for these things (have been able to support Jane ok, just not as well as Aunt can). Aunt offers gifts directly to Jane or just outright gives in a generous if overbearing way. Jane loves her Aunt, and not just for the stuff. That's all great. Now Jane is headed to college and Aunt has offered to cover any amount we need (about half, wow!). Jane and I are accepting this amazing gift but now I am uncomfortable with Aunt's plans to come with us to school for the big drop-off and whatever else goes on when you leave your child at college. Is it too late to draw this boundary now, with Aunt about to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on Jane's education? As Jane's mom, I want to have the college road trip and drop-off just for me and my daughter. What do you think? Jane is ok either way, she is used to her Aunt inserting herself.

Carolyn basically told moo that she’s acting out of turn with the fact that Aunt was not merely a checkbook and free babysitter, but cultivated a real relationship with Jane. To suddenly say that Aunt isn’t invited along for a major moment in Jane’s life after basically being her second parent.

Note the wording: “overbearing”, “inserting herself”, “coverage.” All terms used to either minimize Aunt’s contributions or to give the idea that her presence and funding was actually unwanted.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 07, 2018
So breeders despise you if you take on the cool, fun aunt role and spend lots of $$ on their sproggens like they claim we should. Why am I not surprised?
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 07, 2018
Yes. Yes, it's too late to draw that boundary now. I'm glad the column writer said so.

And "after school coverage"-- is that the trendy breeder way to say "free babysitting"?

And yurble, you're right. They resent us for not being involved and resent us if we get involved. Breeders will always resent the CF, no matter what we do, because they're miserable and want to take it out on the world.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 07, 2018
I guess that's how breeders work.
Whatever you (meaning the childfree) do, its wrong as fuck in their twisted book.

You ignore the sproggie, want nothing to do with it, and go mind your own business (that's my personal standard action) - "Heartless biatttchhh - hates my pweshusss kyyyd".

You're nice to the sprog, give money etc: "Overbearing biattttchhh - I'm so jealouzzz that you're doing more for my crotchfruit that I ever could - you're like - totally alienating me from my chuyld, you're soooo evyyyylll!"

Whatever you do - wrong. So I guss option 1 is to be preferred, at least the $$ won't be spent in vain.

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Freedom & Art & Music >>>>>>>>>> human spawn

"Music is immortal. People are not."
-William Anger, "King's Story" - Thief2 FM by Zontik
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 07, 2018
So this woman was perfectly fine accepting the money for college for her kid, but is denying the Aunt the opportunity to see her daughter when she's dropped off? That's extremely selfish and cruel.

I don't even get what's wrong with the Aunt wanting to be there! It sounds like she really cares for Jane and wants to show that she'll support her in whatever way she needs.

Moo is being a thoughtless, nasty cunt and Aunt needs to have a word with her. Aunt also needs to cut off the Gravy Train. Breeders want the benefits of a generous Aunt, but don't want to give an inch.

Absolutely disgusting.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 07, 2018
I can only imagine the letter the Moo would’ve written had Aunt not done what she did: “Aunt is wealthy and childless and she sees I’m a poor struggling single mother, but hasn’t cut me a check at all! How can I tell her that she has a financial responsibility for my child because what is she spending her money on if she has no kids of her own?”

------------------------------------------------------------
"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 07, 2018
Dumb moo, take your pick:

1. Let the aunt pay for 50% of the daughter's school and go with them to drop her off. Time investment of one day.

2. Insist on paying 100% and the aunt doesn't go with. Dumb moo finds the way to pay for the 50% she is costing the daughter because she is a selfish cunt. This is the only decent way to turn the money down so she will never do this.

3. Let your adult daughter make this determination. She has already said she doesn't care if the aunt is there. Shut your selfish mouth and deal with it.

It is so sad because most single parents would kill to have such a generous relative in their lives.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 07, 2018
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kittehpeoples
And "after school coverage"-- is that the trendy breeder way to say "free babysitting"?

It can be babysitting. However, with wealthy people it's normally after school activities like piano lessons, ballet classes, martial arts, or homework tutors to help junior with his bad math skills.

Maybe Aunty knows something about moo that isn't in the letter. There's a reason Aunty gives gifts and supplies directly to the child, thus bypassing the mother. Moo doesn't get a check from SIL, so she has no say so in anything that goes to the child. I'll bet moo is jealous that her daughter has been the recipient of Aunty's largesse all these years rather than herself. Now she sees a chance to passively snub Aunty, and she's looking for permission to do just that.

