Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 06, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,978 |
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Hi Carolyn, love your columns and chats. Here's my question: when my ex-husband and I divorced about 8 years ago, he left town and I got full custody of our daughter, "Jane," and remained great friends with his family (from whom he is estranged). His sister especially helped out with a lot of the logistics of raising a child like after school coverage, and she has also come to school plays and activities with me. In addition, she is wealthy and has been amazingly generous to Jane, over the years buying clothes, taking her on wonderful trips, etc. By the way I never asked Aunt for these things (have been able to support Jane ok, just not as well as Aunt can). Aunt offers gifts directly to Jane or just outright gives in a generous if overbearing way. Jane loves her Aunt, and not just for the stuff. That's all great. Now Jane is headed to college and Aunt has offered to cover any amount we need (about half, wow!). Jane and I are accepting this amazing gift but now I am uncomfortable with Aunt's plans to come with us to school for the big drop-off and whatever else goes on when you leave your child at college. Is it too late to draw this boundary now, with Aunt about to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on Jane's education? As Jane's mom, I want to have the college road trip and drop-off just for me and my daughter. What do you think? Jane is ok either way, she is used to her Aunt inserting herself.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 07, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 07, 2018 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 07, 2018 | Registered: 5 years ago Posts: 106 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 07, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,835 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 07, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,978 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 07, 2018 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 07, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,701 |
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kittehpeoples
And "after school coverage"-- is that the trendy breeder way to say "free babysitting"?
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 08, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
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Peace
There's a reason Aunty gives gifts and supplies directly to the child, thus bypassing the mother. Moo doesn't get a check from SIL, so she has no say so in anything that goes to the child. I'll bet moo is jealous that her daughter has been the recipient of Aunty's largesse all these years rather than herself. Now she sees a chance to passively snub Aunty, and she's looking for permission to do just that.
Aunty needs to turn off the money tap pronto, because she doesn't see that she's just a wallet for this cow.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 08, 2018 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 08, 2018 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,634 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 09, 2018 | Registered: 7 years ago Posts: 298 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 10, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
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reeniebessagain
no, when I went to college in 1966, my parents drove me up there (North Carolina to Philadelphia) with all my "stuff"(MUCH less stuff than nowadays--no TVs, microwaves, etc allowed in rooms then.Oh, wait--there WERE no microwaves!) I believe they hired a neighborhood woman who was in grad school to stay with my younger sisters.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 10, 2018 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 12, 2018 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,634 |
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kittehpeoples
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randomcfchick
I'd like to hear the kid's angle on this story.
As would I! What she's going through is at least as major a life event as the moo, if not more so. Final say on who is with her to help should be left up to her.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 13, 2018 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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randomcfchick
Either way, Mom seems to have lost track of the fact that this day is not all about her and what she wants. If she keeps trying to control and orchestrate her kid's young adult years, she's in for a mess.
Re: Ungrateful Single Moo Wants Wealthy Aunt To Butt Out December 13, 2018 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,835 |