Aunty needs to turn off the money tap pronto, because she doesn't see that she's just a wallet for this cow.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 08, 2018
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Peace
There's a reason Aunty gives gifts and supplies directly to the child, thus bypassing the mother. Moo doesn't get a check from SIL, so she has no say so in anything that goes to the child. I'll bet moo is jealous that her daughter has been the recipient of Aunty's largesse all these years rather than herself. Now she sees a chance to passively snub Aunty, and she's looking for permission to do just that.

Aunty needs to turn off the money tap pronto, because she doesn't see that she's just a wallet for this cow.

It's possible the daughter turned into a nice person despite her grasping moo. I see this in my sibling's children (or rather, I hear, because I don't have contact with them), that one is following in the footsteps of the materialistic breeder, while the other has a sweet temperament and has no real interest in expensive things.

If the aunt has developed a relationship with the daughter, and the daughter turned out okay, I see no reason the aunt shouldn't continue the relationship with the daughter. Now that the daughter's an adult the aunt can finally sever ties with the moo without jeopardizing her connection with the daughter. There's no doubt in my mind that the moo richly deserves to be snubbed, and I think from the fact that the aunt paid for things directly she's aware of what a piece of work the moo is.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 08, 2018
"As Jane's mom, I want to have the college road trip and drop-off just for me and my daughter."

I suspect Moo wants to capture a Fakebook mommy-daughter moment and act like she did it all herself.

The aunt by all accounts has a genuine relationship with the kid. It sounds like the Moo is jealous of their relationship. She wants the daughter to put Moo first and she's going hyper Moo over a particular moment.

As an aside, is the "college road trip" a thing now? Maybe it's becoming a thing like all the other faux-brat-milestones such as daycare and kindergarten "graduations," etc.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 09, 2018
I think this is mostly about the Kodak moment the mom's envisioned for years. She has a very specific idea of what the Child Leaves Nest time will be like, and it doesn't include Auntie. I wonder what the kid wants? Frankly she's old enough to have some say in whether Auntie comes along, especially if the aunt has been very supportive and involved in the kid's life. I'd like to hear the kid's angle on this story.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 10, 2018
no, when I went to college in 1966, my parents drove me up there (North Carolina to Philadelphia) with all my "stuff"(MUCH less stuff than nowadays--no TVs, microwaves, etc allowed in rooms then.Oh, wait--there WERE no microwaves!) I believe they hired a neighborhood woman who was in grad school to stay with my younger sisters.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 10, 2018
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reeniebessagain
no, when I went to college in 1966, my parents drove me up there (North Carolina to Philadelphia) with all my "stuff"(MUCH less stuff than nowadays--no TVs, microwaves, etc allowed in rooms then.Oh, wait--there WERE no microwaves!) I believe they hired a neighborhood woman who was in grad school to stay with my younger sisters.

But that sounds like a practical thing, whereas the moo in this letter seems to be romanticizing it as a mother-daughter bonding event. Or maybe it was emotional, I don't know - when I moved away for university a friend helped me move stuff and most of what I needed I just bought near the university (lots of people selling cast-offs when they in turn move).
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 10, 2018
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randomcfchick
I'd like to hear the kid's angle on this story.

As would I! What she's going through is at least as major a life event as the moo, if not more so. Final say on who is with her to help should be left up to her.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 13, 2018
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kittehpeoples
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randomcfchick
I'd like to hear the kid's angle on this story.

As would I! What she's going through is at least as major a life event as the moo, if not more so. Final say on who is with her to help should be left up to her.

I'd be curious to see what Kid thinks of Auntie in general. She may well have found her overbearing as well. Or she may think she's a genuinely nice person and a good adult to have in her life.

Either way, Mom seems to have lost track of the fact that this day is not all about her and what she wants. If she keeps trying to control and orchestrate her kid's young adult years, she's in for a mess.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 13, 2018
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randomcfchick
Either way, Mom seems to have lost track of the fact that this day is not all about her and what she wants. If she keeps trying to control and orchestrate her kid's young adult years, she's in for a mess.

Yes. She claims the kid is all right with it either way, but if the daughter really loves her aunt the way Mom claims, and if she really enjoys the wonderful trips she's taken with her aunt, she probably has an opinion. Maybe one Moo doesn't like, so she's not acknowledging it, or maybe Moo is so overbearing and resentful of Aunt that the daughter won't/can't come out and say she wants her aunt along for the trip.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out
December 13, 2018
To me, I think it's so hypocritical that the moo thinks that aunt's money is up for the taking, but she can keep her nose out of the rest of it.

I suspect that the daughter's opinion would differ from moo's, given the fact that she's gone on these wonderful holidays with aunt, unless the daughter is a greedy fucker too. Unfortunately, in many cases, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
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